“With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride. You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under. With a taste of a poison paradise. I’m addicted to you.” Britney Spears said it! New love keeps us wrapped around its finger. Feelings of ecstasy overpower our rational minds and always leave us thirsty for more. But does it always work out? Ahead, we have for you 15 early signs a relationship will not last, no matter how high it takes you today.
Have you been losing interest in your relationship even though it’s just been a few months? Or is it your partner who has been low on communication lately? Whatever the case may be, holding onto a relationship when you know it won’t work out only brings misery. There are always some subtle signs a relationship is failing, hidden away in dark corners.
A recent study outlines the various reasons that some romances die early. With 106 participants in the study, the top five reasons found were incompatibility, lack of feelings, long distance, infidelity, and family disapproval.
15 Early Signs A Relationship Will Not Last
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Maybe you’ve been feeling more distant than usual from your partner. Maybe you miss the way it was when you and your partner had started dating. While not every fight or spat has to mean a relationship is ending, a constant feeling of disappointment and hopelessness early on in the relationship can spell doom.
Sitting with yourself and understanding what you and your partner bring into each other’s life proves to be helpful most of the time. However, if you find the problem too complex to be solved on your own, communicate. Do not let your communication stagnate and if it does, it could be a sign that a relationship will not last. Before you have this conversation, read through this list of some early signs you’re in love but the relationship is not working out.
1. You cannot be yourself around them
If being around your partner feels tiring, you are probably getting exhausted of being the person they want you to be. So, instead, try to be yourself. If that does not make them love you more, what will?
They say the hardest months in a relationship is when the honeymoon phase wears off because that’s when you see the person for who they are. How long would you be willing to keep up with the pretense after all? Let go of those masks, show them your true self. Fights are ordinary but feeling insecure about yourself in the relationship is not.
Related Reading: Love Vs Like – 20 Differences Between I Love You And I Like You
2. Passion/lust dictates your meetings
A sexual connection in a relationship could be crucial for its survival. However, a relationship that bases its foundation solely on sexual attraction would soon topple. Sooner or later, you are bound to wear each other out. When that happens, love is the only cushion that lessens the hurt of the fall. Without that, the relationship ends.
Relationships that begin solely on the note of sexual attraction don’t often meet fairytale conclusions, as corroborated by this Quora user, “My take on this is that many ‘passionate’ relationships are based on infatuation, not love. Thus, when the infatuation/lust in such relationships has run its course – usually within a 9–18 month time frame – one or both people get bored, realize they don’t know or even “like” the other person that much, look for greener grass, then the relationship collapses.”
3. Your partner is still stuck on an ex
One of the most evident relationship red flags that means a couple won’t last is when you see your partner still moping about their ex(es). Don’t get us wrong, unresolved traumas are a part of everyone’s emotional baggage. Sometimes, people heal alone and other times, they heal as they learn the right meaning of love.
However, a sure sign that a relationship won’t last is when they constantly talk about their ex. In fact, they search for reasons to bring them up. In another scenario, if their past relationship was toxic and they cannot seem to cut ties with their ex, it’s probably time for you to confront them.
4. They are overly judgemental toward you
If your partner has not been giving you room to be yourself because they micromanage everything you do, it’s time to reconsider. How will you see yourself with this person in the long term if they keep disapproving of everything you do? Self-validation is the only validation needed in 2023 and it’s time to set emotional boundaries. Do not let anyone tell you how to do something you love and what not to do. Be yourself. Eat that piece of cake or cancel that date for an important business meeting. Either way, it’s only you who gets to decide for yourself.
5. All your close ones disapprove – This could be a sign the relationship won’t last
One of the major red flags that means a relationship won’t last is when all your near and dear ones seem to disapprove of your partner. We do not always guarantee the situation but in most circumstances, they see in them what you are too blinded to accept. Usually, in the early months of a relationship, love blindsides us from all directions. Enchanted and mesmerized, we assume the absolute best in people who do not deserve to be given chances. Open your eyes.
Related Reading: 11 Signs Your Partner Is Not Right For You
6. Your partner often disappears
Inconsistency is such a turn-off. Who would want to invest their time and mental space with someone who cannot do the bare minimum – show up? Adrianna, a 30-year-old pelvic floor therapist, shares with us, “I never know where I stand with her. She treats me so well for a week but then I can’t get her to reply to a text for days. If your partner disappears on a whim for days or weeks on end, what does that mean?”
Maybe, just maybe, that is because she’s just not into you. It is a sign that a relationship will not last. You know what you should never beg for? Mature communication. Raise your standards and know your self-worth to be more than flaky texts and irregular meet-ups. If someone was interested in you, they would show up. If they wanted to be with you, they would do that.
Constantly worrying about your partner losing interest in you is not healthy. Let them walk out the door because even if no one else shows up, at least you’re not in bad company.
7. You don’t indulge in emotional conversations
One of the sure signs a relationship would not last is usually in the quietness you share. If the silence between the two of you is never after an emotionally enriching conversation, there is an issue to address. Effective communication is much more important than meaningless banter, even if it makes you momentarily uncomfortable.
Emotions are the foundations of a relationship. If a person is actively trying to ignore or bury them, they are bound to implode/explode one day or another. It shows the lack of dependability and emotional intelligence in a partner. And if it’s you who’s not that emotionally invested, but they are, we advise you to reconsider.
8. Your philosophies are not compatible
There is a certain level of compatibility that is demanded out of every relationship that exists. Two people cannot expect to co-exist if everything they stand for contradicts each other’s perspectives. This would only result in an unhappy match or a miserable marriage. What you should do, therefore, is have a conversation about where you see yourselves in the future. Talk about how you plan to lead your lives and about the values and political beliefs that you hold the closest to your hearts.
The hardest months of a relationship are when you both begin to connect with each other on a deeper level. You begin to see each other as you really are, not for what’s put on display for the rest of the world. If most or plenty of those things don’t align, a relationship might not be the best thing to try out with this person.
9. If they are always on the defensive, it could be a sign the relationship won’t last
If they get offended and argue every time you ask them to come forth and be responsible, nobility is not their strongest suit. Understanding and acknowledging your partner’s perspectives is a must in a healthy and long-lasting relationship. One of the clear signs that a relationship won’t last is when you feel attacked whenever you gently bring up an issue that hurts you. If they start defending themselves without a cause, start talking about issues that would force them to introspect.
10. Your partner is all talk and no work
No relationship can be founded on the bedrock of half-ass promises and broken oaths. Changes made should be changes that are visible and obvious. If they talk of a future that they see with you, but do not actively change or mold things into that direction, it can be a red flag that means a relationship won’t last.
Ask them to not talk that talk, but walk it instead. Otherwise, learn to accept that he or she’s just not attracted to you, or they would have tried. Shake it off and know that it is their loss.
11. You’re not part of their future
Check for this sign once you’ve both committed to being exclusive. If you’ve been hearing them talk of mighty fancy tales of their future plans but never hear of yourself as a part of them, maybe it’s time to open up about how you feel. Maybe it is because they do not feel it is the right time to discuss it. But if it bothers you, the best way to handle it is to speak up.
Imagining a future with them and keeping them as a central figure in yours whilst they focus elsewhere could lead to unwanted drama and chaos. If things don’t seem to change even after a conversation, it could be taken as a clear sign that the relationship won’t last. They are allowed to have different priorities but it needs to be made clear to you.
12. Boundaries do not exist in your relationship
No matter how close you are with someone in life, boundaries are required to exist. Even with your parents and partners, boundaries must not disappear. Whether it is to knock on your door when you are busy or asking how your day was before ranting about their own, boundaries are easy to lay down as long as both parties are mature enough to understand.
If all types of boundaries have been lacking in your relationship, things could get tricky in the future. Do not let your partner violate your boundaries in an attempt to please them. Be cautious and set the ground rules before you take off.
13. There’s an absence of inherent faith between you both
Love comes hand in hand with faith. If it is not accompanied by trust and kindness, something is amiss. If you must explain yourself through every small and big disagreement, there are fundamentals that could be in question. A Quora user says, “You can indeed love someone you do not trust. What you can’t do is have a healthy relationship with someone you do not trust.”
14. A clear sign your relationship won’t last – Your partner is never wrong
In a fight or an argument, it hardly ever matters who got it right. What matters is how two people wade through a conflict, especially if they are in a romantic relationship. In fact, how someone takes criticism or ‘no’ for an answer shows you a lot about who they are as a person.
Although none of us have saint-like reactions when triggered, we must remember to be humane enough to never hurt the person we love. Sometimes, it takes a lot to hold ourselves back but it is never too difficult if the person in question is the one we claim to love the most.
If you’ve been thinking of exiting your relationship but are not sure, it might just be an indicator enough for you to realize your unhappiness. Here’s a study that evaluates the decision patterns of people wondering if they must quit a connection or stay to explore its depth.
15. They behave poorly toward others
Have you noticed the way your partner speaks to others? When you are at a restaurant and the service lacks in many ways, notice how your partner addresses the staff to express their displeasure. Note the way they converse with their colleagues or juniors.
If they display an unpleasant attitude when irritated with others, chances are, the behavior would soon reach you too. Having anger issues is one thing but doing nothing to manage it is another. So, make sure that you’re alert to not just how they behave with you, but how they treat others as well.
- Learn to observe your partner for early red flags and trust your intuition
- Some early signs a relationship would not last are generally right in front of our eyes, do not continue to keep your rose-tinted glasses on
- Do not lower your self-worth just to be with someone who you do not see a future with or someone who does not see a future with you. Emotional damage is real
- Partners are supposed to exhibit a basic level of emotional dependability for you to bank on. Lack of communication, irrational behavior, and inconsistent availability are not signs of emotional maturity
- Know the right time to leave, it would save you time and trauma
These were some of the 15 early signs a relationship will not last. Did you check some of these off? A couple of them do not raise an alarm but too many could signify a potential problem in the road ahead. However, before you assume and drive down a path that leads to chaos, sit down with your partner and attempt to have a healthy conversation. Tell them about how you feel and that you wish to make certain changes. Their response should be an answer to all your queries. And remember: no response is an answer too!