How to get your ex-boyfriend back? It is not uncommon to wrestle with this thought in the wake of a breakup, which puts you on a roller coaster of emotions. The emotional baggage, guilt, and chaos can become suffocating when you’re already dealing with the void your boyfriend left. And you may find yourself consumed by thoughts like, “I still love my ex-boyfriend and I want him back”, or “I’d give anything to figure out how to win my ex-boyfriend back”.
Perhaps he was the one to pull the plug on your relationship, and you’re wondering how to get your ex-boyfriend back when he broke up with you. Or maybe you’re still hung up on your ex and want to make him yours again. Whatever the specifics of your situation, first and foremost, you need to stop wallowing and start taking action. You need to develop an ex-recovery plan that will not only make him want to be with you again but also not want to leave. We’re here to help you with this detailed guide on how to win an ex back forever.
I Want My Ex Back: Is It A Good Idea?
Most people ask, “Will my ex-boyfriend come back after dumping me?” whereas the question they should be asking is, “Is it a good idea to get back with your ex?” To truly know if winning back your ex is a good idea, ask yourself,
- Why didn’t it work the first time?
- What has changed?
- Would it be enough?
And remember, this won’t be the same as starting over in a new relationship. Not only will you go in with some set expectations, but also a lot of emotional baggage from your previous innings as a couple. If you keep following the same pattern again and again, you’re likely to enter an on-again-off-again relationship.
A study shows that people who get into on-again-off-again relationships are twice as likely to report physical or emotional abuse in their relationships. Such a pattern is also likely to increase symptoms of psychological distress, as suggested by this study. I’m not saying that all renewed relationships are doomed, but you have to be careful or you might end up more heartbroken.
Your emotionally driven brain may ask you to jump right away, but need to introspect whether you and your ex can work through your issues, turn things around, and replace unhealthy patterns with healthy ones. Without it, there is no way you will be able to get back your ex and have a happy relationship with him.
Also, getting back together may not be a good idea if you can relate to even one of the following statements:
- My relationship with my ex exhibited abusive symptoms, either emotionally, physically, or mentally
- My ex is a passive-aggressive person and this has made me walk on eggshells in the relationship
- I have a codependent relationship with my ex
- I don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship
- My ex keeps exhibiting the same patterns and doesn’t show any signs of personal growth
- My ex says he misses me but makes no effort to sustain the relationship
- Nothing would have changed in our relationship if we get back together
Related Reading: 18 Definite Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back
18 Tips And Tricks To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
If you’re still intent on your “I want my ex-boyfriend back” track, brace yourself because you have your task cut out for you. Whether you’re trying to ascertain how to get your ex-boyfriend back when he broke up with you or get back together with an ex you dumped, you will need to put in some work to mend the bridges and rebuild your connection. The good news is, it isn’t impossible either. Here are 18 practical tips on how to win an ex back:
1. Ask yourself why you want him back
The first tip on how to get your ex-boyfriend back even if it seems impossible is to look for answers within. Even if your breakup was amicable and mutual, it makes sense that you would pine for him. However, the rules for getting back together with an ex say that you must do some retrospection.
- According to research by renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher, being in love is similar to being high on drugs. Thus, a breakup could induce dopamine withdrawal, leading to thoughts of misery, gloom, and lethargy. Ask yourself if what you’re feeling is longing for your ex or just signs of rejection. Are you just trying to prove a point to someone?
- Do you want to get back with them because of any utilitarian needs? Did they take care of you financially, and now you’re worried about the bills? Do you need a date to a wedding?
- Would you feel as bad if you were the one who dumped him?
The answers to these questions will make a lot of things clearer.
2. To get your ex back, start looking for answers
When relationships end, it’s human nature to focus on what went wrong. But a relationship isn’t always ruined by big mistakes. There are so many small slip-ups and hurtful moments that we choose to ignore or overlook but they stay in the back of our minds. To be able to revive the relationship, you need to pinpoint at what stage things took a turn for the worse.
Ask yourself when did you start losing the charm in the relationship. We’re seldom ready to accept that whatever went wrong could be our mistake. We love blame-shifting in a relationship. Be objective in your assessment of who was in the wrong
3. To make him want you back, hold off on contact
Another solution to your “I still love my ex-boyfriend and I want him back” quandary is to hold off on contact. Often when we are looking for answers, we might find ourselves surrounded by hundreds of other questions too. This can make you go into a spiral of conversations about what went awry and other aspects of your relationship. Trust us, this can trap you and your ex into an endless loop of confrontational conversations, and the goal to get your man back fades out of focus.
- How to make him want you back, you ask? Know that the no-contact rule works more effectively than being constantly in touch. It will also give him enough time to introspect about your relationship and make him miss your presence in his life
- To make him yours again, you need to fan his curiosity. There is no better way of taking it slow with an ex than by exiting his life for a while
- How long do exes take to come back? It could take anywhere from a few months to a year. But, this is unique to every person and therefore, you must focus on fixing your issues rather than counting the days till you can contact him again
4. Stop blaming him for what happened
If you’re constantly asking yourself, “How to win my ex-boyfriend back?”, know that you need to stop blaming him for whatever it is that went wrong with the relationship. A relationship is never a one-way street. Maturity lies in understanding that you both made some mistakes that cumulatively ruined your relationship
to the extent that parting ways seemed like the best way out. So, you must put the blame game to rest.
He too must be going through a tough time after the breakup. Considering all you want is to get your ex back, know that guilt-tripping and blaming him isn’t going to help. Instead, practice forgiveness, focus on positive experiences, and make things right again by letting go of the negativity.
5. Work on self-improvement
Before you look for tips on how to get your ex-boyfriend back fast, you need to focus on self-improvement to boost your sense of self-worth. Here’s how:
- Maybe, you made the relationship your life and inadvertently started being a clingy girlfriend. If that’s the case, you need to work on yourself before you even begin to make sense of how to get your boyfriend back. If that’s the case, you need to work through your insecurities before you even consider reviving the relationship
- Relationships should be a part of your life, not vice versa. Don’t make him the center of your universe. Stay strong. Seek support from your loved ones. Grieving is okay but it’s also important that you try not to spend time wallowing and not taking care of all other aspects of your life
- How to get your ex-boyfriend back when he broke up with you? Learn to love yourself. Meet new people. Have new experiences. You have to evolve into a truly self-respecting and confident person who knows what they deserve in life
Related Reading: My Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex, What Should I Do?
6. How to take it slow when getting back with an ex — Try rebound dating
This suggestion may appear counter-intuitive, but rebound relationships do work in blunting the pain of the breakup. According to a study, people who got involved in rebound dating showed better signs of well-being than people who remained single after a breakup. Not only do these people show higher signs of confidence and desirability, but they also “had more resolution over their ex-partner”
- The purpose of a rebound relationship is to help a person gain their confidence back after a breakup. Rebound relationships rarely get serious, and majority of the people get into one to keep it casual
- Remember, a rebound is not a way of getting back at your ex. It may feel great to use your rebound to incite jealousy in your ex. This may work in the short term, but if you intend to use your rebound to just ‘score one’ over him, you’re limiting the chances of either relationship succeeding
7. Show him that you have evolved
Another tip on how to get back with your ex-boyfriend is to be a happy and content woman, and genuinely so. Finding answers to how to get your ex-boyfriend back can be a self-reflective journey that focuses not just on your relationship but also on you as a person.
- If he sees you as a happy and evolved person, it might make him miss you. It will remind him of the good things about you and the good times both of you spent together. It will remind him of the good things about you and the good times both of you spent together
- Don’t put up an act just to get him back. Instead, embrace the fact that you deserve to be happy with or without him
8. Get your ex-boyfriend back fast by making him miss you
How to get your ex-boyfriend back? After you are done arousing curiosity and intrigue, you can finally start talking to him again. By this time the negative feelings, and need for space will have ended, which means you can re-enter his life without seeming like an unwelcome bother.
- Send him some texts, try to keep in touch to maintain a strong connection, and make him your friend again
- Remember, you can talk about anything and everything under the sun, except your past at this point. Talking about the past may bring back bad memories. You must make him miss you by making him remember the great times you shared
- How to get back together after a breakup naturally? By making him miss the friend in you. You don’t need to have romantic conversations, but you can talk like good friends, saying kind words and sharing details about your life. Don’t hurry things. Keep it uncomplicated till he realizes that he too wants to be with you again
9. Assess if he still wants you
Ex-partners can be friends. Therefore, if you’ve become friends with him again, don’t consider it a sign that he’s interested in you. It’s very much possible that his feelings for you are purely platonic. Therefore, you must look for signs that he’s interested in you in a romantic way.
- See how he reacts to your rebound relationship. Is he happy, sad, disgusted, or jealous? Does he get along with your new guy? When a man lets you go easily, you know he’s not interested
- Look for signs of male body language attraction. Does his face light up every time he spots you in a crowded room? Does he talk to you with his entire body facing you? Does his nose flare when he looks at you?
- Notice if you think your ex is friendly but distant. Check how he prioritizes you in his life. This would be a deciding factor in this recovery plan
10. See if he has changed before you decide to get your ex-boyfriend back when he has moved on
As we’ve already mentioned, the only way you can get your ex back and make sure he stays in a happy and fulfilling relationship with you is if both of you have changed and evolved as mature human beings. You can’t expect to have a new relationship if you’re still the same people. So, before you decide to fight the odds stacked against you in getting your ex-boyfriend back when he has moved on, take some time to assess if he has grown and evolved since the breakup.
- Observe how he reacts in the situations that created issues between you earlier. Are his reactions any different?
- Do you see him actively trying to be a better person every day?
- Does he just say that he will change but fall back into the same patterns?
If he is still the same person as before, you either need to wait some more or simply move on. Even if you two get back together, you’re bound to fall into the same patterns that drove you apart in the first place.
11. To get your ex-boyfriend back when he has a new girlfriend, remind him of your bond
Another tip for your “I want my ex-boyfriend back” desire is to remind him of the bond that you once shared. If you were a friend to him before being a girlfriend, be that friend again. If not, then work on developing a genuine friendship with him. Figure out ways to become friends but be aware of maintaining your distance and don’t overstep any boundaries.
- Do not be clingy or behave as if you’re back together. He should not doubt your motives and be comfortable with you
- Use memories from the quality time you spent to remind him of the great things you had together
- Don’t let his new girlfriend dishearten you. Focus on spending time with him, leaving romance and sex out of the equation. Work on the friendship for the time being and the rest will follow
12. Once you become friends, initiate serious conversations
How to get him back when he’s already dating someone or seems to have moved on from the relationship? This is where your newfound equation can work to your advantage. When you see a healthy relationship blooming, start teasing him about his girlfriend or joking about setting him up with someone and whether she would be better than you or not. And see not he reacts. If his reactions give you hope that even he is secretly hoping for a reconciliation.
- You can start thinking about the things to say to your ex to get them back. You can try something along these lines, “Why don’t you go out with her, I’m sure she would not irritate you with her habits as I did” or you can even say, “Does she cook a mean spaghetti like me?”
- This will eventually initiate a conversation about the past that is undeniably going to come up no matter what you do. Remember to hold off on this conversation until the two of you are comfortable enough in your new-found friendship
13. Ask him if he still has feelings for you
Before you figure out how to get back with your ex-boyfriend, it’s important to understand that having feelings and being willing to acknowledge them are two different things. You might wonder “If he loves me, will he come back?”, but if he isn’t willing to acknowledge it, then he probably has more issues than you thought. Let him make this choice on his own.
- If you realize that he doesn’t have feelings for you or that he doesn’t want to get back into a relationship with you, drop your ex-partner recovery plan and move on with your life. This whole point is lost if he is not on the same page as you
- If he has made it clear that he loves his new girl or is over you completely, it might be time to work toward closure and start a new chapter in life
- The only way you can be sure to get your man back is if he can acknowledge it without any external influence
Related Reading: Ignoring Someone You Are Attracted To? Do It With Finesse
14. Talk to his friends to understand how he feels about you
Your ex-boyfriend must have someone he turns to in times of distress, his shoulder to cry on, his support system. You too should turn to the same place to understand how to get your ex-boyfriend back even if it seems impossible and rekindle your romance. You should know the probability of you getting a second chance with him before you go all-out in your efforts to get your man back.
- Talk to his friends and confidants about whether he is open to giving you another chance if you think you made a huge mistake by breaking up with him
- They may be upset with you for reasons you may or may not know. But if you want this to work, then you must learn what aspects of your personality bothered him, how hurt he was by the breakup, and what are your chances of getting him back in your life
15. Admit your feelings for him and apologize
Fix a date and don’t make it another simple or friendly hangout. You are past that phase now. Admit your feelings honestly to him and talk to your boyfriend about the possibility of a fresh start. This is one of the final steps in your journey of figuring out how to get your ex-boyfriend back. Brace yourself for what’s to follow and keep an open mind.
- Do not beg for another chance, do not plead, but spill your heart out and let him know that if he lets go of you, he might lose someone who really loves him and cares for his well-being
- How to repair a relationship after a breakup? Well, you can never repair something broken unless you accept that it was your fault. So, apologize for everything that you took for granted in the relationship
- This may or may not take him by surprise, but either way, don’t just tell him that you love him; also tell him why it will work this time. This is what is more likely to make them say yes to getting back together
16. Work on not repeating the old patterns after you get back
By now, you know that it is possible to get back together with an ex. The important thing is to make sure he stays once he is back, otherwise, you risk getting caught in a dangerous pattern where you break up and get back together again and again. And that’s where most efforts to get an ex back fail.
- How to get your ex back after hurting them? Make a conscious effort to communicate better with your partner. Ask him if he needs to talk or if there is something that is bothering him
- Be mindful of your behavior. Do not take him for granted. Don’t give him a hard time for not coming back to you crying after the breakup. And most of all, remember the effort it took to get him back
- Do not be shy about seeking professional help when needed. Couples counseling can help in more ways than you think
17. How to win someone back forever — Remember that this is your second chance
Be aware that this is your second chance to have a long-lasting relationship with your ex. Your boyfriend has proved that he is capable of getting out of an unhealthy relationship, but that shouldn’t be the only reason why you pay attention to the relationship. A loving relationship can be sustained only with perpetual effort. So, you must strive to make things better
- Every time you’re tempted to do something that created a rift earlier, open your text messages and scroll to the times when there was no contact between you two. Can you go through something like that again?
- As already mentioned, there is evidence for the presence of mental distress in relationships that go through multiple breakups. So even if a voice in your head says that you’ll get them back even if they leave, think of all the distress both of you will go through anyway. Consider the impact of that on your mental health
18. Move on if he’s not interested
There is a possibility of your boyfriend not wanting to get back. This could be because of several reasons; for example, he’s moving to a different city and doesn’t want a long-distance relationship or he has moved on emotionally and just doesn’t want to rekindle the romance. In that case, be prepared to say goodbye.
- If this happens to you, it will be painful. But accept it as a part of life. You can’t make your life about one relationship. We all heal eventually
- You can choose to stay friends with him or stay away after you break up. It’s your call, but make sure to tell him this clearly. Both of you need that closure to move ahead with your future plans
- Last but not least, take your time to bounce back. It will hurt, and it will take time, but remember one thing, there’ll be new opportunities for love in life
It’s not uncommon for couples to get back together again after a breakup. If you’ve ended things with your boyfriend but want him back now, know that it is possible as long as you still have feelings for one another. So, don’t give up hope. You can make him want you back again. But you have to be patient through it all. And make sure that when he comes back, you make sure he never wants to leave. Because it takes less time to break up, but lots more when you’ve got to mend the broken relationship.
How to make him want you back? First of all, do not badger him with questions and texts. Take the time for some self-reflection, and try to improve yourself. Maintain the no-contact rule, stay happy and when he gets curious you can establish contact with him but just remain friends. Be his support system and pillar despite not having a romantic relationship anymore.
You know your ex is still in love with you when he texts you regularly, stalks you on social media, wants to know if you are doing good, and asks common friends about you.
You will know if your ex secretly wants you back when he suddenly talks about some intimate moment in the past, wants to know if you are already dating someone else, and tries to find out if you miss him too. If he still thinks about the time with you, then it considerably increases your chances of getting your ex back.
You know a guy regrets hurting you and losing you when he apologizes to you, tries to find out if you are doing fine, stops hanging out with common friends, and drops hints that he misses you. He will text and call you often to let you know that his life is not the same without you.
For getting back together with your ex over texts, you need to work on building a rapport. Talk to him like a friend. But, remember to not bring up the past. Make him realize your importance in his life, and what he is missing out on. Don’t rush it. Share details about your life. Ask him what’s going on in his life. Remind him of the times you once shared.
How to win him back after a breakup? The idea is to not try too hard. Stick to the no-contact rule and focus on yourself. Take care of yourself. Do things that you like doing. Focus on your self-worth and personal growth. Learn to be happy and content with yourself.