“I need a girlfriend,” said my friend David as we met over coffee on a weekend. For a long time, he was yearning for companionship. He even tried dating apps, but to no avail. Tired and frustrated, he asked me, “Why don’t I have a girlfriend? Am I not good enough?” I couldn’t mince my words and told him that he needed to get rid of his snooty attitude if he truly wanted a girl in his life.
I suggested that before starting his search for a girlfriend, he should ask himself, “Do I need a girlfriend or do I want someone just for the sake of it?” Well, if you really want a girlfriend, are you ready to work on yourself if needed? These are vital questions and it is important to find answers to these.
According to research, 47 % of Americans believe that dating is harder now in comparison to a decade ago. But, you don’t need to worry about that. If you are wondering how to find a girlfriend, we are here to help you out. We will also help you find out the answer to the question that might have been disturbing you for a while: “Why do I want a girlfriend so bad?” So, let’s get started.
Why Do I Need A Girlfriend So Bad? 9 Things To Consider If You Want One For The Right Reasons
Even though it’s normal to think ‘I need a girlfriend,’ one should avoid rushing into a relationship. You would find many of them asking their friends for help or searching ‘how to get a girlfriend’ online.
However, it is important to self-introspect and know the answer to: “Why do I want a girlfriend so bad?” Is it for social validation or merely peer pressure? Or do you see it as a chance to get physically intimate with someone? None of these are valid reasons. In fact, reasons like these are clear signs you will never get a girlfriend or your relationship might not last long.
Apologies for telling the harsh truth. But trust me! You may have no girlfriend for a long time if your intentions are not good. Because even if you manage to get into a relationship by future faking, she would eventually get to know the truth and leave you. Breakups in such cases become inevitable. So, before you say, “I want a girlfriend for love,” consider the nine factors described below:
1. Is it because of peer pressure?
When all your friends have a girlfriend, it is easy to think ‘wish I had a girlfriend’. You might even be receiving tips on getting a girlfriend from your friends. This is not among the right reasons to have a girlfriend. You can’t just get into a relationship simply because all your friends did. What if your best friend breaks up with his girlfriend? Are you going to follow in his footsteps and do the same? No, right? The desire to have a girlfriend should come from within and you should be ready for it.
2. Are you simply bored?
Are you looking to have a girlfriend because you are bored with your life? Well, then what you need is not a girlfriend but a hobby. You don’t need a girlfriend just because you have no idea what to do in your free time. A girlfriend is not meant to keep you engaged. If you get into a relationship because you are bored, you will soon start finding her boring and would then want to get rid of her.
Related Reading: 12 Things Men Should Do If They Are Single And Alone
3. Do you have time for her?
If you are not able to handle your work–life balance, you are not ready to have a girlfriend. A relationship will require your time and effort. If you do not have time for these investments, you should skip the idea of having a girl in your life. If you get into a relationship but have no time for your girlfriend, it will put unnecessary strain on both of you.
4. Do you know how to treat her right?
If you do not know how to properly treat a woman, you do not need a girlfriend. You should consider them as human as you, if not more. Give them adequate attention, care, love, and above all, respect. So before you tell your friend, “Help me find a girlfriend,” contemplate and ask yourself: “Am I boyfriend material?”
5. Are you sure it’s not just a physical need?
The desire for intimacy is pretty obvious and normal in a relationship. However, it should not be all that you are looking for. Having an amazing woman in your life can turn your life into a fairytale. A relationship requires a lot more effort than making her happy in the bedroom. So, if you want a girlfriend solely for bedroom fun, then you don’t need one.
6. Completely over your ex?
Are you finding it difficult to heal after your breakup? Do you often say, “I miss having a girlfriend”? Or do you wonder: “Do I need a girlfriend to be happy?” Then, the truth is you don’t need a girlfriend. Having a girlfriend just to get over your ex is not fruitful in the long run. If you can’t stop thinking about your ex, how will you focus on your new relationship? It will only cause conflict between you and your girlfriend.
7. Ready to have a constant companion?
Are you ready to allow that one girl to be a part of nearly all aspects of your life? If you desire companionship, remember, it will be a constant one. You should be ready to share your life with that beautiful woman. Do not consider her care and advice as nagging. If you never had a girlfriend and are looking for one, you need to be emotionally and mentally ready for that sort of deep togetherness.
8. Comfortable introducing her to friends and family?
Having a girlfriend is not just about spending quality time together. It is a commitment that you want to transform into a life-long association. If you have met the right girl, do not refrain from introducing her to your family. You should also be comfortable taking her out with your friends. She should feel important and acknowledged in the company of your friends and family. Remember, it is a serious red flag in a relationship if you do not wish to introduce that special one to your friends and family.
9. Ready for an open conversation?
A heart-to-heart conversation is the foundation of a healthy relationship. You should discuss all your joys and sorrows with her and lend her an empathetic ear when she needs you. An open conversation also means you talk freely about what you like and dislike about each other. You should be able to accept your flaws, take criticisms, and advice positively, and vice-versa. This doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Instead choose to be upfront.
Related Reading: How Often Should I Text Her To Keep Her Interested?
How To Find A Girlfriend – 11 Tips
If you are tired of asking yourself, “Where can I find a girlfriend?” or “How to get a girlfriend online?” don’t worry. We are here to help with 11 tips on how to find a girlfriend. Last year, my friend Daniel said, “I need a girlfriend.” He was so desperate to date someone that I felt worried for both him and his potential partner. After multiple dates, nothing worked for him. He was so frustrated that I found him asking “Why don’t I have a girlfriend?” and “Where can I find a girlfriend?” often.
I wanted to help him. So I suggested the best places to find a girlfriend and shared some tips on getting a girlfriend too. I suggested places such as my favorite gym, a church, the best of restaurants, bars, sports events, and volunteer opportunities. I also suggested to him some online dating apps that had worked well for some of my friends. Daniel found the love of his life with these tips, and I hope they work for you as well.
1. Frequently visit public places and attend events
Public places such as coffee shops, and eateries offer a space to meet and make new friends. Every day, thousands of pretty ladies come to these places to grab a coffee or a meal.
However, it is not as easy as you think. You should take your first step cautiously. You need to be confident and be able to strike up a conversation without appearing clingy. You can start with asking questions such as, “Is that book any good?” or “What was that you ordered?” However, if you do not get receptive vibes, it means she is having a great time alone.
If you want a girlfriend who will attend sports events and cultural shows with you, then start looking for the girl there. These events allow you to start a conversation with the girl you like without interfering with her personal time. However, do not show off your knowledge about the particular event, artist, or player. Instead of acting like an expert to win her heart, choose to be genuine and smart.
2. Do things you love
If you prefer to avoid dating apps, then focus on things that you love. Develop a hobby, join a club, or opt for volunteering opportunities. Many clubs host events where community members engage freely. You will not only get to meet women there but will also develop etiquette and improve your communication skills. You never know, you might get lucky and spot the one at the club itself.
Volunteer opportunities are also a great medium to connect with like-minded people. What’s better than finding a girlfriend who shares your interest? Volunteering allows you to communicate with different people while contributing to a cause. If you keep saying, “I can’t find a girlfriend” and do nothing about it, you won’t ever have a girl in your life. So, pull your socks up and get ready for some action.
3. Attend friends and family gatherings
Many of my friends often say, “Help me find a girlfriend.” But they never show up when I plan a gathering to introduce them to a potential date. So, before asking your friends to find you a girl, ask yourself “Do I need a girlfriend?” If yes, then don’t leave a chance to hang out with your friends. Take out time from your busy schedule. It will not only help you meet new people but may also end up with you developing feelings for an existing friend.
If you want a girlfriend, start taking these gatherings seriously. No matter how long you have chosen to ignore these intimate functions, they give you ample scope to find a suitable girl. Moreover, because of the close connection, it won’t be difficult or embarrassing for you to politely approach the girl you like.
Related Reading: 21 Unrevealed Tips To Help You Find Love
4. Improve your personality and body language
My colleague William kept on telling everyone in our office, “I wish I had a girlfriend.” But all of us knew it wouldn’t be possible until he improved his personality. He is a nice man but often comes out as rude and offensive because of his harsh tone.
Your personality and body language make an impression before your words do. So, you need to be mindful of what you convey through them. If you have achieved no success in impressing a girl, then it is high time you started working on both these aspects.
Just in case you are confusing personality with building muscles and abs, we are not talking about the mere superficial aspect of your personality. Not every girl appreciates macho men. Some love sensitivity and kindness. So, even if you go to the gym, do not just hold on to the manly side of you. Let her know that you are much more than well-built muscles. Here’s what you can do:
- Speak with confidence while making eye contact
- Use positive body language and gestures, such as a friendly tone, a smiling face, a firm handshake
- Don’t mix up confidence and arrogance. Your body language shouldn’t be disrespectful to others
5. Work on your approach techniques
It might be possible that your failure to get a girlfriend might be due to your approach techniques. So, work on developing the right approach techniques:
- Be considerate of the time and place while approaching a woman
- Talk to her when she seems relaxed and in a pleasant mood
- Everyone appreciates a good sense of humor. If you are witty enough, do not hesitate to show off that special side
- Crack a light-hearted joke to make her laugh or offer a genuine compliment
Do not keep these right approach techniques at bay while trying to strike up a conversation on social media. Though social media allows you to effortlessly approach anyone, simply sliding into her DMs is not suggested. Instead, drop a friend request along with a sweet message. However, don’t be clingy, and don’t show desperate signs you need a girlfriend. If you receive a positive response, try to build conversations, ask them out for a date, and try to take it forward in other interesting ways.
6. Change your mindset
My cousin Richard never had a girlfriend, and we knew why. He had a chauvinist mentality, and he never considered it to be a negative mindset. It wasn’t a surprise for us when he ended up having a heated argument on his blind date. So, instead of wondering, “How to look for a girlfriend?” identify the negative mindset you have and actively put effort into overcoming them. Here are some tips:
- Get rid of that mental filtering or that judgmental and chauvinistic attitude
- Do not overthink, but be more empathetic and grateful instead
- Have the courage to take a stand for anything you believe is wrong
Girls highly appreciate these qualities in men. Now, stop cribbing and saying, “I can’t find a girlfriend.” Change your mindset and see the magic.
7. Don’t fake it
Originality and genuineness are traits that you shouldn’t overlook. If you want to find the right match for yourself, be what you are. Do not try to be like someone else. At the same time, do not boast or exaggerate about your achievements. Switching your personality just to impress her won’t help you in the long run.
The lack of integrity in your personality will eventually come to her notice. Girls are attracted to men who are confident in their skin. So, believe in yourself, your values, and your ethics. These strong characteristics are vital to a healthy relationship.
8. Learn from rejections
Don’t turn vile or bitter after the girl rejects you. Neither overthink nor assume that she is personally attacking you if she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend. There might be multiple personal reasons behind her not willing to get into a relationship. It might also be possible that she doesn’t consider you the apt match for her, as you both have thoughts and perspectives that are poles apart.
Take rejection positively and learn from it. Try to evolve as a person after the rejection. Try to figure out things that worked and those that didn’t. It will help you prepare better for the next relationship.
9. Offer genuine compliments
Don’t compliment a girl because everyone has told you to do so. Though a person feels good when others notice something special about them, do not compliment them just to impress. Compliments should be beautiful, genuine and direct from the heart. It is not advisable to compliment girls just for their physical appearance. While you compliment her beauty, shower praises on her personality too. Tell her about the qualities you admire most about her, like courage, kindness, or her confidence.
Related Reading: 7 Signs You Are Tired Of Being Single And What You Should Do
10. Don’t be lazy
If you are a lazy lad who wants a girlfriend, then sorry to say, you might not succeed until you stop being so. Laziness is the least desirable quality in men. If you want to have a girlfriend, you need to buckle up. Show her your interest, your spark, and your zeal to want her.
Work on yourself and prove that your promises are not just empty words. Show her that she really matters and that you are ready to do anything to be a part of her life. Also, avoid being careless while trying to impress her. It can simply put her off.
11. Be open
You might have a particular image of a girl you want to date or are attracted to. But being finicky won’t help you much. The world is full of different types of people. Go out and explore. You never know, the person you think of as boring might have the potential to become a good romantic partner.
If you stick to the image you have created in your head, you will face difficulties in the real world. Instead of looking for a particular body type, race, or skin color, go find the one you feel more compatible and comfortable with.
- For those who wonder, “Do I need a girlfriend to be happy?,” the answer is “No.” A man is solely responsible for his joys and sorrows
- It is normal to say, “I need a girlfriend,” because everyone needs a companion for life, who supports them in their struggle and celebrates their good times
- If you sense some signs you will never get a girlfriend, work on yourself, improve your body language and communication skills, and then try approaching someone you like
The world we live in has changed drastically in the recent past. Or maybe, we have grown into adults, who mostly feel alone even when surrounded by a crowd. This is partially because of a lack of companionship in life.
If you often find yourself saying, “I miss having a girlfriend” or “I want a girlfriend for love,” evaluate the reasons why you need one. Some men are too picky. They don’t hesitate in saying: “I want a girlfriend who will do this and that for me.” They do not realize she is as human as them and not bound to act according to anyone’s choice.
Hence, work on yourself, improve your personality, and create the best possibilities for yourself. Try to meet new people, visit community gatherings, confidently engage in conversations, and politely approach a girl in public, maintaining set boundaries. This will do wonders to your love life!