Dear wife of my lover, this is why I don’t feel guilty for breaking up your house

Surabhi Pandey
Naughty woman

Note: This letter has been written after keen observation of real people associated with the author.

Dearest Concerned Society and Dear Wife of My Darling Lover,


I am the one – yes – that whore/slut/bitch – whatever you may call me. No, no – do not hesitate. It is absolutely fine by me. I am accustomed to being called names. When I was born, I was called a ‘burden’ because I was not a son. (Well, hello! The chromosomes did not listen to me so I am sorry!). When I was growing up and was not as fair complexioned as my other cousins, I was called ‘a bigger burden’ (kaun karega is kaali se shaadi!). Later, I decided to study Arts, out of choice – and I was suddenly not ‘bright enough’. So, I live in a society so naïve, living in its own world of clichés, that does not have the comprehension to understand/accept such basic things! Trust me, I do not expect that society will accept something as twisted as a love affair.

Can infidelity be justified?

He’s old enough

Now, coming down to you – dear wife of my beloved lover! If you think that you are so perfect and so is your marriage, well what is your husband doing with me in the first place?

Related reading: Dear lover’s wife

I respect the institution of marriage very much but I respect love more!

I understand that having an affair with a married man is not ‘ethically or morally right’, but is this right that the entire society, including you – blame only me? You accuse me of trapping and misguiding your husband. What is he, two years old?

A. He is older than me (by several years).
B. He is married, mature and with you from the past so many years.

If despite all this, he was drawn towards me and I did not resist, how come when it comes down to the verdict of the greatly ethical society or you – it is only me who is wrong? Doesn’t a relationship involve two people? And, by the way, you would be surprised to find out that it was your husband who initiated this. I was attracted to him for sure, but had resisted as much as I could.

cheating partner

‘He is a grown up and it is mutual’ Image Source

He told me stories that he was forced into this marriage with you and that you two did not have a very amazing bond (which you keep claiming!). He even lied to me. I had no clue that yours was a love marriage. This fact does not bother me much now; it did when I found out. However, what I intend to say is, stop holding me up in front of all as the solo villain. Your dear husband is no victim. He is as much in love with me and as much responsible for this complicated state of situations.

It’s natural

I love him and I love him like crazy and not because I am great. It is because he loves me back! So, if you cannot take a stand for yourself and your marriage, walk out of it or do whatever. Understand why it is not working out and work on it! I anyway do not understand the massive hue and cry on relationships in this country. Isn’t it an organic thing – sometimes marriages work, sometimes they don’t? Why can’t we accept these things naturally and let go of the propaganda behind all this?

Related reading: He spun a web of lies and destroyed my faith in men

slut shaming

‘society finds a way to curse women about this’ Image Source

What is sadder is that this society finds ways of cursing women in all situations alike. Nobody would want to discuss why and what happened. They get only one thing – character assassination of the whore who stole some bechari biwi’s innocent patidev! It is disgusting!

As a society, we really need to let others be and concentrate on our lives. Loyalty is great, love is greater and life is short. Let us live and let others live. When a celebrity walks out of a decades old marriage to marry someone way younger or older – we accept that quite easily.

Names like Branjelina and Saifeena are given by millions of fans of these star couples. Why does it become so difficult when similar things happen with people we know a little better?

Not giving a damn!

Yours sincerely,
Somebody’s Mistress

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Swati November 26, 2017 - 10:29 pm

It’s fine that you are into a relationship with a married man.. but presenting yourself in this way is not ok … Defending yourself is your prerogative .. but accusing her is not ok . Life is all about experiences owing to our own decisions. Some reactions are obvious .. as are hers and tomorrow if he returns to her realising some older moments then you would be more hurt. …

Angel October 18, 2017 - 1:04 am

It’s not just the other woman’s fault at all the guy is equally blamed, plus mostly it depends on the husband and wife’s relationship, if somehow it’s loosen up then there are chances husband’s look out for a new catch. Now a days it seems to be in trend but I personally hate it.
Well to the other woman I just can say it’s a wrong move knowing a guy is married and still to continue getting closer to him, that totally will end up upsetting each one of you , better stay away and live with dignity,if today you will be doing it with someone surely tomorrow it will happen with you, it hurts badly so walk out of such relationship gracefully.

Moy June 11, 2018 - 11:52 am

Hats off to you Ma’am for realising the actual problem in this case. I am amazed how easy and natural extra marital affair has become nowadays. More I read these cases, luckier I feel to be single. If relationships now are so volatile, I am way better and happy being single.

Pyari suradh October 15, 2017 - 11:10 am

To whomsoever it may concern,ie; the bloody hell who wrote and posted this ,marriage is not just love or love making only ,yes it is an institution where most of the kids like you and me were nurtured and which enabled you to come up with shit like this ,you don’t feel guilty because you were not taught values my dear ,no woman accepts adultery in her relationship ,and wives can’t just walk out like whores after everything is done BCOZ THEY ARE NOT JUST BODIES AND MINDS but mother of your lover’s kids ,daughters,daughter in laws,sisters ,sister in laws .Wives just don’t blame you ,men are equally wrong but don’t justify and chastice the shit you do in the name of love ,acquire knowledge understand what love is –

Surabhi Pandey
Surabhi Pandey October 14, 2017 - 7:57 am

Mr jain.. I absolutely agree..

Chhandosi October 7, 2017 - 12:11 am

Interesting take. I like how you portray the other woman’s psyche with the justification and defense she puts up for herself. It is faulty in just the right places. She thinks he loves her. She is being blamed for probably truly loving him. But he probably doesn’t even love her and its all a bad situation because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. But the wife is too emotionally damaged to understand that. Love this one. It is a more complicated weave of thoughts than how it reads at first. Good one Yashi! :-*

V K Jain October 4, 2017 - 5:03 pm

I have gone through the entire communication and the reactions to the same by different persons. I personally feel that in the present era, males and females work so closely in the walk of life that there are more chances to get influenced some times out of marriage. It’s natural but sometimes ppl gives it color of extra marital affairs or something like cheating though it may be or may not be. To avoid such type of coloring, such ppl tries to meet in privacy and the chances of getting involved physically increase. To avoid any such situation, I feel husband and wife should take responsibility to carry their marriage forward and make it successful without blaming anybody. If any problem has arisen due to some male or female they should discuss the reasons and sort it out. By blaming other/s the situation is not likely to improve.

Surabhi Pandey
Surabhi Pandey October 14, 2017 - 7:56 am

Thanks Chhandosi..

Surabhi Pandey October 2, 2017 - 10:08 am

@Anney Sam- Thanks fr sharing your opinions and experiences. “Have the balls (lol) own up and be a slut or else – do the right thing.”
Could I agree more?

Anney Sam
Anney Sam September 29, 2017 - 9:36 pm

I had a colleague who used to say that the reason men cheat is 100% the fault of the woman. I bridled and asked him ‘How’s that?’ he answered – my dear I can sit holding my erection a whole eternity but if she does not spread her legs, I cannot cheat, I can only jerk off! Also, want to ask the other woman what are metrics of ‘ he loves me back’? Sex, orgasms, holidays, jewelry? what are his values? you are just another cunt he persuaded, and I’m sorry to say you fell for it. But don’t blame the wife or mock her agony – she may be deeply in love with him – her folly! So get used to being a whore and a slut etc, and enjoy the sex….cause the love is an illusion, while you are stealing her man. Have the balls (lol) own up and be a slut or else – do the right thing.

Anney Sam
Anney Sam September 29, 2017 - 9:24 pm

If this was meant to be a comic commentary then LOL. But if you really meant to justify your actions – here’s my two bits.
I have been on both sides of the fence. When I lost my virginity to a married man, I thought – well the onus of doing the right thing was on the man – he’s responsible for the marriage? right! Then karma has a way of coming around and biting your backside. I fell terribly in love with a single man, who was so gorgeous that women would swoon all over him. I was miserable but said “ok go ahead and have the “other woman” (as if there is a first come first serve in love!) Please note he was always completely honest with me – his wife. But these bitches would try to get rid of me. There was nothing wrong with our relationship….the other woman likes to think so! Just remember he is getting laid 100% of the time with you, his wife and lord knows who else….LOL

Meenu Mehrotra
Meenu Mehrotra September 28, 2017 - 5:23 pm

Loved it @surabhi-pandey-2…I am still laughing!
You put it so well- claps!

Sawmya September 28, 2017 - 12:25 pm

Saw ur comment ….since I am a reader of this blog..stories naturally get updated in to my facebook too.There I saw ur comment thats meant 4 all a STATUTORY WARNING. I did not call u names…..but definitely presented my view points. As a writer, u have done very well….or in a word “chilling and hatke writeup”, …..This story is definitely going to grab eye balls. So, madam u r going to get lots of appreciation 4 this beautiful piece ( as u say 4 some of the matured writers). I am coming from a middle class society….so my findings lack that maturity. Regarding some of the sentences u mentioned…..”sometimes marriage work or not….madam, Is marriage a sort of cake making????v r not living in a boheiman kind of society….(even though i really wish ) . A wife have to go through lots of emitiinal turnmoil..even if she wants to let her memories fade away ..our society wont…and theirs no1 to hear or WRITE about her pains bcos its “neither hot nor happening”. Then,, regarding the celebrities…its a different thing altogether……divorce, remarriages, finding love again is not a big, the concept of letting go bcome little more easy( and I appreciate it).

September 28, 2017 - 12:16 pm

@Surabhi Pandey – very nicely written – from the point of view of the “other woman” –

Very true – However, the point here is to highlight the mere hypocrisy in our society; Why is always the “other woman” blamed… “sometimes marriages work, sometimes they don’t? Why can’t we accept these things naturally and let go of the propaganda behind all this?”

Surabhi Pandey
Surabhi Pandey September 28, 2017 - 10:30 am

Dear Sawmya,

First: I really appreciate your empathy for the wife and totally second some of your suggestions in her regard.
Second: However, I feel that you totally missed out on the point here. The ‘other woman’ here is not playing the victim card.
Re read the write up:
Some excerpts below for your reference:”When a celebrity walks out of a decades old marriage to marry someone way younger or older – we accept that quite easily.”

“sometimes marriages work, sometimes they don’t? Why can’t we accept these things naturally and let go of the propaganda behind all this?”

“stop holding me up in front of all as the solo villain. Your dear husband is no victim. He is as much in love with me and as much responsible for this complicated state of situations.”

So, as i completely understand that it would not be easy for all to digest this write up and I was completely prepared for all sorts of ‘name calling’ and backlash. However, the point here is to highlight the mere hypocrisy in our society!

Sawmya September 28, 2017 - 9:15 am

Ya its right ..the other woman is not the only one to be blamed. But that doesnt mean that shes completly naive….its like.. PARTNERS IN CRIME. Dear other woman, letting go of a relation …..dealing with backstabbing, heartbreaks is not easy as u claim!!!!. Not only u, people even judge( especially the straying husbands) the poor wives, when their husbands go after some1. So, in all sense a wives pain is above u. Atleast, u deserve a bit of suffering 4 getting involved with a married man. But y should the wife suffer 4 whole life with absolutely no fault of hers????? A husband whos supposed to b the protector of his wife is telling false stories about her…just 2 lie with u????? Do u really think that his wife deserve this kind of humiliation???? So, dear Other woman, stop playing the victim card….

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