Remember Chandler Bing’s statement in the television series, Friends, “I am going to die alone!” Do your thoughts resonate with his? Do you, like him, also wonder, “Will I be alone forever?”
Such doubts often stem from being single for the longest time, or having had many breakups or giving up on finding love. The doubt, ‘am I gonna be alone forever?’ often arises from insecurities associated with romantic relationships.
Bad relationships, breakups and not finding a romantic partner could be the reasons for this fear. If these reasons make you wonder, “Will I be lonely forever?”, “Am I meant to be alone forever?” and more specifically, “Will I be single forever?” then you need to work on your fears.
Getting to the root cause of your fears will help you deal with the situation. It will also help you overcome crushing thoughts such as, ‘Why Am I Single?’ and ‘I feel like I will be alone forever.’
The Fear Of Being Alone Forever
But why does the fear of ‘Will I be alone forever?’ take root in the first place? That’s because of the concepts such as ‘soulmates’, ‘forever love’ or ‘someone for everyone’ floating around us. These concepts are so strongly propagated that we often grow up imbibing them into our belief system.
Hence, we feel our life is incomplete until we get into a relationship or meet someone special who we think is the one for us. And if that doesn’t happen while we are in our 20s or 30s, thoughts like, ‘am I gonna be alone forever’ or ‘will I be single forever’ begin to plague us.
The underlying fear being we will never find somebody to share our life with. But are these fears justified? Not necessarily! There are many reasons for having doubts such as, ‘Will I be lonely forever?’ Based on the underlying fear you experience, you can work upon them and overcome the feeling of being alone. Now let’s get you started on the process.
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Ways To Overcome The Feeling Of Being Alone Forever
The key to overcome the feeling of being alone forever is to first understand what is making you think in this manner. Is it low self-esteem? Are you holding on to thoughts about an ex? Maybe you’re having unrealistic expectations of your prospective romantic partner or, perhaps you’re just not being open to people?
Maybe you are a comfort zombie or you probably need to work on your grooming or you just need to loosen up. There could be many factors responsible for harboring depressing thoughts like, ‘am I meant to be alone forever?’ It is important not to feel lonely when you are single and looking for love.
Ask yourself what is stopping you from getting into a relationship. Once you figure out the reason behind your fear of being alone, you can start working towards overcoming it.
1. Will I be alone forever? Not if you let bygones be bygones
Just because your previous relationships didn’t work out, doesn’t mean your future relationships will also end up the same way. Instead of carrying the baggage from your previous relationships into your next, learn from them instead.
Living in the past keeps you stuck and doesn’t allow you to move forward. Learn from your mistakes and experiences, and learn to let go. However messy or difficult the earlier relationships may have been, holding on to them spells doom for your future relationships. Especially if you keep thinking, “Will I be alone forever?” even though you have a chance to be with someone else now.
A simple exercise can help you get rid of your emotional baggage. Write down your feelings associated with the relationship – the anger, the frustration, whatever went wrong, and tear it, burn it to pieces or flush it down the toilet. You can also vent it all out.
Another method is to write a letter to your ex, pouring your heart out and forgiving them for whatever mistakes you think they made. This will work wonders as you will find your closure, feel light, avoid thoughts like, ‘am I gonna be alone forever?’ and embrace new relationships with an open heart.
Related Reading: When You Are Single But your Friends Are In Relationships
2. Push your boundaries: Step out of your comfort zone
Following the same routine every day is not only boring, it saturates a person in the long run. So, change your routine. Introduce new habits. Meet new people. Learn a new skill. Do something different and out of the ordinary.
Something as simple as brushing your teeth with the non-dominant hand or taking a different route to work or taking cold showers, can rewire your brain. This rewiring will open you up to new possibilities, opportunities and people in your life.
Being a comfort zombie restricts us in more ways than one and invites a negative thought pattern on the lines of ‘Am I meant to be alone forever.’ Sometimes, we have a fear of commitment owing to these thought patterns. So, step out of your comfort zone to enjoy life to the fullest. And avoid thought patterns similar to the ‘will I be lonely forever?’ kind.
3. Will I be alone forever? Not if you work on your self-esteem
Many a time we are not confident about ourselves and are therefore afraid to get into a relationship. We assume that we will get rejected, hence we don’t open up to the possibility of meeting someone. And even if someone does express an interest in us, we repel them because of our preconceived notion that it will not work.
This assumption of rejection is based on thinking patterns such as, ‘I feel like I will be alone forever’. We don’t consider ourselves worthy of a relationship because of a sense of low self-esteem. So, to overcome this fear of rejection, work on your self-esteem issues.
You can do that by focusing on your positive traits and achievements, being kind to yourself and reviewing your mental chatter. Instead of having a negative solo chat with self, work purposefully on your flaws. Find ways to value yourself and, most importantly, love yourself. And you will never harbor feelings of ‘will I be alone forever?’ in your mind again.
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4. Invest in you: Work on grooming yourself
A well-groomed person is the cynosure of all eyes. However, unkempt hair, rotten BO or bad breath, yellow teeth, unwashed clothes…these are all, let me assure you, big turn-offs.
Let me explain my point with an example. Judy who was obese once overheard an office colleague whom she liked immensely, make fun of her weight and looks. That became the turning point in her life as she decided to work on herself.
Within a short span of six months, she not only lost the excess weight, but also changed her wardrobe and became the ‘head-turner’ in the office. Interestingly, she found love in the same office too – in her new boss.
So, invest in yourself. Upgrade your perfume. Visit a spa. Buy a new wardrobe. Go for a trendy haircut. Exercise regularly. Work on your appearance. Learn the art of stealth attraction and see how people get attracted to you like moths to a flame.
5. Will I be alone forever? Not if you go on blind dates!
When you want to meet someone but don’t know how to go about it, the best way to do it is to go on blind dates.
Take the case of Harry. He was so busy setting up his career as a tattoo artiste that he did not find time to mingle. Though he sensed that he had many admirers amongst his clients, he never made a move owing to professionalism. As a result, he was in his mid-30s and never had a serious relationship. He began having doubts, “Will I be alone forever?”
When Harry confided in his sister Maggie and blurted out, “I feel like I will be alone forever!”, she fixed a blind date for him from a dating site. Meeting someone after a long time and having a good conversation gave him hope of finding ‘someone special’ in his life.
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6. Beat the loneliness blues – become social
If you aren’t a part of a social circle already, go ahead and do it already. Come out of your shell to connect with people and enrich your life.
You can start becoming social by enrolling in a class, saying “Hello!” to a stranger, meeting your friends more often and developing a hobby. You can also share a car ride, go cycling, go walking, hit the gym or connect with people through an online community.
As you try to reach out to more and more people, you will invariably expand your social circle thus increasing your chances of meeting prospective partners. This will completely diminish any fears of, ’Will I be alone forever?’ in you. After all, there are no secrets to finding true love!
7. Start flirting and you won’t be alone forever
If you like someone, there is no need to feel coy or keep mum about it. Convey your feelings to the other person. And one of the best ways to do that is by flirting.
Well that’s what Jessica did when she started crushing on her new neighbor, Chad. She had had a string of bad relationships, but she didn’t let that deter her from approaching him. She made friends with him, dropped hints and started flirting. And Chad responded positively.
Soon Jessica and Chad were inseparable. A little effort and proactiveness was all that was required! Had Jessica not taken that step, she would have missed out on a great relationship and wound up thinking negatively, feeling, “Am I meant to be alone forever?”
The point is there is no need to feel shy or hide your feelings when you are interested in someone. Never shy away from making the first move, you never know it could be the relationship you’ve always been waiting for.
Related Reading: 11 Dating Tips For Beginners – Make Sure You Follow These!
8. Go with the flow and don’t have unrealistic expectations
Sometimes we are so influenced by the people or the world around us that we start setting parameters of how the person we want to be involved with should be. But that’s not practical.
Whatever your expectations are – whether about their looks or behavior or the kind of family they belong to – they may not necessarily turn out that way. Sometimes you can meet someone who is the polar opposite of what you have envisioned and still end up having a great relationship.
Haven’t you watched enough romantic movies to know this? Go with the flow. Explore the possibilities of meeting someone who doesn’t necessarily fit into your mold. Whether you are dating casually or dating for marriage. Be open to what comes your way. For all you know, it will spice up your life!
If none of the tips mentioned above work for you or interest you, then maybe you are not meant to go down the relationship route. In that case, your ‘will I be alone forever?’ doubt is probably going to ring true. Maybe you are meant to be single. But why does that have to be a bad thing? Don’t take it negatively. It could be that you are meant to enjoy the perks of being alone, the freedom of doing what you want to do and enjoy being with yourself.
You probably enjoy your own company most. And that’s good as well. For there is no need to necessarily follow the herd mentality. You can be unique and stand apart from the crowd. Don’t let the fear of being alone trap you in any unwanted relationship, because it’s always better to fly solo than be weighed down by an unhappy bond.
Yes. That is possible. If you don’t get into a relationship, meet the right person or are not interested in pursuing a relationship, it is possible to stay alone forever.
There could be many reasons responsible for making you feel that way. You might not have been in a relationship yet, you could be finding it difficult to find someone or get along with someone or you have just been enjoying the benefits of being single. Maybe you are too focused on your career and you simply enjoy your own company.
Yes. Sometimes certain people are happy spending time alone and they actually enjoy their own company far more than they enjoy someone else’s. That’s why they never settle down or even look for a life partner. However, they do have relationships, but they are either flings or ‘no-strings attached’ relationships. Such people are meant to be single.