10 things every newly married couple has heard

With the many blessings of elders and warm wishes of friends and juniors the couple starts their life in the mandap. Thereon rain the comments, words of warning and wisdom. Here are a couple of comments you will pick up at any shaadi if you are paying attention to more things than the buffet:

1.  “It is a new start, how are you feeling?”

They are feeling pressurised by the collective anxiety of the ‘new start’. Having built their individual lives over the years, this ambiguous cloud of expected novelty only tenses them up and sometimes sets them up for false hope. A wedding is a decision taken by two people, not rabbits erupting from a hat. Life goes back to its lilt after the festival that is the wedding and nobody prepares the newlyweds for that.

 “Honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, enjoy for now.”
(Kya pataa Kal ho na ho)

Instead of preparing them for life losing the lustre of a wedding they often scare them with upcoming dullness. As they prepare for their honeymoon, it’s spoken about like the final act of a classic romantic tragedy. The honeymoon phase is a construct that only draws the couple into the customary boredom you are supposed to feel afterwards. Routine life of respective work and responsibilities need not be synonymous with boredom.

2. “Bhai, ab to daal chawal full life!Sex, only with your wife?”

And vice versa comments. Yes, they were both fully aware of the conjugal contract when they decided to take it up. Your comment is in harmless fun, but it forces a fear of missing out on the young husband and wife. The retention capability of one’s youth apparently is directly proportional to the number of sexual partners. There is no reason to point out the obvious promise of fidelity through their marriage.

Related reading: Know how much he loves you through his body language

3. “Divorce rates are skyrocketing these days”

That is exactly what they want to hear while unpacking their wedding gifts. Some even worsen it by asking if there was a prenuptial signed between the two. A full-blown discussion commences on infidelity, abuse, impotence and many such miscellaneous reasons for the increasing rates of divorce among the youth. God forbid they should turn this into a ritual of presentations, graphs and pie charts of divorce and separation rates so that the newly married can sit and discuss the terms on their honeymoon.

4. “Arre bhai, romance ka the end!”

That is a lovely perspective to orient your conjugal life. Assuming romance shall never come in between us; let us commence our joint venture of being husband and wife. They got married because they were in love, or they had hopes of great love to start after the knots are tied. The premature death of romance ironically starts with rituals embodying and promising love and happiness. Romance shall live as long it is supposed to between two people, you cannot forcefully sustain it – marriage has no role to play in that.

5. “How are the in-laws? The devil has incarnated in your life finally!”

Yes, you automatically have joined the club of jokes about spouse and in-laws at the drop of a punch line or the lack of it. It is more farfetched to have a harmonious relationship with your in-laws than a classless society. The newlyweds are generally seen laughing awkwardly at these cracks as they try to fit into the universal post-marriage sense of humour.

6. “Finally, you got hitched huh?”

Ouch! That hurt! College and school friends come with bear hugs and uncomfortable details about your puberty and the miracle that is your wedding. This is something that we all have done, embarrass our friend at his/her wedding, hence we have our logic to back it up. But it is a fact that these comments are definitely not something they want to cherish in the years to come.

7. “Now that the celebration is over doesn’t everything dim in comparison?”

This is not completely a wrong observation, yet a rather harsh pull back to reality. The months of preparation reaches their crescendo at the wedding, leaving an afterglow a.k.a. a honeymoon. Now what? You do not have half a hundred people fussing around you. You are not their centre of attention or celebration, now they are distracted by the next wedding of someone else. Your regular work clothes hang sadly beside the lustrous lehenga. So the comment is only salt on the already open wound.

Related reading: 5 things a couple can do after sex

8. “Family planning? How many kids?”

Why else would you get married if not to procreate? The only thing getting attention after the wedding, are her ovaries and his swimmers. The overenthusiastic relatives come too close for comfort and seniors suddenly have a wish to see you create babies before they die. The country is teeming with population and every wedding comes with an ominous disclaimer of “aur bachche?”

9. “Joru ka ghulam! We don’t see you anymore!”

The last time you had time to chill with these people was most probably before you had your life upturned by routine, incentives and promotions. But now every time you see them, the reasoning is inevitably that you slave for your spouse, followed by a cackle and an offer to drink. Stop the cliché maybe?

10.“So, how is married life? Bored yet?”

Definitely bored of the comments now. It is up to the couple if they will allow these to get under their skin, but this is an unnecessary couple’s exercise. Boredom is a part of life, so are perks – marriage is no exception, only now you share those moments with another.