This is a very poignant letter written by a wife to a husband, who is insecure, suspicious and has serious trust issues. This letter from wife to husband was written after years of fighting, yelling, hurting and dealing with marriage issues. This letter is like catharsis for her. She shared a copy with Joie Bose, who published it in on Bonobology.
This letter from a wife to a husband is worth a read
Dear Husband,
I don’t know why you don’t trust me. Why is it that every man I talk to a prospective usurper of your seat? Why is it that every action of mine viewed as being something more than what it is? Why’d you thought I hide things from you? Why are you suspicious all the time? This is a letter from a wife to a husband where I talk about years of hurt and pain you have given me.
Why are you so insecure of my love for you? And if you are insecure, instead of fighting with me, why don’t you douse me with your love so much that you will be sure that no one will be able to take your place? Every time you say a mean word, every time you push me away, you hurt me. And I keep that hurt in my heart. A fight and make up will never take that away. The hurt builds up, like a tower. And inside that tower I stay. And it’s from inside that tower I fight and say mean words that feel like stones being pelted at you. Words that seem like bullets.
Remember the last time when my girlfriend had called? She was speaking to me in a male voice. It was a game we were playing. And you had thought it was a boy! And you had asked me who it was and I had said her name and you said I had lied. I didn’t lie. You had wanted to see my call log. I didn’t show. Do you know why I didn’t show? I didn’t show because I wanted you to trust me. I wanted you to trust me because I knew I wasn’t wrong. This is the reason I am penning this letter from wife to husband today.
If I were ever guilty, I’d choose to prove to you every incident where I wasn’t guilty. As if those few non guilty moments would erase all the moments when I would have been guilty. But I’m not guilty of adultery. Trust building is very important in a husband and wife relationship. Why do you not realize that?
I don’t have to clear every misunderstanding that you might harbour. I know that no one can ever take your place in my life. That is enough for me. And that should be enough for you. Our chemistry is crazy. Even our fights are so passionate that at times when we have differences I choose to fight than remain silent.
And when I say I’ll divorce you, it’s the last thing I want to do. I say that because I am hurt and some sort of sadistic pleasure makes me say this and be more hurt. At that time all I want you do to, is repeat the oath of forevermore to me.
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I’ve left my parents home for you. I left my surname for you. I’ve left my virginity for you. And I’ve left my identity to become your wife. I will not sacrifice my sacrifice if you value the worth of my sacrifice. So before you feel insecure, think of all that I have done for you. And I did it all with love. I do it all for love. And I shall continue to do all that for love.
Don’t doubt me, dear. Don’t ever doubt my love. I had married a lover, not a detective who is out to sniff out mysteries all the time. I’m not a thief. Not a criminal. And when you view me like that all the time, it hurts me so much.
At times I wonder if the only reason you married me was to hurt me. You wanted me as your punching bag. I’ve spoken to my girlfriends and they all say the same. Does the designation of a husband come with this responsibility?
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. If you love me with your heart, you will trust me. The moment the love wavers, trust issues crop up. If you are so suspicious of me all the time how will we ever have a happy relationship? I wonder why the love has started diminishing. Did you ever once think about it? Take some time out. Think. Love me back with that entirety. I’m here. Waiting. For a realm where there are no tears for me. Hoping you will cross the bridge and come over soon. Let us reconnect and strengthen our marriage. Let us do away with these trivial marriage issues.
Lovingly,
Your Wife
PS: She told Joie Bose after reading the letter her husband was in tears and hugged her tight.
Joie Bose is considered as one of the leading English poets of the city and writes Confessions with Joie Bose for Bonobology (when she is not working for a multinational company). She co-founded Poetry Paradigm and is an executive body member of Indian Performance and Poetry Library. She is also the joint-convenor of the National Poetry Festival. She has authored \'Corazon Roto and Sixty Nine Other Treasons\'(2015), has co-edited two poetry anthologies, \'Dawn Beyond the Waste\'(2016) and \'Cologne of Heritage\'(2017), and has been published widely in journals both nationally and internationally. Her poems have been translated into Albanian, Bengali and Hindi. Internationally, she has performed her poetry in Japan and China, and in many Indian cities. Her works look deeply into interpersonal relationships, intra-personal relationships and the human psyche.
