Breaking up with your boyfriend is never easy. Unless, he’s obnoxious, of course. It might’ve taken you a couple of weeks to come to this conclusion, or that one time he flipped you off might’ve just done the trick. When you’ve convinced yourself that ending things is the right thing to do, trying to get over the slump of “how do I break up with my boyfriend?” now becomes pertinent.
You have made up your mind that you do not want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend. However, the thought of how much you will end up hurting him, especially emotionally, can get in the way and cloud your judgment. Instead of having a guilt trip, you should end your relationship in such a humane way that he can recover from the heartbreak expediently.
To help you figure out just how to do that, we’ve listed out all you’ll ever need to know about the best way to break up with someone, so they don’t end up holding a stereo on your front lawn at 1 A.M.
Good Reasons To Break Up With Your Boyfriend
Before we answer the question, “How do I break up with my boyfriend?”, let’s first consider the question, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” to make sure you don’t end up regretting your own decision later on. Moving on would be the best option for the two of you if any of the following reasons are behind your breakup:
- Someone else occupies your mind and your heart
- When you think your life would be better off without him or vice versa
- You’re fighting with each other more and more frequently
- If your future seems bleak with him, then respectfully breaking up is the best thing to do
- When you feel like you both have a bad influence on each other
- There is a significant mismatch between your dreams and his dreams
- You fail to get along with his friends or relatives despite a lot of effort or the other way round
- Both fail to give enough time to each other to keep the relationship healthy
- People around you start disliking your relationship because they can see it failing
- Your intuition keeps telling you that you are not happy and probably separation is the only way out
- You are unable to grow as a person ever since you both are together
- There are certain flaws that you are unwilling to accept in your partner
- Yours is a toxic relationship
The reasons to break up with your boyfriend can be unique to your own dynamic as well. Perhaps he did/said something that just didn’t fly with you, or you can just feel that it’s not going anywhere. Don’t get swayed by what others say, the answer lies in your heart.
What To Say When You Want To Breakup With Your Boyfriend?
The worst thing that you can do is dump your boyfriend without giving him an explanation about why you want to break up with him. No matter what it might be, make sure you let him know what your reasons are. And unless you want him to hate you, don’t end things over a text/social media post. Go and meet him face-to-face to make things clear for him so that he can understand the entire situation.
As a woman thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend, you must remember that chances are that he doesn’t even have any clue about it. That probably makes it even more difficult. No, the subtle hints you dropped won’t do the trick. Things that you should say when you want to end your relationship with your boyfriend gracefully are:
1. Prepare him
First off, let him know that you have to discuss something really important with him. This will help prepare his mind for a serious conversation with you. Dropping such big news on him without as much as making him realize what’s coming his way is generally a bad idea.
Related Reading: 21 Signs You Should Break Up For Good
2. Start with positives
Start by letting him know why you value him in your life and how glad you are that you have gotten to know him. If you have a narcissistic boyfriend, however, try not to compliment him too much, lest he get more full of himself.
3. Make him comfortable
When you are breaking up with your boyfriend, make sure you don’t do it in a brash or curt way. You owe it to him to make it as smooth as possible and ease the pain, in whatever little way you can. At the end of it, you will walk out of it with more dignity than otherwise.
4. Tell him why
It takes men a little while longer to figure their emotions out and work on them. If you explain to him why you are breaking up with him, chances are that he will understand, and even agree with your points. Do you think you have different aspirations in life? Do you think being in a relationship is making things too complicated? Do you think that it is going too fast for you?
5. Accept your mistakes
Chances are that the relationship failed because of both of you. Don’t try to put all the blame on your boyfriend while breaking up. Accept your mistakes and take responsibility for them. He will respect you more for this, and you can end the relationship amicably.
After that, tell him about the things that you would fail to provide him as a partner. For instance, let him know that you are not ready for a serious commitment; it is not like you have someone else in your life, but you want to break up with him so that things do not get messed up in the future.
6. Be frank
If there is something about him that you do not like and are not ready to accept, then let him know about that in a subtle way while breaking up. Tell him how you find yourself judging him and are losing touch with him because of it. However, don’t misconstrue being frank as being rude. There’s always a polite way to put your point forth, and being rude does nobody any favors.
7. Don’t give false hope
Mention it clearly that you want to break up and that you do not think that things are going to work out between the two of you. Do not say things like, “Let us take a break for some time,” because that will just give him false hope that you two will get back together later.
8. Seek forgiveness
Ask for forgiveness because the breakup talk will obviously hurt him and make him embarrassed. However, if your boyfriend is justifiably hurt, you mustn’t force him to forgive you. It takes everyone time to come to terms with a breakup, and forcing them to forgive you is selfish at best.
9. End it with a positive or a kind message for him
For example, “I will always remember the memorable moments spent with you.” Or, “I hope you find a beautiful and smart girl who deserves you better.” The best way to break up with someone is by letting them know the positive traits they have and making sure you don’t leave him with something he’s going to overthink for eternity.
Your boyfriend may have been taken by surprise and shocked over the breakup announcement. He may feel angry, upset and deceived. If he opts to release his feelings, listen to him. Listen to what he has to say and give him enough time to digest the entire scenario. Moving on without closure is a lot harder, so be kind enough to offer him a bit of closure.
How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend Without Hurting Him?
Before you jump into the whole “we need to talk” situation, make sure your decision to end the relationship is final. If you’re not convinced with the decision you’ve made or if you’ve made it in an angered state of mind, you’ll probably regret it later when meeting up for a coffee as “friends” turns into post-breakup sex.
But when you can confidently say “I want to break up with my boyfriend and never get back to him,” we’re here to help you do just that.
Related Reading: How To Break Up With Someone You Live With
1. Be direct
Be as direct as possible because this will allow him to understand why you broke up with him and thus give him an opportunity to move on. Vague terms like “It’s not you, it’s me” only look good in the movies, if you pull something like that with him he’s probably just going to get annoyed.
Your aim here is to make this entire process as civil and concise as possible. For that, the answer to “how do I break up with my boyfriend” is to be direct.
2. Give him the reasons behind it
“I want to break up with my boyfriend. What should I tell him?” Nothing but the truth. Give him a valid reason for the separation. Be honest in a kind way and let him know why you are leaving him. It doesn’t matter if you’ve met someone else or even if you just don’t like your (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend as a person, you can always tell him the real reasons.
3. Work around his fragile state of mind
When you’re breaking up with your boyfriend, chances are, he’s not going to be in the best frame of mind. Even if he begs you to think about the relationship again, ignore the request. You have to stand firm and make sure you do what you are supposed to do
4. Time it right
Make sure you break up when the time is right. In case your boyfriend is already going through certain difficulties, then it will be best to avoid telling him about your decision. When he is stress-free, you can break the news to him.
However, this doesn’t mean that you continue to drag out a toxic relationship just because he may be going through a few things. Above everything else, make sure your mental peace is secured. If leaving the relationship will be good for you, do it.
5. Seek a second opinion
Before the breakup, discuss the whole situation with a close relative or a best friend and ask for his/her valued opinion. Chances are, you might’ve cooked up a story of a failing relationship in your own, confused state of mind. If you’ve been trying to answer the question, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” all alone, try talking to a friend about it.
Related Reading: How To Break Up With A Guy Nicely?
6. Be prepared for the outbursts
Even if he’s the kind who doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, Prepare yourself to deal with the outburst of your boyfriend’s emotions and make him feel comfortable. It’s entirely possible that he won’t take the news well and might react in certain ways. If it’s anger, encourage him to maintain the dignity in your conversation and work through it.
If it’s sadness, provide encouragement and acknowledge the unfortunate situation. He’s bound to feel lonely after the breakup, so be prepared for getting a few “I miss you” texts too.
Getting Over The Breakup
In the aftermath of the breakup, it is essential that you both avoid being friends with each other, at least for the first few months. You both need space to get over the heartbreak. So even if your boyfriend calls or texts you, you must not respond. Spend time doing the things you like and hanging out with your friends. Depression after a breakup is real, so keep a watch on it.
It is normal that you will blame yourself for the breakup. The breakup healing process is slow and takes time. However, in due course of time, you will get rid of the guilt and feel happy and blessed that you were able to end things with your boyfriend respectfully and maturely.
A breakup is not the end of a relationship. You may still be friends with your ex, and over time, that may turn out to be more beautiful than when you were partners. But it all depends on how you break up with your boyfriend in the first place.
Try to make them see your point of view and explain to them why you want to get out of the relationship. When met with anger or grief, give the person time to cool off.
In most cases, barring toxic relationships, it’s not okay to break up over texts. Breaking up with someone in person is always better and offers much-needed closure. However, if there’s a threat to your physical or mental safety while you’re near this person, it’s okay to break up over texts.