(As told to Team Bono by Dr. Paras Shah)
Dr Paras Shah is the Chief Sexologist, Gujarat Research and Medical Institute and Director, Sannidhya Institute and Research Center for Sex, Sexuality and Health.
The answer in one word to that question is masturbation. Single women or women whose partners are away or are not inclined towards sex can satisfy themselves with masturbation – which simply means stimulation of the genitals by hand. Just like men, even women also believe a lot of myths regarding masturbation, for instance blaming it for causing acne, insanity, impotence and dark circles around eyes. But rest assured, it is as healthy and safe as intercourse itself. Its benefits include a safe release of sexual energy, prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Also, intercourse is not the only way of reaching an orgasm; there are many other ways and masturbation is definitely one of them.
Related reading: 5 reasons why women should please themselves often
Set the mood
Even couples indulging in coitus accept the benefits of fantasising about their favourite romantic situations. The same holds true even for masturbation. Fantasising help sets the mood and increase of arousal levels. With masturbation, women may achieve higher levels of satisfaction, as they have the liberty to fantasise about anyone! From a film star to a neighbour or a colleague. Fantasy is always more colourful than reality. Also, a man may want to penetrate when he is ready but the woman is not, as she needs more foreplay. Intercourse in such a case may be a painful experience. But when a woman is pleasuring herself, she knows exactly when she is ready for what.
Erotic literature for women
While men take the help of pornography video or clips, many women do not enjoy it or are not that excited by it. Instead, many prefer reading erotica to assist in the process of masturbation.
Take care of the lubrication
You’re by yourself and don’t have a partner to physically stimulate you. In the absence of foreplay, you may need to use a lubricant (like KY Jelly) which is easily absorbed in vaginal mucosa and doesn’t give an allergic reaction.
The market is full of sex toys. A quick Google search will throw up hundreds of them and online delivery will have them delivered to your doorstep in just a few days. The price starts from a mere Rs 500 and they come couriered in regular packing, so no one comes to know what it is and your privacy is maintained. Nowadays many women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a sex toy with a vibrator.
Remember to always keep hygiene in mind. Make sure you clean the sex toys thoroughly with soap and warm water and allow them to air dry, or follow the manufacturer’s instructions for cleaning. Never share sex toys, as that’s extremely unhygienic. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed from one person to another through the toys. Prefer battery operated toys to electrical ones, as those may electrocute when they come in contact with the lubrication.
Not into sex toys? Use any blunt object like a vegetable or candle. Do not use them directly. Throw a condom on them and then use.
Related reading: When women tried sex toys
Some women enjoy a climax with the use of a simple jet shower. Target it outside the vagina, near the clitoris for best results. Never use it for inside the vagina.
Use the most accessible help – at the end of your arm. Stimulate your clit by hand and enjoy your well-deserved climax. Some women report that they get enough clitoral stimulation during masturbation. Others prefer a little pressure on the clitoris with the pelvic bone. Some prefer gentle stimulation along with a little pressure. For some women, intercourse is enough to reach climax, while for others additional clitoral stimulation is essential. One need not reach orgasm by genital stimulation alone. One may stimulate any erogenous zone to the point of orgasm. What is important is the end and not the means to the end.
By following these simple tips, women can never be too far from being sexually satisfied. Physical intimacy is vital for all humans and lack of a partner must not be why a woman leads a sexless life. Masturbation is a safe and healthy option for all those who need it.