Relationships 101

8 ways to deal with saying I love you and not hearing it back

It's not the end of the world, not yet.
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Saying “I love you” to someone and not hearing it back can be a huge blow to anyone. When we are in such a situation, the first thing that comes into mind is the situation Carrie and Big were in, in the series Sex and the City. It is the most heart-breaking thing one can go through. But it is not the end of the world; well, not yet. Here are 8 ways to deal with it.

8 ways to deal with saying ‘I love you’ and not hearing it back

So you did say “I love you” but did not hear it back. Right now, you must be sucked into a hole of emotions, hurt and devastation. You are wondering if you read the signs wrong. Or did you say it too soon? You are either too tired because of all the crying or you cannot help but think of this. All you are doing right now is regretting that you said it and you’re wishing that you had a time machine to go back in time and change everything.

First of all, you’re human. You are allowed to have emotions and express them.

What you did wasn’t a mistake; it has to come out and you had to know how the other person felt too. If this hadn’t happened, you would have been in a fantasy thinking that the feelings were mutual. You should thank God that it stopped before you got too deep into this. Unrequited love has many facets to it, and the sooner you accept the reality, the better.

But, no matter what you do, you are still in a state of devastation and here are 8 ways that you can deal with saying “I love you” and not hearing it back.

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1. Sink back into your normal schedule

It is difficult to again go out in public and face people. You fear that you will see your love again and won’t be able to hold yourself anymore. Honestly, the more alone you stay, the more you will keep thinking about all these things. Once you go back to your normal routine, you will have something to divert your mind with. The more normal you act, your mind too, will start acting normal. Remember, the best way to deal with rejection is to face it.

2. Be honest with yourself

The truth is that you love that person. This is a fact that is not going to change. Accept the fact that you loved a person and could have been a great partner to him/her. You could have maybe kept him/her the happiest. But the truth is that he/she doesn’t feel the same way about you and you need to accept this fact and move on. Don’t hide from your feelings. Only if you accept your feelings will you be able to be okay with them. You need to get over this person and move on with your life.

3. Don’t go after him/her

You know how this person feels, so it is no use going after this person and expecting him/her to change their mind. If there were any such feelings, you would have got your answer then itself. Going after that person will only drive that person further away from you and it could spoil the friendship/bond that you two shared before. Don’t get blinded by your emotions and lose an important person in your life. Stalking even comes in the category of criminal offence.

4. Stop obsessing over it

Obsessing over it is a big waste of time and you are going to regret it once you get over this phase. Not hearing it back is someone’s worst nightmare, but it is also a reality check. Accept the fact that it is over and there is nothing between the two of you other than friendship, instead of obsessing over the possibilities of having an alternate ending.

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5. That person is still a big part of your life

That person may not have feelings for you, but it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t care for you. He/she is still a big part of your life. Don’t spoil your present equation with him/her. Feelings come and go, but people still stay in your life. Think about what is more important, your feelings or the person? If feelings have to come, then they will, but till then, stay the way you are with that person.

6. Ask yourself why hearing it back was so important

Maybe you wanted a reality check or a confirmation from that person. Maybe you thought that the person feels the same or you wanted to get it out of your system. That is why you said “I love you”. You wanted to hear it back to get a validation. But ask yourself, will your life stop on not hearing it back? Know your self-worth. You know that you can do better than this.

7. Think about the other person’s situation

Do you think it was easy for that person to say no to you? That person had his/her reasons and you should understand them. What if that person said I love you, too, despite not feeling the same about you? Things would have been worse and more complications would have arisen. Your bond with that person would never be the same and maybe you wouldn’t talk to him/her anymore. You need to respect the other person’s decision and understand why he/she did what he/she did. There is always a concrete reason behind such decisions and you need to understand that.

8. Indulge in self-love

In situations like these, you need to know your self-worth. Don’t lose your self-respect for someone unnecessarily. Indulge in self-love. Don’t be alone. Call your besties and your girl gang. Hang out with them and enjoy every bit of your life. Your life doesn’t stop here. There are so many more people to meet and who knows which one turns out to be your perfect match. All this will not happen unless you love yourself.

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Love yourself and the world will love you.

Getting over such a situation is nothing less than a breakup. You somewhat feel betrayed and mad at the person, even though you know that it wasn’t exactly his/her fault. It is because you had too many expectations and when they came down crumbling, you didn’t know where to go. Such situations bring a lot of hurt and devastation, but you don’t know how strong you are. You can get over this. Just know your self-worth and appreciate all the positives in your life. Things were great before this person was in the picture; then why can’t they be great now? Spend one day, cry it all out and then don’t look back to what happened and why it happened.

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