As told to Aabha Singh-Shah
I’d always wondered why married people had crushes after being so happily married. But then when I got married I understood how this crush on someone works out.
I’ve been happily married for two years to the love of my life. We dated for 10 years before we tied the knot. Belonging to different castes, we had to fight it out before getting permission from our parents. Knowing each other for over a decade now, we know each other’s secrets and fantasies very well.
Starting a business together was our super-secret plan because we wanted to show our parents that we are meant for each other, and we can work better with each other. This was our plan in motion for three years before we got hitched, finally!
A suitable mentor
While planning our business setup, we met a mentor who helped us through the setting up of the office, getting clients and further marketing details. I was mesmerised by his ingenuity, poise, steady thought, and foremost, how his brain worked out the calculations.
Though I love my husband, I was drawn towards this man and his intelligence.
Nothing could stop me liking him more every day.
This man started responding to my queries with flattery and soon he confessed that he likes me too. I knew that this was wrong. Having a crush/liking someone shouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable, but then he was married too. Now when it was out in the open, the feeling was kind of suffocating and exhilarating, at the same time.
Read this thought-provoking account of how the other man in her life makes this writer happy
The exhilaration made me happy and think that it’s all right to like someone, it’s all right to admire someone. After that we only grew closer to each other, spending time working out marketing and sales, while spending time with each other. It did make me feel guilty at times, like I’m doing something wrong and this needs to end here. Anything further than this can result in a mess for both of us.
I decided to confess
One day I felt I should tell my husband about this, just the part that I admire our mentor a bit more than I show. I’d already told him about my liking, but never told him how much it was. I’ve never kept anything from him, never a secret that keeps crushing me from within. So, one day I gathered my courage and told my dear husband about it. He listened to the whole story and freaked out. I wasn’t expecting anything less, but his reaction left me numb. He vanished for a few hours and I searched for him everywhere. Maybe knowing each other for over a decade seemed less to understand me; this shattered me from within. Here I was, thinking of coming clean to him, and it backfired.
After a few hours he returned and we talked about the situation. He said that he understands that it’s normal to have a crush on someone at some point. He just felt jealous to know that I liked someone other than him, after so many years. I couldn’t believe what he just said and all I felt was grateful to him for understanding me, and not abandoning me at this hour.
Together we decided that whatever happens, we shouldn’t hide things from each other that can ruin our marriage.
It’s all for the best
Later that week, I met the other man and told him what happened. He said that he too felt like he was betraying his wife, but it was an old feel with a new zeal. Like, he is back to his younger days and felt refreshed to have talked to someone who likes what he likes, someone with so many similar interests.
The whole crush situation did make me feel like a giddy schoolgirl and I still do admire our mentor. Sometimes, just sometimes, I think, what would have happened if I didn’t stop where I stopped? What would have been the situation right now? Where would we both have been in our marriages? Then I come to the conclusion that it was meant to make my bond stronger with my life partner and we started with a renewed trust in each other.
Still, what would you do when any of us crosses the line in our marriage?