There’s a guy you like and he confessed he likes you back, but out of nowhere, he goes on to date someone else. If you are heartbroken and exclaiming, “What! He likes me but started dating someone ELSE?”, this is the perfect read for you. Can a guy like you while dating someone else? Yes. But if he acts upon his temptation and starts talking to you without letting his partner know, then it’s borderline cheating.
You might think he led you on or maybe you were just a rebound. You are confused. Should you wait or move on? Did he indirectly reject you and choose someone else? You think there’s something lacking in you or maybe he didn’t find you interesting enough. Before you start hating yourself, let’s quickly stop and ask if he is even worth it. Because I don’t think he is.
He Likes Me But Started Dating Someone Else — 11 Probable Reasons This Happened
“He likes me but started dating someone else!” There are clear signs he is ignoring you. Your mind is raging with unanswered questions. Don’t rack your brain thinking that you did something which drove him away. I know, the entire situation is quite messy and hard to deal with. If he started dating someone else after breadcrumbing you, then below are some of the reasons this could have happened.
1. He is playing games with you
He shows interest in you. Texts you constantly. Flirts with you, and even goes on dates with you. But now he has started dating someone else and he is giving you the cold shoulder. You are left questioning, “Why did he say he likes me but talks to another girl on the side?” To him, it’s all fun and games. But it’s your heart that’s broken and you’re left confused. He probably boosts his ego by making people want him. It makes him feel desirable and good about himself.
Mixed signals from guys are the worst as they put you in a constant dilemma of whether to wait or move on. But if he cared about you and your feelings, he would have informed you he wants casual dating and nothing more than that. He would have told you he is not ready for commitment. You need to ask yourself if a guy like that is even worth your attention and time.
2. He is a serial dater
A serial dater is someone who likes the thrill of chase and excitement of meeting someone new. They jump from one person to another before it gets too serious. A serial dater will go on dates with you, they will even tell you they like you, but they will bounce the minute they get to know you. A serial dater loves the high they get while meeting new people. It’s like they are addicted to it. They will take you out on dates and pretend to be really interested in you. You fell for his charm and that’s exactly what a serial dater wants.
Related Reading: 3 Harsh Facts About Long Distance Relationships You Must Know
3. He wants to make you jealous
Samantha, a software engineer, shares, “I had a crush on my colleague. He said he likes me but started dating someone else. We went out on a couple of dates. It was only later that I found out through office gossip that he went out on a date with someone else. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know if he did that to make me jealous or if he wasn’t interested in me anymore. I tried to gather reasons he suddenly stopped chasing but couldn’t find any.
“Nonetheless, I moved on and later found out that he was just using the other woman to make me feel jealous. He thought I would make the first move. I found that despicable.” Likewise, he may be dating someone else to make you jealous. Maybe he doesn’t want to make the first move. Or perhaps he wants you to do it and confess your love for him. Some men do this because they are afraid of rejection.
Fear of rejection stems from insecurity. It could also be present in people who have been rejected in the past and don’t want to go through that again. Some men are afraid if they confess their love for you, their feelings won’t be reciprocated. If that’s the case here, then reach out to him and ask him if he’s trying to make you jealous.
4. “He likes me but started dating someone else” – because he is afraid of commitment
Commitment phobia or gamophobia is nothing new. So many people are afraid to be vulnerable with one person. People who are afraid of commitment are flaky and their relationships don’t go beyond a certain point. It’s always about the initial excitement, getting to know them, going on a few dates, and when things seem to get serious, they leave.
People who battle fear of commitment will never label a relationship. They won’t tag you as their partner. If he went out on many dates with you but ghosted you as soon as he sensed you are getting serious, then there are chances he could be commitment phobic.
5. You took a lot of time to show interest in him
My best friend Ava met me recently and ranted, “He said he likes me but started dating someone else. I confronted him about this and he said he was turned off by my late replies. He said that I took a lot of time to decide what I want from him. We had been on seven dates and never shared a kiss. It was just awkward handshakes and side hugs.”
Similarly, if you are taking a lot of time to figure out what you want from him, he might lose interest in you. But that doesn’t mean you need to rush into a relationship and move at an unnatural speed. Don’t make any move unless and until you’re sure about someone. If they can’t wait for you, it’s their loss. Some people don’t like waiting and want to rush things. Perhaps that’s why he is dating someone else now.
Or maybe you were playing push and pull with him, and that got on his nerves. If you still like him, then approach him again before it’s too late. Tell him you are interested in him. If he still feels the same way about you, then you have another chance at making this work.
6. You are his backup plan
A reader shared with us, “He likes me but likes someone else too. What do I make of this?” It might mean you aren’t special to him and he is keeping you on your toes. It’s very hurtful to be someone’s backup plan. He is either into you or he is not. If he started dating someone else while acting interested in you, then it’s obvious that one of you is his backup plan: either you or the other person. This is one of the dating red flags you shouldn’t avoid.
It’s cruel to keep someone as a backup because it means they think you aren’t good enough for them. If he really liked you, he would make this commitment clear to you.
7. You aren’t the only one he likes
I recently went through the chaotic phase of “he likes me but talks to another girl too”. We had gone on several dates by the time I found out he was seeing another girl. When I asked him about this, he said he doesn’t want to commit to either of us. He was basically commitment-phobic. He made it clear that he likes both of us and can’t settle on one. He confessed he is a serial dater. I did him a favor and told him to kick rocks.
If you have got yourself in a similar pickle, then maybe you aren’t the only person he likes. It’s not wrong to have feelings for two people at the same time. But acting on those feelings can be wrong if you are committed to one of them.
Now that he has acted on his feelings for both people, he has created a messy love triangle. All three are at the risk of getting hurt here. Before you ask, “He likes me but started dating someone else, isn’t that wrong?”, ask yourself if you want to be with someone who has feelings for another person. If not, you should move on and find someone else and not wait for him to figure out who he wants to choose.
Related Reading: Are You A Standby Lover? 15 Signs You Are A Backup Boyfriend
8. He is polyamorous or wants an open relationship
Can a guy like you while dating someone else? Absolutely. Here’s a completely valid ‘he likes me but likes someone else too’ situation. He might be polyamorous. Or into open relationships. It is all about dating or forging intimate connections with more than one person. Such relationships are consensual and all the parties involved are in agreement. That’s one of the polyamorous relationship rules. Otherwise, it’s just plain old cheating.
Polyamorous people often seek like-minded people to date. Maybe he has the desire to meet and connect with multiple people, while also forming a romantic connection with you. You need to decide if you’re okay with that or not. Monogamous-polyamorous coupling may sound difficult to you right now, but it’s known to work successfully.
9. He thinks you deserve better
Maybe he thought you’re out of his league. Or that he won’t be able to come up to your expectations. We accept the love we think we deserve. Perhaps he thinks you deserve someone who will love you better than him. Or he is just making breakup excuses to get rid of you. There was a guy I started seeing a while after I broke up with my former partner. He really liked me and I found him very cute.
We went on four dates. He got me roses and chocolates on every single date. There was nothing wrong with him yet I backed off because I didn’t think I would be able to give him the affection and adoration he was showering me with. I wasn’t used to it and I thought it was too good to be true, and I ghosted him. I still think about it and feel guilty for what I did. So, if it’s still like he is dating someone else too, then maybe he just thinks you deserve better.
10. You’re not compatible with him
You are still wondering, “He likes me but started dating someone else…why?” Maybe he is not sure about you. Perhaps your value systems are too different. Maybe your goals don’t align. Maybe he needs his partner to have a similar love language as him. If he isn’t sure about you, then he should have let you know that you aren’t what he is looking for. You should be happy that he is seeing someone else – now that you’ve found out he has issues with honesty, you can move on.
11. “He likes me but started dating someone else” – because he isn’t interested in you the way you are
He might like you but he is not in love with you. I know this is a bitter pill to swallow but the sooner you accept this, the better it will be for you. Unrequited love brings a lot of yearning, pain, and shame. I have had a massive crush on a boy since I was 12 years old. I told him years later when I saw him again. I still liked him but he didn’t feel the same about me. He clearly said he isn’t interested, but that didn’t change my feelings for him.
I didn’t wait for his feelings to change, and I didn’t stick around. I didn’t get jealous when he got into a relationship. I found out ways to cope with unrequited love. I picked myself up and sought love elsewhere. The rejection was painful but I accepted it with time. He is still the only one who I think of when I am alone reading a book. Just between you and me, I still daydream about him.
Similarly, if it’s like he’s dating someone else too, then he isn’t interested in you. You can’t do anything about this. You can’t force him to like you. You can’t prevent him from seeing others because it makes you jealous. It’s all about learning the art of acceptance and letting go. Some people just aren’t meant to be. It’s as simple as that.
What To Do When A Guy Who Likes You Starts Seeing Someone Else?
If you are asking, “What should I do when he said he likes me but started dating someone else?” Firstly, don’t take it too personally. Consider this as his loss and your gain. You have now gained a better perspective of the entire scenario, and you know you can’t force him to fall in love with you.
Secondly, don’t ever measure your worth based on another person’s dating preference. Don’t compare yourself to the person he has chosen to date over you. It’s not like you get romantically inclined to every person who has ever approached you, right? Some people don’t understand you. Likewise, you fail to understand some people. If he has started dating someone else, move on. You deserve a healthy relationship where you don’t have to be pitted against other people.
Yes. You can love more than one person at the same time. A man can love you with all his heart and be with someone else because of many reasons. Maybe the timing isn’t perfect, or he thinks you deserve better, or that he won’t fulfill all your wishes.
It’s not wrong to date someone if you like someone else. It’s only wrong if you have zero feelings for them and you are leading them on. There’s nothing wrong in telling them you want casual dating and have no plans of committing to one person.