10 Things That Count As Emotional Attraction And Tips To Recognize It

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Sometimes, it might be hard to define what is emotional attraction. You know how when you meet someone and you’re like, “Yep! They’re my soulmate”? And then they just keep being their awesome self and you just keep falling in love with them more and more? Yeah, that’s emotional attraction.

It’s that feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your heart beating out of your chest when you see them, hear their voice, or think about them. It’s the feeling of wanting to be near them all the time. It’s what makes people fall in love with each other, and it’s what keeps some couples together for decades. But sometimes, it can also be confusing as hell. How do we know what counts as emotional attraction? And how do we recognize it?

Emotional attraction isn’t confined to just couples who are in a relationship. Emotional attraction can also exist between friends and in platonic relationships. If you are wondering what causes emotional attraction, you should also know that it is not confined to couples. Knowing the difference between physical and emotional attraction is very important. It sets the intention for you as a couple. In this article, we will look into what describes emotional attraction and what it feels like to be emotionally attracted to someone.

What Is Emotional Attraction

A feeling of deep connection characterizes intense emotional attraction. This feeling of connection and understanding is rare. Most people will mistake physical attraction for love. And for some people, maybe that’s enough. But some of the strongest relationships have some level of emotional connections.

Think about the famous Hollywood couple Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. Their love story should be one for the silver screens. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell always knew that they had an intense emotional attraction toward each other. It was much later that they got together and have been going strong for 37 years!

This is another difference between physical and emotional attraction. Most relationships forged on physical attraction will not stand the test of time. However, most relationships that are founded on the emotional attraction will always remain strong.

10 Things That Count As Emotional Attraction And Tips To Recognize It

There are many causes for emotional attraction. Sometimes, you will meet someone and you will instantly connect with them. Or sometimes, you will develop a deep appreciation for a person over time. For the Rocket Man singer, Elton John, the attraction happened very quickly. Elton John and David Furnish have been together since 1993. They credit their long-lasting relationship to understanding and clear communication. This may be what emotional attraction felt like to Elton John and David Furnish: the presence of mutual understanding and open lines of communication.

In this article, we will go over some emotional attraction examples, and 10 tips to recognize what emotional attraction feels like.

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1. You are not necessarily physically attracted to them

Sometimes intense emotional attraction can drown out a lot of senses. So, at first glance, you might feel emotionally attracted to someone but you might not register the physical attraction just yet. And that is totally normal. After all, physical attraction can sometimes be amplified through emotional attraction. According to Sarah Byrden, a sex educator and speaker, pleasure isn’t just a mechanical thing. Pleasure has a lot to do with communication, trust, relaxation, and relating to the other person. Turns out, emotional attraction can play a bigger role in physical attraction than we realize.

So, if you find yourself emotionally attracted to someone, you should just take the plunge and ask them out.

Related Reading: 17 Signs Of Sexual Tension You Cannot Ignore — And What To Do

2. You feel giddy when you are with them

When you begin asking yourself what is emotional attraction, ask yourself, is there someone you get giddy thinking about? There is a major difference between physical and emotional attraction. When you are emotionally attracted to someone, you will feel giddy thinking about them. But if you are physically attracted to someone, you will feel nervous thinking about them.

If you have someone in mind, close your eyes and think about them right now. Do you feel giddy thinking about them, or do you feel nervous and jittery thinking about them? If it is the former, then you are emotionally attracted to them. If it is the latter, then you might be physically attracted to them.

3. You find yourself opening up to them

If you are a person who doesn’t like to talk much, then you probably don’t open up often about yourself. When someone causes emotional attraction, you will find yourself opening up to them. Opening up about yourself is one of the most telling examples of emotional attraction. Take for example Brooklyn 99 star Andy Samberg and harpist Joanna Newsom. Joanna Newson is usually reserved and shut off, but in the presence of Andy Samberg, her whole demeanor changes. Her trust in Andy Samberg allows her to open up with people in his presence.

4. Talking about them all the time

Has this ever happened to you? You are out for lunch with your friends, catching up with each other. And you can’t stop talking about a certain person. To the point where your friends point out how much you are talking about them. Don’t be embarrassed by it. You are most probably emotionally attracted to someone! Intense emotional attraction can make you think about that person constantly.

5. You can talk with them for hours on end

If you want a simple answer to what emotional attraction feels like? then the answer is “you can talk to them for hours on end”. Talking for hours on end causes emotional attraction to form. Having long conversations allows you to get to know a person better. And long conversations only happen when you are genuinely vibing with a person. If you are not emotionally vibing with someone, the conversations will be strained and short.

Long conversations with someone can be a very effective emotional attraction trigger. Therefore, if you want to find out if you are going to emotionally connect with someone or not, try talking.

Related Reading: Romantic Texting: The 11 Tips To Swear By (With Examples)

6. You can imagine a future with them

Think about your current relationship, and ask yourself, “Can I see a future with them?” This activity highlights an example of emotional attraction and how it works. The difference between physical and emotional attraction is sustainability. Physical attraction fluctuates from time to time. However, emotional attraction grows stronger with time.

Consider the example of Washington’s power couple Michelle Obama and Barack Obama. Michelle Obama said that she figured out that love is consistency, vulnerability and it is presence. So, if you can imagine a future with your current partner, then you harbor an intense emotional attraction toward them.

7. You don’t necessarily want to form a romantic relationship with them

Emotional attraction and physical attraction can exist independently of each other. For some people, romantic attraction makes way for and causes emotional attraction. For some people, emotional attraction comes first, and then romantic attraction. Whatever the case may be, the next logical step for most people is to go into a relationship with that person.

But in the case of people who are emotionally attracted to each other, they don’t always need to get into the traditional definition of relationships. If you find yourself content with the deep connection you have with your partner and don’t want to change your relationship dynamic, then you might be emotionally attracted to them.

8. It is a very new type of attraction for you

Media and literature usually depict only one type of attraction: physical attraction. This warps our understanding of what emotional attraction feels like or what are emotional attraction triggers.

This is why when you experience intense emotional attraction, it is a new feeling for you. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt exemplify what is emotional attraction. When John Krasinski met Emily Blunt, he knew he was going to fall in love with her. But he did admit that he was very nervous when he asked her out on their first date. They got married within a year of meeting each other!

9. You are very comfortable and content in their presence

In a relationship, if you can sit comfortably with each other in silence, then you are probably emotionally attracted to them. Emotional maturity in a relationship doesn’t need noise to fill every waking minute of the day. Take for example Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons and director Todd Spiewak.

When asked in an interview what their marriage was like, Jim Parsons commented that they have “a regular life, a boring love”. He considers the daily things they do together acts of love. For example, making coffee in the morning, going to work, washing the clothes, and taking the dogs out on a walk are seen as acts of love by Jim Parsons. For this happy couple, this is what emotional attraction feels like.

Related Reading: 9 Signs You Are Comfortable In A Relationship But Not In Love

10. You think about them often

Have you caught yourself daydreaming about someone? While just thinking about them might not be a cause of emotional attraction, it can be a common emotional attraction trigger. Having an intense emotional attraction makes you think about that person all the time. Thinking about previous conversations is an emotional attraction example.

You might also catch yourself smiling from time to time, wondering if you are falling in love with them. Zoning out while thinking about them is also a common sign that you are experiencing what emotional attraction feels like.

There you are! The 10 signs of you being emotionally attracted to someone. With this knowledge, you can evaluate your feelings for someone. And then it’s up to you whether you want to take it to the next level, or not.


1. Is emotional attraction love?

Everyone’s definition of love is different. Love can be a combination of three different attractions: emotional attraction, physical attraction and romantic attraction. Couples will also have their unique understanding of how love works. 
Even though it is possible for couples to be in love without physical or romantic attraction, it is not possible for couples to exist without emotional attraction. On the other hand, emotional attraction isn’t just reserved for couples who are in a relationship. Friends can also experience intense emotional attraction. 

2. How does emotional attraction work?

A deep connection to a person is an emotional attraction trigger. A deep connection is important to build intense emotional attraction.  People might confuse physical attraction with emotional attraction. It is understandable, as both of them ascribe a deep connection to someone else. However, the difference between physical and emotional attraction is that emotional attraction is founded on a deeper level than physical attraction. Physical attraction is usually surface-level. However, having a deep understanding of a person and knowing them inside out usually forges an intense emotional attraction. And while physical attraction might fade in time, emotional attraction usually grows with time.

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