When you get out of another unsuccessful relationship, you tell yourself, it’s okay to be single, you never needed him anyway. But do you really mean it? How to be ok with being single, especially when you didn’t initiate the breakup and you’ve never been on your own for a long period of time?
Well, firstly, being in a relationship and happiness are not related: your happiness lies in your hands and is dictated by you only. And it is when you’re alone that you can really focus on yourself and your goals in life. Don’t waste another minute moping about a boy when you can be out there doing great things and conquering the world!
Accepting Being Single
Is it ok to be single when everyone around you is finding love, getting married and having kids? Absolutely! It’s better to be alone than be with someone you don’t love. Society puts a certain pressure, especially on women, leading them to believe that they need to find contentment through relationships and everything else in their lives is irrelevant or temporary.
Accepting being single means accepting that you’re ready for a new journey in your life where you can immerse yourself in the things that you love, focus on a new hobby, or even travel to a totally new country that you’ve been longing to discover. Being single is ok, hell, it can be the greatest thing you’ve ever decided to do!
Related Reading: 7 Things To Do When You’re Single But Not Ready To Mingle
Being Ok With Being Single
There are a host of things you can fall in love with if you are single, but first, you’ve got to accept it’s okay to be single! Your life can change for the better, but only if you allow it. Wallowing and looking back on the past isn’t going to get you anywhere. So, what are the things you can do to accept the single life and truly focus on yourself?
Take notes from this movie
How to be Single, starring Rebel Wilson and Dakota Johnson, starts off as a predictable romantic comedy about a 20-something woman who moves to New York to ‘find herself’ before settling down with her long-term boyfriend. She befriends another 20-something woman at her workplace and they do what everyone in New York seems to do: hang out at a bar.
It quickly turns into something very different. The long-term boyfriend is a nice guy who ends up with someone else, and she meets another guy, who is a thoroughly decent man but is dealing with issues of his own.
It’s a sensible movie about sensible people making smart choices instead of grand, romantic ones. The more I watched, the more I realized why this movie would not work in the rom-com space and why millions of single women everywhere will absolutely NOT like the fact that the central female lead does something radical – she chooses friendship and self-love.
How To Be Single addresses a key issue that plagues so many people in their 20s and 30s. What do relationships mean if the first relationship – the one with self – is not nurtured?
Finding the balance between professional and personal life
Most of us women want to do everything that a man can and do it better while looking utterly fabulous. I am one of them. I want to do EVERYTHING – work out, carve out a satisfying and successful career and have a personal life.
Not to mention ‘hang out’ with my friends as much as I can. I also want to have a functional relationship with my family so I figure out some ‘fam time’ every day, willingly. In all of this, there is hardly any time left over to prioritize romance… love. Flirting happens on Tinder. Dates are fixed via texts. And profiles are checked out on social media.
The truth is, there are days when the idea of making small talk and conversation that breaks down another person’s defenses is exhausting. To do this and maintain your sanity is near impossible, really. So what do I do?
Related Reading: Being Single or Getting into a Wrong Relationship?
Being single doesn’t mean being alone
I choose me. I’ve decided that I’m going to embrace being single. But not as defined by society – spinster, unmarriageable, on the shelf, or any variation thereof. Just as myself. Someone who likes to do the things she can while working about 70% of the time.
Of course, this doesn’t mean I don’t want a decent man who understands what naptime is all about and who will sit and debate Captain America versus Iron Man and how that speaks to the underlying sexism plaguing society. Bonus points if he possesses a full head of hair and kisses me till I lose my mind.
This is why I watch romantic comedies. I still have hope for good conversation and preparing for passionate love-making. But the only difference now is that I’ve started being ok with being single. This is also why I am still single. Not lonely. Alone.
The freedom is eye-opening
Being alone is a grand thing. Not because you get to eat, drink, fart (yes, women fart too), sing, cry, scream and play video games whenever you want, if you so choose. Not because you can travel to exotic locations or check into a day spa or do whatever you fancy.
It’s okay to be single because the weight of expectations, of unfulfilled and unmet desires doesn’t exist. Your happiness is not codependent on someone else’s actions or reactions. Your sense of self-worth is not tied to the number of men (or women) who find you hot in bed or the number of dates they take you out on before you decide to go to bed with them.
Valentine’s Day is for eating chocolates and birthdays are for splurging on things you want really, really badly. Your heart is yours. Unbroken. An unbroken heart gives a peace of mind that an agitated one never can. I’ve learned how to move on when a breakup hits hard.
Being by myself is the choice I make every day to put myself, my SELF above all others. To be in a functional, happy relationship with number one so I can go out and conquer all these mountains I have yet to scale. But realizing that it’s ok to be single has led me to an astonishing discovery.
It’s not a question of learning how to be single. But of learning how to BE. JUST be. Be ok. Be in the moment. Be here with whoever I am with. Be in love, be not in love, just be.
Definitely! Hopping from one relationship to another can be toxic and can actually distance you from yourself.
It’s definitely better to be single than be with someone you don’t love completely or someone who doesn’t deserve you.