You are parents now. You have an adorable baby and you are over the moon gushing about how cute he is. Your body is feeling lighter, your body is healing, you can see your toes now and all that post-delivery massage is making your nerve endings tingle. Your husband’s touch sends lighting shivers up your spine and you want to reconnect as man and woman as soon as possible. You are raring to bring the romance back after a baby.
As a man, you have waited patiently in the wings as your wife took centre stage. Her health, her well-being, and her safety were of utmost importance. You have abstained from sex or pleasure for some time now. However now your wife has a wonderful glow and she looks beautiful, you are rearing to rekindle the romance once again.
7 Simple tricks to bring the romance back into your life
Hold your horses, it is not as easy as that. Now that the baby is born, you need to actually ‘plan’ having a romantic date. But you need to get that romance back in your life after having a baby. Here are 7 simple tricks to bring the romance back into your life after having a baby.
1. Get touchy
Nothing makes the body tingle than a touch. This is especially true after delivery when a woman’s body is highly sensitive.
Be sure to make contact every-time you pass each other. A touch on the arm, a kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the lips, a gentle rub on the back, a foot massage; all add a wonderful intimacy and are a kind of foreplay.
This touching need not necessarily lead to lovemaking, but it is a beautiful way to reconnect with each other and bring the romance back into your life.
2. Spend time together
Often in India, mothers and newborn babies are surrounded by other senior women in the house and the father hardly gets time to be with the mother. This is, of course, changing with the advent of the nuclear families, however, even then the man stays far from the women. Change that and spend as much time as possible together.
Talk to each other about the baby, about your future, about yourself as parents. Talk to the baby, share things about each other with the baby, tell the baby how much you love the mother or the father. This talking is beneficial at many levels.
One, it tells each of you how much your partner adores you and this also resonates with the baby who hears soothing words of love and affection. Take a walk together when the baby is sleeping or take the baby along with you for a small stroll.
3. Go on a date
As mentioned before, in India we are lucky to have elderly women of the family care for the baby and the baby’s needs. So, seek their help and go on a short date with your partner. But if you are living abroad then you can get the help of a babysitter and even ask friends to help out.
Bathe, feed and make the baby sleep and leaving him in the care of his grandparents, (babysitter or friends) go for a small date where only the two of you are together.
Go to a movie or the restaurant or just a drive, but spend time together without your baby. Go all out while going on your date; which means get cleaned and groomed, dress well, put on your lipstick, look your best.
4. Cuddle up
Take every opportunity you get to cuddle up in bed, hugging each other. This physical contact is a very important to post having a baby. Each partner must realize how much the spouse is longing for him/her. This physical intimacy also reintroduces each partner to the others changed physique. This is very important to bring the romance back into your relationship post-childbirth.
5. Be teenagers again
Nothing seems more romantic or as cute as teenage love.
Become teenagers once again and whisper sweet nothings to each other over your sleeping child. Leave handwritten love notes all over the house for each other. Send text or WhatsApp messages to each other.
The fun in doing such things without waking up the child is exciting, to say the least.
Indulge in foreplay when the baby is sleeping or you have someone to look after the baby. If the foreplay pans out well, then you could even have intercourse depending on how well the woman’s body has healed. The focus has to be on the foreplay because nothing kindles romance as a well planned out foreplay.
7. Set realistic expectations
All said and done, everything might not play out according to plan. Do not fret about it. Remember these are challenging times and you both need time to accept and acknowledge the changes in your life. So, go slow and go easy. Love, after all, is what brought you together and helped you make your beautiful baby.
It is a wonderful feeling to rekindle intimacy after having a baby. It feels even more awesome because you have the result of your love right in front of you.
Riddhi Doshi Patel is a Child Psychologist and Physiotherapist, Parents Coach, Behavioral Coach, Art Therapist and three times TEDx Speaker.