There is research that says that it is impossible to find everything in one partner and that humans by nature are not monogamous. Which would mean, in lay man’s terms your significant other is looking at other people, and it is only a matter of time before they go searching for what is lacking in you. But what do you do when you realise that your girlfriend is not over her ex yet?
We, as humans, feel loyalty is one of the essentials for an everlasting relationship. We want our partners to see us as the fulfillment of all their needs – emotional, mental and physical.
But what about when you get the feeling that your girlfriend has still not found closure in terms of her last relationship? That it is not relegated to the past but is part of her and by extension your, present life.
Becoming insecure or acting out is a sure-fire way of putting your relationship on rocky ground. So, what is the next best thing?
You got it right, self-reflection.
How Do You Know Your Girlfriend Is Still In Love With Her Ex
Let’s start with something basic. The signs will always be there that she is not yet over with her ex. If you miss those signs, then you are not looking at her behaviour intently. We show you ten signs that your girlfriend is still in love with her ex.
1. Does she still talk to him?
Now, there is talking, and there is…talking. We all know the difference. Some topics are sacrosanct in a relationship. I won’t presume to know what they are in your relationship, but if I found my partner talking about those topics to an ex, even jokingly or even just to discuss it would offend me. Seeking advice… yeah… that’s a big NO.
If you ask yourself often – what is so important that it can’t wait till the next day and has to be discussed in detail in the middle of the night or what is so private that she needs to go to the next room to talk to him?
Then your answer here is – yes she talks to her ex.
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2. How much do they interact on social media?
Social media has taken over our lives. There is no escaping it. Liking each other’s pictures, posts, commenting or sharing appreciable work just shows that they have moved on in life but are happy that the other is doing well.
Your partner may be friends with the ex’s family members and continue to have a thriving connection with them despite the breakdown of their relationship. I see no harm there, and neither should you.
But if your girlfriend is syncing her life around her ex, constantly criticizing the ex’s partner, trying to recreate memories of her time with him, wanting to have the same holidays that her ex is taking, comparing his family to yours, you may be in trouble.
Texts that may be risqué in nature or professing love are rarely exchanged between exs or friends even when they are drunk.
3. Is your girlfriend soft stalking her ex?
Stalking is easy in the virtual world, and we, as humans, are deteriorating in our ability to let go. So, if you find your girlfriend constantly scrolling through her ex’s profile or the profiles of his family members for news about him, what he did that day, where he is, who is he with and what he ate that day…you need to be careful.
Common friends also are privy to information about where the other is. Do you find her constantly asking them where he is and what he is up to, discussing him and her past relationship in detail with them whenever they meet?
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4. Projecting closeness with her ex
Does your girlfriend remind her ex how it was when they were together while commenting on his posts? If you all meet, does she exclude you from the conversation and talk of things that you are not aware of? Does she forget why she separated from him in the first place?
5. Do you catch her looking at his pictures?
Have you ever found her going through his pictures or pictures clicked when they were together in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?
If she obsesses about his pictures, looks at them repeatedly, talks about and misses the time with him regretfully, this answer is in the affirmative.
6. Physical closeness
Here both too much or too little can be assumed to be problematic. The distinction about how much is too much has to come from you.
With you – If she is extremely loving, especially if you have recently been met with the ex. Or she talks about her ex while she is in a romantic or worse sexual setting with you; she is not with you mentally. Blurting out her ex’s name while having sex is a complete giveaway.
With him- If your girlfriend was intimate with her ex you need to assess how much physical closeness (if they are still in touch) are you comfortable with and tell her clearly and in a civilized manner. Only you can decide that.
I am comfortable with my partner hugging his ex as a matter of greeting, but constantly touching, holding, hugging would make me wary.
It is a personal line we draw and expect our partner to understand.
7. Is your girlfriend accepting gifts from her ex?
Gifts given on birthdays or occasions that the ex has been invited to have to be accepted that goes without saying. But receiving and accepting expensive gifts or gifts that spell romance should sound alarm bells about your place in your relationship.
More than the gift, to me, it shows the mind space of the person accepting it.
8. Does she compare her old relationship with yours?
Every relationship, just like every person, is different and comes with its baggage and set of realities. Does she constantly tell you how your relationship fares concerning the old one or how you need to change and become like her ex without taking his name or make you feel you compete with him?
9. Do her friends know that she has broken up with her ex?
As there are ways to show that a relationship has begun or a relationship status changed, there is an equal number of ways to show that it has ended. Do her close friends whom she hangs out with usually know she is seeing you or are you a secret?
We all want our friends to gel with our partners. Friends and their assessment of our partners are important. If you are being hidden away, there has to be a reason, and you need to ask what it is.
10. Does she share the good and bad events of her life with her ex?
This she does before she comes to you. When we commit to a person romantically, it is with the understanding that we are the most important person in our partner’s life. More important than the ex for sure. But if she is still sharing her milestones or even small mundane events in her life with her ex before she talks to you, to me, it would mean that her priority is her ex and she is more committed to him than to you.
All the above things done in moderation or isolation should not be worrisome, but if you gave an affirmative reply to 60% of the above you, my friend are in the red zone and need to have the TALK.
Do keep in mind that sometimes lack of closure can make us behave in ways that may be contrary to how we would normally do things. Sadly, closure is not always to be had in some cases as relationships are a two-way street.
Explaining patiently what is worrying you or what hurts is the way ahead in such a situation. Usually, when one is clear with their partner as to what they want, it bears positive results.