A few years ago, a roommate who was spiritually inclined, came back from a troubling date with his sort-of girlfriend. He said, all panicked, “I think I have a soul tie. I need to know how to break my connection with her!” A soul tie can be worse than a toxic relationship, a ‘bond’ that can pollute every aspect of your life. You know it’s bad for you, but breaking soul ties is like struggling to come out of quicksand.
You may dislike the person, but your obsession with them will influence every decision you make. Though the damage will be visible to everyone, the ones going through it will be blissfully unaware of the dangerous obsession they are cultivating — exactly like my roommate’s relationship. I didn’t know the answers to his questions back then, but over the years, I’ve seen tricky situations like breaking soul connections with ex-boyfriends or after divorce. Imagine trying to break a soul tie with someone you have a child with — Because I’ve seen that too, and it was initially a mess.
Let’s figure out this ‘dangerous obsession’ and how to overcome it with the help of psychotherapist Sampreeti Das (Master in Clinical Psychology and Ph.D. Researcher), who specializes in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy and holistic and transformational psychotherapy.
What Is A Soul Tie?
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A soul tie is said to be an intertwining of the souls, where two people experience a deep emotional and spiritual bond, usually after engaging in physical intimacy with them. However, simply calling it a deep soul connection between two people is a massive understatement since a soul tie ends up consuming all areas of your life. Here’s how it feels:
- A soul tie causes you to feel an obsessive connection with a person, physically and spiritually
- When they’re not around, a feeling of being incomplete may irk you as if you’re connected to them through inexplicable forces
- In an attempt to feel whole again, you must always be with this person, since your individuality now ceases to exist
- When the two of you are physically apart, you’re constantly yearning for them. You might even feel an emptiness, as though a tangible part of you has gone missing
- A part of you stays with them and a part of them is always connected to you, as if you can tangibly ‘feel’ it with you
Without this person, you are nothing. Since it can only be described as an addiction that slowly takes control over every aspect of your life, understanding how to break soul ties with a man or a woman becomes crucial. Sampreeti talks about why such obsessive relationships develop in the first place, “It is hard to determine the reason behind an unhealthy soul tie with a partner unless assessed thoroughly. Possible reasons may be personality factors, past relationship trauma, childhood exposure to unhealthy relationships, or even unresolved issues with significant people in your life.”
Now that you’re aware of the soul ties meaning, figuring out how to spot it is of equal importance since the people in such a dynamic will turn a blind eye to the signs staring back at them. Let’s take a look at the types and symptoms of soul ties. And let’s explore how breaking a soul tie affects a person so that you can be sure that what you’re calling love is just that, or if there’s cause for concern there.
Types Of Soul Ties
A soul tie is a connection that binds two people emotionally, physically, and spiritually. This connection – healthy or unhealthy – tends to stay for a lifetime. It is extremely difficult for both parties involved to disassociate from each other. The actions of one affect the other. Now that we know what a soul tie is, let’s explore the different types of soul ties you can form in life.
Related Reading: Karmic Relationships – How To Identify And How To Handle It
- Emotional soul ties: An emotional soul tie is meant to encourage, guide, and protect you through thick and thin. It is meant to help you grow. Whomsoever you tie emotionally with will stay beside you under any circumstances. No matter what happens, you will always be able to lean on them for support. They will be your strength in trying times
- Physical soul ties: A physical soul tie usually happens after sexual intercourse. It’s a tie you develop while being intimate with someone you love. This one is quite a difficult tie to break. There’s always a chance of coming back or being pulled back in, despite it being an unhealthy soul connection or toxic relationship
- Spiritual soul ties: A spiritual soul tie is when you connect with someone on an intellectual level. You exchange skills, wisdom, and knowledge. You share the same passions and have the best interests of each other in mind. You feel fulfilled and satisfied on a deeper, spiritual level
- Social soul ties: You develop a social soul tie with your friends and other social groups. Even if you’re a loner, we’re all social beings at some level. We all need people we can connect with. We all need someone we can take care of and who can take care of us. That’s where these ties come in
These are roughly the four types of soul ties that a person develops in their life. However, keep in mind that each of these can be healthy and unhealthy depending on the kind of person you are and connect with. If the soul tie makes you feel happy and loved, it’s healthy. If it makes you feel worse about yourself, it’s one of the evil soul ties.
If it’s the latter, these connections are extremely addictive and very hard to get out of. When it comes to breaking spiritual soul ties, you will need every ounce of your will power to push through this beautifully dark tunnel. But the first step is to identify the symptoms of soul ties.
7 Signs You Have A Soul Tie With Someone
Do things like ‘an inexplicable connection,’ ‘an addiction of sorts,’ or ‘an incapability to survive without the other’ all sound like vague descriptions to you? Perhaps you’re still confident that the overwhelming rush and the true feelings of ‘love’ you’re experiencing are just that, and nothing else.
On breaking toxic soul ties, Sampreeti says, “It will take genuine and stern efforts to break off from a relationship when partners are addicted to each other. But since the devil you know is better than the one you don’t, you might not be entirely convinced you’re in a soul tie.” This is the reason people bound by such connections keep going back to each other. For example, people who have physical soul ties feel trapped in a physical soul knot while attempting to break soul ties sexually. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it?
With this list of signs of soul ties, you should be able to make a better judgment regarding your dynamic. Read on to find out if the “I miss you so much it hurts” messages you send each other actually indicate something more serious.
1. The only thing you think about is this person
No, we don’t mean the cute texts you send each other where you both say “I can’t get you off my mind” but then proceed to get them off your mind the minute you switch to another app on your phone. When an unbreakable soul tie hits you, it leaves you pretty much incapable of being able to think about anything but this person.
Even during tasks that require your attention, you may find your mind wandering off. You might feel as though they’re with you. You might even be obsessed with someone you barely know. Breaking a soul tie is essential when this profound connection ensnares your thoughts and emotions, making it nearly impossible to focus on anything else.
2. Every decision you make is influenced by your soul tie
In the drama of your life, your so-called partner now takes center stage. Every decision you make is now influenced by them and what they might make of it. Their opinion matters the most to you. They are the first person that come to your mind before making a decision. You think about how your actions or decisions might affect them.
You lose all sense of autonomy and balance because of the all-encompassing hold of this overwhelming, emotional bond. Regaining control of self seems impossible and thus becomes even more important. If you feel like this resembles you in any way, it is time to wake up from the trance.
Related Reading: 23 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship
3. Any other relationships you have are now insignificant
If you didn’t sense the pattern already, we’ll break it down for you: Nothing else matters, except your soul tie. Since you’ll choose to invest every second of your day with your soul tie bond, the relationships you have outside of them, even the one you have with yourself, will invariably suffer as a result. Obsessively centering your life around one person can cause:
- Strained relationships with family and friends
- Social isolation
- Neglect of self-care and personal growth
- Loss of self-identity and emotional well-being
4. You feel ‘complete’
You feel so complete in each other’s presence as if you’ve found the missing piece in the jigsaw of fulfillment. But you never thought about being ‘incomplete’ before this. Every time you’re not with your soul tie, you’re mournfully yearning to be with them so you can experience being whole again.
As a result, being apart may literally seem like it causes physical pain. You may even feel a part of you is missing since you’re essentially intertwined. You read that right, the uncontrollable yearning can cause physical pain and your everyday painkillers will not soothe it.
5. The thought of losing them panics you
Moving on when you’re still in love is hard, and losing a soul tie might not even be a thought you are willing to entertain. You’d do absolutely anything to avoid the possibility of a loss. This dynamic is so pivotal in your life and you might have conveniently confused it as love; you can’t let it fall into the danger of collapsing.
Besides these glaring signs of soul ties, something you need to know about this damaging dynamic is this: The bond can manifest even if you detest the individual for wronging you in some way. Despite the animosity, you can’t help but feel connected to them.
6. You’ve started to neglect your personal growth
Your own aspirations and ambitions take a back seat in the presence of this soul tie. You might have had clear objectives and dreams before this intense connection took over but now, these goals seem insignificant compared to the intensity of your feelings for this person. Your personal growth, career aspirations, or lifelong dreams are overshadowed by the prominence of this bond.
7. There are no boundaries
Establishing healthy boundaries becomes a near-impossible task. You might find yourself constantly sacrificing your own needs and desires to accommodate the wishes or demands of your soul tie. Whether it’s your time, emotional energy, or personal space, setting limits becomes challenging as you strive to keep the connection intact, even at the expense of your own well-being.
Can soul ties be one-sided? That’s another interesting aspect of this bond, it can even exist in a purely one-dimensional scenario. An equation as perplexing as this one can eat away at your confidence and individuality without you realizing it. Breaking soul ties is imperative for reclaiming autonomy and emotional well-being. When an unbreakable connection like this consumes your thoughts and decisions, it can lead to neglect of other relationships and an overwhelming sense of dependence.
This is why you need to watch out for signs you’re obsessed with someone before it gets out of hand. Now let’s take a look at how to get rid of soul ties, lest you become one of those stalkers Netflix makes documentaries about.
How To Break A Soul Tie
Even though it may feel like the best thing that’s ever happened to you, the negative implications of a soul tie will manifest in other areas of your life, like your career, education, and every other relationship in your life that you no longer have time for. The biggest impact it will have is that it’ll pull you away from the relationship with yourself. Hence, you don’t need to break soul ties for someone else, but for your own well-being.
Once you know that you have a soul tie, acknowledge that the idea of letting it go may hurt you. And if we’ve failed to convince you to take action, a rant from your best friend (whom you haven’t spoken with in ages) might help you realize what you need to do. And when you’ve made up your mind, this is how you can go about breaking a soul tie:
Related Reading: 9 Signs You Are In A ‘Right Person Wrong Time’ Situation
1. Acknowledge that yours is a toxic relationship, not a fairy tale
No, it’s not true love. No, they’re not the one. Love is supposed to be pure, not overwhelming. Love permits room for growth and does not dissuade individuality. Soul ties meaning, in this scenario, is a dynamic that will set you back years if you let it. The first step to recovery, as is the case in any sort of addiction, is to acknowledge that you’re in a soul tie. And that it’s a bond that’s inherently toxic and damaging for everyone involved.
2. Do not leave any room for doubt
Once you decide to end things, you must be completely on board with your own decision. Ditch any ideas of this relationship magically turning into a fruitful venture. Don’t entertain any ‘what if’ questions about love.
Unlike the movies you grew up watching, the toxicity in a soul tie relationship doesn’t just vanish into thin air once you both go through a period of retrospection. In all likelihood, this soul tie will never turn into a healthy equation, and your decision to end it must be resolute.
3. The most important step in learning how to break soul ties: No contact
Just like a relationship doesn’t work without trust, mutual respect, and personal space (which is why you’re ending things), a breakup cannot really work unless you employ the no-contact rule. Being in constant contact with the person you’re trying to cut out of your life is like trying to fight lung cancer with cigarettes, priding yourself on going from two packs a day to one.
“Ending all contact abruptly may not be a lasting behavior if such mechanisms have not been successfully used before. Yet, if it can be exercised, it can provide a break. It can cut you off from major energy-draining figures and provide a rehabilitative process,” says Sampreeti.
Granted, you may not immediately be able to cut this person away from your life, but the first attempt might help you process your feelings. You’ll understand why your dynamic was toxic. It will give you the time you need to truly understand how to break soul ties with them, and what you need to do next.
4. How to get rid of soul ties: Engage and rediscover yourself
Your life was consumed by a single entity who took up most of your day. Now that you have all this time on your hands, your mind is bound to wander and obsess over your ‘unbreakable’ soul tie. “To recover from this stage of nostalgia, rebuilding social resources like friends, family, new acquaintances, and personal resources like hobbies and passions can help,” says Sampreeti.
Related Reading: 5 Ways Being Honest With Yourself Will Help You Understand Your Relationship Better
5. Seek professional help
Is there a link between soul ties and mental illness? If that’s the particular scenario you’re dealing with, trying to figure out how to get rid of soul ties is no easy feat. Especially if you’re doing it all alone. “Therapy can be helpful in figuring out a lot of dilemmas that may arise in the context of ending a relationship. Through therapy, you’ll gain new perspectives, discover unresolved issues, become aware of underlying triggers, and how to have control over them.
“The process allows for gaining much more subjective insight into your behavioral patterns, making it easier to break them,” says Sampreeti. If you’re currently struggling with intense spiritual bonds that you can’t seem to shake off on your own, Bonobology has a multitude of experienced mental health professionals, including Sampreeti, who are willing to help you.
Breakups of any kind are hard to deal with. Without some external help, cutting off what seems like an unbreakable soul tie is going to seem like an insurmountable task. Now that you have a better idea of how to get rid of soul ties, we hope you can stop thinking about this person and spend your Sundays thinking – like the rest of us – about where you want to order food from.
Breaking Soul Ties — What Happens After You Break A Soul Tie
Breaking soul ties and generational curses is an immensely difficult thing to do because it feels like your whole being is bound to this one person for life. It feels like your life depends on or revolves around them. But it is important to break a soul tie if it’s getting toxic or if it is with an unhealthy soul. And even though it’s necessary to leave a toxic relationship, every individual reacts differently to breaking soul ties. Here’s what you might go through:
- You may feel unable to think rationally or take basic care of yourself
- For a lot of people, the hurt and agony caused by breaking a soul tie is similar to physical pain
- You may find yourself not being able to function or get through the day because you are so used to spending all your time with your soul tie
- You may want to contact them just to hear their voice
- You may feel a strong urge to get back together
- You probably feel like your whole world has come crashing down
But it’s important to remind yourself, and get reminders from loved ones too, that your soul tie was unhealthy for you and that it’s in your best interest to leave them behind.
Related Reading: How To Slow Down A Relationship If It Is Going Too Fast
Unbreakable Soul Ties
While it is possible and important to break toxic soul ties, there are some that you just cannot break. They thankfully stay with you throughout your life. You will always remain connected to them emotionally and spiritually. Such soul ties offer pure happiness if they are mutual. These people are soulmates — whether it’s a twin flame, karmic, or platonic soulmate. Here’s what your connection to them looks like:
- They are a part of your being. You will always feel an unbreakable connection with them
- They’ve stood by you through thick and thin and helped you grow and evolve as a person
- They give you a reality check when you need one, and help you move forward in life
- They help you understand yourself and bring you back when you deviate from the right track
- If it’s not one-sided, a soul tie can make you feel euphoric. Feeling energized and swimming in seemingly perpetual happiness, this is what a healthy soul tie would feel like
However, when it’s an unhealthy bond, it gets difficult to break away from a one-sided soul tie, or even a mutual one. It’s not impossible; it just requires a lot of effort as well as some help from a professional especially if things spiral out of control.
So when you develop a soul tie, analyze whether it’s a healthy relationship or a toxic one. If it’s one of the healthy soul ties, go ahead and experience it to the fullest. But if it’s an unhealthy soul tie that leaves you feeling drained, you’ll need to make the effort to get rid of it.
FAQs
Although it may seem like a soul tie is the best thing that has happened to you, the damage caused will make itself apparent in your life sooner or later. A soul tie will leave you obsessing over a person, and this relationship will influence every decision you make. An obsessive love will only lead to a clingy relationship, which will end up harming the two of you. A soul tie, thus, becomes something you must avoid.
Yes. Soul ties affect men as well. Maybe not in the same way as they affect a woman, but they do. Men may be subtle and calculative, or even more expressive and obsessive than women, as they go about a relationship with their soul tie.
Toxic or negative soul ties are the ones that will harm you either mentally, spiritually, or physically. Since it’s an intense manifestation of the obsession you feel toward a person, a toxic soul tie can end up affecting other areas of your life in a negative manner.
Yes. Soul ties can be one-sided – whether it’s with a significant other, friend, stranger, sexual partner, or family member. It happens when one feels emotionally and mentally connected to a person but they don’t reciprocate the same.
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