I love this quote by Carrol Bryant: “The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.” If you have ever been in love and it ended, you know exactly what I am talking about. The pain and angst can increase manifold if you have to navigate the challenge of how to get over a broken heart when you still love him. I know the feeling all to well because I recently went through a breakup that had be staring down the same barrel.
To be honest, I am still in the grieving and healing process. But I have learned quite a bit that I would love to share in case you are going something similar. For further clarity, I bring you insights from counselors Prerna Dhingra (M.A. Clinical Psychology) and Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), who specializes in separation and divorce counseling.
How To Get Over A Broken Heart When You Still Love Him — 13 Ways
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When the relationship ends, you feel overwhelmed with so many emotions. There’s no fixed time frame for when things will normalize. There will be days of tears and wallowing, grief and rage, denial, resentment, and pure sadness and loss. If you are trying to get over a breakup you caused, you’ll also blame yourself, trying to figure out where you went wrong.
Prerna says, “Emotionally detaching from someone comes with a lot of challenges because it’s not just the individual we have to detach from, but also parts of ourselves that we now associate with the person. For some people, diving into work and hobbies turns out to be fruitful till they feel ready to work on letting go of their attachment.
“For others, working toward a systematic breakdown of their attachment can prove to be helpful. Either way, addressing the part of us that’s holding on to the other person, what purpose this hold has, and how it’s serving us currently, is what eventually helps.
“For instance, if the attachment is because both of them were together for a long time and it’s the habit that’s difficult to let go of, then work on slowly creating new memories and habits would help, so as to bring about the association and attachment back to ourselves from the said partner.”
On how to get over a broken heart when you still love him, Shazia adds, “Getting over heartbreak is all about understanding that emotions are not constant traits – they keep changing depending upon other external and environmental factors. Once we recognize, acknowledge, process, and channel them in a positive manner, things start falling into place. Rather than focusing or stressing about how to detach in a relationship, going with the flow and prioritizing our own happiness will surely make a difference.”
Breaking up with the love of your life is a painful and long process, but it’s not impossible. Here are 13 ways to help you cope and let go of a relationship when you still love them.
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Healing Emotionally From Breaking Up When You’re Still In Love
“I broke up with my boyfriend, but I still love him, how do I let go?” That was very difficult for me since the emotions were still so strong. Why couldn’t he see that I still loved him and we could work out the issues bedeviling us? But I had to contend with the fact that he was no longer interested. It’s important to do whatever helps with getting over a broken heart, especially when you’re moving on without closure.
A Reddit user captured exactly what I was feeling. In her words, “I was so scared. I feel like I’ll be signing on for a life that I wouldn’t choose for myself if I stay. On the other hand, I’m scared I will be making a permanent decision on temporary problems, and I’ll be missing out on a lovely future with the person who means the world to me.”
So let’s explore what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you, and you still love him.
1. Take time to wallow, you can’t get ‘rid’ of a broken heart
It’s critical to take time to go through the grieving process. Wallow. Order a cheese pizza with all the toppings or an entire cake and watch mindless TV. While getting over a broken heart, you’re going to have to be sensible and accept that the relationship is over at some point.
“The healthiest way to cope would be not to resist your emotions,” says Prerna, “Cry when you feel like it, share your feelings with your loved ones when you’d like, and allow yourself time to grieve something that meant so much to you, the same way you allowed yourself time to fall in love in the first place.”
2. Know that it’s okay to love them but from a distance
The answer to how to get over a broken heart when you still love him is not to stop loving him. No matter how much you fight it or convince yourself that you’re over him, there’s a good chance the love will remain. This is especially true if you were in a long-term relationship.
Guess what, that’s okay. Letting go of someone you still love is exactly what it sounds like. You’re letting go of the relationship, the romance, and all that came with it, except the love. Prerna warns, “Moving on from an ex isn’t easy. It gets harder if you haven’t done the work and have only suppressed your feelings to avoid feeling the pain of your breakup.
“If you’re getting over someone you see every day, it’s even tougher. But try to gauge what options allow you to feel your feelings while maintaining a distance. Maybe having a buffer person in the room, or changing your routine for a few weeks till you move on from a painful heartbreak will help.
Related Reading: How To Move On When You’re Still In Love With Your Ex
3. Make peace with the past
Letting go of the past is an excellent answer to what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you and you still love him. Unless you’ve made peace with the past, you won’t be able to move on after a breakup. When the breakup is fresh, every thought of your past relationship will give rise to deeply negative emotions.
Prerna says, “Everyone’s coping mechanisms are different, and to limit them to a few would be unfair. Some may try prayers for getting over a broken heart, others may want to wish it away. Some might have healthier ways to cope with their grief related to heartbreak.
“One is to get closure from within ourselves. To understand that just because it ended, doesn’t necessarily mean that it didn’t hold value when it existed. Having a support system like a family member and close friends is definitely helpful, as it provides an outlet for feelings is there. In case there were hobbies or activities that you gave up while you were in a relationship, I would strongly suggest getting back to those slowly.”
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4. Don’t rush into moving on
Did someone say “rebound”? Listen, there’s nothing wrong with flirting and sex if you think it’ll help you move on from a painful heartbreak. What to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you and you still love him is not to be in a hurry to move on to a rebound relationship. Important relationship advice says, easy does it.
How long does it take to get over someone you truly loved? It’s difficult to heal a broken heart, and the science behind it tells us it may take up to 18 months to move on. But the timeline really depends on the length or depth of your relationship and how you process the breakup.
So, instead of trying to distract your way through the grief with a rebound relationship, try to work on bettering yourself first. A Reddit user cautions against rebound sex with the ex-partner, and says, “The aftermath will leave you feeling awful and hateful. It will totally mess with your mind.”
5. Remember, you will love again
I know that I don’t want to move on from my ex because I am holding on to what we had. I feel like my heart will never recover. But, believe it or not, it will. Opening yourself up to new love is perhaps the scariest part of the healing process, but it’s also one of the most vital.
“Love makes you a better person,” counsels Shazia, “If things didn’t work out well between two people, it does not necessarily mean that they cannot move on and be happy with someone else. Being emotionally aware and navigating your feelings in the right direction will help in overcoming heartbreak. Remember, all healing begins with yourself.”
Related Reading: Making Peace With Your Past: 13 Wise Tips
Moving On After Breaking Up With The Love Of Your Life
Breaking up with the love of your life can feel like the world is coming to an end. It becomes hard to see positive things around you. You will be hurting emotionally as you go through the grieving process that comes with the end of a romantic relationship. You will also be wondering, how long does it take to get over someone you truly loved? Instead of ruminating, find healthy ways to cope.
6. To move on from a painful heartbreak, you need to cut off contact
This is the short, simple, and perhaps the most painful part of breaking up when you’re still in love. You must adhere to the no-contact rule. This means no “miss you” texts, no drunk calls, and no driving past their house. If you can, deactivate your social media.
You may be struggling with the thought, “I don’t want to move on from my ex.” That’s why you may need more help. So, get your friends or family involved if you can. You’ll need someone to take your phone and car keys when you’re determined to send a “friendly text” or “just take a drive to see if he’s home”.
Related Reading: Heal A Broken Heart With These 15 Tips From Experts
7. Learning something new will help with getting over a broken heart
You shared loads of passions or interests with your ex-partner. Now, he is no longer in your life, and it feels pretty empty. Don’t sink into the void of feeling depressed after a breakup. Find a new passion and sink your teeth into it!
What worked for me when hurting emotionally was doing the things I had always wanted to do. So, I signed up for a beauty course. I also kept my weekends pretty busy by joining a hiking club. Finally, I applied for a new job and spent quality time with my best friends. At the end of the day, I was too tired to mull over my broken heart.
8. Get rid of memories
You can’t overcome heartbreak from someone you love if you still hold onto things from the past relationship. It’s time to purge his presence from your life. I did the following.
- Threw out his toothbrush
- Returned what I could to him
- Gave out his old clothes that I knew he wouldn’t want back
- Decluttered to remove any mementos of my ex-romantic partner
Remember, a physical cleansing and erasing of memories will also help cleanse your mind.
9. Look to the future
Overcome heartbreak from someone you love by looking to the future. Breaking up when you’re still in love but on different paths allows you to explore your future as a solo agent. If you’re feeling empty after a breakup, the future may seem bleak. But you know that is just a fleeting emotion as tomorrow the sun will rise. Make a to-do list for each day if that helps. It will:
- Give you a routine
- Keep you busy
- Give you a sense of purpose for the time ahead.
Use some prayers for getting over a broken heart if that helps you. Just make sure you don’t let the emotional suffering and sadness ruin the upcoming new opportunities life can throw your way. There is a future waiting for you, you’ve just got to walk toward it step by step.
Self-Care — The Best Way To Get Over Heartbreak
Emotional suffering is normal after breaking up when you’re still in love. Yet, self-love is a fantastic way to deal with the quandary of what to do when your boyfriend dumps you but you still love him. It is also the best way to get rid of a broken heart. Over the next few weeks, embracing healthy habits or a new lifestyle is the best way to get over heartbreak. Eat healthy, incorporate plenty of exercise, and get plenty of rest.
Related Reading: Making Peace With Your Past: 13 Wise Tips
10. Show yourself some love
Showing yourself some love allows you to shift your focus off the ex-partner and onto yourself. Embrace what you love, whether it is work, spending time with family or friends, or taking some time off for yourself. There are so many things to help fill the void of what to do when your boyfriend dumps you but you still love him. You can:
- Get a makeover as a form of self-care
- Go shopping for some retail therapy
- Redo your house
- Buy yourself flowers as a form of self-love
- Dress up, and take yourself on dates to nice cafes and restaurants, etc
Pampering yourself gives you no time for thoughts about your former partner. Within a short time, you will successfully get rid of a broken heart. And like a little kid on a path of self-discovery, moving forward will no longer be so daunting.
11. Think about how you could change
Did you have a role in the breakup? Don’t beat yourself about it, as everyone makes mistakes in love. Also, where you are in life matters. Maybe your career was taking off, and he could not cope. Breaking up when you’re still in love but on different paths gives you a chance to grow and flourish. Don’t focus on what went wrong. Rather, think about what you could do better in your future new relationship.
Prerna explains, “Assess yourself and understand why you did what you did, where it came from, and what was motivating you. If at the end of the day, your partner decided to leave, that’s because they were holding their boundary, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“It’s important to remember that you figure out why you did what you did and also how you can stop yourself from doing it in the future. However, that doesn’t take away from the fact that you never wanted to hurt your partner, but you did, and they held you accountable. That needs to be respected.”
Related Reading: How To Overcome Codependency In Relationships
12. Lean on your support system
Your support system is critical in getting over the heartbreak of ending a relationship. It could be a close family member, your best friend/trusted friend, or groups comprising people who are going through similar challenges. Share your honest feelings with them and express your vulnerability. Being able to talk and vent provides a fantastic outlet.
13. Get professional help
How to get over a broken heart when you still love him may require professional help. The experts are a fantastic resource if you are finding it hard to cope. If you’re looking for help, skilled and experienced mental health professionals on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
Key Pointers
- Expect to experience a range of negative emotions as you move on from a painful heartbreak. This includes anger, guilt, disappointment, and hopelessness
- There’s no easy way of coping with “I broke up with my boyfriend, but I still love him.” You must go through a grieving process and healing process to get over the past relationship
- Self-love, a support system, no contact, and getting rid of memories are some ways of getting over a broken heart when you still love him
- Seeking professional help can help with getting over a broken heart
I have explored some practical advice with proven relationship expert tips on how to get over a broken heart when you still love him. Is it tough? Absolutely, without a doubt. The scariest part is that you are now alone. You will experience a range of negative emotions as you go through the grieving process. Yet, it’s important to give yourself time otherwise, the healing process will take longer than it should.
Everyone has their own way of coping. But, adopt healthy habits, practice self-love, and lean on your support system, which could include that family member you trust or your best friend. Remember, healing from the past relationship is important so you do not take any baggage into your future relationships.
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