13 Signs An Inmate Really Loves You – And How To Handle It

Love and Romance | | , Relationship Writer
Updated On: November 30, 2023
signs an inmate really loves you

So, you are in love with a prisoner. Now, one recurring thought keeps running through your head: what are the signs an inmate really loves you? You would never have imagined that this question could become such a huge part of your life. But you are now someone involved in a prison relationship. And despite your love for your partner, one thing is quite clear. Having a relationship with an inmate is much more complex than you thought it would be.

So, let’s explore some common concerns around dating a prisoner and identify signs an inmate really loves you. We will also share tips on handling the intricacies of such partnerships.

13 Genuine Signs An Inmate Loves You

When having a relationship with a prisoner, many concerns come up. You may be questioning yourself, “Is my boyfriend talking to someone else in jail?” or “Is my girlfriend building connections with someone else in the real world?” Plus, how can you be sure they are not just using you for personal gain? Well, please look out for the following 13 genuine signs an incarcerated lover really loves you:

Related Reading: 10 Signs Your Relationship Will Last Forever

1. Communication

Due to prison rules, your beloved can’t make phone calls anytime they wish to communicate. In fact, neither can you call them or be in touch with them, since there are specific times prisons assign for such communication. But, if your inmate lover communicates at every opportune moment, then it is a sign they have strong feelings for you.

Further, they may also use other methods, such as writing letters. These thoughtful letters can let you know they are thinking about you. Open communication in a relationship is the ultimate bond in dating, friendship and marriage.

2. Emotional support

Maintaining a relationship with an inmate is challenging because they are not around when you need them. But a genuinely interested partner will continue to offer encouragement and comfort during hard times. The basics of emotional support include , esteem, tangible support, and more.

3. Making long-term plans together

Your incarcerated partner won’t stop making long-term plans with you because they are in prison. After all, once their time inside ends, they have to live in the world outside the prison.

Related Reading: Effort In A Relationship: What It Means And 12 Ways To Show It

4. Respect for boundaries

Look at the nature of interactions with your incarcerated partner. Yes, finding things to talk about with your boyfriend in jail can be tricky. After all, you are both in two very different situations. But, whatever conversations you have should leave you feeling that they respect your autonomy and well-being.

There should be no pressure to talk about certain things, as this is a sign of inmate manipulation. In fact, you won’t face such manipulation if your incarcerated partner really loves you. They will respect the different types of boundaries you try to establish to navigate such a relationship and not guilt you for having a specific opinion or feeling.

5. Genuine interest in your life

Do you feel like your inmate lover knows what is happening in your life at the end of every visit or conversation? If not, they may not care as much as you think they do or should. It can also be one of the early signs the relationship will not last. Some of the signs an inmate really loves you are:

  • Concern for your well-being
  • Emotional support
  • Remembering details

Related Reading: Healthy Relationship Dynamics – 10 Fundamentals

6. Self-improvement

Is the incarcerated partner making an effort at self-improvement? Or are they always playing the victim card and blaming others for their situation? Taking steps to better their life shows they are thinking of creating a better future for both of you. They could do this by:

  • Focusing on education
  • Developing other skills
  • Changing their behavior for the better
  • Blame games and refusing to accept fault are red flags of dating an inmate.

7. Empathy and understanding

Inmate relationships require empathy and understanding from both sides. A sign of real love from their end is when they understand your feelings and challenges and realize how coping in the outside world can be equally difficult. Lack of empathy is a sign of emotional detachment in your relationship.

8. Sharing vulnerabilities

love a prisoner
Navigating Challenges of Prison Relationships

In conversations, you can easily distinguish between jail talk or real love. Your incarcerated lover doesn’t present a tough front all the time. Rather, they have no problem embracing emotional vulnerability by confiding in you about their fears and insecurities. That willingness to be open and honest are signs an inmate really loves you. If they are closed off and prefer to confide in others, it may be a sign they don’t trust you.

Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Stimulate Vulnerability In A Relationship

9. Loyalty

How do you know someone really loves you? Well, there’s no alternative to loyal relationships. Dating someone in jail can be a true measure of loyalty. Even though they may face difficult times, if they love you, you’ll find that they will remain committed to making your relationship stronger by being loyal.

10. Prioritizing your needs

Are you often wondering, “My man is in jail, so does that mean putting myself and my needs aside?” Or are you questioning yourself, “My girlfriend is incarcerated and demands a lot of my time. Should l prioritize her?” Well, No. Since you are already taking the trouble of dating someone who’s in jail, they should be the first ones to show you that you matter and are a priority. If they love you, they will do everything within their power to take some of the burden away from you. If not, it could be a sign your partner is taking your relationship for granted.

11. They apologize for past mistakes or past actions

You have a relationship with an incarcerated lover because of their bad life choices. If they recognize the part they played in it and apologize for their past mistakes, it shows that the inmate is in love with you. Furthermore, it’s a sign of maturity that will go toward creating a healthy relationship. Taking responsibility is a sincere way to apologize to someone they hurt.

12. They thank you for your support

Does your incarcerated partner ever thank you for the support you’re giving? If not, it’s one of the signs an inmate is using you. They should be appreciative of the time, resources, and effort you’re putting in to maintain the relationship.

Related Reading: Fake Relationships – 15 Ways To Identify You Are In One

13. Unwavering trust

We often find people cribbing, “My boyfriend stopped calling me from jail because he accused me of cheating” or, “My incarcerated girlfriend is questioning my relationships with other females.” This is a glaring sign they don’t trust you and are playing mind games. There is no strong relationship without trust. If they are confident of your love, they won’t question it at any time. patience, love, reassurance, honesty and faith in you are just some of the important components of trust in a relationship.

Manipulation In relationships

Challenges And Dangers Of Dating A Prisoner

Having a relationship with a prisoner comes with its own set of challenges and dangers. Learning to read signs an inmate really loves you is important for your emotional and mental well-being. Due to dismal prison conditions, some inmates get into relationships for reasons other than love. They may only be in it because they are taking advantage of you or may wish to see what they can get in return.

So, look out for signs an inmate is using you or is intending to. Learn to distinguish jail talk from real love conversations. Flattery and unrealistic promises are relationship mind games inmates play. Many will also have constant requests for favors and financial support.

Also, watch out for signs of inmate manipulation, like isolation from others, disrespect for boundaries, and unnecessary pressure for information. Those red flags when dating inmates should be a cue to leave.

So, what do you need to watch out for as you work toward building a strong relationship?

  • Loneliness: This is a huge issue when dating a man in prison. The same applies if you are dating an incarcerated woman. Forget about loving snuggles, because that is out of the question
  • Limited communication and interaction: Since you have no control over how often or when you can visit or speak to your partner. That entirely depends on the prison facility and the prisoner’s status. Maintaining healthy relationship dynamics and building trust in such situations can be very difficult
  • Emotional strain: Loving a convict can be highly stressful and emotionally taxing. You must deal with separation, incarceration, legal hurdles, and more
  • Lack of privacy: Prison staff carefully monitor every visit and conversation. In some instances, the authorities will even open love letters sent to prisoners. There is really no privacy, which is crucial for building trusting and intimate relationships
  • Threats to personal safety: The dangers of dating a prisoner include a threat to personal safety. The nature of their crime and associations can put you in danger. Take the example of criminal organizations that may retaliate by going after your partner’s close family members
  • Resocialization: A study defines resocialization as the act of adjusting one’s behavior and conforming to new circumstances due to partner incarceration. This can be painful
  • Stigma: Society may not be accommodating or accepting of relationships involving prisoners. The judgment can greatly impact your social and personal life
  • Manipulation in relationships and deception: This is due to the many lies inmates tell. Lack of honesty about present or past absences can also negatively impact the relationship
  • Financial challenges: Family financial issues might affect you if you’re in a relationship with a prisoner. Add to this the incarcerated partner’s legal and personal expenses
  • Limited future prospects: Still asking yourself, “My boyfriend is in jail. Should I wait?” Well, you might have to make the hard decision to let go. One significant determinant is the length of the prisoner’s sentence. Other considerations include future employment prospects and their ability to reintegrate back into society. A partner showing no remorse may not fare well outside of prison. Do you want to bank on such an individual?

Is it possible to find happiness when having a relationship with a prisoner? Yes, it is, but don’t go into it with a blind eye. You will face a lot of challenges, as we have shared above. You also need to be aware of the mind games inmates play. So, have realistic expectations as you navigate through this complex scenario. Also, encourage open and honest communication with very clear boundaries. Finally, get support from groups or professional counselors.

Related Reading: Romantic Manipulation – 15 Things Disguised As Love

How To Navigate A Prison Relationship

A prison relationship is tough and will test your resilience and love for each other. A study by the US National Institute of Health shows interesting insights. Divorce rates were much higher following incarceration. Around 52% of men were in primary relationships at the start of the incarceration. During the prison sentence, 55% ended up divorced. The main reasons for this were actual incarceration, substance abuse by either partner, financial challenges, or non-monogamy.

Sometimes, you choose to stay committed to each other. In other instances, you may feel that the relationship is no longer working and want to end it. So, let’s explore how to go about it.

When you want to end the relationship

Jail talk or real love
Ending a prison relationship

You may realize that the relationship can no longer work. Yes, your partner loves you very much, and you love them back. But realistically, there is just no future to the relationship for whatever reason.

Let’s explore ways to break up with someone who loves you.

1. Be honest

Don’t just cut off communication with your incarcerated lover. It’s essential to be honest and open in letting them know your decision. Avoid ambiguity by clearly explaining why you feel the relationship needs to end.

2. Establish boundaries

Ending inmate relationships requires establishing clear boundaries. Remember, you have been a source of support, both emotional and financial, for the inmate. Cutting off ties will be tough, and you may get some resistance. Learn to recognize any signs of inmate manipulation or lies inmates tell to get you to stay. Stand firm in your decision, even if it involves cutting ties altogether.

Related Reading: How To Get Through A Breakup Alone?

3. Get the necessary support

Ending any type of genuine love relationship can be tough. And the same applies to being in love with an inmate. So when it’s time to move on, turn to your support circles, like family or friends, to cope and avoid post break-up depression. Also, consider professional therapy to guide you through this difficult time.

4. Give your partner some space

You have decided to end the relationship. Give your ex some space to process and heal as well. Now is not the time to reach out with the ‘let’s be friends’ card. You could be breaking the unspoken boundaries of being friends with an ex. Also, don’t accept the same from them, or you could find yourself right back in love with a prisoner.

5. Focus on your well-being

Get your mind away from the newly ended relationship by refocusing your energy elsewhere. Self-care activities can help with healing and will allow you to find happiness once again.

Related Reading: How To Get Over A Breakup? – 15 Effective Tips To Follow

When you want to make a prison relationship work

When you love a prisoner, the basics of making the relationship work are not much different from the ones you follow in normal life. You must learn how to show someone in jail you love them with simple acts such as trust, kindness, and support.

Let’s look at some ways to make a relationship with an incarcerated lover work:

1. Communicate effectively

One way to show someone in jail you love them is to have open and regular communication. Fortunately, there are so many ways to do this. You can express your emotions by thoughtful letters, phone calls, and regular visits.

2. Accept you are in somewhat of a long-distance relationship

Inmate relationships are very much like long-distance relationships. You only occasionally see your partner, and phone calls are pretty limited. Accepting this fact will mentally prepare you for the relationship. Another advantage is that it helps toughen you up, thus making it easier to cope in your day-to-day life. Learn the things that kill long-distance relationships and work at avoiding them.

Related Reading: Communication In A Long Distance Relationship

3. Establish trust

Establishing trust with an inmate partner can be hard due to the separation that accompanies incarceration. But, maintaining mutual respect, openness, and honesty will help create an unbreakable bond. Learn questions to ask your inmate boyfriend to see if the trust exists. This should focus on factors like building a better future together, accepting past mistakes, taking steps at self-improvement, etc.

4. Maintain your individuality

When you show someone in jail you love them, it does not mean you stop living your life. Being in a relationship with a convict can consume your life. You have to do everything you can to make your partner feel special, sometimes at your expense.

Maintaining a balance of independence in a relationship is critical, with good reason. It gives both of you the chance to continue with personal growth. Also, you need to maintain any interests you have outside of the relationship. That can significantly reduce the stress associated with talking to someone in prison.

5. Work on shared goals

Shared goals are critical, especially for relationships after jail. Make plans with a focus on both of you and how you intend to carry on in the future.

6. Get a support system

Having the right support system does not only help with the emotional part of dating a prisoner. It also brings in a new perspective on how to handle the relationship. Spend time with those you love and benefit from the positive energy.

Key Pointers

  • Signs an inmate really loves you include communication, emotional support, trust, loyalty, and genuine interest in your life
  • It is possible to find happiness while dating in prison as long as you are both committed to the process
  • Having a relationship with a prisoner can be challenging due to issues related to trust, finances, and separation. But, it is possible to successfully circumnavigate these factors and keep the relationship strong
  • Dating a man in prison or an incarcerated woman requires shared goals, including future plans. That determines the relationship path after jail

Dating a man in prison is not easy. Nonetheless, it helps to have clarity on the fact that there will be challenges and dangers to having an inmate relationship. Be realistic about the expectations and have a strong support system. Also, maintain open communication with your partner at all times. Talking to someone in jail can be tough. You may not even have the right things to say to someone in jail. But honesty and openness will help build trust and strengthen the bond between you.

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