How Often Should I Text Her? A Guide On Texting To Keep Her Interested

Online Dating | | , Editor-in-Chief
Updated On: March 22, 2024
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When you’re in the wooing stage, trying to win over a girl and get her to go out with you, your mind is clouded with myriad questions. The ‘texting stage’ as Gen Z likes to call it, brings with it its own set of troubles. It can be hard to find a healthy balance between seeming too desperate and too aloof, which is why you may often find yourself wondering, “How often should I text her?”

This already delicate equation is made more precarious by the fact that guys’ perspective on texting can be radically different from girls’. We’re to help you stay on top of your texting game with a detailed lowdown on how to keep your crush interested in you, what to text her, and when to stop.

How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?

Another way you can put this query is, “How often should I text my crush without seeming desperate?” Texting has become an integral part of the dating world in this digital age. This has led to several unspoken dating texting rules becoming the norm. So if you want to ace this game of how to text a woman you like, you need to play by the rules.

Yes, it can be hard to keep up and adhere to all of these rules that keep cropping up and changing before you’ve had the chance to acquaint yourself with them. You may even wonder why you can’t just follow your heart in answering the question, “How often should I text her?” Why are these rules so important after all if you just want to chat with the girl you fancy?

Well, because they can save you from embarrassment and prop up your chances of winning someone over with just texts. The first crucial piece of texting advice is knowing how often you should text a girl in the beginning. Here are some broad guidelines that will help you in keeping a girl interested over text:

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1. After getting her number is the best time to text a girl

Wondering when you should start texting a girl for the first time? Soon after you get her number would be a good starting point. If you don’t, she may think you’re not interested and get over you before she’s even into you.

Mike, who is in his late 20s and actively dating, says this strategy has always worked for him. “When to build momentum? Well, you should do it right around when she shares her number with you. Whether I get a girl’s number online or in person, I text her within a few hours on the pretext of sharing mine. Once she responds, I make it a point to take the conversation forward because if you let it die at this stage, it can be very hard to break the ice later on. So guys, do not miss the opportunity.”

Related Reading: 31 Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Trying Not To Show It

2. How often should I text her after the first date?

How often should I text a girl I met online? Has this question been confusing you a little too much? Here is a good piece of texting advice to follow: Never miss texting her after the first date or after you two spent some time together in person. But don’t do it immediately after you say your goodbyes. Let her at least get home first.

Then, drop a short and sweet text letting her know that you had a good time. In doing so, it’s best to be patient in asking for a second date. Again, you don’t want to come across as too eager when you’re texting a girl for the first time after a date. Give her and yourself the time to process the experience of your first in-person meeting before making or proposing more plans.

3. How often should I text my crush without seeming desperate? Text her if you think of her

Should I text her first every day? Well, probably not — especially if you’re texting a girl for the first time or are still in the early talking stage. But do shoot her a good text every now and then to let her know you’re thinking about her. If you go by guys’ perspective on texting, you’d probably find a rhythm to the frequency of your texts to a girl that works for both of you and stick to it to play it safe. While there is nothing wrong with that, it won’t make you stand out and leave your mark on her heart and mind.

Instead, try to find the answer to “Should I send this message?” by approaching it from her point of view. Nothing would make a girl’s heart skip a beat and make her warm up to you more than an out-of-the-blue text telling her that you’re thinking of her.

“Hey, just ordered the pizza from the place you said you love and thought of you.” A simple text like this might go a long way in keeping her interested. Once again, the key is to not overdo it. If you start telling her every day that something or the other is reminding you of her when you’re still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase, she might stop chatting with you before you even realize what went wrong.

Related Reading: How To Know If A Girl Likes You But Is Hiding It – 35 Low-Key Signs

4. Should you text her every day? Depends on your dynamic

Will she get annoyed if I text her every day? The answer to that question depends entirely on what stage you are both at:

  • If you’re still not officially dating – cue: you have been on fewer than five dates – keep the frequency of your texts to a couple of times a week
  • It’s best to do it when you know that she’d be freer to engage in conversation with you
  • In the evening or on weekends is a good idea to hit her up if you haven’t gotten too close yet

Even if this means having to play hard to get, then so be it. That way, you will create enough space for her to initiate chatting with you once in a while, and not be left wondering how to keep a conversation going with a girlfriend. The only way to know is to give her room to take the initiative now and then.

how often should I text my crush

5. Is she your friend?

You don’t have to play mind games if the girl you’ve fallen for is your friend and you share a connection strong enough for you to view her as your platonic soulmate. If she’s your friend, no topic is too silly to share. Whether it’s about what you ate for dinner, a good-looking girl you saw at a party, reminiscing about the past, or discussing future plans, you can talk about anything and everything under the sun without any awkwardness. Craft your texting game wisely to build upon that connection and veer it into romantic territory.

6. Tempos can change with FWB

How long should you wait to text her back? The answer to this question can be a whole lot different if you are friends with benefits. A Reddit user wrote, “It varies based on the particular FWB and what’s going on. Sometimes we’ll have a whole big conversation over text and then other days we might just say hi. Or nothing some days. Conversations have tempos and those tempos can change. But it’s not an orchestra, it’s jazz. So we’re all improvising.”

Does My Crush Like Me

7. Know how to respond when a girl says she’s busy

Forget about how to keep a conversation going with a girlfriend for a moment. At the stage when you’re still trying to make a connection, it’s all the more crucial to be mindful of the other person’s boundaries. Incessantly barraging a girl with texts can work against you.

Donna, a marketing professional based out of Boston, says this is a definite red flag in the dating-but-not-quite stage. “There was this guy that I was enjoying talking to but then he started texting too much and even double texting every time I didn’t reply for a couple of hours. On a Friday, I had specifically told him that I had a busy day lined up at work, followed by a girls’ night out, but he kept texting incessantly. That was really off-putting.”

Donna thinks they could have ended up together had she not seen early warning signs of a clingy boyfriend in him. If you don’t want to end up like him, it’s extremely important to respect boundaries and not intrude into her personal space when she clearly says she’s busy. Know when to stop texting a girl. The answer to your “how often should I text her” question is this.

Related Reading: How To Know If A Girl Likes You Over Text – 21 Subtle Signs

What Should I Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?

Now that we’ve cleared up your “how often should I text her” dilemma, it would be wise to look into what to say to start a conversation over text and to keep the conversation between you two flowing. Just like the frequency of your texts, the content matters just as much in keeping a girl interested over text. Nothing moves women more than the right words used at the right time and in the right context. Text messages present the perfect platform for you to use the power of words to pull at her heartstrings.

How to keep a conversation going with a girlfriend or a girl you’re interested in — if this thought gives you sleepless nights, here are a few conversation starter ideas that will make engaging her a smooth sailing ride:

1. How to text a woman you like — Keep your messages positive

Whether you’re texting a woman you just met or trying to take things forward with someone who’s been chatting with you for a while, keep the content and tone of your messages positive. You don’t want to bore her with drab details of your day unless asked. At the same time, steer clear of the trap of mansplaining and negging.

Saying something like, “I saw a girl walking clumsily in her heels today and it reminded me of you” is a big NO-NO. If you’re wondering how to know if you’re irritating someone through text, know that a message like this ought to do it.

You want to endear and not offend her, especially with your starting text. Instead, try something like “The sunset was so gorgeous today. For some reason, it reminded me of you.” Here are some examples of what to say to start a conversation over text:

  • “So, what does your ideal date look like?”
  • “Hey, good looking. What do you suggest I do for fun this weekend?”
  • “Good night sweetie. Talk to you tomorrow”
  • “I’m terrible at small talk, but I make a killer playlist”
texting a girl you just met

2. Connect over pop culture when you text a girl in the beginning

Being back on the dating scene after getting out of a serious relationship, Henry, a data analyst, found himself lost about the things to talk about with a girl over text. “Is constant texting irritating? Is she waiting for me to send the first text? Or should I send the first text? These questions were giving me a lot of texting anxiety, to the point where I’d just avoid texting girls I had connected with. I’d pretty much have a brain freeze and not be able to think of anything to say to the other person.

“After a lot of disastrous interactions, I tried breaking the ice with this one girl by asking her for Netflix recommendations, and it worked like a charm. We got talking and realized we had so much in common. Unfortunately, we wanted different things, so it didn’t go any farther than a few dates, but it has since become my go-to move. If you can’t think of anything, then discuss with her how you can’t wait for the next Game of Thrones spinoff. It should work.”

Still wondering what to say in your starting text? Well, here are some more examples of what to say to start a conversation over text:

  • Sasuke or Naruto?”
  • “What’s your favorite Weeknd song?”
  • “Please tell me you’re a fan of The Office?”
  • “Have you watched the recent Nolan movie?

Related Reading: Online Flirting – With Our 21 Tips You Will Never Go Wrong!

3. How to keep a conversation going with a girlfriend — Check in on her

Should I send her a good morning text every day, you wonder? Not necessarily but you should try to check in on her every now and then so she knows you’re around. You may even be wondering if she’ll notice that you stopped texting her. But have you ever thought that she could be thinking the same too? So, if you haven’t heard from her in a while, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask what’s up with her.

“Should I text her after a week of silence?” Well, of course. If you are into this girl, you must. A week is a long time and you don’t want to lose the connection you two have been working on. Don’t hold yourself back because you don’t want to seem too desperate or out of ego. A thoughtful yet light-hearted message like “Hey Nemo, it’s Dori. Have you gone missing again?” can work wonderfully in letting her know that you’ve noticed her absence. You can also add a touch of emojis. Here are some other things to talk about with a girl over text to break the ice:

  • “It’s so cold today! Wonder what we could do to warm up ;)”
  • “Hope you have a good day today <3”
  • “What’s up, handsome? ;)”
  • “What would it take for you to drunk dial me? :)”

4. How to text a woman you like — Keep it playful

Once she’s started chatting with you, it’s time to move on from, “How often should I text a girl I met online?”, to, “What are the funny ways to start a conversation with a girl?” At this point, it’s crucial to ask interesting questions to get to know her better but, at the same time, be mindful of not crossing any boundaries.

An important piece of texting advice — you shouldn’t intrude too far into her personal life with questions about her past, her former relationships, exes, her relationship with her parents, and so on. Instead, keep it playful and light by focusing on understanding the person she is based on her likes, dislikes, passions, interests, and hobbies. Here are some funny yet sweet ideas for keeping a girl interested over text:

  • “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles!”
  • “Wanna know what me and a bear have in common? We hibernate throughout winter”
  • “My place or yours? JK, my parents are home”
  • “Serious issue: Can’t stop thinking about you”
stories about dating and more

5. Don’t hold back on the flirting

If you don’t want to fall into the dreaded friend zone, it is vital to evoke sexual tension and keep it alive. Even when you’re texting a woman you just met, don’t hold yourself back from flirting a little. If she responds, you can gradually build up the tempo. However, pay attention to where to draw the line between flirty and creepy.

For instance, “Your eyes cast a hypnotic spell on me. I can’t seem to take my eyes off your profile picture” is tastefully flirtatious. On the other hand, “That mole right above your cleavage is giving me a hard-on” is downright creepy and offensive. Know the difference. If you need a flirty texting guide to make her feel special, here’s what you can try:

  • “Hey, you! Up for pizza, beer, and me tonight?”
  • “I think we need to sign a lease agreement. You can’t continue living in my head rent-free”
  • “Let’s skip the small talk and go straight to flirting”
  • “See how empty my room is? That’s because you’re not here!”

Related Reading: How To Get A Girl To Like You Over Text?

When Should You Stop Texting A Girl?

Sometimes, you may do and say all the right things, and yet, things may not work out between you and the girl who’s chatting with you. You may feel the chemistry fizzling out but may not know when to take a step back. Perhaps she’s giving you the indication that your text relationship is coming to a close. Or she only replies to you with one-word answers like K’s and Hmm’s. As annoying as that can be, maybe the best thing is to take the hint and say your goodbyes soon.

So, when should you stop texting your crush? How do you know a woman doesn’t like you even though she hasn’t said so in as many words? Turns out, there are quite a few indicators. Here is when to stop texting a girl:

  • She stops responding: You have sent her 6 text messages over two weeks and she hasn’t responded to even one. This is your cue to quietly exit her life and move on to greener pastures. If she has a valid reason — a medical emergency, family issues, work trouble — for not responding but is still interested, she will touch base and let you know why she went incommunicado
  • Short responses: If you’ve been sending heartfelt messages and asking open-ended questions from your starting text and she is responding in monosyllables, just stop. It’s not worth your while to invest so much time and energy into someone who won’t reciprocate
  • She replies fast but never initiates: Perhaps she does like you and she even always responds to your texts but never initiates conversations. If that behavior leaves you wondering, “Should I text her after a week of silence?”, go without texting her for a while. And if she doesn’t reach out, it’s a tell-tale sign you need to stop too
  • She has asked you to back off: How to tell if a woman isn’t interested through text? If a girl has explicitly told you so, then back off right away. This is probably the clearest signal for when to stop texting a girl
  • You have nothing in common: In case after interacting for a few days, you’ve realized that you two are like apples and oranges, it’s best not to waste her time and yours
  • You’ve connected with someone else: It’s not uncommon to text two or three prospects at a time. If you’ve developed a deeper and more meaningful connection with someone, it’s best to stop texting the other girls in the loop, to be able to focus on that one person

Key Pointers

  • Texting in the early stages of a romantic connection can be tricky; the key is to strike a balance between coming on too strong and being too aloof
  • Girls, typically, don’t like being bombarded with texts in the getting-to-know-each-other phase
  • The objective should be to get to know her better without being too intrusive or overbearing
  • If you’re texting each other at the same time, it’s one of the signs a woman is interested in you over text

As Kenny Rogers says, “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em. Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away. And know when to run.” The same principle applies to modern relationships. Text to show her how much you care. But also keep your self-respect intact in case she loses interest. These broad guidelines will help you communicate effectively and make online interactions translate into in-person meetings.

Finally, an important thing to remember is that the text count is not the only thing that matters. Make sure she has a great time chatting and even thinks about it the next day. Whenever you need some inspiration, you can always come back to this article for the things to talk about with a girl over text.


1. How often should I text her without seeming desperate?

The frequency of your text messages depends on what stage you’re at. If you’re still getting to know each other, then texting a couple of times a week should be good enough.

2. Is it annoying to text a girl every day?

No. When you’re dating – even if you’re far from exclusive – it’s a good idea to chat with a girl every day. Even more so, if you want to take the relationship forward.

3. Should I text her first?

If she has not replied to two or three of your text messages, you should stop and wait for her to respond. Messaging women with a barrage of texts without receiving a reply will make you look too eager and needy.

4. Does leaving someone on read make them want you more?

Leaving a girl on read will either convey that you’re bad at texting or not interested. Most people find it lazy and somewhat cruel. The purpose of texting is to get to know them and not to play mind games. So, to stop texting to create attraction is a strategy we won’t recommend. This is your one chance so don’t waste it on powerplay.

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