How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman is not a question you want to ask yourself. Marriage and relationships are hard enough without sitting around wondering if your spouse has feelings for another woman. But, say there are signs your husband is fantasizing about another woman. What do you do? How do you handle it? Do you handle it at all or plug in the noise-canceling headphones and just hope it goes away?
We’re not promising exact answers, though we occasionally like to pose as the Oracle of Delphi. But we’re here to help you look for signs that your husband is attracted to another woman, and signs that the attraction may have deepened into actual feelings. And most importantly, what to do once you’re sure that you know that the seemingly unthinkable has happened. It’s not a pretty situation, but we’ve got your back.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Is Attracted To Another Woman – 5 Signs
Attraction can be sexual, emotional, or intellectual, but that’s where things tend to start – that initial spark where you know you want to get to know someone better. How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? Look for some basic signs of attraction.
1. He’s talking about her all the time
Oh, this is a painfully obvious one but also one that’s largely ignored because we don’t want to come across as paranoid wives, now do we? Of course, your husband could mention another woman in contexts other than romantic or sexual tension. But, what’s the frequency of the mentions? If it’s all, “God, I had the best time with Winnie today” or “Didn’t Jen look great in the blue dress tonight?”, there’s a good chance there’s a spark there somewhere.
2. He compares you to her
There is nothing, NOTHING worse than your partner piping up with, “Maybe you should get those gold hoops Anne was wearing tonight” or “You could start eating healthier and reading the business section. Carol runs three miles every day and had such intelligent things to say about mergers.”
Related Reading: The 9 Truths About Lifelong Extramarital Affairs
Not to diss Carol, but it’s you he married and there’s every chance you have plenty to say about mergers too. But that’s not the point. His praising another woman all the time is enough to send your antennae up, and see signs your husband is fantasizing about another woman.
3. They’re unnecessarily physical together
The hand on the arm, the fixing of the tie, the seemingly casual arm around the back of a chair, just about grazing the shoulder – all of these are signs of intimacy between people who are attracted to one another. And none of these need to happen between a married man and a woman other than his wife unless something is happening there.
4. He’s on social media a lot more
Billionaire tech moguls really have ruined relationships in so many ways. On one hand, social media is so great to keep tabs on a potentially cheating spouse. But then, when you don’t want to know what’s happening, up pops 10 photos of your husband wearing suspiciously bright-colored shirts and shot from different angles. We hate to tell you, but there’s a good chance your husband has feelings for another woman.
5. He’s always got time to meet or talk to her
If your husband is constantly complaining about how busy he is when you ask him to pick up groceries or suggest a date night idea but then makes time for hour-long phone conversations with Rebecca or Jocelyn, girl, that’s some attraction happening right there.
Signs your husband is fantasizing about another woman include him having conversations with her or “just slipping out” to meet her. How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? Time will tell, and it’s telling you right now.
How To Tell If Your Husband Is In Love With Another Woman – 15 Apparent Signs
So, we’ve identified signs that your husband may be attracted to another woman. If you’re thinking, “My husband is emotionally attached to another woman”, there’s a chance that things have gone further than attraction. So now, how to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? Pour yourself a glass of comfort wine or cocoa, and read on for signs that he loves the other woman.
Related Reading: 18 Definite Signs He Loves The Other Woman
1. He’s stopped sharing things with you
Those little everyday stories about your day are what make up a marriage. “How was your day?” “Did you argue with that colleague you don’t like?” and so on – it’s all about sharing the small and big things that make up your day.
One of the signs that he loves the other woman is that he clams up and barely shares anything about his day or his work with you anymore. If you have to find out about his promotion from social media, it’s time for a conversation.
2. His routine has changed
“My husband’s always been a creature of habit. He goes for a morning run on the same route, goes to work, always eats lunch around noon, and on weekends, he likes to veg out on the couch with the dogs,” says Alanna, 33, a business journalist.
“A few months ago, he suddenly decided to take up golfing on the weekends and was out for most of the day. At first, I thought he was just taking up a new hobby. But then a common friend told me he’d seen my husband on the golf course with another woman several times.”
Related Reading: What To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman
Now, our partners can absolutely change and evolve and take up new things. But when a long-standing routine suddenly veers off course, you might start thinking, “My husband is emotionally attached to another woman.”
3. He’s emotionally distant
How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? He might be physically present, but you’ll be able to tell that his mind is elsewhere. Those long, intimate conversations you shared have stopped, and any indication that he has deep feelings for you comes into question. Remember, emotional attraction counts for a lot.
“My husband is emotionally attached to another woman” is an intensely painful reality to face but it might be better than sweeping your doubts under the rug. Remember, emotional attraction counts for a lot.
4. Physical intimacy has waned in your marriage
The dynamics and importance of sex in a relationship cannot be undermined. Physical intimacy brings partners closer and allows them to be open and vulnerable with one another. While sex is one part of it, there are also the forehead kisses, the brushing of hands as you pass each other in the house, the big, cozy hugs, etc.
If there’s barely been any physical intimacy and touch between you and your husband for a while, you may need to face that voice in your head that has been saying, “My husband has slept with someone else”, or is at least thinking about it.
5. He’s secretive about his phone
Now, checking a partner’s phone does not make for a great marriage and we’d go so far as to say it violates healthy relationship boundaries. But what if your husband is being unnecessarily secretive about his phone?
Related Reading: 7 Cheating Spouse Text Message Codes
If he’s going outside or into the bathroom to take calls, if he’s smiling secretively at text messages but brushing you off when you ask what he’s reading, you may need to ask yourself, “Can a married man love another woman more than his wife?”
6. He’s no longer romantic toward you
Cute date ideas with a partner or spouse are one of the many ways to keep things romantic in a marriage. Bringing home flowers for no reason, making your morning coffee and bringing it to you in bed, ensuring your favorite potato chips and ice cream are always stocked – all of these keep the love alive.
How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? These romantic gestures will suddenly dwindle or stop completely. It’s a sure sign that he’s no longer interested in keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship.
7. You’re fighting over the smallest things
Fights occur in the best and happiest of marriages, so don’t go seeing every disagreement as a sign that your relationship is doomed. But one of the signs that he loves the other woman could be fights occurring every day over the tiniest of things.
“My husband and I were fighting a lot. Everything was my fault, everything was a trigger to start an argument. It went on for months before I realized he was having an affair and his guilt was making him twitchy and defensive,” says Taylor, 40, a high-school teacher.
Arguments for a healthy relationship are one thing, but you’ll know that this is something different and potentially toxic and eventually you’ll need to grapple with the possibility that your husband has slept with someone else.
8. He’s bringing home a lot of ‘guilt gifts’
“Hang on”, we hear you say, “Didn’t we just talk about how guilt is going to lead to lots of fights?” Yes, but we humans are rarely consistent. Guilt manifests in myriad ways, and one could be sudden love-bombing in the form of presents.
If he suddenly starts bringing home trinkets and lavish expressions of love that aren’t really his style, there’s a possibility he’s done something (or someone!) he shouldn’t have and is trying to cover it up. This could create the potentially troubling situation of “my husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with me”.
9. He forgets important dates and events
Anniversaries, birthdays, etc. are milestones we share and celebrate with our partners and are a sign of a close and warm relationship. Now, if he’s occasionally forgotten the anniversary of the day when you first held hands, that’s probably forgivable. If, however, he’s forgotten a wedding anniversary or a birthday, or forgotten to show up for a dinner, it could be a sign his mind is elsewhere.
Related Reading: How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary: 8 Ways To Do It
10. There are unexplained financial transactions
Is your joint bank account suddenly feeling suspiciously light? Are there payments on the credit card statement at restaurants, hotels, or jewelry stores that you were definitely not a part of? Is there (horror of horrors!) an amount that looks like a rent payment or a down payment for another apartment?
Unexplained financial transactions could be the answer to the question, “Can a married man love another woman more than his wife?” How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? Check your credit card statement, and also ensure you get yourself a separate bank account. It’s always better to be independent in a romantic relationship anyway.
11. He’s too busy for couple or family get-togethers
“It was my mom’s 70th birthday dinner. She and my husband were close and he had promised to make it on time. He never showed up, and the next day he apologized and said he had been so busy, it had slipped his mind. I later found out that he had a romantic evening with his girlfriend instead,” says Corinne, 35, a freelance artist from Denver. When family outings and date nights start “slipping his mind” rather too often, that might be how to tell if your husband is in love with another woman.
12. He’s jokingly talking about divorce and/or an open marriage
Can a married man love another woman more than his wife? Well, if he’s bringing up divorce and/or separation a lot, there’s a good chance he’s in love with another woman and is thinking of ending the marriage. On the other hand, maybe he wants to have his cake and eat it too and suddenly asks if you’d consider an open marriage. This is a clear case of “my husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with me”.
13. He’s suddenly spruced up his appearance
Your husband praising another woman and comparing you to her is bad enough. And then, maybe, after years of ignoring your pleas to tuck in his shirts and buy new trousers, he actually does it. But not for you.
Related Reading: Infidelity: Should You Confess To Cheating On Your Partner
An act of infidelity often feels new and exciting, and therefore, people like to dress the part. New woman, new me, could be your husband’s motto as he suddenly starts shaving more carefully, and gets a trendy haircut and sunglasses that he thinks turn him into Tom Cruise. (Spoiler alert: They probably don’t).
14. He frequently disappears without explanation
How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman? You frequently have no idea where he is for large swathes of time. He’s gone without explanation and when you ask him where he was, he either mumbles something vague or grumbles at how you ask too many questions.
Checking your partner’s phone is sketchy. Nor do we advocate putting a tracking app on their phone . But, there’s a difference between being paranoid and having a healthy skepticism about your husband’s disappearances. So, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re being overly suspicious.
15. He accuses you of cheating
Ah, good-old reverse psychology. A husband indulging in a dalliance on the side is prone to flipping the switch and accusing his wife of cheating, especially if she starts getting suspicious that her husband is praising another woman too much. His logic will be, “You keep accusing me of being unfaithful; it’s probably you who’s actually cheating and trying to assuage your guilt.”
What Should I Do If My Husband Loves Another Woman? (3 things)
So, now that you’ve seen signs that your husband might be in love with another woman, what are you going to do? No doubt hurling a plate at him and having a good cry are on your list, but here are some things you can do beyond that.
Related Reading: When To Walk Away After Infidelity: 10 Signs To Know
1. Confront him
Do it. Have the difficult conversation and ask him outright, or tell him in no uncertain terms that you know what’s going on. If he’s got feelings for another woman, talk about what he intends to do about it. Is the affair to continue or will he call it off? In either situation, do you accept your marriage is over, or not?
Put it all out there, meet his eyes and let him know that you’re not okay being treated this way and that a decision needs to be made one way or the other. And it needs to be something that makes you happy, too.
2. Make a list of your options
Maybe this feels like an odd time to sit down and make a list but believe me, it helps organize your thoughts at an intensely emotional time. Your confrontation with your husband has likely exhausted you and it’s hard to think clearly. Make a list of what you need to do next.Do you want to continue with the marriage? Are you okay with an open marriage or is that not an option? Are you in the situation of, “My husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with me?”
If you walk out of the marriage, what are the things you need to consider? Are you financially and emotionally strong enough? Do you have a support system you can lean on? Make that list. Write it all out. You needn’t decide right away but it’ll help to see it down in writing.
3. Seek professional help
This could be part of your options, but it’s just such an important part of relationship care and self-love that it deserves its own category. Talking to a professional helps clear your head. It also means having a trained, impartial ear to pour out all your woes to.
You could also consider relationship therapy, but if you’re not ready for that yet, or your husband is resistant to the idea, do it yourself. Finding out your husband has slept with someone else or is emotionally attached to another woman plays havoc with your mental health. If you think you need to get help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced counselors is just a click away.
- A married man attracted to another woman will spend a lot of time talking about her and noticing little details about her
- If your husband is in love with another woman, there will be unexplained financial transactions, he’ll be suddenly busy all the time, and the intimacy in your marriage will wane
- If your husband loves another woman, you may seek professional help, choose to rebuild your marriage, or then walk away
How to tell if your husband is in love with another woman is a hard question to face up to. The aftermath can be even harder, whatever you decide to do. If you decide to stay and fight for your marriage, there’s a lot of trust to be rebuilt and you could be looking at years of doubting yourself and each other. If you agree to look the other way or to an open marriage, some firm rules and healthy relationship boundaries need to be drawn. And, if you decide to walk away, you’ll need to learn to rely on yourself and your own support system. We hope you figure out what’s best for you. Good luck!
Relationships, even those bound by law, religion, and love, cannot be predicted. It is entirely possible for a married man, even one who loves his wife, to fall deeper in love with another woman. It could be infatuation, of course, but for the moment, he’ll be feeling it more than whatever he feels for his wife.
Honestly, ‘making’ a partner choose you over someone else can be exhausting and fruitless. It’s great if you want to fight for your relationship, in which case you can sit down for an honest conversation, seek professional help and start rebuilding trust. But remember that no relationship is worth your dignity and peace of mind.