Are you wondering if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend ever loved you? Are you looking for the signs your ex never loved you? Do you feel you did not get the closure you deserved about whether your ex-partner was always dishonest about their feelings for you? Falling in love and falling out of it is more normal than we think. However, a lack of clarity about how a partner felt about you can make dealing with a breakup far messier.
Perhaps closure from them is essential for moving on and can impact the way you approach your next relationship. But if you feel you are not ready to face your ex, know that closure comes from within, not another person. And we’re here to help you achieve it by helping you figure out if your ex ever had any genuine feelings for you.
13 Painful Signs Your Ex-Girlfriend/Boyfriend Never Loved You
“All relationships are tough. Just like with music, sometimes you have harmony and other times you have cacophony.” — Gayle Forman. Every relationship goes through different stages; a few sustain and a few deteriorate. None of it happens in a blink of an eye or overnight. There are always multiple dating red flags that you may have ignored because you were so smitten with your ex. Hmm cool
Sharing their thoughts on the signs that an ex never loved you, Reddit user said, “Getting with someone during or right after you two broke up.” Another Reddit user, who has experienced first-hand what being with a partner who is not in love with you feels like, shares, “When he was always distant. If I didn’t make plans, there were no plans. If I didn’t text, we didn’t talk. That anything I said that he didn’t like turned into an argument. That he always had an excuse why he couldn’t (be there for me).”
When you’re with someone who doesn’t love and value you as you deserve, there tend to be many such instances you chose to ignore. However, a breakup can give you the clarity you need to spot these red flags in hindsight. So, put that clear vision to good use and pay attention to these 13 signs your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend never loved you:
1. Zero effort
Just being in a relationship or marriage isn’t enough. If your partner kept forgetting your anniversaries, take you for granted, didn’t take any initiative, didn’t appreciate your efforts, and made you feel bad more often than not, this lack of effort is a clear sign that your ex never loved you.
Yes, having a personal life outside a relationship is essential. However, the relationship becomes burdensome when no effort is made to spend time with you, love you, and share your special moments. If you think you have experienced this, my friend, it was one of the signs your ex never cared about you.
Related Reading: Effort In A Relationship: What It Means And 12 Ways To Show It
2. They don’t care about you
As Hermann J Steinherr said, “Strong relationships withstand the tests of time and brave the hardships encountered as though they are the necessities for survival.” Couples stick together when times are tough. Do you remember how you said you’d stick together and fight your way through the bad times? However, if you never saw them keeping their promise, it’s because they were never truly invested in the relationship.
You were on your own whenever there was turbulence. You couldn’t consider yourself and your partner to be a team because they were never there for you. When you saw other couples standing up for each other, you wondered, “What is lacking in our relationship?” or “Do they no longer love me?”
In a healthy, loving relationship, you and your partner are supposed to row the boat together, even in the stormy sea. But if you think you were always forced to fight alone, it is one of the signs your ex never cared about you.
3. They never said “I love you”
When you love someone, you want them to know. Some people prefer to express their love through acts of service, some by spending quality time together, while others through words or physical touch. If you often keep asking how to know if your ex-boyfriend never loved you, that itself is the biggest sign that they didn’t because it means that they never made you feel loved in the relationship.
A simple text like, “Don’t forget to eat healthily, stay hydrated today. I love you” or “Don’t overwork yourself. Love you” takes less than 2 minutes. You are allowed to expect at least this bare minimum in a relationship. But if you never got any reply to “I love you”, it was their way of letting you know, it was one of the signs your ex never loved you.
4. They didn’t respect you or your opinions
A relationship should always be a partnership of equals, where your opinions matter just as much as your partner’s. Their feelings and emotions are crucial, as are YOURS. If they ignored your voice or often dismissed whatever you said, it is one of the signs your ex never loved you.
Yes, there are times when you must compromise in a relationship, but unhealthy compromises are always a NO. If you were the only one compromising, there was a clear imbalance of power dynamics and that can make a relationship toxic.
5. Signs your ex never loved you – They never apologized
Taking accountability for your actions plays a significant role in sustaining a relationship. Do you remember how heated arguments in your relationship played out? Did they ever apologize for saying hurtful things to you? Even if they did, was the apology often followed by ‘but’ or ‘if’? If the answer to these questions is yes, it’s clear to see how much your ex valued you.
Sure, forgiveness in a relationship is crucial. However, if you were the one always forgiving and they kept taking advantage of your compassionate nature, it is one of the signs that your ex never cared about you.
6. There was sex but no lovemaking
You had sex, perhaps even a flourishing sex life, but there was no lovemaking, and you felt it. There was no passion, no respect, no tenderness. There were no post-sex cuddles or kisses. They turned their back and went to sleep once the deed was done or put on their clothes and wandered off to do other things.
A relationship is sustainable only when it is built on the foundation of mutual love. While pleasure plays an important role in cementing a couple’s bond, if your relationship was purely sexual, it was shallow and destined to fail.
Related Reading: Signs He Has Sex With You But Doesn’t Love You Anymore
7. They abused you
Abuse is not always only physical, it can also be verbal (insulting you, name-calling, threatening, etc.), emotional (manipulation, gaslighting, controlling), sexual (disregarding your consent, pressuring or forcing you to perform sexual acts), or financial (controlling your financial activities), or digital (controlling and monitoring your social media, sending you threats, forcing you to send explicit content).
Remember, abuse in any form is unacceptable. If you think you have experienced it, it was the biggest red flag about your partner’s true intentions and feelings toward you that you may have ignored.
8. They made fun of your insecurities
They always had complaints or critical comments about how you act or handle yourself. You remember being criticized by them far more than being praised. They kept making fun of your insecurities and vulnerabilities and missed no chance to belittle you.
The boundaries you set were never respected and deep down you were somewhat convinced that your ex never cared about you. They made you feel invisible and bad about yourself. Somehow, they were always correct and better than you, and you felt worthless every time. You deserve better!
9. You were not their priority
You kept giving your all to your relationship but you were the only one doing it. You don’t remember any reciprocation from their end. You don’t remember them asking you about your day or how you are doing.
They were never excited or interested in your dreams and goals or in spending time with you. They always had something important to do or someplace to be. Their family and friends, their work and colleagues, their pet, and their day off always came first, and you were always the last.
Your partner made you feel insufficient and treated you like an option in a relationship. It was a red flag from the beginning, but since you were wearing rose-tinted glasses, perhaps you never saw it. Let us tell you clearly now, it was one of the signs he/she never loved you.
10. They never wanted to introduce you to family and friends
Have you ever heard of the term ‘pocketing’? Psychologist and life coach Ana Jovanovic describes, “Pocketing is a situation where a person you’re dating avoids or hesitates to introduce you to their friends, family, or other people they know, in-person or on social media, even though you’ve been going out for a while. Your relationship seems non-existent to the public eye.”
When you are still developing a connection with your partner, you may want to hold off introducing them into your social circle and to the family until you have gotten to know them well enough and find them to be a good fit. But if they never introduced you to their friends and family even after spending considerable time together and promising to, you were being pocketed. And that is one of the signs your ex never loved you.
11. Are you worried? Well, I have more worries than you!
Self-help author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer says, “Problems in a relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.” No one experiences spring forever, and we all go through rough patches. To get through these rough patches, both partners need to be prepared to seek and offer support depending on the circumstances and not go around comparing each other’s problems and worries.
However, if your partner just wasn’t there to support you when you most needed it, they were never truly invested in the relationship. “Babe, I know you are not well, but we decided to do this long ago. It’s all right, I will go by myself because I don’t want you to feel guilty about it.” Or “Love, I know you are stressed, but I have my share of stress to deal with too and trust me, you are just being a crybaby right now.” Sounds familiar?
By now, you know what it is, right? But if you still do not, let me tell you. It is one of the signs your ex never loved you.
12. Lies, lies, and more lies
Once lying and cheating seep into a relationship, it erodes the trust and love that bind two people together. It takes time to build trust in a relationship and once the trust is lost, it isn’t easy to mend a relationship. A relationship with no trust can turn a strong, healthy person into an insecure, suspicious, toxic, and fragile version of themselves. It slowly eats away at one’s confidence and ability to believe in other people and love.
If your relationship has triggered these tendencies in you, it’s pretty clear how your ex felt about you. Cheating and lying is always a choice. It is not your fault that your partner was a liar or a cheater.
13. They moved on way too quickly
Wondering how could they move on so fast like you were nothing? One of the signs that your ex didn’t honestly care about you is that they didn’t give you time to heal before starting a new relationship. There is a period of grief after a breakup when both parties miss one another and feel guilty about ending the relationship.
However, if following the split, they immediately began dating again, it is one of the signs your ex never loved you. They were just interested in you because they didn’t want to be alone.
Related Reading: 9 Ways To Cope When Your Ex Moves On
5 Tips To Forget Your Ex And Move On
Breakups are hard. We all know it. It is like cleansing your body after a long history of drug abuse. It hurts and tires you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Now that you know the signs your ex never loved you, there is no point in wasting more emotions over them. If they never cared about you, why should you pine for them at the cost of your mental health and peace of mind? To help you take that first step toward leaving this excuse of a relationship behind and let go of someone you loved deeply, here are five tips for returning to your old self after a breakup:
1. Talk about it – out and loud
Telling your breakup story can be therapeutic, especially if you share it with others who have experienced a similar experience or your best friend. However, if you only keep ruing “my ex never loved me” for several weeks or months after the breakup, it could harm your recovery. So, talk about it as much as you want but make sure you don’t obsess over it forever.
2. Go out, Socialize
Even if you don’t want to, make an effort to step out. Socializing provides a change of scenery, the opportunity to meet new people, and a reason to dress and get out of bed. Your brain craves feel-good experiences after a breakup. So, pull yourself out of your bed and relax, laugh a little, and spend time with the people who make you happy.
3. Say no to social media for a while
When your ex and you are part of the same circle, their whereabouts are just a few clicks and scroll away. Unfriend them, block them. It will also help you to stop stalking your ex on social media. Knowing what they are doing and whom they are with will only make you feel worse. You don’t need such pull-downs when consciously trying your best to move on.
Related Reading: How Social Media Affects Your Relationships
4. Journal your thoughts
Write your thoughts down, and make a plan. Good, bad, healthy, just journal it down. Writing your thoughts will help you to get them out of your system when you don’t feel like sharing them out loud. It will also help you to know how you are growing every day.
5. Ask for help
Do not hesitate to ask for help. Breakups can be damaging on multiple levels and are different for every individual. The thought that “my ex never loved me” may keep hitting you like a truck now and then. Yes, it will get better, and you will get over them. But if you think it is taking a toll on you, it is time to reach out to professionals. If you’re looking for help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
- An ex who never loved you wouldn’t have cared about you or made an effort to keep
the relationship going
- You are not their priority, and they often make fun of your insecurities
- They never apologize for their actions; they abuse you
- They moved on way too quickly
Breakups are difficult, especially when you discover that you are the only one or more invested in the relationship. It is heartbreaking. But you deserve better, and identifying the signs and learning from them is the first step toward healing and moving on.