Are you wondering why a cheating person shows no remorse? If yes, you are probably reeling from the effects of your partner’s infidelity. The questions are killing you and you are wondering what went wrong in your relationship. The cheating part may have hurt if you were completely in the dark and its discovery could be a ruder shock.
However, this is not all upon you. There are several reasons why a cheating person shows no remorse. Some of these reasons are so severe that the cheater may require professional help to sort out the issues he/she may be going through.
17 Unbelievable Reasons Why A Cheating Person Shows No Remorse
Remorse is equivalent to sincere regret, which makes you realize that you have wronged. A man or a woman may want to move toward reconciliation by accepting past mistakes – to fix what has been broken by indulging in affairs. A cheating person may feel no remorse if they inherently lack sincerity.
There is a high possibility that a cheater may be extracting a high from adultery. It could be a difficult feeling to abandon. Falling out of love or narcissism are also reasons why a cheating person shows no remorse. Let us unspool the many reasons behind the complete lack of regret in the aftermath of cheating:
1. They want out of the relationship
If a person in a relationship is uneasy, they might try to squirm out of it. This squirming could result in cheating. Sounds unjust, right? You may wonder how do cheaters not feel guilty? Such a partner might feel remorse but they may not feel it intensely since they were unhappy in a relationship.
So, if your man or woman resorts to such behavior, don’t trouble yourself with the question of why a cheating person shows no remorse. They are simply not worth it. I would recommend that you should not even take them back if they attempt to return. They can deal with the circumstances of their own doing.
2. They do not respect you
It is a given that two people in love will remain faithful. There won’t arise a question of cheating when two people have deep admiration for one another. But, if there is a lack of respect or complacency in the relationship, a partner may feel it is okay to cheat for a teeny bit of thrill or fun. The partner is automatically taken for granted in such situations.
For Adam and Sheeba, both software professionals, this lack of respect turned into a cheating streak that complicated plenty of things.
“I don’t feel bad for cheating on my wife,” says Adam, adding, “Why would I if a cheating woman shows no remorse? She too had a fling outside, which I found out from someone else. Apart from feeling disrespected, I felt hurt and lost respect for her. I did not feel whole and so I looked for options.”
3. They do not know they are cheating
How do cheaters not feel guilty? It is weird but a person may not realize that they’re crossing the line of fidelity. How is this possible you may ask? This has plenty to do with how one defines cheating. There is full-blown sex outside a relationship, which we all agree on counts as cheating. But then how do you classify flirty texts or emotional cheating?
Why a cheating person shows no remorse is also because he/she does not have the cheater’s guilt. This emotion is further scathed if they feel that their partner is sexually or emotionally unavailable. They attempt to find a release online or through flirtatious texts.
Related Reading: 5 Surefire Signs Your Partner is Cheating on You
4. They feel guilty but want the feeling to go away
“I don’t feel guilty for cheating on my husband, or so I thought at first,” says Sheeba, who cheated on Adam (and Adam back on her). “I also felt guilty and it is a horrible feeling. I have been wanting this feeling to go away, but I don’t know if I am ready to admit things to that effect. This is a mess.”
Why a cheating person shows no remorse is also because they are simply trying to avoid guilt. The emotion, they feel, may make them appear like a monster since they somewhere realize the intensity of the pain they caused. Guilt could actually be compared to a caged beast who is raring to escape.
The consternation it may cause can be really harmful. Do seek help from a counselor if the guilt starts to feel like a large weight on your chest. If you’re looking for help from a licensed and skilled mental health professional, counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
5. They feel remorse but can’t admit it
If there are people who feel stuck with remorse and want to work on it, there are others, the egomaniacal variety, who will not want to admit it for a variety of reasons like pride. In such cases, it is futile to trouble yourself with the question, “why don’t cheaters feel remorse”, despite them having put you through a visible hell.
Also note, it may appear that this person does not care about what he or she did, but there is a high chance that it may be troubling them deeply. I sincerely request you to keep away from such a person before he or she wreaks damage to your mental health.
6. They don’t think they have done anything wrong
So, why would a person show no remorse after betraying someone else? It is because they feel that their act is not worthy of guilt or they do not feel the need to explain. In some instances, a person may discover they are polyamorous, and thus, they do not feel the need to justify that they can love many people.
Would we call it cheating in such a case? Unless there is the consent of everyone involved, it still does qualify as cheating. If your partner has realized they’re polyamorous, you have a lot to figure out as a couple.
Related Reading: 18 Definite Signs Of A Cheating Boyfriend
7. Toxic masculinity
A man who feels he has the right to cheat possibly harbors strong traits of toxic masculinity. It is really a harmful concept that does not just affect the partner who is cheated on but also the men who wear it like a badge of honor. Society’s expectation of a stiff upper lip teaches a lot of men that a show of emotions like remorse is not masculine. As a result, men often feel like they have to display a certain toughness.
While at a cafe, where I was trying to write peacefully, I heard a conversation about toxic masculinity. I could not figure out the names of the people who were talking as I eavesdropped, but for our benefit, let us call them John and Jane. John appeared to have cheated on his partner and Jane was batting for components of trust.
“Yes, I don’t feel bad for cheating on my partner because I did not feel answerable to her,” John said to a friend who was trying to mediate the conflict, “I have always honored her wishes and desires but I don’t feel answerable to her all the time. I am with her because I felt a certain sense of independence. Being accountable is really taking the meaning out of it.”
“How do cheaters not feel guilty!” Jane simply exclaimed. I think she rushed out after this conversation because I could not hear more of it.
8. They are angry
Anger is also a reason why a cheating person could show no remorse. It might turn you into an irrational person. It could cause the cheater to justify their actions instead of feeling remorse or regret. For instance, if a partner is not getting fundamental support in a relationship or enough sex, they may cheat instead of expressing anger.
Cheating in such a situation can reflect poor communication skills. Improving this early on can help you understand each other’s concerns and trust one another to work on them. After all, relationships are all about building a strong foundation.
9. The affair is still on
The question of why cheaters don’t feel remorse does not arise when the cheater in question is still having a full-swing affair. In such a scenario the cheater will be in love, too consumed by the warm-gooey feeling to feel remorse or regret.
Something similar happened with Anna, a product designer. She fell out of love in her relationship and found a new flame in Steve, a corporate analyst. “I don’t feel bad for cheating on my husband because I was planning to leave him.
“There were many reasons why I left him – one was because of his aggressiveness. I was feeling insecure around him. Even during our last argument, when I confessed to having cheated, he maligned all women by saying that a cheating woman shows no remorse. It was all just getting ugly,” she says.
10. They feel they are saving the relationship
This is not an answer you would expect when you think about why a cheating person shows no remorse. It is slightly crazy, but hear me out on this one. If a certain need, like sex, is unfulfilled in a relationship, a person may seek it outside secretly. This person won’t consider this as an act of betrayal but a personal business they took care of to save their relationship. Such a person differentiates love from lust.
11. They believe you will forgive anyway
In a long-drawn relationship, complacency might trawl around without you noticing. A partner may start taking you for granted to the extent that they feel that you will forgive them for anything. Love or logic eludes such behavior. Complacency is one of the reasons why a cheating person shows no remorse.
Then, there are the rich people with a dependent spouse. The money may make them feel invincible. Moreover, such people have a twisted view of the world and thus, their lack of remorse is not just a lack of respect but also an inherent lack of ability to love.
Sometimes, some people – who are sensitive – may want to stick around. They may press themselves with questions like how do cheaters not feel guilty. Their partner’s behavior may make them feel as if they are not enriching enough in their relationship. But it is only prudent to walk away from such a relationship that is skewed.
12. They are narcissistic
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” Do you think your partner is very close to saying this to the dressing mirror? Well, such people could also easily say, “I don’t feel bad for cheating on my partner.”
Narcissism or excessive self-love is a psychological issue that could affect both partners in a relationship. The inflated sense of self may prevent a person from feeling remorse (or empathy). Also, it is quite possible that even if the person feels any remorse and regret, it is because they were punished for cheating and not because they were caught.
13. They are living in denial
Constantly choosing to flirt with the coworker, texting the ex and just indulging in casual flirting or even online flirting may seem like acceptable behavior to them. When things seem acceptable, it may appear as if the person is not being conscious of their actions. They deny themselves that they are cheating.
Moreover, this action could also be deliberate. In reality and contrary to the popular notion of denial, a person – while cheating – may be thinking of you all the time. Cheating is, after all, a conscious decision.
At every little juncture, they may hear a small voice that told them that what they were doing is not right and that they should stop right now. But then, why don’t cheaters feel remorse, you may want to ask. Because they often ignore the voice of reason thinking “it will only be this one time” or “what they (the other partner) does not know will not hurt”. Denial for them is a sweet, temporary solace.
Related Reading: Dating A Narcissist? Here Are The Signs And How It Changes You
14. They are manipulative
A manipulative partner will gaslight you into believing anything apart from the truth because they are scared to face the consequences of their actions. If such a person has been unfaithful in a relationship, they may feel guilt and manipulation may be the quick solution to patch up their emotions.
Such a person may even manipulate you into believing that their cheating was actually your fault. They will feel better, but you will be in the clutches of despair, posed with the perpetual question, “Why don’t cheaters feel remorse?” In reality, they may be saddled with a lot of guilt and manipulation is their tool to avoid this uncomfortable emotion. They would rather say “I don’t feel bad for cheating on my partner” rather than actually measure the pain their actions have been causing.
15. They could have psychological problems
When you are cheated on, this reason could possibly escape you that your partner may have psychological issues that need to be untangled asap. One of these issues could be an antisocial personality disorder, which involves a pattern of manipulating, exploiting, or violating the rights of others.
I can recount the case of Lyon and Genna – a fairly new couple adamant that was wondering if their relationship was worth saving. Lyon had a personality disorder that was diagnosed after several rounds of therapy. Before he even hit the counselor’s couch, you could find one phrase on his lips, “I don’t feel bad for cheating on my wife. ”
The lack of empathy was driving Genna crazy. She wanted to retort with “I don’t feel bad for cheating on my husband” out of sheer anger. But she was unable to do so since she hadn’t cheated. This is when she had an inkling that Lyon may have had problems understanding these emotions at all!
If you are stuck in such a situation, you could try to understand the reasons why a cheating person shows no remorse – you may realize that they need help. If you actually help them through these issues, with therapy and more, it may help you seal your bond further.
16. They are a serial cheater
When someone has cheated repeatedly, the effect it has on them reduces heavily, making it easier to repeat the act. This is why a serial cheater may not feel remorse – the constant indulgence dilutes the vice. What worse could happen in this situation, you may ask? The cheater may get cheater’s high from a streak of adultery.
17. They are afraid to admit
This is closely related to the fear of truly feeling guilt and remorse for the pain caused. In such cases, there are definite signs of guilt and remorse after cheating. But, due to factors like pride or toxic masculinity, they are unable to admit their guilt and remorse.
Another reason for not wanting to admit remorse might come from the fear of facing that feeling. This is possible because getting into an affair requires a level of delusion, and there are usually moral signposts telling you not to do it; but if you do it, it isn’t much of a stretch to block it out even after getting caught.
When truly in love and cheated on, you may want to find out the reasons behind it. You may even want to side with them – believe that they will bounce back. However, sometimes these issues are entrenched in past trauma or psychological faults. These issues should be resolved with the help of a mental health professional. And if you have been cheated on, you must take care of yourself first. Evaluate where you stand in your relationship and then proceed with caution. It may seem hard to let go, but let time take care of the hurt.