Sometimes, when your emotional needs are not being met in a relationship, you end up seeking that intimacy in another person. It is most likely to develop this connection with a colleague as you spend a considerable amount of time at work. And being more subtle than physical infidelity, the signs of emotional affairs at work often go unnoticed until it’s too late.

Emotional affairs at work are not an unusual phenomenon. As per research, approximately 60% of affairs begin at the workplace. Mostly, the genesis of such affairs is rooted in innocent, platonic friendship which morphs into a deep, emotional connection leading to cheating in a relationship. 

So how can you identify an emotional affair at work? How do you deal with it? And is there a way to prevent it from happening? You’ll find all the answers in this article, but first, let’s understand what an emotional affair is.

What Is An Emotional Affair?

An emotional affair occurs when a person forms a deep emotional connection with someone outside their primary relationship, often crossing emotional boundaries of intimacy without necessarily engaging in a physical relationship. Emotional affair signs at work can look like:

• Sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with a colleague rather than your partner
• Seeking emotional support from someone outside the relationship
• Keeping the relationship secret or downplaying its significance
• Prioritizing time and communication with the other person over your partner

While emotional affairs may not involve physical infidelity, they can cause just as much damage because they divert emotional energy and focus away from the primary relationship, often leaving the partner feeling betrayed or neglected.

 17 Lesser-Known Signs Of Emotional Affairs At Work

A study by researchers from Chapman University discovered that emotional affairs upsets 65% of heterosexual women and 46% of heterosexual men more than sexual infidelity. It’s a very common issue that can lead to other relationship problems. If you’re concerned about your partner having an emotional affair or worried that you may be unknowingly having one yourself, here are 17 signs of an emotional affair at work that you should watch out for.

1. Change in behavior 

One of the signs of emotional cheating at work is when your behavior changes around your colleague in the presence of your partner. You’re normally really nice and tactile with this colleague but when your partner is around, you both instinctively preserve some distance from one another and your conversations become more awkward and formal. Why? Why would your behavior alter if you have nothing to hide? This may be because you, at least subconsciously, know that you’re cheating on your partner.

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2. Feeling their absence 

If your mind keeps wandering to the thoughts of your colleague, even when you are around your partner, it can be one of the workplace affairs signs. Because one doesn’t think of a platonic friend all the time. Consider these questions: 

• Have they started to live rent-free in your head (maybe your heart too)? 
• Are you disappointed when you can’t partner up with them on a project? 
• Has meeting and talking to them become your only highlight of a workday?
• Do you feel sad on the days they don’t show up to work?

If the answer to all these questions is in the affirmative, you may be developing an emotional relationship and need to introspect on your feelings.

3. There are no secrets between you two

Even in the strongest of workplace friendships, some personal details are off limits as you wouldn’t want to mix your personal and professional life. However, coworkers who are into each other will share personal secrets and confide in each other. It’s even worse it the secrets are about:

• Relationship problems
• Belittling or sharing flaws of your partner
• Intimate details about your partner

Confiding in this person about your partner or relationship is one of the major emotional infidelity signs. 

4. You feel jealous

When your colleague mentions their partner in front of you, do you feel a pang of unhealthy jealousy? Ever wondered where that is coming from? You are giving a lot of attention to this colleague and want them to do the same for you. That’s why, the fact that they are holding space for their partner in their life is making you jealous and maybe slightly hurt as well. This could be one of the emotional affair signs at the initial stage. You haven’t quite crossed the threshold but you are walking a thin line. 

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5. There is evident sexual tension between you two 

One of the signs of an emotional relationship is feeling sexual tension with the person. Can you feel the sparks flying every time you are around them? Feel butterflies in your stomach when they say hi? If yes, there may be physical attraction between you two. And you may not act on this urge, but the presence of the sexual tension is an issue in itself. 

Kim, 32, has been a victim of an emotional affair. Here’s how she realized her partner was cheating on her. “The first time I realized that my ex-husband was having an affair at work was at an office party. The moment that particular colleague walked in, his body language changed. There were physical signs he was cheating from the way his body reacted to her presence.” 

6. You make sacrifices for each other 

One of the workplace affairs signs is that you’d be willing to give up important things to spend more time with your colleague. You may stay up all night talking to them after your partner has gone to sleep. Alternatively, you may leave your house and arrive at work an hour early to spend more time with your friend.

You don’t realize it, but you’ve sacrificed your life, love, and work to spend time with this person. Why would you do that if it were an ordinary friendship? In the case of men and emotional affairs, one of the lesser-known signs is their increased dedication to work. Keep an eye out and notice if your partner would rather take an “important call” at work than come to dinner with your parents. 

Related Reading: How To Find Out If Your Partner Is Cheating Online?

7. You want to make a good impression on them 

Remember the initial days of a romantic connection when you put extra effort into impressing your crush? Is that something you are doing for your special colleague as well? Then, my friend, it seems to be the beginning of a troublesome friendship. 

You may not admit it, even to yourself, but subconsciously, you always attempt to look your best when you’re around them because you want them to have a certain impression of you. Every touch-up of lipstick or an extra spritz of that sensual cologne aimed to impress your colleague can be one of the emotional affair signs. 

Related Reading: I Can’t Forget My Husband’s Affair And I Feel Tormented

8. You fantasize about them 

As already mentioned, emotional cheating includes some degree of physical attraction. And even if you don’t act on it, it’s very likely to start having dreams (or daydreams) about cheating in a relationship with your colleague. These dreams may seem harmless but if things don’t change, chances are, it may lead you to physical infidelity sooner or later. 

9. You flirt with each other 

While there is no harm in casual flirting when in a relationship, sharing too many flirtatious moments with someone at your work could be one of the signs of inappropriate work relationships. Also, this flirting may not be limited to the workplace. Emotional affairs and texting go hand in hand which means your flirting could have transcended beyond the office and into your personal life. Do you smile every time you see a text from them? Do they subtly flirt with you and you enjoy it? Well, it is time you ask yourself what this relationship means to you. 

Related Reading: Is Flirting Cheating? 9 Reasons It Is And 7 Ways It Can Harm Your Relationship

10. They seem to be your secret soulmate 

One of the signs of emotional infidelity is when someone begins to follow every piece of advice given by a particular colleague. For example, your husband comes home and can’t be happier to share how Jenna taught him a new way to make a grilled cheese sandwich. The next day, it’s a new place she recommended, and the next day, it’s a lifestyle change that she suggested.  If the Jenna of your husband’s life is becoming a part of your relationship, it is time to figure out how to confront him. 

For the people who are having an emotional affair or on the verge of one, do you listen to everything this person has to say? Have they become your secret soulmate because you feel they understand you as no one does? It is one of the signs of an emotional affair at work. 

11. Downplaying their importance 

It’s either sprinkling their name in every conversation or it’s this. When you talk to your partner about this friend, you talk about them as if they aren’t important at all. You attempt to avoid discussing this colleague with your partner, or you downplay their importance in your life.

For example, when asked how your colleague is doing, you react indifferently and try very hard to prove that you have no interest or knowledge of their life. Why would you do that if there was nothing to hide?

Related Reading: Dating A Coworker? Here’s How To Handle Office Romance

12. You imagine life with them 

Even when you are in a committed relationship and have been with your partner for a long time, you secretly wonder how your life might have been different if you and your colleague had met before you started dating your partner. You wonder why you didn’t meet them before, or you both jokingly point out how you would make the perfect couple in an alternate universe. This is one of the signs of emotional affairs at work. 

13. You avoid mentioning your partner 

Not only do you avoid talking about your colleague to your partner, but you also avoid talking about your partner to your colleague. You and your colleague try to stay away from discussing each other’s partners. This is one of the signs of an emotional affair at work which hasn’t quite bloomed but is in the process of it. Even if one of you mentions your own partner for a few minutes, the discussion quickly shifts back to flirting. Does that sound like a platonic relationship? 

Related Reading: 23 Thoughtful Messages To Fix A Broken Relationship

14. You get too defensive about your relationship with the colleague 

Getting overly defensive about the nature of your relationship is one of the most obvious signs of emotional infidelity. If your partner inquires about them, you become enraged. Even if they are not accusing you of anything but asking a simple question about how they’re doing, it can set you off. It is only because you’re aware that you’re doing something wrong do you become irritated and lash out. Defensiveness is a subconscious indication that you’re hiding something. 

15. Inappropriate conversations 

One of the signs of emotional affairs at work is the absence of professional boundaries between you two. You may start having inappropriate conversations and using terms of endearment like baby or sweetheart or pet names. If your relationship with your colleague has reached this stage, you’re no longer flirting harmlessly. You regard this person as a significant part of your life and, even if secretly, as a partner. 

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16. You are beginning to ignore your relationship 

One of the signs of an emotional affair at work is devoting more energy to this person than to your relationship. You’d rather hang out with this other person and put effort into nurturing your bond since it’s fresh and interesting than trying to resolve things with your partner.

Statistically, only 34% of women who have had emotional affairs claim to be happy in a marriage. So, it could be because there is a void in your relationship which is being filled by the presence of this person. Or it could be that you both are extremely compatible. Either way, if your partner is bearing the brunt of your newfound obsession, it is one of the emotional affair signs. 

Related Reading: How Cheaters Hide Their Tracks — 15 Eye-Opening Signs

17. You hide your texts

As mentioned before, emotional affairs and texting go hand in hand. One of the signs of emotional affairs at work is when this texting becomes secretive. If asked who you are texting, you reply with a nonchalant ‘nobody’ and immediately delete your chats with that colleague. 

You might have convinced yourself that this is not emotional cheating but when you are putting extra effort into hiding the evidence, you must accept that something is wrong. 

Emotional infidelity is one of the most common types of cheating and can be as damaging as physical cheating. In this case, you are getting your emotional needs met through someone who isn’t your partner. And while one person can’t fulfill all our emotional needs, it is important to ask yourself why you feel this attraction or connection to your colleague. 

How To Prevent An Emotional Affair At Work

Work environments often foster close relationships, which can sometimes blur the lines between professional and personal connections. Emotional affairs, particularly at work, can develop slowly and unintentionally. These relationships may begin innocently but can evolve into something more intimate, jeopardizing both the personal relationship at home and professional boundaries. To avoid slipping into an emotional affair, it’s essential to be proactive and maintain clarity in workplace relationships. With conscious effort, you can safeguard both your partnership and your professionalism.

Here are 7 strategies to help prevent an emotional affair at work:

1. Establish clear boundaries

Be cautious about how much you share about your personal life with colleagues. While friendly chatter is normal, avoid deeply personal topics that could create an emotional bond and make sure to keep your love life private. Keep the focus on work and light, neutral topics. Reserve intimate discussions for your partner to avoid creating a close emotional connection at work.

Related Reading: Relationship Advice For Couples – 25 Ways To Strengthen Your Bond

2. Prioritize your partner

If something significant happens, make sure your partner is the first person you talk to about it, not a colleague. This reinforces your emotional connection at home. Make time to nurture your primary relationship, ensuring that emotional needs are being met by your partner, not someone else.

3. Be honest with yourself

Recognize the warning signs. Notice if you’re:

• Excited to see or talk to a specific coworker
• Keeping your conversations with them private
• Feeling drawn to a particular colleague

If yes, reflect upon these feelings. Understanding your emotions can help you prevent the relationship from progressing further.

Related Reading: 51 Bonding Questions For Couples To Strengthen A Relationship

4. Limit one-on-one interactions

Try to minimize time spent alone with someone, especially if you feel attracted to them. You can do this by avoiding:

• One-to-one meetings with them
• Interaction outside of work-related topics
• Private after-work outings

 If you need to collaborate, work in group settings or in public areas where others are around. Similarly, be mindful when socializing outside work, as the professional boundaries can get confusing in such settings. Keep social gatherings inclusive and professional.

5. Communicate openly with your partner

Talk openly with your partner about your work relationships, especially if you feel you’re developing an emotional connection with a coworker. Transparency can help prevent feelings of guilt or secrecy from developing. And addressing it early can prevent it from escalating.

6. Respect professional boundaries

Many companies have guidelines about workplace relationships to prevent conflicts of interest. Be aware of these policies and adhere to them. These policies help you keep communication respectful, avoid flirtatious behavior, and maintain appropriate boundaries.

7. Strengthen your self-awareness

Pay attention to how you feel around certain colleagues. If you notice strong emotional responses, it’s important to pull back and reset boundaries. Also, reassess your work-life balance. If work is consuming too much of your emotional energy, focus on building a healthier balance by spending more quality time with loved ones outside of work.

Related Reading: Giving Too Much in a Relationship? How Much To Give of Yourself

How To Deal With Emotional Infidelity In The Workplace 

Unlike physical affairs, emotional affairs are often subtle and harder to define, but they can cause just as much damage to a relationship. The emotional connection formed with someone other than a partner can lead to secrecy, feelings of betrayal, and trust issues. When the affair occurs in a work environment, it complicates things further, as regular interactions with the person involved may be unavoidable. Here are 7 steps to help you deal with an emotional affair in the workplace:

1. Acknowledge and understand the issue

Before you can deal with it, both partners need to acknowledge that infidelity has occurred. Denying it or brushing it aside will only cause further damage.

Emotional affairs can be complicated and subtle. It’s important to understand how the relationship began, what led to the emotional involvement, and why the boundaries were crossed.

Related Reading: Friendship In Marriage Strengthens Couple’s Bond

2. Have an honest conversation with your partner

Lack of communication is probably what led to the affair in the first place. SO, set aside time for an honest, non-judgmental conversation with your partner. Express your feelings of hurt and betrayal, but also be open to hearing their perspective. While it’s natural to feel angry, framing the conversation with accusations can shut down dialogue. Focus on understanding how both of you got to this point.

3. Establish boundaries at work

If your partner works with the person they were emotionally involved with, you both need to agree on appropriate boundaries. This might include:

• Limiting one-on-one time
• Avoiding personal conversations
• Keeping interactions strictly professional

Any contact with the person involved should be transparent. If your partner has to interact with them, you both should agree to maintain open communication about those interactions.

Related Reading: Step-by-Step Guide To Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage

4. Seek professional guidance

Infidelity, in any form, can leave lasting scars. Couples therapy can provide a neutral space where both partners can express their emotions and work through the issues that led to the infidelity. Bonobology offers a panel of experts that can help you navigate such relationship issues and rebuild your connection. If interested, you can book a session online.

Also, if the workplace environment continues to cause issues, seeking workplace counseling or mediation may be helpful to ensure a healthy professional relationship going forward.

5. Focus on rebuilding trust

Rebuilding trust is key after experiencing any form of infidelity. It takes time and effort from both sides. The unfaithful partner must be willing to be transparent and accountable, while the hurt partner needs to be patient as trust is gradually restored. Some things that may help are:

• Clearly defining what is considered cheating for your relationship
• Working on being transparent about your friendships
• Establishing emotional boundaries

6. Take time for reflection and healing

Healing from an emotional affair is a process that takes time. Both partners need to reflect on:

• What went wrong in the relationship
• How their emotional needs weren’t met
• How to address these needs moving forward

Don’t rush into decisions about the future of your relationship. Allow yourselves the time to process what happened, heal, and regain clarity before making any long-term decisions.

7. Work on strengthening your relationship

Use this difficult experience as an opportunity to reassess and strengthen your relationship. Rebuild your connection by:

• Spending quality time together
• Practicing open communication
• Making your partner feel heard, understood, and supported
• Engaging in meaningful activities
• Working on emotional intimacy

Final Thoughts

Analyze your relationship with your partner, and try to figure out why there was space to allow another person to enter the emotional bubble between you two. There is nothing wrong with feeling a strong connection with another person, but if you are already committed to being monogamous, respect your partner enough to not cross boundaries with someone else. 

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