Relationships 101

12 tips to successfully date a single mom

Dating a single mom can be a fulfilling experience, since she already knows so much about relationships. Here's how to do it right.
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If you are dating a single mom, it means that you are dating a superwoman. She manages her work, the house, her kids and their school activities, and is still always full of life and energy. There is no problem she can’t solve, she is fiercely independent, and will not tolerate anything nasty about her kids. She is full of surprises and the more you get to know her, the more you are amazed. She is fun and mysterious at the same time and you just can’t stop yourself from falling for her.

Single women are independent, self-sufficient and keep multi tasking. These qualities are rare to find and men are attracted to such qualities. But dating a single mom isn’t easy. She has her plate full with bills and responsibilities and a boyfriend may not be something she wants to have.

Dexter Morgan from the series Dexter, though a serial killer, was a great boyfriend to his girlfriend and her kids. He managed the relationship like a pro. From picking up the kids from school to making them their favourite breakfast, he did it all. Unless you are Dexter (not the serial killer part), you need to brush up your skills if you want to date a single mom and be a pro at handling such a relationship. Here are some tips to help you be the Dexter to your Rita.

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Relationship advice on dating a single mom – 12 tips

First of all, dating a woman with kids is no joke. If you are not serious about the relationship, then back off before you end up breaking her and her children completely. A single mother doesn’t get into casual relationships. She gets into one when she feels that she is ready to let someone else into her children’s lives. So only if you are serious about the woman should you move ahead with her. If you love her and see it going somewhere, then these 12 tips will help you understand her and manage the relationship that will make you ‘Boyfriend of the Year’.

1. Understand that her children will be her priority

No matter what happens, Mama Bear will always keep her cubs as her first priority. She will cancel on you if something comes up. If she has to choose between her kid’s dolls’ tea party and a romantic date with you, she is going to the tea party, no matter how lame it is. For her, her children mean everything. Her entire life revolves around them. Be prepared to be turned down because of her kid’s doll.

2. Be there for emotional support

There will be times when everything around her could seem to be falling apart and she will break down. The super mom to her kids will seem powerless. She will need a shoulder to cry on or just a tight hug saying that everything will be okay. Be that emotional support and boost her morale when she feels low. She will feel good to finally have someone by her side in times of distress.

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3. Earn her trust

She could have had a bad past or something she doesn’t want to talk about. Trusting another person with her life and her children is something that is going to take time. You will have to work hard to earn her trust so that she doesn’t feel uneasy about her decision. Make sure that you earn her trust by portraying you true self, without any lies and games.

4. Make her feel secure

Insecurity will creep in and doubts regarding you will arise. She won’t want you to turn out like her ex, so she will keep scrutinising you. Make her feel secure by giving her the emotional and mental comfort she needs. Keep your life like an open book in front of her so that she sees that there is nothing to worry about. Attracting and dating a divorcee is different because she is looking for substance and maturity, not the boyish-charm and sweet-nothings.

5. Take it slow

A single mom will need time and you will have to give it to her. Taking it slow will help build an emotional bond with her, which will evolve into a romantic and physical bond. Move forward with her when she is ready. Rushing it will only give her the wrong impression about you.

6. Help her out with her responsibilities

Give her a hand with some of her work. Doing so many things as it is tires her out. By helping her you can tell her to take some time off for herself while you look after the kids. Helping her out will ease her burden and will make your relationship even stronger. You too, will be able to understand her kids better.

7. Give her surprises

A single mother is not used to surprises. She doesn’t remember the last time anyone did something for her. Surprise her by cooking her kids and her dinner or take them out to their favourite restaurant. Get her gifts or lighten her up with flowers.

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8. Be ready for play dates

Dating a mom changes the definition of a date too. More than the adult dates, you are going to have play dates with her kids. A date night is going to be you sitting in the living room with them, playing Ludo, Scrabble or carroms. Even if you hate playing those games now, be ready to act all excited while playing them with the kids.
You don’t want the kids to think that Mr Boyfriend is boring.

9. Physical romance will become household romance

Your romantic life is going to go down the dry road. The idea of romance in your relationship isn’t going to be like your other relationships. Imagine a play date night followed by dinner. Putting the kids to sleep and cleaning up will tire the both of you so much that you both will fall asleep on the couch. Now that is how romantic most of your days are going to be.

10. Don’t involve yourself with the ex

It is better to stay out when it comes to your girlfriend and her ex. You don’ know their exact story and interfering in their matters could make things worse. Unless asked by your girlfriend, stay away from that territory. You don’t want an angry ex riding on your back.

11. Make the kids fall in love with you

Women love it when their children bond well with their boyfriends/partners. They feel that they have made the right decision. It is important for the children to like you, because their mother will always seek their acceptance before moving forward. Be their friend and the fun boyfriend. Pamper them and win their trust.

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12. Treat her family like your family

Accept it or not, when you date a single mother, you date her family too. You build a relationship with her and her family and it’s like you now have a new family. The key to happiness in a relationship with a single parent is when you start treating their family like your own. It makes the entire thing much easier and they feel they belong.

When you date a single mother, you need to focus on her emotional aspects rather than her physical ones. It is more of an emotional relationship that you have with her and her children which gets them easily attached to you. There will be times when she is too busy to go out with you and you will have to understand it, given the numerous responsibilities she has. Be patient and understanding and everything will work out. Make sure you know what you are getting into and are serious about it, because you won’t want to make them go through another heart-breaking separation. Think thrice before you go for it. Think wisely.

I was a widow and a single mother at 28 till life gave me a second chance

12 important dating tips for divorcees

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