Lack of intimacy is the global warming of relationships. We all see that it affects us deeply, but very few of us take any action toward it. Intimacy, in simple terms, is a sense of familiarity and comfort. But how do you assess or enhance intimacy in your relationship? By finding the right intimate questions to ask your partner, and listening with love and curiosity.
In a world of fast dating and casual sex, the value of deeper connections is getting lost. The reason we look for meaningful relationships is to feel a sense of belonging. To connect at a level where we can unfurl who we are. The desire to belong is still at the core, but we’re drifting away from what centers us.
Types Of Intimacy
Couples are finding it hard to find the courage and safety to let each other in. The faster and easier dating is becoming, the bigger the walls we are building around ourselves. No wonder the feeling of loneliness has taken over the core instead of joy and happiness in relationships. Intimacy among couples fades away and we wonder why, don’t we?
So, how do we come back? The answer lies in the revival of the importance of intimacy. We must go deeper and embrace what we find in our depths. Let us get a better understanding of intimacy first, so we can talk later about some of the intimate questions to ask your partner. There are four types of intimacy. These occur in chronological order as we keep understanding our partner better.
1. Intimacy of Emotions
The comfort with which we share our emotions freely without holding back emotional intimacy. To build emotional intimacy is to share our deepest fears and the wildest dreams with our partners. It’s a safe space that is built by both of you, together.
2. Intimacy of intellect
A space where both partners feel the freedom to hold their respective belief systems and find mutual validation for the same. Their ideas and points of view can have their place without the threat of igniting a conflict.
3. Intimacy through experiences
As the bond grows stronger and we spend more time with our partner, we tend to make memories together. These experiences pull us closer as we associate emotions with experiences and people with emotions.
Related Reading: Expert Lists 10 Signs Of Intimacy In A Relationship
4. Intimacy at a spiritual level
Spiritual practices like meditating or praying together bring a sense of ultimate intimacy. Spiritual practices make us dive deeper into ourselves. So, when you embark on this spiritual journey together, the intimacy is at its deepest.
55 Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner
To dig deeper into any subject, we need to learn to ask questions. When we ask, we discover. It is even more important to ask the right questions when it comes to diving into unchartered waters, like a budding relationship.
The soul of any relationship is intimacy. To discover this soul and empower it, we have a list of 55 questions that will bring out everything you need to know about your partner. When there is so much shared and accepted, the strength of the bond becomes unparalleled. So, what are some of the intimate questions to ask your partner? Here they are.
1. What about me caught your eye?
Talking about the attraction, to begin with, is a great choice of intimate questions to ask your partner. It would reveal how it all began for them. Hearing good things about you always boosts your self-esteem, doesn’t it? So, that’s a plus too.
2. What is your type, and how did I fall into it?
We are all mostly aware of our patterns when it comes to relationships. These patterns are the reasons we have preferences and types. Understanding your partner’s patterns and why they chose you tells you a lot about them.
Maybe it’s the way you look. Maybe you made them feel safe. Maybe you listened to their special interests intently. Maybe you validated their core beliefs. Find out what it is.
3. What characteristics of mine do you find the most appealing?
When we start dating, everything is sparkly. While we are stuck on the things we like about our partners, they too share the same experience. It is important to understand their perspective of you. What are the more intimate qualities about you that they liked? It could be your honesty, your courage, your kindness – it’s good to know what makes you click in their eyes and heart.
4. What if my appearance suddenly changed?
What do you first notice about people? We notice their physical attributes, right? After that, we peel into their deeper layers. This question will help you understand how important physical appearance is to your partner. If they are in it for the looks, you’ll get the hint in their answer to this question. This could be a nice intimate question to ask your partner without them becoming defensive.
5. How do you deal with conflicts?
It is very important to know your partner’s thought process when it comes to differences. Knowing their conflict resolution strategies can help you navigate differences smoothly. One of the smart intimate questions to ask your partner, wouldn’t you agree?
6. What are your thoughts about cheating in a relationship?
One of the most important intimate questions to ask your partner is their thoughts on cheating. When the question is put this way, they don’t feel attacked or judged. Their thoughts on the subject can give you a sneak peek into their ethics, and their boundaries and this might even lead to a discussion on the possibility of an open relationship.
Related Reading: The 8 Most Common Types Of Cheating In A Relationship
7. Have you cheated or have been cheated on in the past?
Knowing their trauma is the key to understanding them. Intimacy cannot be achieved without complete acceptance. To accept, you must know what the past holds. Intimacy is about creating a safe environment for them to open up.
8. What has been your experience with relationships in the past?
Good or bad, all kinds of past experiences mold us into who we are today. This will help you understand where they are coming from. You can learn about their emotional baggage if any, and what their priorities from a partner are.
9. How do you express love and how do you like to be loved?
Love is a subject that everyone knows, but nobody understands. This is because it is subjective. You need to understand your partner’s perspective of love, how they express love, and how they expect to be loved. You can only align yourself with them when you accept and combine your love language with theirs, and thus, create a love language that both of you can speak.
10. What made you ask me out? Was asking me out tough for you?
Usually, it is the men who ask a person out. So, these are some intimate questions to ask a guy. You can figure out what you mean to him by the depth of his answer. Absorb the passionate or shy way he speaks about you as he answers these questions.
The second question is fun and serves as a nice anecdote too. It also tells you how your partner tackles anxiety. It’ll bring you closer because we are sure he is dying for you to know what he went through to ask you out.
Related Reading: How To Ask A Girl Out On A Date – 18 Tips To Make Her Say Yes
11. What was your childhood like?
This is one of those intimate questions to ask your partner that will help you both connect deeply. You will get to hear a lot of valuable anecdotes from their childhood, which will also portray your partner’s upbringing. What we are today is directly linked to our childhood. The core beliefs we carry, and the minor and major traumas they went through will help you understand your partner’s perspective on life better.
12. What is the most important lesson you learned as a child that has shaped you?
This question will help you go deeper into the psychology of your partner. When they share the experiences that specifically shaped them, you get a closer look at how they came to develop their core beliefs. This will establish a space where they can open up without hesitation. Guys usually don’t like digging deeper into emotions, so this is one of the great intimate questions to ask a guy because he’ll tell you this, and a lot more.
13. How did you know you are in love with me?
It might seem like an attempt at getting some flattery out of your partner. But it is not just that. Intimacy is about knowing what finally clicked for them when they fell in love with you, it’s about knowing the moment that turned from ordinary to special. It’s good to know where they are coming from when they say that they love you.
14. Where do you see us in the future?
This could come out as a scary question, so make sure that the comfort level is duly established. Planning for the future as a couple is quite important and challenging. It can be fun if both partners are up for it though.
15. What are your thoughts about living together or marriage?
If you are serious about the relationship, then a live-in relationship or a marriage might soon be on the cards. If both of you are on the same page, it’ll be a great relief. Even if you’re not, it gives you an idea of what the future holds for you and how to plan for it together.
16. What are your professional ambitions?
As a couple, planning your financial future together is very important as you can only achieve what you have planned. This is an important question as it tells you how seriously they take their future. Ambition is kinda sexy too, isn’t it?
17. What would be your ideal place to settle down?
Do they like mountains or the beach? Are they planning to settle down where they currently live or do they have other plans? These are some of the deep intimate questions to ask your partner. The thoughts about the future can change, but they sure say a lot about their current mindset or preferences.
18. How is your relationship with your parents?
The relationship with our parents is the building block of our entire conditioning. How they have been brought up and how it has affected them – all of it can be inferred from their relationship with their parents. It will eventually affect your relationship too.
19. Do you think we are soul mates?
Let’s get lovey-dovey. If you are a believer in soul mates, it is a valid intimate question to ask your partner. What if you believe in the concept and they don’t? Then you simply get a chance to accept the differences.
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20. Do you believe in love at first sight?
For some people, this is a real phenomenon, while for others, this is just a dramatization of romance. Which category do they fall into? It is not important to agree on such things but you must communicate. Practicing with such small topics can prepare you for deeper communication at a later stage, and help you avoid major conflicts.
21. Do you prefer thoughtful personalized gifts, something practical, or gestures of love? What’s your love language?
Understanding different types of love languages and knowing the one your partner speaks will solve some major issues. To show love, we often rely on gifts. Now, most people will appreciate the effort and keep their actual thoughts about it to themselves. It is important to know whether your gifts are truly showing your love or just adding to the dump they never use. These are smart intimate questions to ask your partner.
22. Have you ever doubted the existence of true love?
As we mentioned earlier, love means different things to different people. This belief is duly built by the past experiences we have had with love. Their past has a huge impact on their present. Their answer to this question will determine their belief system about romance and love.
23. What is your sexual fantasy?
The majority of us think of sex when we talk about intimacy. So, let’s finally talk about it. Sexual intimacy can play a huge role in creating a strong, meaningful connection. Sexual fantasies are often kept hidden, hence creating an environment where everything can be shared should be your objective.
24. What are your soft spots?
They could have a thing for stray animals or might feel strongly for underprivileged kids. When a partner feels comfortable talking about these things, you can tell that the bond has become stronger. So, this is one of the deep intimate questions to ask your partner.
25. Are you satisfied with the physical aspect of our relationship?
Generally, when it comes to sex in relationships, heterosexual women suffer more dissatisfaction than men. This is one of the most important intimate questions to ask your girlfriend.
Initiate this conversation. Let her know that her sexual pleasure is important to you. This question can help you know her a lot better, as a discussion on sexual intimacy can lead to a conversation about her past, her sexual traumas, boundaries, fears, needs, joys, naughty secrets, and more.
Related Reading: 15 Real Reasons Your Wife Avoids Physical Intimacy
26. How often do you think we should indulge in sexual intimacy?
Men are more vocal about sexual desires than women. This is why it is one of the key intimate questions to ask your girlfriend to align your expectations with hers. Women have sexual urges and they know exactly what they want, as you’ll soon get to know when you ask her this question. If they are shy about it, you can help them escape this cage of desires.
27. What are some of the physical intimacy gestures, apart from sex, that you’d like me to do?
Intimacy is more about physical reassurance than it is about sex. Cuddling while watching a movie, hugging after a long day, a gentle peck on the cheek, etc. are all ways to enhance intimacy.
28. What is your greatest fear?
We are driven by two primary emotions, love and fear. We often talk about the things we love but fear is untouched because it is wrongfully associated with weakness. This is one of the deep intimate questions to ask a partner that will reveal a lot about them. A lot of people have a deep fear of intimacy and if left unattended can turn out to be fatal for the relationship.
29. Is there something I do that annoys you?
Some people generally choose to avoid conflict and keep little things to themselves. As partners, we need to be able to share everything. This includes the little things you do that annoy them. It is important to know what triggers annoyance and work on those things together.
30. What is the last thing I did that made you feel truly appreciated?
Just like there are little things that can annoy a person, there are little things we do that fill them with joy. It is important to know them too. This will help you love them in a way they appreciate the most.
Related Reading: 21 Ways To Tell Someone You Love Them Without Saying It
31. What do you like doing with me the most?
As couples, we enjoy doing a lot of things together. Finding out what they like doing the most with you is a great hack to make them happy. You can carve out time to do that activity more often to make your relationship fun. You can even do it after a bad patch so you both can heal together.
32. What is your favorite memory of me?
Their favorite memories show which parts of the relationship they derive the most happiness from. Intimate questions to ask your partner have a huge role in expanding your knowledge about what’s important to them and knowing more about their feelings about you.
33. How do you prefer to be treated when you’re upset?
What are the intimate questions to ask your partner if you want to understand their coping patterns? This is one of them! Do they like to talk about it or do they like to take some time away? A lot of friction in relationships can be avoided if you understand their way to cope with overwhelming emotions.
34. What are the non-negotiables in a relationship for you?
Talking about expectations with clarity is a very intimate conversation topic. Having the non-negotiable expectations on the table early on can set the course of your relationship in the right direction.
35. What is your most prized possession?
Learning about the things they hold dear can help you understand them better. It can also serve as a guide for gift ideas for him. Their preferences for materialistic and personal items can reveal how they perceive the world and what about it they value the most.
36. What would you like to develop in yourself?
We all want to grow in all aspects of our lives. The beauty of relationships is that we get to take this journey with a partner and be a part of theirs. We should know what personal growth means to them so we can contribute to it better. Intimate questions to ask your partner should always include curiosity regarding their personal growth.
Relatable Reading: 33 Questions To Ask Your Significant Other To Know Them Better
37. What are your most embarrassing moments?
Embarrassment is something we all run away from. But when you can have your partner open up about their worst moments, you know that you are both going deeper into the relationship and that the bond is getting stronger with every question.
38. When was the last time you cried?
This is one of the most intimate questions to ask a guy. Men refrain from showing vulnerability, so it might be a hard task to get an answer out of them. This doesn’t mean that women don’t hide feelings – this is a sensible, intimate question to ask your girlfriend too. The idea is to share the best and the worst experiences.
39. How do you react to change?
Change is the only constant. We all know this, but for some reason, we always resist it. Maybe it is the fear of the unknown. Nonetheless, it’s important to know how your partner reacts to changes as it might define some of the key moments in your relationship later.
40. Would you move with me if I get a life-changing opportunity in a different country?
This question is not about testing whether they have commitment issues, but rather to open up new areas to explore together. Once you talk about these things, you will be able to work out the issues and prepare mentally, if and when such a situation presents itself. Questions related to big changes are some of the most important intimate questions to ask your partner.
41. What is special about our relationship?
Saying things like these out loud reinforces the bond. You both know there is something special here, but both of you may see it differently. Intimate questions to ask your partner should be aimed at exploring your spark together.
Related Reading: 10 Things You Do For Love That Say “I Love You”
42. Where do we need to improve the most?
Just like there are things that you both appreciate about the relationship, there will be things that need improvement as well. Addressing those is equally important. It is a partnership, after all, and you’re both in it for the long haul.
43. What are your biggest insecurities?
Most people hide their insecurities deep inside them so that no one can see what they struggle with. The most apparent ones are about the way we look. We all think we are too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too ugly, etc.
And then there are insecurities about how we perceive our career, how we compare ourselves to other people’s emotional or financial growth, or how we feel about our partners in relationships. Having them share their insecurities can help you understand and deal with them better.
44. Do you ever feel insecure in our relationship?
Our actions can bring out past trauma, jealousy, and relationship insecurities in our partners. It is incredibly unhealthy to not talk about these things openly. Remember to listen to them without judgment. There might be things you need to work on, and there might be things that they need to work on to get to the root of their insecurities. This is one of the most important intimate questions to ask your partner.
45. Are you more of a go-with-the-flow person, or do you prefer planning?
The decisions you make as a couple will impact the rest of your lives. You need to know your partner’s decision-making process so that you can align the way you both think and find a balance.
46. What is the weirdest thing you’ve eaten?
It is also important to have fun while having an intimate conversation. Otherwise, it’ll become an interview. Bring up interesting events from their lives. It could be about the weirdest thing they’ve eaten, the family relative they find the most annoying, or the time they almost got arrested.
47. What is the silliest thing you’ve ever done?
Sharing funny stories is the best way to foster intimacy. One moment you’re sharing a story about the silliest thing you’ve done, and the next you are discussing your life together. This is the beauty of smart, intimate questions to ask your partner.
48. Have you ever been attracted to a person of the same gender?
This question is for straight couples. If they have dated or been attracted to someone of the same gender, this would be an interesting conversation. It will show you a side to them that you wouldn’t have seen otherwise. You will also get to know how open they are to exploring themselves, their sexuality spectrum, and life in general.
49. What is your wildest dream or nightmare?
A fun way to peek into their psychology. Dreams are connected to the programming of your subconscious and can tell a lot about a person. When you put the question this way, it becomes a fun way to explore their mind.
50. What is your favorite movie?
Cinema can not be separated from our lives – whether it’s the movies from our childhood that became our foundation, or the whole romance around ‘Netflix and chill’. The idea is not to see if they have the same taste as you, but to get to know their preferred genre and to see if they are open to exploring yours.
Related Reading: 32 Best Gifts For Movie Lovers & Film Fans
51. What are the causes you are passionate about?
You can see what values they value the most. It could be animal welfare, education, or unemployment. You’ll be able to understand their social leanings and even help them make a difference in the world.
52. If you could become any fictional character, what would you be?
This is one of the most interesting intimate questions to ask your partner. It reveals their fantasies and what attributes they value the most. It could be a superpower that they’d want to have, but if you listen carefully, you’ll be able to associate it with a personality trait that holds special meaning to them.
53. Do you wish to grow old or die young?
Okay, this may sound like one of those dark, intimate questions to ask your partner, but trust us, it’s not. Knowing their preference will help you dissect their thinking better. Often, people don’t really know why they prefer one over the other. But, saying it out loud helps clear the mind and make sense of our thoughts.
54. When did you feel the closest to me?
One of the deep, intimate questions to ask your partner is this. They might tell you that you feel at home with them, and quote instances of when you showed up for them wholeheartedly. This special moment for the both of you will reinforce your love for each other.
55. Is there anything that you want to share that you haven’t been able to in the past?
Even after all the efforts to find the most intimate questions to ask your partner, there could still be some things that we haven’t touched yet. Ask them gently and make sure they feel safe to tell you.
The objective of this blog is to help you get closer to your partner. The only thing that is more important than asking the right questions is listening. You can only make them feel valued when you listen to their answers carefully and assure them that you’re in this together.