When you got married, it’s likely you thought it would a happily-ever-after where you would love each other forever and be fiercely and completely loyal to your marriage no matter what. Unfortunately, even the most loving marriages can falter and one or both partners can end up straying and having an affair. As a wife, it’s a painful and confusing reality to face when you realize you’re not the only woman in your husband’s life. Before you know it, your life revolves around wondering how to make the other woman go away.
It’s never easy figuring out how to stop another woman from stealing your man. You might be consumed by thoughts of extreme revenge and messy scenarios of confronting the other woman. You’re emotional and full of righteous anger against your husband and the other woman. Now, you’re entitled to these feelings but there are ways to make the other woman go away and keep your dignity intact, too.
9 Tried And Tested Tips To Make The Other Woman Go Away On Her Own
There’s no point wishing away your partner’s affair or the other woman’s presence in your lives. If you’re convinced you can forgive your partner and want to make your marriage work, you’ll need to take proactive steps to figure out what to do when another woman is after your man.
We’ve rounded up some tips to make the other woman go away on her own, without burning down your marriage or getting into a confrontation that gets ugly. Hopefully, these tips help you to acknowledge your partner’s infidelity and also help you to figure out how to make him forget the other woman.
1. Be honest about your feelings
When you first find out about a partner cheating on you, the first response is overwhelming anger, pain and disbelief. The second is possibly a cold denial that such a thing possible, a choking down of your feelings. Don’t do it. Acknowledge that this is an emotional punch to the gut and there’s no need to pretend you’re not affected.
Have a heart-to-heart with your partner at some point. You may not be up for it right away, but don’t wait for him to tell you, or hope that things will resolve themselves. It is possible of course that the affair will fizzle out on its own, but your feelings are still valid. Be open about how much this is hurting you and how furious it’s making you. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak here, it’s you saying that your feelings matter.
“My husband Ryan was seeing another woman, and I knew about it,” says Zoe. “Initially, I didn’t want to talk to him about it, didn’t even want to acknowledge that it was real. I went on like before, as though nothing was wrong. And it was killing me. Eventually, I had to confront him and tell him what this was doing to me, and that I wouldn’t stand by silently and take it!”
2. Do not be his emotional vessel
A conversation with your cheating spouse is imperative, but you do not need to become a willing vessel for his emotional outpourings. It’s possible that when confronted, he will become defensive, or start reeling off a list of reasons why he’s having an affair, become angry, or even cry. He might even blame shift, and say it’s your fault, that you haven’t been giving him what he needs.
Repeat after us: You don’t need to take this. Your partner is in the wrong here, and while you could hear him out if you want to, you don’t need to become a receptacle for his assurances or anger or profound declarations of love and loyalty to you.
You get to have your say, and then leave. Until he has actively ended the affair and is putting effort into repairing your relationship, you don’t owe him the gift of listening. What to do when another woman is after your man? Get your feelings out there and then let him stew in them. Let him process what you’ve said and then figure out how he wants to handle it. The ball is squarely in his court – leave it there!
Related Reading: The 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs, And How To Recognize Them
3. Be the partner, be yourself
“I’d seen photographs of the other woman my husband was seeing,” says Nichole. “She was very athletic – there were pictures of her at several marathons, surfing, hiking – she always seemed to be on the move.
“I, on the other hand’ am a couch potato and I love it. But I knew my husband was seeing this woman and it made me feel inadequate. I decided I should become a little like her and then maybe he would come back to me. Of course, all it did was make me miserable, because it’s not who I am at all!”
When wondering how to stop another woman from stealing your man, your mind will often go straight to ‘let me become like her, that’s obviously what he wants.’ That’s you giving all your power away. Remember who you are. You are his partner, the one he shares living space with, the person he fell in love with.
Don’t sacrifice your authenticity on your quest of how to make him forget the other woman. You were enough for him when you chose each other as life partners, and you’re still enough. Even if you’re all set to forgive him and save your marriage, it’s not your problem if he can’t love you for who you are. Remind him of exactly who you are and why he fell in love with you.
4. Mend your relationship
While you’re furiously contemplating the thought that, ‘another woman is pursuing my husband,’ give a thought to your relationship with your partner. Have there been too many date nights postponed, nights where you meant to stay awake for him but fell asleep instead? Maybe you’ve been fighting more lately, but you can’t even remember what it was all about.
Let’s be very clear: There’s no good excuse for cheating on your spouse or partner. No amount of missed date nights or forgotten scheduled sex nights gives either partner the right to betray the other. But, it’s possible there are cracks in your relationship that the other woman is just one symptom of.
Introspect as to what your relationship has been like of late. Ask yourself if it’s going the way you both want it to, or if both of you have let your love fall by the wayside as you build a life and chase other dreams. Maybe your partner straying and the presence of the other woman is symptomatic of deeper issues in your relationship that you need to assess again.
Mending your relationship needs to be something both of you invest in, so in no way are you letting your partner off the hook! Be sure you’re holding them accountable as far as possible.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship With Your Boyfriend
5. Confronting the other woman
Confronting the other woman is a minefield you need to navigate with great care. Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, acknowledge that she’s a person, not just an archetype of the evil femme fatale out to steal your man. I mean, she could be that, but that’s not all she is. So don’t go into the encounter planning how to get revenge on the other woman.
While you’re still wondering, ‘is it a good idea to confront the other woman?’ be sure that it’s her. Ensure you have some kind of proof, else you could wind up accusing a perfect stranger of being your husband’s mistress.
Be sure you’re confronting her for the right reasons. If it’s just to get revenge, or to give her a dressing down or moral lecture, don’t do it. It hurts no one but you and you end up looking like the proverbial woman scorned.
If you are confronting her, be firm and dignified. Keep your emotional outbursts for yourself and your spouse. Tell her directly that you know what’s going on and that it needs to stop immediately. Don’t threaten her, but let her know you’re serious and that you’re willing to fight to save your relationship.
There’s no list on how to tell a girl to back off your man nicely. In fact, you’re probably worried about being too nice or seeming like a pushover. Ultimately, be kind to yourself and preserve your own peace of mind. Self-love is where it’s at!
6. Be decisive
This is where you need to put your lizard brain on hold for a bit and think hard about how you want to handle your partner’s cheating and the other woman. Do you want to confront the other woman, or just stalk her a bit online? Are you still consumed by thoughts of how to get revenge on the other woman? Do you want to talk to your partner first? Are you in the right frame of mind to handle either or both of these conversations?
Related Reading: He Loves Me So Why Does He Have Sex With The Other Woman
You’re not going to be able to handle much if you’re still in two minds about what you want to do. Make your decisions and stand firm on them. This is a painful situation no matter what you decide to do and you need to as clear as possible in your own mind. Yes, there will probably still be hugely negative feelings and confusion, but hopefully being decisive means you’ll have a better idea of how to go about things.
7. Have patience
Honestly, this sounds ridiculous – how are you supposed to keep patience when your entire relationship, maybe your entire personal life is falling down around your ears! The deal is, like almost everything else that’s important, a relationship in crisis, an affair, the other woman, need patience before they are resolved.
Don’t expect the affair to stop overnight, or your partner to come back to you awash in apology immediately. Even if they do, the betrayal will have left you shattered and with major trust issues. It will take a while to rebuild that trust. You could still be wondering if you want to confront the other woman, or if you’ve already confronted her, you could be thinking about revenge or wondering what she thought of you.
These thoughts will remain for a while; in fact, they might remain at the back of your mind forever. Be patient with yourself, try and be patient with the whole situation. If you’re certain it’s worth it, and you’re fighting to save your marriage or relationship, appreciate that it’s going to take some time.
8. See the affair for what it is
An affair is just that, an affair. Yes, it has wrecked your trust, yes your relationship has a fault line it might not fully recover from. But if you can manage a little perspective, it becomes easier to decide how you want to handle the affair and the other woman.
You have your place in your partner’s life, you have created a relationship with them and while you clearly have things to work on, remind yourself that an affair doesn’t have to mean the end of everything you’ve built. Most importantly, no matter what happens with the other woman or in your relationship, the affair cannot and should not take away your sense of self. The other woman is not about to replace you and the extramarital affair your partner is having s not going to define you.
9. Do not blame yourself
We cannot stress this enough. The other woman is not your fault, your partner’s affair is not because you did something wrong. Sure, there’s always things to work on in a relationship, and there’s no harm in working on yourself either.
But don’t blame yourself, or sit around thinking that if you’d been different, maybe the affair wouldn’t have happened. There are ways to make the other woman go away on her own, you don’t need to take on blame or self-hate for that to happen.
Playing the blame game isn’t healthy for any relationship, but let’s face it, the partner who cheated needs to shoulder the responsibility for what they did. That said, however you decide to tackle the other woman, remind yourself that none of this is your fault.
Affairs can break a relationship, but they can also be the wake-up call that makes you realize the relationship is worth fighting for. There are always ways and means telling you how to make the other woman go away, but ultimately, it’s all about how much you want to save your marriage and your own sense of dignity and self-worth.
If you think you need to talk to the other woman face to face, that it’ll help you handle things more clearly, you can confront her. But make sure you have your facts in place before you go accusing her of anything and don’t confront her if all you want is revenge or to deliver a lecture on the evils of infidelity.
Be clear in what you say. Don’t issue threats or get overly emotional with the other woman, just say what you need to say clearly and firmly. Let her know you mean business and that you’re going to fight for your relationship.
Acknowledge your feelings, have a heart-to-heart with your partner without letting them off the hook. Let them know you won’t stand for what they’re doing. Be decisive in your own mind and don’t blame yourself for any of it. If needed, confront the other woman for a conversation.