Falling out of love isn’t how you fall in love. The magic of love seems to fade away, affection is replaced by irritation and appreciation by bickering. Unlike how falling in love feels, falling out of love is more like a nightmarish version of the fairytale earlier imagined. The honeymoon phase is now over, and roses seem stale. The relationship seems like a load that you are dragging on. You realise, or one of you realises that you are falling out of love and this relationship is now on the rocks.
After your relationship ends, you begin to wonder, why do people fall out of love suddenly? What went wrong? Do guys fall out of love easily? Why did you fall out of love? And what not. These questions keep picking your brain and you don’t have a definite answer.
How long does it take to fall out of love?
You see the perfect couple head-over-heels in love with each other and nothing seems more beautiful than two people in love. After two months you see one of them getting married to someone else while the ex-partner has started dating again. How does this happen? How does someone fall out of love? What about all those months of dating, celebrating anniversaries and making promises of a forever together? There are various factors that come into consideration when it is about falling out of love. Here is a list of them.
1. Falling out of love depends on the person
Falling out of love depends on what kind of a person he/she is. If it’s a person who seeks a new partner every six months, falling out of love is like a ticking time bomb. You just need to press the button and boom, the person is out of love. Such people are under the impression that they are in love, while all this time they were just in love with the idea of being in love and having a partner. Lust rules the feelings for such people and they seem to get confused between the two – unaware how lust is different from love. For some people, falling out of love takes ages. After 7-8 years of being in a relationship they suddenly realize that they didn’t know what they were doing all these years with that person.
Are you still in a relationship with your high-school sweetheart? If yes, then it’s a miracle. Not all people marry their high school sweethearts. This is because at that stage, you are not mature enough to differentiate between love and attraction. Even after college, you tend to drift away after you and your partner get jobs in different cities. Other responsibilities become your priorities and your relationship takes a back seat. It is because at that stage, you weren’t mature enough to understand the hard work and patience that will take to maintain a relationship and you eventually fell out of love. The less mature you are, the sooner it will take you to fall out of love because you don’t know what it takes to make love last
3. Love Vs Lust
According to Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007 lust exists more in the “here and now” and does not necessarily involve a long-term perspective. Infact, some people mistake infatuation for love as well. Hence, at times a relationship is just glued together due to attraction and not deeper feelings like love. People mistake lust for love and tend to “fall out of love”, while the truth is that they were never in love. Lustful relationships like these always have an expiration date. It’s a matter of when you feel like calling it off.
4. Falling out of love because of boredom
Vanderbilt University sex researcher Laura Carpenter explains, “While people get older and busier, as a relationship proceeds they also get more skilful — in and out of the bedroom.” As the dynamics of a relationship keeps changing, boredom eventually kicks in. Seeing your partner no longer gives you that rush. You begin to feel nothing for your other half gradually. After falling out of love you question yourself why do people fall out of love suddenly? The truth is you were long out of love. It’s about when you realized it.
5. Sometimes it’s as fast as you took to fall in love
A study by Harrison and Shortall (2011) found that men tend to fall in love faster than women 1. How long does it take for a guy to fall out of love then? Well, there’s no definite answer to this either. It all depends on how fast it took to fall in love as well. Sometimes, people rush into relationships without getting to know the person on a deeper level. As a result, after getting into a relationship you realize that you’re with the wrong person and fall out of love as easily as you fell in love.
Why do people fall out of love suddenly?
Couples tend to fall out of love due to many reasons. Sometimes, they just need a trigger to end the relationship that was dead for some time now. Here are some reasons why people just fall out of love:
1. Lack of Communication
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. At times, lack of communication creates a wall between the partners and this wall just keeps building over time. By the time either of the partners realizes it, the wall is too strong to be broken and it’s too late to save the relationship. No communication between the partners tends to create misunderstandings and creates disinterest. The spark between them diminishes and eventually makes the relationship dead, leaving them with no feelings for each other.
Related reading: 15 Subtle signs your partner is going to break up with you soon
2. Lack of Emotional Connection
In a relationship, just saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t mean anything unless your partner feels the love through your actions. One of the main reasons for infidelity is the emotional needs not being satisfied. When emotional needs aren’t satisfied, you tend to look elsewhere and tend to get attracted to the person who caters to your emotional needs. As a result, you fall out of love with the person you swore to be with in sickness and in health.
3. Sexual Dissatisfaction
According to a Survey conducted by The Hindustan Times, 30% of all marriages in India end as a result of sexual dissatisfaction, impotency and infertility 2. Emotional satisfaction and sexual satisfaction together bind a relationship together. If any one of them is lacking, it creates a barrier in a relationship. Sexual dissatisfaction at times can lead to two people no longer having feelings for each other and they just fall out of love all of a sudden.
Related reading: 12 ways lack of intimacy in your marriage affects you
4. They Knew it All Along
Sometimes people tend to be in a relationship that has to future. They force themselves into the relationship even though deep inside they know that they have chosen the wrong one. Such people keep assuring themselves that it will get better and will eventually be happy and keep going with the flow, until one day they realize that they can’t do it anymore and end the relationship. The act many seem sudden, but it was something that was playing on their mind for a long time.
People fall in love then out of love and then again in love. It’s like a cycle that continues until you find ‘the one’. As Monica from Friends says to Chandler, “We weren’t destined to end up together. We fell in love and work hard at our relationship.” The matter of how long it takes for people to fall out of love depends on factors that form the foundation of a relationship. If the foundation is strong you might never fall out of love! If both partners are willing to take it to the end, the idea of falling out of love will never arise. It’s a matter of how much the relationship means to you and if you have what it takes.