“Where do I even begin to find a boyfriend for her?” I wailed (typed in), staring at my phone. And clicked the ‘staring eyes’ emoji several times, to emphasize my point. I was on a ‘battling the post-prandial slump’ chat with my lovely, old friend and inspirator (inspirer? The second sounds like a medical device of some sort.)
When I get bogged down with my virtual red penning, I pick up my phone to text whichever of my friends I’m in a mood for. Today it had been my friend’s turn. I call her Lola.
Finding A Boyfriend After 50
She’s a feisty, fiery, creative polymath of a woman who I’ve known for a few years now. She’s an ‘older’ woman, let’s say on the ‘wrong’ side of 50. She’s been happily single for many years, divorced from the father of her sons years ago. Her children are now independent, and the last one has one foot out of the nest. Apart from regular skirmishes to get the ex to pay his fair dues in alimony, Lola has overcome serious health issues, a temporary estrangement from her own family, and a hurricane several months ago when she lost valuable property.
Not that any of the strain shows in her attitude. Far from it. She’s who I go to for cheering up, or when I need to vent. And she’s always got an unrelentingly positive response to the questions, complaints, or seemingly unsolvable problems I throw at her. She’s literally ‘been there, done that’ in so many fields, that sometimes I simply shrug and roll my eyes when she airily says, “Oh, I did that in 198- or 199-, and then this happened…”
She always challenges me to try new things, because she says everyone should learn one new life skill every year, to keep the dementia away. So what was she asking me to do this time that caused me to wail?
But how do I find a boyfriend for her?
She needs my help finding a boyfriend for herself. Emphatically NOT a husband, but a boyfriend. Someone single, about 55 but definitely over 50, and with good teeth, she proposed. “Why are the teeth important?” I asked, dazed. “Oh, I don’t know, it’s just my current mood,” she dismissed the non sequitur, and pushed on, “So what are you going to do about it? C’mon now. Help me find a boyfriend!”
I gingerly suggested that perhaps she could be happy with a BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend)? I know where to find those in SF, I offered, temptingly since that is the only easier option when you’re dating at 50. “Nah! It has to be an actual man. It’s time to find a boyfriend who loves me. I want one.”
Related Reading: From helping me date other boys to being my husband
To find a boyfriend is not my cup of tea
If you really know me, you’d know what an impossible and paradoxical task this is. I’m almost the antithesis of a matchmaker. I’ve been known to ask pointblank “Why?” when told about a successful young woman getting married. So you see the irony.
I admit I’m very handy with my thumbs and forefingers when it comes to locating craft supplies, thanks to Google and Amazon. Living in SF gives me the confidence to sally forth armed with nothing but my iPhone and a credit card, and explore the back alleys of the stores, digging up bag making supplies and tools. But to help my bestie find herself a boyfriend? How? Where? Why?
But I don’t know any single men, 55 or anyone else dating at 50. How do I find a boyfriend for her? Unless you count my 17-year-old nephew. Or my 2-year-old cat (and let’s just say, he no longer has the goods to deliver, er, the goods).
I’ve never even looked at my friend lists and considered who’s single. Did I even know any single men? Nope. Single men dating at 50? Oh, even more challenging. So what is the best way to find a boyfriend? I thought I’d ask some of my other friends.
I thought I’d ask a couple of my girlfriends for help: “Do you know of single eligible men in the right age bracket?” A friend who loves to rile me up sent me a picture of a man who, she said, would be wonderful husband material. “I said No Husbands!” I repeated, only to have her text me a looooong list of his qualities. Just in case there had been a miscommunication, I pointed out that I wanted a boyfriend, NOT a husband. She cackled, “I just like having pointless discussions.”
Related Reading: 18 Dating Tips To Find The Right Person
The position is still open if you are dating at 50
I flailed about for many days, until suddenly it occurred to me that here at Bonobology I might just have the perfect weapon to hunt down that 55-year-old or so boyfriend with good teeth, who’s smart enough not to be intimidated by a strong independent woman. Who can match wits with her, and keep her mentally engaged.
Where can an older single woman go to find a friend? Again, no husbands need apply. Do you know of anyone who might work? Are you one yourself? Do write in and help me in my quest of how to find a new boyfriend for my best friend. I need to defend my “Finder Extraordinaire” title.
Finding love at 50 is really not impossible. Only because mainstream culture has always emphasized young love, we are unaware of people’s stories of dating at 50 or finding a boyfriend or girlfriend at a later time in their lives. It is absolutely likely and much more common than you think.
Absolutely not and do not let anybody ever tell you that. If you want to find a boyfriend at 50, you can totally do it! Tell your friends to hook you up or join a dating app. There are many ways you can ace finding love after 50. There is no age to tell you when you can or cannot date or fall for someone.