If Your Friend’s Spouse Hits On You, Should You Tell?

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Counseling Psychologist
Updated On: June 18, 2024
If Your Friend's Spouse Hits On You, Should You Tell
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If your friend’s spouse hits on you should you tell? This has been on my mind for some time now. We were vacationing at a beautiful beach resort and we were around three drinks down. It so happened that both my husband and my friend were not there for some reason. My husband had gone to the washroom and she had gone to the room to get something I think. That’s when it happened.

If Your Friend’s Spouse Hits On You, Should You Tell?

 Friend's Spouse Hits On You

 My friend’s husband looked me in the eye and told me that he has been attracted to me for a very long time. I was shocked and didn’t know how to react. His disposition had completely changed and he came and stood next to me. I stiffened but I felt an excitement too. That line he said kept replaying in my head. And I have ended up feeling attracted to him too.

Related Reading: Is It Wrong To Have Sex With My Best Friend’s Husband?

My friend’s husband keeps hitting on me

I went to college with my friend and then after we got married our husbands also became friends. We enjoyed each other’s company and went to parties, events and holidays together. But after this confession my friend’s husband keeps hitting on me whenever he gets a chance and I feel a strange desire inside me.

It’s been a really awkward situation for me. I have not been able to tell my husband or my friend. I find myself in a spot and I don’t know what to do with my feelings.

I really don’t know what to do about this. Please help.

Dear Lady,
Your excitement coupled with fear is evident. For one, feelings of attraction are normal, but it’s what you do or don’t do with those feelings, that count.

What really happened

So, you and your husband were vacationing with a couple and after a few drinks you fell prey to raw emotions of desire. You feel your friend’s husband is hitting on you and you also feel a desire for him.

Love and attraction are two different things

Your friend’s husband has tried to create an attraction towards him in your weak moment. Now, please understand that both of you were in an inebriated state when this happened. So, let’s understand the purpose clearly. You need to understand the difference between feelings of love and attraction. Since you didn’t use the word love, it’s evident it may be desire.

Why did your husband and friend go missing at that moment?

Was it a pre-planned effort to implant seeds of desire in you? What would they have been doing at that time? Did you drink more than you could handle? Have you thought about it that they could have some role to play too?

Our Expert Help

What do you wish to do with this development?

Do you wish to fan the fires of desire or go logical? What’s the goal of this attraction? Are you looking for a fling? Do you want to experience the excitement of passion again with somebody else or is this passion missing in your marriage?

Are you in an open marriage?

The very fact that you were replaying that line in your head goes to say that you may be looking to take the plunge. Boundaries are important in all connections. But if you are in an open marriage or want to make it one then you should think seriously and discuss with your husband. If you feel an affair is brewing then remember affairs come with consequences.

The rest, obviously is up to you.

Kavita Panyam

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