Maybe your girlfriend talks about him constantly or she finds reasons to drive by his house whenever you’re in that area. Perhaps she even goes ahead and compares you with him when you’re in the middle of an argument or makes nasty remarks along those lines. Worst case scenario, your girlfriend actually drunk-dials him one night when she’s in a pool of tears and missing him. Clearly, these are signs she still loves her ex.
We, as humans, feel that loyalty is one of the essentials for an everlasting relationship. And it should be. We want our partners to see us as the fulfillment of all their needs – emotional, mental and physical. That’s what ensures a truly great bond.
But what happens when you get the feeling that your girlfriend has still not found closure in terms of her last relationship? What happens when you realize that she is still hanging onto an old flame?
It’s hard to keep your cool when you come to this kind of realization. Feeling insecure or acting out in anger is a sure-fire way of putting your relationship on rocky ground. So, what is the best thing you can do if you’ve been asking yourself, “Is she still in love with her ex?” Before we tackle what you should do, let’s clear up what are the sure-shot signs she still loves her ex.
How Do You Know Your Girlfriend Is Still In Love With Her Ex
Let’s start with these basics. The signs she is not over her ex will always be there if that indeed is the truth. If she misses him, there’s hardly a way that she can hide it from you. If you miss those signs, then it is possible that you are not looking at her behavior intently. So first of all, open your eyes and get closer to the truth.
Does she still have feelings for her ex? Let’s find out. We show you ten signs she is still in love with her ex.
1. Does she still talk to him?
Now, there is talking, and there is…talking. We all know the difference. Some topics are sacrosanct in a relationship. I won’t presume to know what they are in your relationship, but if I found my partner talking about those topics to an ex, even jokingly or even just to discuss it would offend me. Seeking advice or something else..yeah… that’s a big NO.
If you ask yourself often – what is so important that it can’t wait till the next day and has to be discussed in detail in the middle of the night or what is so private that she needs to go to the next room to talk to him? Or just ask yourself this simple question. Why would a girl keep in touch with her ex who is supposed to be out of her life at this point?
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2. How much do they interact on social media?
Social media has taken over our lives, there’s no doubt about it and there is no escaping it. So a lot of one’s interactions and behaviors can be understood by tracing their footsteps online. Liking each other’s pictures, posts, commenting or sharing appreciable work probably just shows that they have moved on in life but are happy that the other is doing well. No need to start becoming a jealous boyfriend here.
Your partner may be friends with the ex’s family members and continue to have a thriving connection with them despite the breakdown of their relationship. I see no harm there, and neither should you. It can even just be decency.
But if your girlfriend is syncing her life around her ex’s social media activities, constantly criticizing the ex’s partner’s photos, trying to recreate memories of her time with him, wanting to have the same holidays that her ex is taking, comparing his family to yours, you may be in trouble. And it could be deep trouble.
Also take note of how much they talk over social media. Texts that may be risqué in nature or professing love are rarely exchanged between exes or friends even when they are drunk.
3. Does she still have feelings for her ex? See if she is soft stalking him
Stalking is easy in the virtual world, and we, as humans, are deteriorating in our ability to let go of it. So, if you find your girlfriend constantly scrolling through her ex’s profile or the profiles of his family members for news about him, what he did that day, where he is, who is he with and what he ate that day…you need to be careful.
How do you know if she still loves her ex? Common friends are also privy of information about where the other is. So do you find her constantly asking them where he is and what he is up to, discussing him and her past relationship in detail with them whenever they meet?
Are you questioning yourself by asking,”Is she using me as a rebound?” That hunch itself is not a very good sign. It is possible that your relationship could be heading for trouble.
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4. Projecting closeness with her ex
Saying ‘My girlfriend still loves her ex but loves me too’ is not an excuse for you to let her treat you this way. If you spot signs she still loves her ex, you need to do something about it.
Does your girlfriend remind her ex of how happy things were when they were together while commenting on his posts? If you all meet, does she exclude you from the conversation and talk of things that you are not aware of and indulges in conversation with him? Does she sometimes forget why she separated from him in the first place?
You might be totally confused at this point because she still does show affection to you and care for you in the meanwhile. But this tendency to still show that closeness with the ex could be disastrous for your relationship. These are just classic signs of a rebound relationship, so beware.
5. Do you catch her looking at his pictures?
Have you ever found her going through his pictures or pictures clicked when they were together in a way that made you feel uncomfortable and ask, ‘Is my girlfriend still over her ex?’
If she obsesses about his pictures, looks at them repeatedly, talks about him and misses the time with him regretfully, this answer is in the affirmative.
6. How to know she’s not over her ex? Assess the physical contact
With you, If she is extremely loving, enjoys with you in bed and you genuinely feel like you have good sex, there is probably nothing to worry about. But here is when the problem can start. If she talks about her ex while she is in a romantic or worse sexual setting with you; she is not with you mentally. Blurting out her ex’s name while having sex is a complete giveaway that she still has feelings for her ex.
When it comes to him, If your girlfriend was intimate with her ex then you need to assess how much physical closeness (if they are still in touch) are you comfortable with and tell her that clearly and in a civilized manner. Only you can decide that.
I am comfortable with my partner hugging his ex as a matter of greeting, but constantly touching, holding, hugging would make me wary of what’s cooking between them. It is a personal line we draw and expect our partner to understand.
Related Reading: How To Say No To Sex Without Hurting Him?
7. Is your girlfriend accepting gifts from her ex?
Gifts given on birthdays or occasions that the ex has been invited to have to be accepted, that just goes without saying. But receiving and accepting expensive gifts or gifts that spell romance should sound alarm bells about your place in your relationship.
A little gift card on a birthday or a scarf for Christmas might be no big deal. But a red dress or worse, a necklace might mean you need to sound the alarm.
8. Does she compare her old relationship with yours?
Every relationship, just like every person, is different and comes with its emotional baggage. Does she constantly tell you how your relationship fares concerning the old one or how you need to change and become like her ex without taking his name or make you feel you compete with him? Because not only is that toxic behavior, but also one of the signs she still loves her ex.
9. Do her friends know that she is seeing you?
As there are ways to show that a new relationship has begun or that a relationship status changed, there is an equal number of ways to show that it has ended. So think of this. Do her close friends whom she hangs out with usually, know she is seeing you or are you still a secret?
We all want our friends to gel with our partners. Friends and their assessment of our partners are important, so take note of whether she mentions you to her friends or not. If you are being hidden away from them, there has to be a reason, and you need to ask what it might be.
You don’t want to be her dirty secret but the love of her life. It is possible that she has not introduced you to her friends, it’s because she doesn’t consider this a full-fledged relationship yet. It may seem like a silly reason on the surface, but it is indeed one of the signs she still loves her ex.
Related Reading: 10 Signs He Is Still In Love With His Ex
10. Does she share the good and bad events of her life with her ex?
When we commit to a person romantically, it is with the understanding that we are the most important person in our partner’s life. More important than the ex for sure. This means that you expect your partner to share their highs and lows with you and express their innermost feelings with you.
But if she is still sharing her milestones or even small mundane events in her life with her ex before she talks to you, to me, it would mean that her priority is her ex and she is more committed to him than she is to you.
All the above things done in moderation or isolation should not be worrisome, but if you gave an affirmative reply to 60% of the above concerns – then you, my friend you are in the red zone and need to have the TALK.
11. She holds onto his things
How to know she’s not over her ex? Watch out for if his sweatshirt is still lying on the top of her pile of winter clothes in her closet. Or is that plant he got her still lying on her work desk? A woman takes physical mementos very seriously and they are often dear to her heart.
So if she is still holding onto the little Valentine’s day gifts that he got her during their relationship, there’s a good chance she hasn’t let go of him completely. If his books, the candles that he got her for her birthday are all still lying around, it means that she has still not made peace with the breakup.
12. She’s not really jealous of you with other girls
A little jealousy is frankly not a bad thing in a relationship. It can actually be quite a healthy thing! Besides, it’s always nice to see how badly your girl loves you when she gets agitated because another woman can’t let go of you at a party. But if you have a girlfriend who is usually indifferent to these things, that might not be such a good thing.
Many men might take this as a free card to flirt with other women endlessly, but you should try to see the problem here. If she truly loved you, she’d be upset if she saw you with someone else. But if you mention your lunch date with an old-school friend of yours and she barely cares to remember her name, that could actually be one of the signs she still loves her ex.
“What Should I Do If My Girlfriend Still Loves Her Ex?” – We Tell You
Do keep in mind that sometimes lack of closure after a breakup can make us behave in ways that may be contrary to how we would normally do things. It can really take a toll over a person. So it’s possible that she is still struggling with that. Maybe she doesn’t miss him, she just misses the relationship. But that too can cause problems for you.
How do you handle a situation when your girlfriend is still not over her ex? Here are things you can do.
1. Explain your feelings to her calmly
Explaining patiently what is worrying you or what hurts is the right way ahead in such a situation. Usually, when one is clear with their partner as to what they want, it bears positive results. Instead of lashing out or getting angry, sit down and be as calm as you can be.
Maybe your girlfriend is not even realizing that her behavior is causing you pain in this manner. Explain to her and she will change her ways or be upfront with you.
Related Reading: 5 Couples Therapy Exercises You Can Try At Home
2. Why has she chosen you?
Focus on the truth that she has chosen you despite the fact that that she is still in love with her ex. This is a deal-maker for you and work on that. If she gives you a good answer to this one, you don’t need to fret anymore about ‘Is she still in love with her ex?’
Maybe she’s just holding onto some old memories of him. but that does not mean she will not start making new memories with you. The ex will fade away from her life soon if you truly know why she is in love with you.
3. Figure out if this is a rebound
Finding this out is very vital before you invest yourself physically and emotionally into the relationship. Do you bump into her ex whenever you are out? Is there a possibility that she goes to places where her ex is there and she is showing you off to make him jealous?
If you think that could be the case then just run from this relationship. Or go to therapy and try to clear your head and these doubts. We know this can take a huge toll on you.
4. Get her to chase you
Are you being there for her too much? Picking her up from work, buying movie tickets on the weekend? It is possible that she has started taking you for granted. And because she knows you’re always at her beck and call, she wants to feel a chase and she does that by chasing her ex. It’s time to turn the tables on her.
Make her chase you now and watch her run back to you for attention. Just try to hang out with the guys a bit more often or stay put at work till late and see the difference. Her gravitation toward her ex might not be because she loves him but just because she misses the chase.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Make Him Regret Not Choosing You
5. Be the alpha male
Sometimes it’s important to act like the alpha male even if you don’t completely feel like one on the inside. Domination and control do work wonders when you are wooing a girl and trying to keep her attention away from her ex.
Focus on building a good body, improve your prowess in bed and take her out for surprise dates. Be the most irresistible man you can be! And watch her realize your worth in no time.
6. Be a better boyfriend
Is she still in love with her ex? Maybe she is but this is what you can do. Find out from her a bit about her ex and the reason for her breaking up with him. Then try to be a better boyfriend than her ex.
Ensure that you point out sometimes the negative things that he did and that you would never do. It’s a tactful way of reminding your girlfriend, if she is still not over her ex, of the reasons they broke up in the first place.
7. Don’t be insecure
Your insecurity could be the reason why she is gravitating towards her ex again. Are you making frequent calls to her, checking her mobile often, or trying to figure out where she is all the time?
Stop doing all those things immediately. You are exasperating her and she could be missing her ex all the more because of that. Build up on your confidence, try to make a great relationship and let her be. Space in a relationship is extremely essential.
8. Work on her feelings for you
It is very obvious she has feelings for you and that is why she is with you. Ask her what’s it about you that she finds attractive – both physical and emotional? if you are battling feelings of, ‘My girlfriend still loves her ex but loves me too’, this could be the right way to go.
When she tells you her answer to the question, work on those feelings of hers and ensure you trigger those feelings often. And if that doesn’t work, you can always go to couples or individual therapy to work these things out. Luckily, Bonobology’s skilled counselors are only a click away.
It can be a bit petrifying when you realize that your girlfriend is still in love with her ex. Instead of thinking, “What should I do if my girlfriend is talking to his ex boyfriend?” you should think, “What should I do to make her love me more?” and you will be on a better path.
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Don’t feel battered by this. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be or that she has a few things she needs to work on before she can be in a real relationship again. If you do have cause for concern, bring it up with her and try to work it out. Do your best as a boyfriend but if things still don’t work, well then this wasn’t the right moment for this relationship anyway.