While on the quest for your perfect partner, you may have asked yourself, “Will I ever find love?” Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Finding one’s perfect fit is an exciting and nervy challenge. The promise of a blossoming romance with the online dating match you’ve just started talking to will leave you daydreaming about the kind of love you want.
While you’re trying to find love, being optimistic about it will open up a lot more avenues for you, making sure you find parts of yourself in the process as well. Meeting new people is always a fun experience, but if you walk into it with a positive mindset, you make things easier for everyone.
So before you start cursing your luck, saying things like, “Will I ever be loved?” or “Will I ever find the one?”, we list out enough reasons for you to stay optimistic so you can one day star in the rom-com of your own life.
Will I Ever Find Love? 10 Reasons To Stay Optimistic
Going on a first date with someone you like always gets the heart pumping faster. In your head, you may have made up multiple scenarios of just how nice this person will be and everything you’ll say to make them laugh (none of which you actually manage to say).
With nervous excitement, you meticulously pick out the perfect outfit, pick the perfect place and time and hope for the best as you text “I’m here!” to your date. First date nerves are at an all-time high, you can’t wait to see how it goes.
When at the end of all that effort, your date ends up putting you to sleep with their boring conversations, you’ll end up feeling a little disheartened.
If a date starts talking about marriage before the dessert even arrives, you’ll be on your way home before the bill arrives. In times like these, it’s important to not stay hung up on ‘will I ever find love again?’ and try to maintain an optimistic outlook on the dating game.
Everyone deserves to be loved, and when it hits, it hits hard. True love will make you realize just what you’ve been missing and why so many of your friends indulge in embarrassing PDA, because finally, when it happens to you, you won’t be able to help yourself either. Nonetheless, the question “Will I find love?” won’t yield a favorable response if every Friday night is spent at home, watching trashy shows on Netflix while binging on takeaway food.
To give you just enough motivation to help you put your game face on and go on that date you’ve been avoiding, read on to discover 10 reasons why you should stay optimistic when looking to find love:
1. Staying optimistic will improve your mental and physical health
If you’re wallowing around in self-pity, uploading stories on your social media saying “Will I ever meet someone I love?”, it won’t do much for your mental and physical health. Positive thinking will affect your decision-making and help you build healthy habits.
Instead of asking questions like “When will I find love?” focus on the next big thing in your life. Overanalyzing your relationships might cause undesired stress. Since you’d want to have a head full of hair on your next date, try to avoid any unnecessary stress.
When you’re motivated, you exert a positive aura around you and you may appear more approachable. Your positive aura might just end up attracting the love of your life the next time you go out.
Related Reading: 21 Unrevealed Tips To Help You Find Love
2. Being single will teach you how to have better relationships in the future
When you have more time on your hands, you can use it to focus on being your best self. A pre-requisite to finding a good partner is being a good partner yourself. As you learn more about yourself, you’ll be able to communicate your needs better to any future partners that come along your way.
Try to use this time to understand your needs and wants so that your next relationship can be a fulfilling one. Understanding the importance of self-love and learning to be with yourself will teach you how to get the most out of any future relationships life has in store for you. And hey, the more you know yourself, the quicker you’ll be able to honestly and confidently answer your partner when they ask what you want for dinner. No more indecisive answers like, “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
3. The next person coming your way might be “the one”
If you approach your dates with the same optimism with which you gave math exams, the experience might not turn out to be a fun one. However, if you walk into it with a positive mindset, you’ll be rid of any preconceived notions. You’ll end up having a better time as well.
One of the benefits of being on the lookout for love is that the very next person who comes into your life might be “the one“. Who knows, you might bump into the love of your life tomorrow on a busy street, just like in the movies.
4. Don’t worry about time “running out”
Love isn’t a race you have to finish before you turn a certain age. In desperation, people often jump into relationships because they think they’re getting “too old” to not be in one. Don’t let societal pressure define what age you should start dating and by what age you “should” be married. You get to define your own optimal age for marriage/dating, even if it leaves all the snoopy neighbors commenting about your love life.
Falling in love too fast because you think your time is running out will only result in a shabby relationship. When you have to spend the rest of your life with this person, rushing into it will not do anyone any favors.
5. Your experiences may lead you to the perfect partner
“Only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars” – Martin Luther King Jr. Without going through bad days, you’d never be able to appreciate the good ones. Instead of looking at bad relationships or bad dates as things you wish had never happened, look at them as learning experiences. All the experiences you go through teach you something new about yourself and the world around you.
You never know what’s in store for you. If you’re waiting for your life partner, maybe you had to go through some bad relationships in the past to meet someone who truly understands you. The next time your date starts talking about their ex on the first date, you’ll know better than to stick around.
Related Reading: Love At First Sight: 8 Signs It’s Happening
6. You are now better able to judge situations
If a faulty switch shocks you when you touch it, the next time you try to turn it on, you’ll be covered head to toe in preventive measures, turning the switch on with a wooden stick whilst standing 20 feet away.
The point is, you’re now a better judge of what red flags to look out for and what situations spell doom for your relationship. When you learn from your mistakes, you’ll be better prepared for the next time.
Don’t let your unwillingness to get shocked again leave you asking, “Will I ever find love?” Instead, trust in your improved decision-making and perception skills.
7. People can surprise you if you let them
The question “Will I find love?” will never yield a favorable answer if you never talk to someone who’s not your “type” just because your expectations are set in stone. Once you choose to look for the best in people instead of focusing on their negatives, they might end up surprising you with how much you actually have in common, thus getting along like a house on fire.
One of the perks of being optimistic is that you’ll meet way more people than you would’ve otherwise. Even if you don’t find a soulmate immediately, you might just make some new friends. So the next time your friend invites you to a party filled with people you don’t know, consider replying with, “I’m in!” instead of, “I’ll let you know.”
8. You now know the best dating approach for you
Since you’ve had your fair share of dating experiences, or even if you haven’t, you’ve spent enough time with yourself to know how you like to go about meeting new people. Jumping into something is more your thing? Go ahead and set up that first date at a nightclub. Do you like taking it slow? Perhaps a walk around the park might be a good first date idea.
Once you spend time with yourself and get to know yourself, you’ll figure out how you like to connect with people. The better you know yourself, the better you’ll be able to tell others about your needs and wants.
Related Reading: Do I Love Her? 30 Signs That Surely Say So!
9. The power to find and accept love rests with you
You are in charge of your own destiny. When you have a positive outlook on finding love, you’ll be in charge of increasing your chances of doing so. You might even say ‘Yes’ to things you never thought you’d ever do before, like maybe give speed dating a try?
Once you step out of your comfort zone — which very specifically is your couch with your laptop on your stomach and 5 pillows surrounding you — you’ll be able to take charge of your life. Just by realizing that you can control what you wish to look for in your life, you will feel a lot more confident.
10. Love can come when you’re not looking for it
When you aren’t obsessing over finding love, you will focus more on being yourself rather than trying to impress. Every conversation you now have with someone you may be interested in will not become a theatrical performance. You won’t be worried about what they think of you and what you should do to impress them. You will just focus on being yourself, which in itself can be extremely attractive.
When you’re your best self without any pressure to perform, you’ll come off as more confident, approachable and friendly. Those are the qualities potential lovers might be looking for, right? So it’s entirely possible that someone will suddenly enter your life and swoop you off your feet when you least expect it.
Related Reading: 10 Must-Follow Healthy Relationship Boundaries
“Will I Find Love?” 10 Things You Need To Remember
Hopefully, now you’re a bit more optimistic about the future than you were before you started reading this article. However, you still need to know that you’ve got to approach the dating game the right way. Optimism may help you with your own mindset, but there’s still a lot to be done once you’ve said yes to that date. Let’s take a look at all the things you need to keep in mind while finding love.
1. You need to love yourself
Those who have an unfavorable relationship with themselves will find it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with a partner. If you’re cursing yourself for all the insecurities and the shortcomings you think you have, you’re going to assume your partner does the same.
To make sure you avoid an insecure attachment style, you need to be able to love yourself. The only way to do that is by working on the things that bother you incessantly, and accepting the things you cannot change. Once you make peace with yourself, you’ll be able to present your best self to any potential partners.
2. Avoid the infatuation
Should you come across a fateful night with a date where the conversations flow just as copiously as the wine, you’re naturally going to be chuffed about the whole thing. When such good dates abound, it’s easy to let wishful thinking get the better of you.
Instead of building up your version of this person in your mind, try to make sure you’re not too infatuated by who you think they are. If you don’t, you’re only going to be disappointed when they can’t live up to the perfect version of them you built up in your head.
3. Be open to new experiences
As we mentioned, you can’t just leave love to fate. Don’t let a few bad dates dishearten you from the whole process, that’s just going to make you settle for something less than what you deserve. Instead, treat it almost like a sport. Not every match you get on your dating apps is going to be the next partner, and not every first date will turn into a second one.
If you’re looking to find true love, you need to socialize, be open to new experiences and make sure you’re doing all you can so you can capitalize on a lucky moment.
4. Don’t be desperate to find love
When half a year goes by and your love life hasn’t made much progress, you’re probably going to be upset about it. When it eventually leads to desperation, it can lead to desperate decision making. In your desperation, you may end up changing yourself for someone or trying to wish their flaws away, just because you want to be loved.
Instead, try and understand that it’s a process that may take a while. Even though it will be hard, don’t let the lack of progress get to you. Like all good things, it will come to you when the time is right. Till then, you’ve got to keep on keeping on!
5. Heal your past wounds
If you were the unfortunate victim of infidelity in a past relationship, make sure the hurt and pain you experienced from that don’t bleed into your next relationship. That’s what happened to Jenna when she noticed that the insecurities she developed In her previous toxic relationship started affecting her current healthy dynamic with Jamie. Though their romance started off well, half a year into it, she started considering every new friend Jamie made, a threat.
Her trust issues made her feel like Jamie was constantly hiding things from her, which only kept piling up. Eventually, when the constant accusations and the questioning got too much, Jamie had to end things with her, since his mental health was being negatively affected.
6. Know what to expect
You’re not going to come across your fairytale knight in shining armor, and if you do start a relationship, it’s not going to be smooth sailing every single day. When your expectations from your next (currently fictional) relationship are too high, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.
7. Be confident on the first dates
It’s important to know how to make a good impression on a first date. Try to make your date laugh, talk about interesting things that you know your date would like to have conversations about and make sure you do NOT bring up your ex. To do one better, go ahead and analyze your first date’s body language. That way, you’ll be able to better tell how into you they are.
Related Reading: 30 ½ Facts About Love That You Can Never Ever Ignore
8. Ask for help
“I thought dating apps were the only way to find love,” Richard, a 24-year-old artist tells us. Adding, “I must’ve been on them for almost a year, I never came across someone I wanted to do anything serious with. Only after I asked a couple of my friends if they know someone I’d hit it off with, did things start getting better for me.
“Eventually, a college friend introduced me to one of her friends who she knew would gel well with me. A month and a half after meeting her, we decided to get into a committed relationship.”
Don’t think you’re in it alone. If you have friends who can help out and introduce you to someone, don’t be too afraid to ask for a helping hand.
9. Be ready for a relationship
You might be out and about trying to find your next lover, but make sure you’re ready to invest the amount of time that cultivating a relationship takes. If you’re in a stage in your life where meeting someone new and fostering a loving relationship with them isn’t possible, reconsider the timing of it all.
10. Know yourself and what you want
Unless you know yourself and what you want, the “trial and error” phase of your life is never going to end. If you want something short and fun, make sure you look for that instead of pursuing a long, committed relationship. There’s nothing wrong with having a “type”, in fact, knowing the type of person you’re attracted to might just make the screening process easier.
However, keep in mind that rejecting someone just because they don’t meet the stringent demands of your “type”, may not be the way to go.
If you’ve asked yourself, “Will I ever find love again?”, you should rest easy knowing that the answer is a solid and undeniable ‘Yes!’ Your experience will eventually lead you to your perfect match. By being proactive and taking charge of your life, you’ll speed up the process.
We hope these reasons to stay optimistic will keep you motivated enough to meet new people. Plus, the more dates you go on, the more you can try out new restaurants! In no time you’ll be setting up your very own food blog too.
The chances of finding love depend on how willing you are to have new experiences and put yourself out there. If you’re sat at home asking yourself, “Will I ever be loved?” the chances of it happening are slimmer than when you are out and about, trying out dating apps, or going out to socialize.
Instead of focusing on the chances, focus on bettering yourself. A confident, charismatic personality will end up attracting multiple people. Create your own luck!
There is no universal “best age” to find love. The idea that there is a time limit on finding love so that you can be “settled” before a certain age is archaic and regressive.
The best age to find love is different for everyone and happens whenever you’re mature enough to handle a loving relationship. Be that in your twenties, thirties, or forties or whenever you are ready. When you’re truly ready to find love and begin your relationship, love will find its way to you.
There could be multiple reasons why you struggle with saying “I love you” to anyone. Perhaps you have a hard time opening up to someone, or that’s just not how you show your affection. Maybe you’re waiting for a life partner to say it to, or insecurity issues are keeping you from confessing your feelings.
Whatever the reason may be, it will take some introspection and perhaps some talk therapy to help you open up to someone.