Subtlety is an art few have mastered. Most men, when picking up a date, go for obvious methods of approach. A strong pick-up line, or the usual can I have your number? Standing out amidst this mad scramble of gents is a tough task. But here are 7 techniques of stealth attraction that will guarantee success without you needing to do much show and tell.
With just a little well-thought effort from your end, you can be a hit at clubs and bars. Because hitting it off with the ladies isn’t as hard as you’ve been made to believe. But hey – what is stealth attraction exactly? And does stealth attraction really work?
What Is Meant By Stealth Attraction?
This brilliant and sexy term is something Richard La Ruina (aka Gambler) came up with when he taught a course on approaching women for hookups, and casual dating rules. La Ruina, sneaky as ever, focused on women’s unconscious minds. He wanted to target the things that women found attractive but were unaware of.
While overt (direct) approaches are the norm of the day, stealth attraction uses covert (secret) methods to woo a woman. His theory had five components – Stealth value, stealth opening, stealth seduction, stealth arousal, and stealth extraction. Hmmm, sounds like a military mission, right?
La Ruina claimed that stealth attraction was rejection-proof! And a lot of other studies do suggest that unconscious forces play a significant role in sexual attraction. From our expressions to our body language, anything can catch a potential partner’s eye.
Intrigued by the theory of stealth attraction, I delved deeper into what works when you’re trying to make it click with someone. After speaking to our experts, and a LOT of research, I curated this list of stealth attraction techniques.
Using La Ruina as a starting point, I’ve constructed a brand-new answer to “How do you trigger a woman’s attraction?” Given below are the 7 secrets of stealth attraction. Ready? Set…Go!
Related Reading: 18 Simple Tricks To Get A Girl’s Attention
7 Techniques Of Stealth Attraction That You Can Use
As we’ve established, stealth attraction is super sneaky. It works its way into a woman’s mind and gets her to think, “Hey, who’s that guy?” Now, stealth attraction was initially created to make an impression for one-night-stands or casual hook-ups. But these tips given below can be used for any dating scenario.
And while good looks play a key role in attraction, this list is broader in its perspective. It’s unreasonable to expect washboard abs from all men – ridiculous beauty standards go both ways. No matter what kind of a guy you are, or what your background is, this selection of stealth attraction techniques can come in handy.
Just grab the essence of each technique, and you can use it anywhere. For all the dear men reading this, stop worrying – it isn’t rocket science! So let’s start exploring these stealth attraction techniques.
1. A step here, and a step there
When I’m approached by a complete stranger at a café or club, I’m usually a little flustered. Because I’m in the middle of something, and a man magically appears, asking if I’d like a drink. I either have to come up with an excuse instantly, or I go all ‘ummm hmmm mmhmmm’.
A marvelous stealth attraction technique is avoiding this super-direct approach. If you’ve got your eyes on a girl in a public space, make eye contact, smile a little, and walk by her. If she’s at the counter placing an order, walk over and get in line. Make a one-line conversation about something generic.
Give it a solid 15-25 minutes so she’s well-aware of your presence (and maybe even your intentions). If she decides she’s not interested, she won’t reciprocate your little gestures. You’ll get an idea of whether she’s inclined toward you or not. This is a smart way of asking for her number, because it will give her some time to think (unconsciously).
At the very least, you won’t take her by complete surprise. She’ll spare more than one thought when she’s considering your offer. The psychology behind this is ‘priming’. According to this theory, the first stimulus affects the response of a person to the second stimulus.
You’ll have ‘primed’ the girl before approaching her, and the exposure to your presence will influence her decision. Real smooth, right?
2. All talk and no play makes Jack a dull boy
If you could just let your body do the talking. Most men yap away without realizing that silence is so much louder. Women are not interested in your overused pick-up line, Jason.
Let’s get this straight once and for all; body language plays a very, very, very important part in attraction. Body language and facial expressions are means of non-verbal communication. You’ll get an edge if you use these tips on other kinds of communication.
Let me put it this way, there are certain ‘physical cues’ that appeal to our minds when we observe an individual. Hence, body language is one of the 7 secrets of stealth attraction. For example – a man who can hold a woman’s gaze is hot!
You need to keep two things in mind about non-verbal communication. Firstly, relax. No really; take a chill pill. Tense muscles, clenched jaw, or folded arms are really uncomfortable to look at. Keep your body language ‘open’ (no, this does not mean man-spread). Face the person you’re talking to, and don’t lean back or slouch.
Secondly, say cheese. Your expressions are a solid basis for what people think of you. You have to look approachable if you want to be likable. Let the sun shine from within, and put a warm/seductive/naughty smile on your face.
Related Reading: How To Ask A Girl Out On A Date – 18 Tips To Make Her Say Yes
3. Never go in for the swoop
Sounds counterintuitive, I know. But a very important part of stealth attraction is ‘micro-escalation’. When you go in for the swoop at the end of a date, you run the risk of taking her consent for granted. Take your time, don’t rush.
I present a hypothetical situation. Your date has just ended and you’re in a car with her. A conversation is ongoing, and you think the time has come to move in for a kiss. How do you go ahead? How do you trigger her attraction?
Pay her a compliment first. Let your eyes skim her face (FACE ONLY), her lips. Then, hold her gaze and tell her you’d like to kiss her. That’s right – tell her. If you get the green signal, go ahead! This gentle flow into the kiss is so much better than a quick (and sudden) lean-in.
I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but an online campaign recently came up with the slogan, ‘Consent is sexy!’ Here’s why; it implies respect for your partner/date and shows you to have dignity and integrity. Not only does it make the communication clearer, but also makes your sexual experience safer and more comfortable. Consent in dating is very important, and in this way, asking for consent becomes your stealth attraction words.
4. First impressions rule
They may not last, but they certainly do rule. Our very first opinion about people is formulated at lightning speed, something we call a ‘snap judgement’. If we’re being strictly technical, you have one-tenth of a second to make an impression (YES!). Research has shown that in this nano-second, non-verbal communication is your BFF.
Our appearance is also a part of stealth attraction because it is vital to how people perceive us. Our looks matter, and this is exactly why conventionally beautiful people succeed in life.
Appearances mean facial symmetry and a good body, but they also mean how we present ourselves. So does this kind of stealth attraction really work? ABSOLUTELY! A study even revealed that something as minute as the cut of a man’s suit can impact how women perceive him on five different parameters!
We make inferences on clothing style and facial hair. So beloved men, it’s time to get a haircut, shave and groom your beard, and dress like a boss. Personal hygiene and a sense of style are ultimate stealth attraction techniques.
Related Reading: What Qualities In Men Attract Women The Most?
5. Self-conviction: Am I worth it?
Becca Fitzpatrick wrote, “The problem with human attraction is not knowing if it will be returned.” And to that I say – so true, sis. Who hasn’t been anxious before approaching an individual with a romantic interest? We’ve all felt the clammy forehead and sweaty palms.
Your tentativeness and anxiety can hold you back. You’ve probably heard it a zillion times that confidence is attractive, but do you know why? It shows you’re a notch above the others competing for her attention. You don’t have to compete – pfft, you’re a class apart. But before you can convince her, you need to convince yourself.
Work on building your conviction and self-esteem. She can’t reject you if you stop rejecting yourself. My friend Carl struggled with approaching women for a very long time. Even when he managed to walk up to them, he’d chicken out or stammer away.
But he decided to work on this problem using self-affirmations. He stopped comparing himself to others, which took so much of the pressure off. I could literally see him evolve into a more self-assured individual. (He’s going steady with a girl now) If you want to get a girl to like you, work on becoming a self-assured individual.
Confidence is one of the 7 secrets of stealth attraction because it implies less emotional baggage and more self-sufficiency. So when you ask me, how do you trigger a woman’s attraction? I say by knowing that you can.
6. Be a mystery man
Oversharing will be the bane of potential matches. Please stop narrating your life stories to someone you just met. Listen more than you talk, and when you do speak, don’t get all philosophical. Women like enigmatic men who have an aura of mystery about them.
Spark someone’s intrigue, and you have them hooked. Let her think, I wonder what’s on his mind? Does he like me enough? Don’t give away how interested you are because you’ll seem desperate. Mystery always intensifies the dynamic two people share; it lends a sexy vibe to the setting. Before you know it, the signs of mutual attraction will get hard to ignore.
Moreover, women want to be around a good listener. They’re easy to hang out with, because being a little mysterious means you aren’t clingy. The silences in verbal communication are filled with non-verbal ones. Glances, touches, smiles, and closeness are all things that heighten sexual tension. Let the chemistry peak without breaking its spell by talking incessantly.
7. Crystal clear intentions
You can avoid the next-morning awkwardness by being clear from the outset. Is it a hook-up you’re interested in, or something more? Whatever your intentions, be straightforward and honest in conveying them. No woman should feel that she was tricked into sleeping with you.
And a study shows that honest people are perceived to be more attractive by our unconscious. We are literally thought to be more physically attractive if we are honest. Hence, the truths you speak are your stealth attraction words! A woman will think it’s hot when you speak your mind and respect her. Set the terms of the nature of your relationship and become 10x attractive in her eyes.
Here we reach the end of our 7 secrets of stealth attraction. The key takeaway is – covert > overt, and unconscious > conscious. More body, less talk! Feel free to come back to us for more advice on attraction, dating, relationships, and basically everything.