When you’re single but your friends are in relationships

Divani Coopoosamy
single woman with couple

Single with friends in relationships?

The truth is that my struggle with being single has nothing to do with being alone. It has to do with my friends’ example, Anna and Natalie, I’ll first tell you about Anna. I went out with my friend Anna and she is funny, outgoing and infatuated with every guy she goes out with. Every time we go out together, all she can talk about is guys or her current boyfriend and I am left feeling like I’ll jump out of the restaurant window if she doesn’t start talking about something else soon (sigh). I wish she didn’t fall into the dicksand every time.

Related reading: 10 things only single people will relate to!

Dicksand dilemma

If you don’t know what dicksand is, I’ll explain it to you. Much like quicksand, dicksand is what girls get caught in when they’re obsessed with their boyfriend/crush. Unfortunately this is always what it is like with her. There is always a guy in her periphery, whether he is her boyfriend or someone she has a crush on or the worst-case scenario, her ex-boyfriend. Which is never good and takes me a couple of drinks to get through those moments. Every time it is like she becomes a crazy teenager with raging hormones who cannot help but run after the opposite sex. It is truly exhausting.

I don’t know what to say to her mindless babbling about some guy. So I pretend to stab my hand with my knife and silently scream and she has no reaction. I guess this time around she is lost in her bubble of love even more than before. Her new boyfriend and she have been in a relationship for three weeks and she is already talking about having babies with this guy.

Her new boyfriend and she have been in a relationship for three weeks and she is already talking about having babies with this guy.

Is it just me or is she insane? Do I need to take her to the doctor to rewire her brain? I wish I could shake some sense into her and say “WAKE UP”. They haven’t even had their first fight yet. What is the rush, you are still so young! Like my mother always asked, “Is she just hot between the legs?” Aaaagh I don’t know!

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Finding someone in the crowd

As we walk around looking at shop windows blissfully unaware of the people who pass us by, she says “Did you see that hot guy, he just looked at you?” I shake my head in disbelief. It is like she has hot guy radar programmed into her or something. Just because I am single, it doesn’t mean I want to be a part of the dating pool. My friends who are single understand this, but I realise Anna doesn’t. There is always a guy she keeps waiting in the line for her.

I make her sound like some sort of stall at a market, maybe even a kissing booth. Every time she messages her boyfriend and he doesn’t get back to her immediately, she gets so angry her face turns as red as a tomato. If she had a Blackberry, she would ping his phone to death. But isn’t that tiring, never having time to yourself and never knowing who you are without someone by your side? How frustrating! At moments like these I usually try to end the night before I get sucked into her approaching a hot guy for me, which I hate and feels so awkward.

Related reading: Sex and the single woman

Boredom dating

This is when you date because you are bored. My friend Natalie does this, and she is bubbly and funny. She always feels pressured to be in a relationship and resorts to dating when her life seems boring. Unfortunately her last beau didn’t work out the way she planned. When I say planned, I mean, she gets tired of the other person and breaks up with them, usually in ripping the Band-Aid off style, but this time it was different. Natalie told me she was going out with an old school friend of ours. I said “That’s amazing! You guys make a perfect match.”

I was lying through my teeth of course, and all I could think of as she talked about them dating was that her girlfriend is a psycho. Either she’ll drive her crazy all the way to an asylum or she’ll be so sweet to you in the beginning having a relationship that’s just moonlight and roses and that’s when she goes crazy during a disagreement and says things like “you’re not worth anything”, you won’t even notice because you’ll be so in love.

Natalie gushed about her every time over the phone; then she just stopped until we met for lunch and she told me everything. Yes, I was right about her ex-girlfriend. Every time Natalie tried to break up with her, her girlfriend would say “let’s take a break instead” and when she decided to finally end it, she tried to let her down gently “this isn’t working anymore, I think we should just be friends” but it ended in flames.

I definitely have a short-term solution to my single problem. I’ll just hang out with my single friends. In the long run though, I won’t be able to do that. Maybe I’ll take the Band-Aid approach next time and ask my friend Anna to change the subject and maybe forewarn Natalie about possible crazy beaus. I guess now I’ll take the single problem one friend at a time.

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Vasudha Tripathi
Vasudha Tripathi July 20, 2018 - 12:09 am

I just could relate with this article like sooo much.. I was like hey! Is this my story!! But yes it causes irritation all over when your friends are so much into their “baes”

Tina Vashishth
Tina Vashishth June 24, 2018 - 6:03 pm

My couple friends suddenly disappear on Sundays…it’s not easy

Manjari Thakur
Manjari Thakur June 22, 2018 - 4:27 pm

I think when one has the clarity about being on her own , i mean when being single is a choice, it becomes one of the most enriching experience of life. You understand the truth that at you make a complete entity on your own, and if someone comes who feels right for you would be adding to your life. Also you understand that at this phase of your life, you want to be on your own , investing your precious time and energy on self-discovery and self- growth. Yes, it is such an empowering feeling!

Salonee Jain
Salonee Jain June 18, 2018 - 1:27 pm

It’s a feeling I know well. I have been with friends who were all dating and I was the one who was just not interested and was happy being single. But, I used to freely flirt with bartenders to get faster drinks for the group, and confidently show up to parties solo all the time. Most of the time, it was great. But there were moments when it totally sucks!(few momenyts though :P)

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