reasons to end a relationship
We always speak so much about the reasons to be in love, to propose to that girl, to finally take that leap and be with the man of your dreams, or to make a marriage work. But nobody ever speaks of reasons to end love, which can be equally important to pay attention to. Breaking up with someone you love is never easy. It’s painful and causes a lot of hurt to both partners when one of them decides to end a relationship for good.
In the midst of all this, you can’t validate a third person’s opinion while deciding the justifiable reasons to leave a relationship. To avoid the pain and the negative chatter from society, people often stay in bad or meaningless marriages because they feel they don’t have valid reasons to end a relationship. Here is where they go absolutely wrong.
Sometimes relationships have an expiration date and they need to end. Period. When a relationship has run its course and you have grown apart, all reasons are valid to end it, no matter what people say you should do instead. Walking out is the right thing to do when staying on is not an option. If you consider certain things to be deal breakers, they are good enough reasons to end a relationship.
Sometimes, even seemingly ‘perfect’ relationships end, which leaves people with a lot of questions – “Why did they do it?”, “They were such a good couple, what could possibly go wrong?”, and so on and so forth. The truth is, there might be no overt signs but if you have good reasons to end a relationship with someone you love, and these reasons seem valid to your conscience, you should definitely act on them. Regardless of what others feel or tell you about staying on, you know what’s best for you.
A lot of times, people struggle to decide whether their reasons are rational enough to end a relationship for good. They keep going back and forth thinking “Maybe if I do this differently…” or “Maybe I’m making a rash decision”. So if you’re in that boat, well then, you’ve come to the right place. With insights from psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, let’s decode what path you need to tread on.
12 Completely Valid Reasons To End A Relationship
There is no denying the fact that despite the serious issues that crop up in a relationship, we tend to think that if we keep trying and persisting at it, then things will work out in the end. Maybe we stay in a relationship just because we are too scared to end up lonely and alone. That itself is a major factor why people turn a blind eye to all the reasons to end love.
But we have to accept the fact that certain situations can’t really be overthought like this. If there are all kinds of red flags in a relationship, then maybe it’s time to cut yourself loose from your partner. Here are a few good reasons to end a relationship:
Related Reading: 15 Subtle Yet Strong Signs Your Marriage Will End In Divorce
1. Reasons to end love – There is abuse in your relationship
Be it physical, emotional, or verbal, abuse is an absolute no-no and not something that you can overlook. Even the first hint of abuse should be a reason to end a long-term relationship. There are some things that cannot be tolerated and abuse is one of them. Sometimes, abusers might express remorse and make genuine attempts to change themselves.
If you believe that your partner is truly doing that for you, then you might give them another chance. But if every single day is full of yelling, gaslighting, or other forms of abuse, you need to reconsider. It is also possible that their abusive nature comes from a traumatic past, owing to which you might be tempted to forgive them or even feel sympathy for them.
However, the inconsistency in behavior, the verbal lashings, and the fear of relationship arguments getting physical can wreak havoc on your mind. If you do not stand up for yourself, it can be incredibly damaging to your psyche. Gopa agrees that abuse is one of the most valid reasons to end a relationship for good. She says, “Most people end up waiting for years for their spouse to change, only to finally realize that the change will never happen.
“In many cases, they leave the relationship only when the violence is targeted toward the children. Unfortunately, a lot of women stay on and some even tragically lose their lives because the thought of leaving an abusive relationship seems too intimidating. Staying on for the sake of the children is one common reason they use to rationalize this, despite being abused physically, emotionally, or sexually every day.”
2. They have betrayed your trust
One of the solid reasons to break up a long-term relationship, a breakdown of trust can truly wreak havoc on the two people involved. Cheating is hard to forget or forgive. So is lying or keeping secrets from one another. Has your partner broken your trust one too many times? If yes, then the relationship has already been treading on thin ice. Also, remember that a remorseless cheater can stray again. So, you need to decide carefully if they deserve another chance.
When it comes to infidelity, your ability to forgive your partner for cheating and move on is a very important thing to consider. Will you be able to get past their indiscretion if they beg and plead before you? If you feel like it’s all too much for you, then it’s best to walk out and start anew. Cheating is one of the major reasons to end a relationship, however strong your love might have been before.
Gopa says, “If the spouse is genuinely remorseful, then things can get better over time with couple’s therapy. But if the betrayal continues, then the person being betrayed needs to understand that the relationship they are trying to ‘rescue’ does not exist in the first place.
“For instance, a couple who had been married for 10 years came to me for help. The husband had been cheated on a couple of times but still kept holding on to the relationship and kept hoping things would change for the better. I was probably the third or fourth therapist they had approached in the last few years.” In short, the nature of cheating can become a deciding factor in whether or not to end a relationship with someone you love.
3. They refuse to change
Does your otherwise perfect partner have a bad habit you can’t condone? Say, drinking, smoking, excessive gambling, bad financial decisions, and so on? Because things such as these can create a huge wedge between the two of you. The problem can snowball eventually if, despite your best efforts, they refuse to change.
Sophie, an young entrepreneur from New York, says, “I have lived in the “Should I end the relationship?” dilemma for a long time before I broke my 5-year relationship with Amy. Her shopaholism and massive credit card debt were putting a lot of stress on both of us. And there was no sign of her making any effort to get better. But because of her history of self-harm, I couldn’t leave right away even though there were reasons to end a long-term relationship.”
Gopa advises, “In case of addiction issues or a nervous breakdown, a spouse/partner may find it challenging to cope. In such relationships, a spouse who is the ‘enabler’ reaches a stage where they are not able to be the caregiver anymore. At this point, they need to realize that they cannot ‘rescue’ someone unless they wish to change for the better.”
There is no one without flaws but if they refuse to make any effort, it means that they simply don’t respect you enough to listen to you. And you having to suffer the consequences of their bad behavior is enough reason to end a relationship, no matter what people say.
Related Reading: 9 Signs You Are In A Dead-End Relationship
4. You are holding each other back
Some reasons to end a relationship don’t have too much to do with one partner being wrong or bad. Sometimes, they just have to do with changing circumstances. If you aren’t growing in a relationship, well, that is one of the major reasons to end love and leave. “At times, relationships become stagnant or ‘dead’ and no amount of therapy can help them revive. Sometimes, people stay in relationships because they are scared of the unknown or worried about how they will survive on their own,” says Gopa.
Do you have some dreams you want to fulfill? Are you sacrificing your aspirations to stay with your partner? Perhaps you got a great opportunity in New York which you had to refuse because they don’t want to move out of LA. If you can’t find a middle ground where you can stay together and not give up on your ambitions, it might lead to resentment in the relationship. In such circumstances, it’s best to end a relationship without further hurting each other.
Sometimes the journey to fulfilling those dreams means letting go of someone you love. It might be difficult to end a long-term relationship but if you and your partner want different things in life, there isn’t much point in continuing it. “We have made a commitment to each other” or “We still have feelings” aren’t good enough reasons to be in a relationship with someone if it’s sabotaging your growth as an individual.
5. Good reasons to end a relationship – You two are always fighting
When you are looking for convincing reasons not to stay in a relationship, consider catfighting between couples as a big one. There is no relationship without fights, we get that. But hear us out when we tell you that fighting on a regular basis is not a good thing and can actually be pretty scary.
When your everyday conversations turn into slanging matches, they can take a toll on your mental health and on your relationship. In the initial years of dating, it might be easy to turn a blind eye and patch up after a fight but as the years go by, it will only become more and more challenging. If you ask us, that is one of the most rational reasons to end a relationship with someone you love.
Gopa says, “Such relationships are emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. It impacts every aspect of their lives. The children who are innocent bystanders get badly impacted psychologically when they see their parents fighting. It is like living in a war zone and will only lead to further parenting mistakes as well.”
It is difficult to end a relationship on good terms if you have been sniping and snarling at each other for most of the years you have been together. But the only advantage is that the separation might be quick as your partner is as likely to want to walk out themselves. When the atmosphere at home is toxic, you have enough reasons to end a relationship.
6. Your needs are not being met
This may not seem like one of the right reasons to end a relationship because to some it might actually appear selfish but we assure you that if this is true, then you won’t be able to go on for too long. In a good relationship, the couple should both speak the same love language, or at least respect and value each other’s. Also, despite differences, your end goal and core family values should be the same. But when your emotional or intellectual needs are not met or you feel misunderstood, it is difficult to stay together.
For example, does he feel you are too clingy when you climb into bed and rub his back when he’s working on his laptop? Does she deny the physical affection that you crave so much? When your partner does not give enough importance to your needs or wants, the love slowly vanishes out of the window even if there is nothing actually ‘wrong’ with them.
“Usually, spouses end up staying in such relationships and compromise because they have children and may lack the resources or support system to help them make a clean transition out of the marriage. However, marriage is not a one-way road. If the marriage or relationship is not fulfilling and you are not getting anything out of the relationship, then it will continue to be an unhappy one,” says Gopa.
Remember, you have the right to pull the plug on the relationship that makes you feel incomplete, no matter what people say. There’s no point in staying in a relationship where you feel lonely or disrespected. Do not neglect your needs if they are too important to you and consider this as one of the more important reasons to end love.
Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman To Watch Out For
7. Reasons to end love – You have drifted apart
“Often, people get a rude shock when their children leave for college and they realize they have nothing in common. If during couple’s therapy, they are unable to reconnect or find it difficult to live with one another as they can no longer relate to each other, then they need to take stock of the situation and find a way to end a relationship without hurting each other,” opines Gopa.
You don’t ask how their day was. You spend weeks and days without calling or texting them and you don’t even miss the communication. Perhaps you don’t feel emotionally or physically connected to them. There is a scarcity of affectionate non-sensual touches like a warm hug or holding their hands, let alone intimate sexual moments.
Your goals don’t align anymore. You may love your partner but you are not ‘in’ love with them. And one fine morning you realize that you are living poles apart from each other. In a situation like this, if your heart is questioning “Should I end the relationship?”, follow up on that thought. Because being in a relationship with someone you barely see or talk to is hardly a relationship at all.
While it is difficult to maintain the same passion that you had when you started out, a relationship is dead when indifference creeps in and that might just be one of the good reasons to end a relationship. If the disconnect is so strong that you’ve no idea what to say to end a relationship, it is a sign that you both have completely drifted apart and are on very different tangents in your lives.
8. Reasons to break up long-term relationship – you’ve grown tired of it
When you are breaking up with someone you love because of this reason, your friends will probably disapprove of it. Your family may never take your side on this either. Your larger social circle might not just get it. But going your separate ways when you don’t see the point of being together anymore is among the perfectly valid reasons to end a relationship.
Most people continue staying in the wrong relationship because they don’t want to let the time and energy that they have invested in it go to waste. Because it seems ‘perfect’ on the outside, they convince themselves that it’s probably perfect on the inside too. But a lot of long-term relationships fail to retain the spark that is required. Whether the love has waned, there is boredom in the relationship, or you two simply need something new, the reasons are plenty for you to grow tired of a relationship.
Second-guessing your relationship, no longer enjoying the time together, having awkward conversations, and having forced interactions are signs that the two of you have indeed grown apart. It doesn’t matter that you two are a riot when you team up together during Pictionary or that they know you inside out. Time is a funny thing and sometimes, it makes relationships grow dull.
9. They stop making an effort for you
Is your partner losing interest in the relationship? Because if you answered ‘yes’, then it’s time to talk to them about it. It can be hard to come to terms with the fact that the person you love doesn’t love you back the way you need them to, but that does happen more often than you think. You deserve to be with someone who is deeply in love with you, listens to you, wants you in their life, and doesn’t give you reasons to break up a long-term relationship.
If you are the only one making all the effort, and you are the only person making the sacrifices and adjustments required to go forward, you will end up ruining your self-esteem and breaking your heart over and over again. A one-sided bond cannot survive for long and you can count that as one of the reasons to leave a relationship. The sooner you realize this and decide to walk away despite the pain, the better you will be.
10. You have problems in bed
You may have ten other reasons to be in a relationship with someone, but if you are not sexually compatible, it won’t be fulfilling for your mental and physical health. After all, for how long can you deprive yourself of the pleasure your body craves naturally? This might not sound that important and may seem like an issue that can actually be worked out, but that’s not true for everyone.
Sexual problems can often lead to the divorce courts or the road toward splitsville. It is one thing if your sexual life is dull but if your partner is inattentive to your needs, cares only about their pleasure, and does not accept your refusal well, then it doesn’t make for an equal relationship and could even be quite a dangerous position to be in.
It also denotes a certain amount of selfishness. Once the attraction goes, the relationship almost seems like a burden, and the bedroom problems might exacerbate other issues. Not many people will walk out just because they have stopped feeling sexually attracted to their partner but they can sure add this to the list of the right reasons to end a relationship.
Related Reading: Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs
11. You have insurmountable cultural, racial, or religious differences
You often wear rose-tinted glasses during your dating and honeymoon period due to which you often don’t see the red flags around you. Ideally, love is supposed to last beyond race, religion, or cultural differences but if a couple does not have the maturity to reconcile with their inherent disparities, problems can arise and give you some reasons to end a relationship.
Gopa explains, “Things that seemed great or cute in the early stages of the relationship may later become a major bone of contention among the couple. Daily differences that cannot be resolved through communication or dialogue can lead to volatile arguments and trigger irreconcilable differences. Often couples in interfaith, interracial, or intercultural marriages find it tough to adjust especially if they are rigid about their faith and traditions.
“For example, a woman married for many years with two sons had to deal with her in-laws’ orthodox views on what women should or should not do. Since she was a qualified professional, after some time that became a bone of contention between the couple as the spouse refused to act as a buffer between his spouse and extended family. And it ended up damaging their fragile marriage, leading to separation.”
Similarly, habits and lifestyles dictated by religion can be difficult to change and any attempts by a partner to convert their better half to their way of life can lead to strife, especially if not done voluntarily. If your identity, faith, and way of life are being questioned by your own partner, there is no need to search for any more reasons to end a relationship.
12. The right reasons to end a relationship – You fantasize about someone else
We all have our fantasies. But to what extent are those okay? It is different if you fantasize a little about Ashton Kutcher or Mila Kunis, those are not deal breakers. But if you find yourself building dreams and fantasies around, not your partner, but someone else, it could be signs of upcoming trouble.
“In a way, this is a form of emotional cheating in a marriage. I dealt with a case where the husband would be on late night calls with unknown women, watch porn, and share his ‘fantasies’ with his spouse, which led to extreme insecurity within her. The wife felt inadequate and unable to trust or respect her spouse. Inability to deal with a marriage in a mature fashion can lead to frustration and heartbreak in a marriage and is definitely one of the reasons to end love,” says Gopa.
If your partner rarely figures in your vision for the future, it probably means that you no longer fancy them. “I keep thinking about ending my relationship,” you may say. Not because there is something wrong in it, but because there is nothing right in it either. Isn’t that one of the right reasons to end a relationship?
Ending a relationship – The right way to do it
Breaking up with your partner is not exactly a fun ride. But it’s important that people recognize and acknowledge the reasons not to stay in a relationship, which probably contribute to the 50% divorce rate in the United States. Of course, you have to be concerned about how ending a toxic marriage/relationship will affect your children or family. But ultimately, your satisfaction, health, and happiness come first.
And if that means breaking up a decade-long partnership, so be it. There are a couple of things to keep in mind when you are about to have ‘the talk’. First of all, never ever end a relationship on a text message unless it was so dreadful that you feel you don’t owe your partner an explanation. Be honest with your reasons to end a long-term relationship and give them clarity about what went wrong. It’s a basic courtesy to offer proper closure when you are the one who chose to walk out.
Although, don’t be too explicit or that might inflict insecurity and doubts in your partner’s mind. Since it’s your last conversation, try to steer clear of the blame-shifting and be a little empathetic to their state of mind as well. Being friends with an ex often doesn’t agree with many of us. So, before you leave, discuss a clear set of boundaries for future communication. Make sure you don’t let things get out of hand and land in a screaming and crying episode, more so if you are in a public place.
- Don’t think twice before ending an abusive relationship
- Infidelity is one of the major factors that can break up a couple
- Your emotional/intellectual/physical needs not being met is a good enough reason to end a relationship
- If you and your partner are in constant fights or holding each other from exploring your highest potential, break up
- Walk out if you don’t feel connected to them or the relationship is not fun anymore
- Glaring cultural, racial, or religious differences are justifiable reasons to leave your partner
While adjustments and compromises are essential for a long-lasting relationship, never negate your feelings. Your feelings are valid and so are your needs. The world may be against you but it’s your inner self that has to agree with your feelings. And you have every right to choose what to do next and how to live your life further. Your reasons to end love and walk out of a relationship might sound flimsy to others but they are important to you. And that’s all that matters in the end.
You have to be honest about why you want to walk out of a relationship. Because any lies or mistakes might just cause more pain and hurt. Make it positive, say sorry, and try not to blame them, especially if they haven’t done anything too terrible to you.
Cheating, infidelity, lying, refusing to change, and being inattentive to your partner’s needs when they turn to you for support are good reasons to end a relationship. A couple of arguments, a misunderstanding, a genuine mistake, a partner not keeping well, a partner’s natural change in appearance as they age – all of these are bad reasons to end a relationship.
It is never easy to walk out of a relationship but you can end it on good terms by slowly weaning yourself away from the relationship. Take your time and slowly ensure that your partner knows you are unhappy with it. Honest chats or seeking the help of a counselor also can make a difference.
If either of the partners has made a genuine mistake and they are willing to rectify it, take responsibility for it, and are doing everything they can to avoid it, it makes sense to compromise in a relationship and give it another chance.