Married life in a nuclear family, after the honeymoon – what they don’t tell you

Ananyaa Bhowmik

No one tells us about life after the wedding

Marriages are scary affairs, and we are all apprehensive about what is going to come next. The whole affair is clouded in secrecy; though we have heard whispers from our friends. We hear all about the sexual fantasies, the red roses and the beautiful cutlery around the house, but, no one really talks about marriage.

I myself had to source this out by bribing my married friends with chocolates and by smothering them with love. They had a lot to say but they only blushed. Slowly and steadily bits of truth were revealed and it was amazing to know the truth. Well, do you want to know too? Then here it goes.

1. The sex is more funny than intense

Most of my friends agree that unlike their pre-marital days, post-marriage coitus is more about intimacy than intensity. You do not have to force yourself to be the woman of his dreams anymore. There would be a lot of loving in being with him by his side in the night as the whole thing passes you by.

You breathe and you have him hold you near when you have had a nightmare. Plus, you feel a lot more comfortable about all those little noises and smells. You laugh about the small things and sex becomes that much more interesting.

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2. Little pleasures matter more and more

A friend told me that the moment she sees her husband making tea in the morning, she feels loved. Love has evolved for her. Most of my friends know their anniversaries not as the days of diamond earrings but, the days when their hubbies give them that much more time, that much more love.

Sometimes it is not the big proposals but, the way they hold your hand before they let go, the way they laugh when they see you fuming over the smallest mistakes. You know love by the times when he has pulled the strand of hair away from your face when you are working rather than when he has gifted you the world in a box.

3. Laundry is strange

You are familiar with their sweat, the way they love, and the way they smell after a long day. You kind of start loving the feeling of him in those shirts, knowing that for the length of forever, those shirts are yours to treasure.

Plus, most days the men help in their stupid ways, bringing in the heavy water buckets, turning on and troubleshooting the washing machines. Those days are love.

4. You share toilets

Working couples share toilets. You kind of get used to him showering while you rush in to poop. Nudity stops being exclusive to the bedroom, and becomes a more intimate thing that you share between you.

This also means that often times you start sharing the strangest texts about poop, and all those weird things without care for other people. My friend says that she knows love through the times when her husband would ask her about these inane adventures instead of asking about work. I can’t define love, but, for me that comes close.

5. The little dancing around

A friend of mine constantly complained about how her boyfriend would not dance at all. Two months after marriage she told about how they danced through the day. Apparently, he dances everywhere at home, when they’re alone. She loves it when he suddenly listens to some Hindi tune and starts jiving around. It is perfect and it is sad at the same time because she cannot show off this particular side of herself and her husband.

Marriage is not the answer to all our problems but, some days it just comes close with little titbits of love. Love becomes small instead of growing and becoming this huge thing that we can only dream of. As a friend muses, “Marriage is difficult for me, but, I don’t know if I could live without it either.”

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