Men do have it tough! They have to be strong and fearless. They are expected to provide for their family. They are not allowed to show their vulnerable side, to be emotional or express their fears and regrets. As a spouse, though, there are some ways you can encourage your husband and help him through this maze of patriarchy.
Research indicates that many men face backlash when they do not conform to the patriarchal norms expected from them. For example, a study in 2015 (as mentioned in the above research), showed that men who express their needs and display any hints of vulnerability were immediately labeled as “weaker” or considered “lower in status.”
Society has a lot to answer for when it comes to upholding these rules of ‘masculinity.’ When you uplift and motivate your husband, you not only express how much he means to you but, more importantly, that you believe in him. Show that you are there for him – when work gets stressful, when life gets him down, and when he feels depressed and unmotivated. ‘One day at a time’ just got much easier, with you by his side, lifting him up with your encouraging words.
12 Ways To Encourage Your Husband
There is no denying the influence spouses have on each other. In any supportive, communicative relationship, your partner is the first person you turn to in good times and bad. As the years go by, it’s easy to forget this and take each other for granted. But the little things you do for each other can keep your relationship healthy. As a spouse and his main cheerleader, here are 12 ways to encourage husbands and make a difference in their lives.
1. Send him little notes
If daily love notes ask for too much, why not just surprise your hubby once in a while with a little reminder about how much he means to you, his capabilities, or why your relationship is so important? A little note tucked into his jacket or left under his pillow can mean the world to your pillar of strength. Hey, even an Instagram or blog post extolling his virtues wouldn’t be amiss if he’s really feeling low.
Related Reading: 10 Ways To Shower Appreciation On Your Husband
2. Kiss him like the first time
Not just perfunctory goodbye kisses before he leaves for work or tired pecks before turning in for the day. No, we are talking about kissing each other as you both did at the beginning of your relationship. When everything was magical and full of promise. Remember that feeling? Odds are many husbands would like to be reminded as well.
3. Treat him well
And by this, we mean pepper his week with little treats that he loves. After all, no one knows him better than you do! Buy him his special coffee, do a chore that he usually does, or cook his favorite meal. For many husbands, doing something small is a lovely way to show you care and that you haven’t stopped thinking of them. These little gifts and acts of kindness also serve as a tool for strengthening your relationship.
4. Say a little prayer to encourage your husband
If you are religious, there’s nothing more potent than praying for your husband. Asking him if there is anything he would like you to pray for also gives you an insight into what may be troubling him. Your prayers and the fact that you are holding your husband close to the holy spirit and God in your heart will surely give him the confidence boost he needs.
Other times, visiting a spiritual leader (depending on your beliefs) can also help your husband work through his doubts and trepidations. There are a spate of recent studies that examined instability in marital relationships. Almost 86% of these cases reported greater stability when paired with a strong religious or spiritual background.
5. It’s all about what you say
Sometimes, the best way to encourage your husband is to just say it aloud. You might be struggling to find the right words of encouragement for a man you love because you’re new to a romantic relationship, or shy, or just not good with words. Whatever the reason, we’ve got you covered.
6. Time to ‘really’ listen
It’s important to listen actively. To hear your husband out without judgment. Let him vent. Offer him a safe space to express his fears and sadness. It’s not easy for men to show their vulnerability. Let him show you his gentle and quiet spirit and unburden his cares. When he does this, make sure you are his rock (and a non-judgemental one at that).
7. A little sexy time hurt no one
As a married couple with several years under your belts, it’s perfectly normal to have a perfunctory sex life (at best). Experts, however, insist that maintaining a physical connection is extremely important for any relationship. Hugging, foreplay, kissing, even holding hands, and sexual intercourse can help strengthen your emotional commitment and can support your husband during hard times.
8. Date night, anyone?
Keeping aside time for only each other can help show your husband that you value your marriage and are ready to make time for it. No talk about kids, in-laws, school, or finances. Let your date night be sacrosanct and only about the two of you. It might seem strange at first, but we promise, once you make this a regular feature, it can make all the difference in your husband’s life (and yours).
9. Speak up to encourage your husband
If you feel strongly about what a good job your husband is doing – speak up. If you love the way he looks after the kids – tell him. If you want the world to know what an amazing man he is, share this openly. Being verbal about your spouse is a great way to take the situation into your own hands and make it much better, especially if he’s feeling insecure. It’s also lovely to do when you don’t know how to encourage husbands when work is stressful, or worries are bogging them down.
10. Gratitude is a powerful engine
Gratitude makes the world go round. Once you realize this, the rest falls into place. Encouragement for your husband is as easy as being thankful and showing it. Show him you love him by being grateful for how he treats you and everyone else, for his contributions to your family, and for how far you all have come. The list goes on. After you make that gratitude list, be sure to share it with your spouse. He needs to know what you are thankful for as well.
11. Take over from him
Does your husband just hate doing certain chores? Well, surprise him and take over. Helping out without being asked is a lovely way to lighten the mood when he’s mired in anxiety or anger. Uncomplaining is the operative word here, so remember to do these little tasks without making it all about you.
12. Be truthful about your concerns
Speaking the truth can be very difficult, but sometimes, it’s necessary. If you need to address a concern or if your husband has hurt you in any way, being honest can help you and him deal with hard emotions. Needless to say, cushion your words with compassion and empathy. This would encourage him to be a better person, partner, and father.
According to a study conducted by The British Association for Counsellors and Therapists, the most common relationship problem brought to the therapy table was miscommunication. Couples thrive when concerns are aired out in a safe space. Communication, as we know, is a two-way street.
25 Things To Say To Encourage Your Husband
So, you now know how to present encouraging words for your husband, but what do you say? Let us help you out. Feel free to use any of these in any way you want. Mix them up. Add personal details. Use pet names and terms of endearment. Make them completely yours.
- I love you so much. Morning, noon, and night – you are the one for me.
- I love you for being you – how you are at peace with yourself and the things you have achieved.
- The longer I know you, the better you look. I’m one lucky spouse.
- I’m so proud of how far you have come. Our family has made it through difficult circumstances thanks to your strength and tremendous influence.
- I love how you never give up.
- You are the best thing in my life. Thank you for being my husband today, tomorrow, and forever.
7. You are the first person I run to for advice. I often wonder what I would do without you.
8. Make your partner happy by saying – You are the smartest person I know (and let’s hope you feel the same way about me!)
9. Your respect and love are all I need, yet you give me so much more than I ever imagined for myself.
10. Here’s a little reminder that you matter the most to me.
11. Never forget, you are so strong. Whenever you are afraid, look back toward the past and see how much you have overcome.
12. I am proud to be your spouse and best friend and be able to support you in spreading God’s word.
13. I think our family life is based on faith, respect, and encouragement for my husband and the kids. A happy marriage indeed, don’t you think?
14. Remember to return to God’s word and pray whenever you are overcome by negative thoughts and life is a challenge.
15. As parents, we are the foundation of our family. As my spouse, you are the reason we are happily married. I am very grateful.
16. Thank you for working so hard. Our family is well-provided.
17. I love that I can trust you with anything and that we can talk about all our hopes and dreams.
18. I believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to.
19. I appreciate you, and I hope you know that.
20. In good times and bad, I want to be the one beside you all the way.
21. Your dreams and hopes are what make you, you. As your partner, I want you to know that your feelings matter, and I will always support you.
22. I don’t even want to imagine a life without you by my side.
23. The joy of being happily married to you is incomparable. Even after all these years, you are the one for me, and I feel the same way as I did on the day we got married.
24. No matter what the challenge is, we got this, baby. It’s you and I against the world.
25. The other day, someone asked me the secret to our happy marriage. I have to admit that without my dear husband’s leadership qualities and your ability to be strong for the whole family, this relationship would have died a long time ago.
- Men are like women – they also need kind words of encouragement and support through their dark days
- Always be your husband’s cheerleader. Be his rock and his safe place so that he always turns to you in times of need (PS: Your husband needs to be this for you as well, don’t forget)
- There are different things one can do to encourage husbands. It’s not always about words. Sometimes, just a hug or a joint prayer will do the job
One last gem of wisdom. If you do all these nice things and offer all this encouragement and you receive nothing in return, the best advice would be to let it go. Accept the fact that many marriages are a balancing act of giving and receiving. And at times, one spouse needs to give more than the other. The guiding force behind it all is to express your love without expecting anything in return. Build each other up selflessly, and your family and marriage will be stronger for it.