He thinks good sex is enough to keep her happy. She thinks he should stop depending on sex all the time to make her feel sexually intimate. He is totally confused and classifies this as yet another side of her enigmatic personality. She cannot make him understand that he can avoid being lustful and horny to show his loving and passionate side. The same body he uses to assert his manhood can also be used to spread the wings of warmth around her.
Is he tuned in?
When he lets his skin get deeper into all her pores instead of limiting his pleasure-giving capacity to a bout of lovemaking lasting for some minutes, he is able to experience what she is trying to explain through sexual intimacy. Is your man already enlightened to distinguish along similar lines?
Or does he require a session to realise the profundity of such an experience?
When you intend to stay entwined without a defined objective in mind, you explore a wider, fulfilling territory that sets you free to enjoy better sexual contact. This form of intimacy goes beyond having bang-bang sex. It is a continuous, free-flowing, timeless unification of bodies – loving your partner with a sexual energy that does not necessarily include having intercourse.
Imagine lying in the nude beside your lover for hours in bed. Imagine the absorption of energy and warmth that makes her feel closer to you than before. Although there is no act of penetration involved, these bodies penetrate deep into the soul.
If, after a day of hectic sex, you feel the climax is not imparting the pleasure and bliss you need, try a sexually intimate encounter to enjoy an experience of a different kind, even if it is just for the sake of change. Never think it is an attempt to divert you from sex forever. Take it as another sport involving bodies and give it a new name of your choice to personalise the experience.
Related reading: Scheduled intimacy can be just as fulfilling
Remembering the bodies
Speaking to some couples who have a fair idea of this genre of intimacy and have sometimes experienced it, this comes across as an indulgence that gives a delightful break from the usual monotony. This is loaded with the thrilling idea of romance that has somehow fizzled out of the relationship since sex entered in a big way in their lives. It is, therefore, an attempt to regain some of the lost innocence and the playfulness when couples enjoyed the presence of each other in all natural splendour. It’s as if it is an attempt to have a close look at their beautiful bodies that do not interest them as much as sex does.
This offers revival of interest and the rebuilding of curiosity when they lie beside each other in the nude and discuss mundane matters and priorities and yet manage to have a break. He could plant an orgy of kisses at a particular spot of her body that had stopped being of interest to him – be it her nape, her earlobe, or her bosom.
Related reading: How to differentiate whether he loves you or just lusts for you
Creating the right time for talk
She reads it as an act of pure sensual indulgence that was once available when they were in the phase of courtship or early marriage. Sometimes couples who discuss serious issues and end up fighting are often able to discuss prickly issues when they are enjoying a bout of sexual intimacy. She can slowly express her desire for a small holiday and he will not think of budgets while agreeing.
If she tries this at another hour, his reaction and acceptance are different, as conditions apply. Fair enough to say it builds up an atmosphere of mutual acceptance and sets them free to discuss and plan and give a new direction to anything that matters. Unlike during sex, when men build castles to impress their partners, here it is different, as men respond to whims and fancies without trying to create a big impression about their power and potential. It is more realistic and hard-core.
When he lies in her arms, it is more like an act of his surrender. He appreciates her sexual being without getting aroused to put himself inside her. He discovers a sexuality that is more about giving rather than receiving. In sex, he is a ruthlessly selfish man who is out to invade and grab the most. But here, it is his gentler, softer side that shows he is not a selfish ogre. In a sense, it is generous and philanthropic in nature.
Related reading: These 9 rules for a happy marriage will make you go “That’s it?”
Tell him so
If your man is unaware that he still can make your heart go crazy with mere fondling and doodling on the body, he needs genuine encouragement from you. He needs clear communication to explain the sensitivity nurtured while he stays entwined with your body, talks sweet, and makes you rediscover and relive the freshness and innocence of the relationship in a much friendlier manner that doesn’t seem to threaten with the grand male organ glorified and revered as the single source of pleasure for women.
Men should know that sexual intimacy is another effective way to touch the female heart and create a strong impression of manhood. The responsibility lies with women to make this happen at a much wider scale, as it challenges established conventions.