How To Keep A Guy Interested? 20 Ways To Keep Him Engaged

How to keep a guy interested? Reminds me of the lyrics of the Ali Gatie song, “Ever since I met you. I cannot forget you. You’ve been running on my, running on my mind.” But how can you make yourself live rent-free in someone’s mind in an era when we literally have low attention-spans, minimal patience, and loads of options?

With all this going on, of course you’d want to know how to keep a man interested in you. For starters, choose someone who is interested in knowing you more than as a friend and is clearly emotionally unavailable. Don’t chase a guy who plays mind games. Go for someone who is clear and honest about his intentions. It would be easier to find ways to make a guy into you when the guy you’ve chosen is right for you.

20 Ways To Keep A Man Interested In You

Firstly, remember, keeping him interested shouldn’t be the only focus of your life. Because then, if you’ve done everything you possibly could and it doesn’t work out, you’d be heartbroken. So what are you gonna do? Put your best foot forward, that’s what. But remember this, he is not the litmus test for your worth. His validation should not be the basis of how you feel about yourself. Your relationship with yourself should be untouched by all this drama. Once you have established this in your mind, here are some tips on how to keep a guy interested in you.

1. Don’t open up right away

So you’re wondering how to keep him interested, right? Well, take your time. Old-school movies are not wrong when they tell us to take it slow. The mystery and the curiosity is what keeps us going. Unravel your beauty step by step. Grow on him gradually.

He should feel like he is drinking fine wine instead of tequila shots that hit him instantaneously, catch him off guard, and are too much for him to handle in one go. Rushing it is one of the most common relationship mistakes you can avoid. It will kill the fun not just for him, but for you too. So, as the Russ song goes, “Ride slow, yeah yeah…”

2. Don’t be indifferent

When you feel like he is losing interest, it could be because you were aloof earlier and created distance unintentionally. It’s time to bring the spark back now. If you want to get his attention, and be heard and loved, you have to hear your partner as well. Budding relationships can’t be one-sided.

This is what makes dating satisfying and harmonious. Effective communication should be at the center of your love life. Whenever your partner is sharing something with you, don’t just lend him an ear. Give him your undivided attention. Here are some other ways you can get out of indifference in your relationship:

• Rebuild all types of intimacy including intellectual and emotional 
• Give him personal space whenever it is required
• Don’t lose interest and zone out when he is passionately talking about something he likes
• Ask follow-up questions long after the conversation has ended just to let him know you were mentally present 

3. Big NO to desperation

If you want to keep someone interested in you, know that desperation is a big turn-off. Think about it. When have you ever wanted to go on a date with someone who floods your DMs day and night and shows too much interest, without even knowing you? Don’t act haughty, but don’t act clingy. Don’t keep waiting for his reply. Go do you. Trust me, the vibe of self-love and being happy in one’s skin just radiates. Again, this does not mean that you ignore him on purpose and play power games. It just means don’t be available for him all the time at the cost of your career, friends, and hobbies.

You have a routine. It could be going to a dance class, attending lectures, or working hard at your job. Don’t sideline those activities or lose your focus just because he is in your life. He is not the center of your world. He is just the cherry on top of the cake, the cake being your already fulfilling life. 

Related Reading: How To Tell If A Guy Is Interested In You Or Just Being Friendly – Decoded

4. Ask questions

One of the ways to make a guy into you is to go beyond who you are. Don’t make all the conversations about yourself. Get to know the parts of him that people don’t generally get to know. Be a good listener. Don’t just fake interest but get a guy’s attention by genuinely listening. If you’ve both been talking for a while and are done with surface-level conversations, you can start getting to know his mind. There is no wrong or right way to ask such questions. Here are some examples:

• What are some of your passions?
• Do you believe in God?/What made you an atheist?
• What makes you truly happy?

5. Be unapologetically yourself

If you want to have a long-lasting relationship, you don’t have to pretend or wear a mask to keep your love interested in you. You don’t have to fit yourself into a persona that you think he would like because the right person will love you for who you are. In fact, there is nothing more attractive than people who are authentic, fearless, and vulnerable. So, whatever you are on the inside, show that outside. 

6. Be honest

Mind games are such a turn-off. How to keep him interested? Avoid playing games, especially if it’s a budding relationship. You can win a guy through your emotional intelligence and honesty. Now, that is a turn-on and one of the traits of a high-value woman. Be brutally honest about what you want from him and all that you have been through. You don’t have to lie, hide or manipulate to keep him engaged. However, if you’re being honest about your past, don’t turn him into a therapist.  

You’re a confident woman so when you disagree with him, just let him know. A people-pleasing attitude and false praise are not the go-to ways to make a guy into you. If you think he can do better with his listening skills, tell him what you need gently. Just use your words properly. So much more can be achieved when spoken kindly.

7. Compliment him

If you are in a long-distance relationship, there are chances of love and romance fading away. You might wonder how to keep a guy interested without sleeping with him, especially if sex is an important need for both of you. You can still keep the spark alive and make him stay interested in the relationship, by paying him compliments regularly.

Some sweet and seductive compliments for men that you can try are:

• “Aren’t you the smartest guy I’ve ever laid my eyes on!”
• “I love how you take care of your friends”
• “You smell good. I feel like licking you”
• “You look so handsome. I wonder what you look like without any clothes on”
• “I love the way you laugh”

Men like compliments just as much as women do. It raises their self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Compliments work wonders especially if you are in a new relationship. It lets the guy know you aren’t trying to play hard to get. Instead, you are being open, direct, and honest, and aiming toward a long-term relationship. 

8. Share interesting content

Chats may often seem like a stretch. So, bonding over good content can actually be refreshing. You can introduce him to the world of Janelle Monáe and he can introduce you to the world of Khalid. You can introduce him to the humor of Ashley Gavin and he can introduce you to his cherished collection of world cinema.

You can also vibe over anything interesting that you’ve created. It could be something either of you has written, drawn, sung, or painted. It could be a dance video from childhood. Basically, get to know his taste and let him get to know yours. Vibing over art is elite. 

Related Reading: 20 Super Cute Ways To Express Your Feelings To Someone You Love

9. Bond over childhood

A person’s childhood can actually help you a lot in understanding them. After all, the relationship dynamic that we enjoy with people is often an outcome of the relationship we had with our parents or that our parents had with each other. Get to know where he is coming from. Why is he the way he is? What is he insecure about? What is the stuff that he struggles with? These might be awkward questions to ask a guy, but let him open up to you and be vulnerable with you. 

Everybody has their own set of problems. Don’t give him unsolicited advice. Just let all the bottled up stuff come out. Men are unfortunately taught to suppress their feelings. At the end of the day, all they need is someone who lets them feel all their feelings.

Reminds me of the movie Before Sunrise, which is basically all about conversations between two people. There is a scene in which Celine says to Jesse, “I believe if there’s any kind of God it wouldn’t be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed … but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.”

10. Ask him his opinion

This lets him know that he matters. Don’t you like it when he wears your favorite shirt on a date? Or when he orders your favorite dessert? Similarly, you can ask him “What should I wear to the next party?” (and give him a few options to choose from) or “Which of these pictures should I post on Instagram?” It would mean a lot to him. Don’t let him have reasons to say, “I don’t feel loved or valued.” 

11. Let him know he is not the only one

A study was conducted on college students in premarital long-lasting relationships, to establish links between jealousy and relationship closeness. This study defined the positive and negative attributes of romantic jealousy, clearly distinguishing emotional/reactive jealousy as mostly “good” and cognitive/suspicious jealousy as “bad.” 

“A little bit of jealousy in a healthy relationship is fine,” says biological anthropologist and relationship coach Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love. She adds, “It’s going to wake you up. When you’re reminded that your mate is attractive and that you’re lucky, it can stimulate you to be nicer [and] friendlier. However, when jealousy is chronic, debilitating, and overt – well, that’s when it becomes a problem. A right person will never let jealousy destroy a good relationship.”

So, don’t shy away from making subtle mentions about people DMing you or hitting on you in real life. There is no harm in using smart ways to make him jealous. After all, he should know that it’s a privilege to be with you and he is not supposed to become complacent and take you for granted.

12. Be spontaneous and take initiative

Every once in a while, pick him up and take him out on an exciting date. Let him be in the passenger seat sometimes and take the lead. After all, it’s not his duty to do all the work of planning a date every time.

Surprise him with flowers and chocolates at work. Open the door for him. Pull the chair for him. Hold his shopping bags for him. Where is it written that he should be the one to do all this? Chivalry is not just the prerogative of the male species, you know.

13. Take charge in the bedroom

Have you taken up the role of goody-two-shoes exceptionally well these days? If that’s the case, then no wonder he started thinking about seeing someone else. It’s time to make him fall in love with you all over again by taking charge in the bedroom. Rest assured, this will bring back the honeymoon phase. Listed below are some things you can do to make your sex life more interesting:  

• Come out of your comfort zone and try experimenting with different things
• Ask him what feels good to him and explore his fantasies
• The same way, you tell him your fantasies and desires in return
• Try role-play or sex toys 

Related Reading: When Is The Honeymoon Phase Over? 15 Signs To Watch Out For

14. How to keep a guy interested? Playfulness

Remember the character of Barbara in Don Jon? She was accomplished in the art of seduction. Keep someone interested in you by teasing him a little. Delayed gratification never goes wrong. Make him work for it. This is one of the simple things you can do to make him feel a certain way about you.

So don’t shy away from being playful. A study talks about flirting behaviors that indicate underlying physical attraction such as leg-crossing, palming, leaning forward, playing with objects, a coy smile here, and a laugh and a tease there, etc.

15. Gratitude and validation

How to keep a guy interested without sleeping with him? Show your gratitude for the little things he does. We already live in a critical world. Scrolling through social media can make us feel inadequate. So, don’t forget to be observant and appreciative of the good in him. Validating your partner is one of the ways to cultivate emotional safety in your relationship.

You can just say things like: “Hey I’ve noticed that you’ve been working really hard on your project. I am so proud of you.” Or “I know you don’t cook often but this spaghetti is amazing. What a great recipe!”

16. Get to know his friends

Since his friends mean a lot to him, it would be good for him to see you all get along. Doesn’t it feel amazing when your best friend approves of your guy? The same goes for him. If you respect his friends and appreciate their place in his life, it will let him know how serious you are about him.

Related Reading: 13 Encouraging Early Signs Of A Good Relationship

17. Share vulnerabilities with each other

Romantic relationships can’t survive without revealing your true selves to your partner. That’s why it is very important to share your weaknesses and insecurities with the man you love. Because if you don’t, he is never going to know the real you. Take your relationship a bit deeper by stimulating vulnerability, thus expressing to him that you trust him deeply.

Furthermore, you can encourage him to do the same. Create a safe environment for him to open up and let his guard down. Don’t push him and don’t use these vulnerabilities against him. Become his rock by offering emotional support and by just being there for him. 

18. Keep it spicy over text messages 

How to keep him interested? Level up your texting game. If you can’t spend time with each other in person because of busy work schedules, then keep it interesting over texts. You can flirt with him and send him some dirty texts to increase the heat. Send him a cute picture of you. Or a hot one. Both work like a charm! 

19. Cook for him 

Even if you have decided to take things slow, you can still do stuff to make him crazy about you. One of the things you can do is cook some delicious food for him. It doesn’t even have to be his favorite food. Just cook whatever you know how to prepare well, and he will feel special and thankful. This is one of the few ways you can express gratitude and affection toward your partner.

20. Look good for him 

Keep your man wanting you by looking good for him. This doesn’t mean you have to be dolled up all the time. We say this because it’s natural to become so comfortable with your long-term partner that you start treating him like an old friend. That’s not a bad thing. It means the two of you are in good care and company. 

However, it’s crucial you keep winning your man’s heart every now and then and make him fall in love again by keeping the best version of yourself on the table sometimes. Remind him why he fell for you in the first place. Dress up, smell good, and keep things interesting.

Cody Francis knew what he was singing about: “We can take it slow. Make sure we do this right. Canceled all my plans. To be with you tonight. So just sit with me. Talk into the night. Until the morning. Building chemistry…” Let’s end with this quote, “To be understood is possibly the greatest form of intimacy.” So, your attempt to understand him is enough to keep him interested. Be spontaneous, honest, inquisitive, and your most authentic, unapologetic self. You got this.

This post was updated in May 2023.

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