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Om Shanti: How to be at peace with your unrequited love

What is the best way to cope if you find that the person you love romantically is not interested in you the same way?
ranbir and deepika

I love you but you don’t love me back

Love is not binary. There is loss when it comes to love. The loss is less harrowing when love reciprocates, but when it doesn’t, it takes something from you. Unrequited love is something we all have experienced and even though there’s no cure to the loss you are feeling, there’s peace. You can be at peace with your unrequited love even though you can’t dissolve or bury what’s left.

Why do we feel unrequited? It is mostly because we are not able to be with the person whom we crave to be with. It is something we suffer from, but there is a threshold to which it can be toxic for either of the persons involved. The source of this conflict may arise from the lack of closure, but closure is something which you either get or don’t. But being at peace is the safest bet for anyone who has suffered through this.

Related reading: 8 ways to make one-sided love successful

The initial stages

The initial stages are the worst, since none of us is equipped to deal with such a loss. There’s a sense of resentment, regret, anger and a lot of other emotion. All we do is think about the possibilities of joining the dots. But little do we think of our mental sanctity. It is very easy to be in love, but the consequences of love can be dire. It can drive you to things that you wouldn’t possibly even imagine. The best way to go through the initial stage is by contemplation. Think of everything you can, do it to the point where you are tired enough to realise that there is no end to this vicious cycle.

The “ifs” don’t exist

The “if” that revolves in our mind can be very dangerous, since it brews most of our problems. But we can only think to the point where our brain even stops responding. Thinking induces a sort of added euphoria, but the problem is that it kills you from within. But are we able to deal with love the way we deal with life? Actually, we mess both parts of our lives. But we need to realise that we can’t isolate the two. That “if” is there to stay, but there are ways to minimise the number of times we think about the possibilities. These are little fantasies that we keep on feeding ourselves to function and be sad at the same time.

lady thinking sitting on a bench
Representative Image source

Related reading: What should I do if I love someone who does not love me?

Getting to the root

Talk with that person. Make sure that you get to a certain sort of understanding where they support you. But that support is still not viable, since it depends on the situation. If you are completely out of touch with that person, it is better to cut them out temporarily, unless you feel that it’s okay. You will feel the need to talk, but talking with the person will only make things difficult, since you will never find the answers you are looking for. It is not their responsibility to make you feel less sad; it is your own responsibility and it is on your own shoulders to make sure that you learn to move on.

It is not their responsibility to make you feel less sad; it is your own responsibility and it is on your own shoulders to make sure that you learn to move on.

Love is not the end

Your love for that person is what keeps you on them, but what if you start loving them from afar but be at peace? No one can do that. But we can understand how love works. Love doesn’t operate solely on attraction; it works in ways we can’t define. Your love for that person doesn’t need to be defined and soon with the familiar aspects coming in, you will fall into a slumber where you will not be able to differentiate affection from love. You start loving yourself, not necessary but it helps to put things under perspective.

Closure that you deserved

Closure doesn’t happen, but peace comes first. If you are at peace with the fact they are not with you romantically, then you won’t need closure. You can always negate the redundant feeling by ignoring them, but that is temporary. So, learn to be at peace.

Love is indeed a four-letter word

Love is there to stay for you and many others, but can we contain love to a single person when you have this whole world left to be explored? You will relapse but you will heal too.

I sent in my resignation because I couldn’t bear to be next to him any more

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