If you are new to the dating pool, it can be a little confusing to navigate the various dating stages of intimacy to understand how close you and your partner are. The correct frequency at which you are supposed to see your partner isn’t always clear. How often should you see your boyfriend? Is it totally normal to see them four times a week, or should it be once? You are not sure where to draw the line.
Well, fret not! We are here to guide you. To find out more about the dating stages and if there are any limitations in how often you should see each other, we reached out to Pragati Surekha (MA in Clinical Psychology). She is also a leadership coach and specializes in dating and loveless marriages.
She says, “The experience of dating someone and the frequency of dates can’t be put together in one box. Each couple has a different experience. They grow at different rates. No one size fits all here. However, there are a few dating guidelines on how often they can meet each other and other dating etiquettes one can follow when they are seeing someone.”
How Often Should You See Your Boyfriend — 5 Tips To Help You Decide
A new relationship is no easy feat. Even though it may feel like your feet are above the ground and there is wind beneath your wings, there is actually a lot of background work going on in making this relationship a success. What seems like the mere honeymoon period in the early days is actually also the time when you are setting a solid foundation for your relationship.
You have to constantly keep things running by learning how to trust, love, and respect each other. It’s not just ice-cream dates at 4 a.m. or planning random excursions on weekends. You two are constantly navigating who you want to be in this relationship during these first stages. And one of those things to figure out is how often to see someone you’re dating.
Below are some expert advice notes on the common ‘how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend’ query. While there’s no set answer to this, we can help you find something that works for you. As previously mentioned, these are not tailored for every relationship and situation but can give you a general overview of what some relationships look like.
1. Make time but don’t overextend yourself
Let’s suppose you and your boyfriend live in different towns that are about an hour away from each other. In that case, you clearly have to put in some extra effort to make the relationship work. Expensive cabs, dull trains, and falling asleep on the way back home are a few things you might have to deal with when making plans with your boyfriend.
- Don’t feel overwhelmed: While it is important to put hard work into your relationship to show them how much you value them, don’t overextend yourself to the point where the rest of your life is put on the back burner
- Live the rest of your life too: You still have other friends to meet, groceries to shop for, and long baths to take, after those difficult workdays. Consider seeing your partner once or twice a week in such a case, if time permits and try to spend plenty of time with yourself too
2. Spend each moment wisely, even if short
There was a time when I used to think that I want to see my boyfriend every day or that it was important to spend every second with my boyfriend as it would bring us closer together. But as I grew older, I realized that it’s pretty unsustainable to hang out with your boyfriend like this. It’s more important that you spend that time wisely getting to know each other instead of just routinely taking up each other’s space.
- Quality time at home: Ask each other get-to-know-me questions, make food and mulled wine, and put on some old movies that you two like
- Not breaking the routine: You don’t have to switch up your routine to see your partner. You can do the same things you had planned for the day but just take them along. Take each other out for shopping and even run errands together
- New activities: On weekends or holidays, consider making a list of new activities you want to try. This could include naming the new restaurants you want to go to, creating a calendar of all the parties you are going to as a couple, finding plays to watch around the city, or museums you want to see. A study has revealed that couples who spent more of their time together engaged in activities were significantly more likely to use constructive communication compared to others
Remember that it’s absolutely okay if after six months or so in your relationship, you and your partner start seeing each other less. It’s a natural progression that as two people get more comfortable, they are more secure and less excitable in the relationship. In that case, even if you are seeing each other once or twice a week, make sure you spend that time well.
3. You don’t have to show up everywhere as a couple
While the most exciting part of having this new person in your life is parading them around to every family event or party that you are invited to, know that it might not always be possible with your work schedules. Yes, life gets in the way and your partner cannot accompany you to every single board game night or lunch that your friends invite you to.
Since you don’t always need each other’s company at social events, let these certain times be moments when you can fully immerse yourself in spending time with your friends. Some time apart socially is often good, because as a couple you may lose sense of your individuality. But this way, you are able to do your own thing and focus on the other people in your life. Just take them to the important things, and as for the rest, have a great time on your own!
4. Decide where you stand on spending nights together
If you’re seeing boyfriend once a week, you might want to make it count by spending the night together with them instead of just having dinner and calling them a cab back home. In such a case, your desire to spend time with them overnight is absolutely valid. Just know that it might not make sense to do it a few times a week.
How many nights a week should couples spend together then? As per an expert therapist, Alexa Elkington, “Even if couples spend very little time together or very little time apart, the relationship will be healthy if the balance suits both of them. If the partners disagree on how much together and alone time they should have, this can lead to serious conflict.”
If you’ve chosen to live separately for your alone time and independence, then sleeping together two nights a week is more than enough. Don’t look at other relationships and force yourself to become enmeshed with your boyfriend. Retaining your individual independence will do just as much good to your relationship as when you spend time together. You want the comfort that comes from sleeping next to them, but you don’t want to be co-dependent in the relationship.
5. Try to get on the same page
Having an understanding and positive response to each other’s routines and habits is essential for a couple to navigate how much time they should spend together. For example, one of you loves going to the gym in the evenings and doesn’t like to skip it, while the other one really enjoys making meals at home instead of going out to dinners on Friday nights.
- Respect their routine: As a couple, you two need to be cognizant of the individual characteristics that you two bring to this relationship. It’s important to accommodate each other’s habits instead of expecting the other person to always make sacrifices to spend time with you
- Find other times to do things: If your boyfriend needs to go to the gym in the evenings, consider taking him on a morning breakfast date! And if your girlfriend likes staying in on Fridays, bring her a bottle of wine for an at-home date instead of dragging her out with your friends
The Early Stage Of The Relationship
Now that we have looked at some important tips for how you should spend your time together, let us now go over some stage-wise expert advice. In the early stages of a relationship, we tend to become so involved that we want to do nothing else but talk to this person, instead of the many things we used to do earlier. We want to know every little detail about them, their childhood, and their future plans. We want to be around them all the time.
But is this advisable? Pragati answers, “The first stage of dating is basically euphoric love bombing but in a less toxic and negative way. You are on your best behavior. It’s almost as if you have a mask on because you don’t want this person to see the real you. You just want to have the perfect time with them and it makes you feel good.
“You want them to like you. You try everything you can to impress them. You instantly reply to their text messages. You are extra concerned and mindful about how you look, how you dress, and how you speak. And then you might start wondering, how often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend at the beginning of the relationship? I would advise less is more.”
We’re sure that there are, by now, signs of sexual tension you cannot ignore. This intense attraction is caused by oxytocin which is famously known as the love hormone. It’s the one that forces you to keep asking yourself “When will I meet my boyfriend again?” even though you just got home from your date.
At this point, you aren’t just aesthetically attracted to them. This deep sexual attraction makes you want to see them almost every single day. This is where you have to tread carefully because they aren’t revealing their authentic self. You might be doing the same thing. Both of you have put on masks to hide your insecurities and weaknesses. It’s because you want them to like you.
This is where mistakes can happen. This is where both of you are placing your expectations inside Pandora’s Box. What happens when those expectations aren’t met when the two of you make it to the next stage? The box starts to erupt with problems. That’s why it’s advised to see each other less during the initial stages of the relationship.
Related Reading: Do Guys Catch Feelings After Hooking Up?
How Often Should You See Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend If You Have Been Dating For 3 Months?
Pragati shares, “If you have been seeing each other for almost three months, then there are chances you have shared your first kiss and you’ve been intimate with each other. See if you are compatible with them in all aspects including emotional, intellectual, financial, and sexual compatibility.
“A few people still keep this very hush-hush because they are either not sure about their person or they don’t want to rush things. They don’t necessarily have the gut feeling yet of wanting to commit. That’s why it’s important you don’t get too attached in this particular stage. Because if you’re unsure about them and you have already started to fall in love, then it may result in heartbreak. Or if they don’t share your feelings, you may end up getting hurt.”
This is the phase where you make happy memories with one another and try to see more signs of relationship compatibility. You go on dates and you start getting comfortable with each other. You see if your interests align and if your wavelengths match. You want to know if they are an emotionally mature person and if they will be a good partner if this takes a serious turn. Emotional maturity is one of the qualities of a good man that every woman looks for.
There’s a downside to this phase because there are chances you could be the only one who is falling in love. This is where the question of “how often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend?” becomes crucial. Our advice? Once or twice a week is enough.
If You Have Been Dating For 6 Months
Pragati says, “If this stage is not balanced, then it could create a lot of problems. This is where you need to connect on a deeper level. This is where you see how curious they are about getting to know all sides of you. Vulnerability is steadily stimulating between the two of you and you don’t know how to take it yet. So how often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend after six months together? There is no right answer or wrong answer here. It just depends on how interested you are in pursuing a relationship with them.”
If you have been dating this person for half a year now, chances are you have made up your mind about them already. You either like them or you don’t because six months is a fairly long time to get to know a person, at least on the surface level. If even the surface level isn’t attractive to you or you aren’t interested, then you can easily back out if there isn’t any kind of commitment yet.
This is the most important stage in deciding whether or not you want to keep seeing this person. Most people usually decide at this mark whether they see a future with the person or not. So how often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend at this stage? You can start meeting for a longer duration now. In this relationship stage, more investment and time might be required, even if the number of times you meet up in a week is the same.
Related Reading: 11 Early Signs He’s A Player And Isn’t Serious About You
If You Have Been Dating For 12 Months
I told Pragati that like many other women, I too want to spend every second with my boyfriend even though I know that may not be healthy. I told her I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and this is what she says, “This is the stage of declaration now. You either declare you love them or you don’t. Others know you are together but you haven’t labeled each other as boyfriend and girlfriend yet.
“You can see them twice or thrice a week to settle into the idea that this relationship may go on forever or it may face an inevitable end if either of you isn’t ready to commit.” This stage is known as exclusive dating. It’s the point where it’s ready to turn into a commitment, even if it is a long-distance relationship.
You can confess your feelings for them if you love them. You can be honest and tell them you want to commit to them. If either of you doesn’t share this feeling, it’s high time you let go of the relationship.
If You Have Been Dating For Over A Year
If you have been dating for over a year, there are chances you are in love and in a committed relationship with this person. When we looked around on Reddit for an answer to “how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend?”, a user shared, “This is all very very personal on what the people in the said relationship are comfortable with.
“That being said, I could not date someone I only saw once a week. In fact, the guy I dated before my now boyfriend, kept us at every 7–10 days and it drove me insane. It’s not enough to form any kind of real bond with someone, and I felt like we never covered any ground. Of course, looking back, that is exactly what he wanted and I was just too dumb to see it at the time.
“In the very very early stages, once a week is okay, but as things progress I expect to see someone more and more. I have been with my guy for about 4 months now, and we see each other 2–5 days a week depending on when I have my child for the week. That may be a lot for some people, but we almost always end up finding things to do over weekends together which is how it tallies up to 5 sometimes.”
The ‘how often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend’ dilemma depends on what you are expecting from that person. While it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, you also need to regularly show up in your relationship to make it work. A study has shown that the average time couples talk per day might just be half an hour. Do you need more or less than that? Discuss and come to a common conclusion.
It all comes down to your goals for the relationship, and how busy or free you are in a week, to make your relationship better. Just because you started seeing someone, doesn’t mean you will let go of all your old hobbies and interests. This is one of the mistakes many people make. They stop hanging out with their friends because they dedicate all their time and energy to the person they are falling in love with. Bit it’s all about creating a healthy balance with your SO.
Related Reading: Confused About A Guy? 18 Tips To Help You
How Often Should You See Your Boyfriend In A Long-Distance Relationship?
Long-distance relationships are quite difficult to navigate and might even need a slightly different approach. We asked Pragati, “Are there any rules about LDRs? How often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend when you live in different cities?” She says, “It all comes down to how well you can manage everything. There are many long-distance relationship problems that you need to be aware of.
“How good are you at expressing your love despite being apart from each other? If you can manage the distance without affecting your quality of love, then nothing can separate you from each other. I have known a couple who were physically apart because one of them moved to a different city to study. After two years of being apart, they came out stronger than ever.”
On the contrary, there are couples who terminate their relationship after just two or three months of being in long-distance relationships, because they think it affects their independence and self-care. But what matters in an LDR, or any other dynamic, isn’t the frequency of meetings, but how secure, communicative, honest, and loyal you can be.
- How often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have just started dating, then avoid meeting them too often
- Take your time to get to know them, but also retain your individuality
- When you have been dating for three months, you can start to make memories by meeting them once or twice a week
- Exclusive dating is where you are ready to commit and you’re seeing them every alternate day because you are in a comfortable stage of dating now
There are many benefits to discussing this with your partner: How often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend in the beginning and in the later stages of dating? It will help you know if the relationship is being rushed and whether you want to slow things down. You will be able to understand who they are at a steady pace rather than jumping at every chance to meet them. This will eventually save your relationship from crashing and burning.
If you go to the same university or work at the same office, then you have no other option but to see them every day. But if the relationship is new, it can be unhealthy and you need to avoid spending so much time in order to save your relationship from burnout. If the two of you have been dating for over a year, then seeing each other every day is not such a big deal.
It’s perfectly normal. There’s no rule that you have to meet them every single day. We are all busy living in a busy world. We have to focus on our work, give time to our family, and take a day off just for ourselves to relax and rejuvenate.