How To Write Wedding Vows (And What You Should Never Write)

Team Bonobology
Wedding Vows are very much a part of Indian weddings now

Few joys equal looking into your partner’s eyes and make promises of a lifetime on your wedding day! While Indian weddings were bereft of this ceremony, these days many couples are increasingly seeking to seal the deal with wedding vow promises in front of their loved ones and family and sometimes even during civil wedding vows. Saying your own simple wedding vows can make a great start to the premise of your marriage and can help set the tone for a lifetime of togetherness. This makes the ceremony more intimate and adds a different layer of depth to the proceedings and finally is evocative and breathtaking to watch.

How to write wedding vows

Bonobology gives you a breakdown of how to write modern wedding vows while keeping them personal and structured.

1. Journey to “Us” (Why are you getting married?)

Make it about the two of you and your journey and use your heart and emotions to describe your sojourn together as a couple. Add thanks to family, friends, and co-workers where necessary. Ask yourself – How did it start? At work, as friends, at college, with a look across a bar or on a matrimonial site. And go from there. Don’t steal vows from other weddings or even from movies. Instead, make them about who you both are as people and what you stand for. Don’t forget to put in promises about when the tough times will roll.

Indian marriages also have wedding vows nowadays Image source

2. Make intentional statements/promises (What promises do you want to make for a happy marriage?)

Mention specific things that you are promising even if they are filled with emotion like “I choose you” and also add personal references. Keep each other at the centerpiece of your vows and make her or him laugh too like “May we keep laughing with each other and at each other through the thick and thin of this life.” You can either keep your vows non-traditional and original or take inspiration from the traditional wedding vows or Saat Pheras or Saat Vachans and also from the Hindu tradition, Jewish, Buddhist, Christian, Roman Catholic, Muslim, Protestant faith and mix it up with your own or personalize it. What are your dreams, values, mantras and those special little somethings that work just for the two, what will your present and future look like– say them as you mean it?

3. Avoid adding embarrassing/too private details (What do you love about him/her?)

Was it a deep, intense moment where her heart slipped into yours? Did he climb the balcony to your parent’s house to meet you? Leave it out of the vows. Even if these details led you to now – let some moments be with both of you.

While compiling your vows if you feel the slightest doubt if a moment you are about to add is embarrassing or intimate or doubtful – leave it out. Ensure to keep the romance central to your romantic wedding vows.

4. Make it short but personal (When/why did you realize he/she was the one?)

Leave out intimate details  Image source

The vows should be an essence of what you and your partner are promising to each other in your new life together. Stick to the absolutely important ones. Both of you can each compile a list of 25 vows. Strikeout 15 and the rest are your vows. Stick to the ten most important, till-death-do-us-apart-ones. You can even give a speech ending with the words “Today, I choose you to be my wife/husband” or “do you take me to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband”.

5. Stay romantic and humorous (Declare your love)

Remember, both of you are never going to be this in love, this young, brimming with hope and happiness than this moment. So add film dialogues, song references, sing them, use literature, go down on your knees, pick up your partner. Add those little quirks and eccentricities of your partner that you absolutely adore and love and would like to share with your family and friends. Has your partner inspired or changed your life? Then mention that. Does this partnership make you feel deeply then say it?

Write how romantic you feel  Image source

6. Use values, promises and stories as your backbone and structure it (Re “search”)

Research, discuss, structure your vows and practice. Use a story/memory/a question/an inspiration/faults/feelings/things you share and plan to continue sharing that led you to your vows and build the vows around them. Prepare your vows well in advance so that you are more confident on the D-day. Think about your relationship, ask questions and discuss with your partner your vows, edit, shorten and practice. Stay unique and don’t bother about perfection. Have a ‘wedding vows for her’ and a ‘wedding vows for him’ card handy with you in case you are afraid to say it extempore and it can also serve as a beautiful memento that you can save from your marriage and even distribute it among your guests as a nice souvenir of the wedding they attended.

Wedding vows are a latest addition to Indian weddings but these make the whole occasion more intimate and often emotional. Write your wedding vows with care and see the difference it makes to the special occasion.

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