Why both men and women must be generous in sex

Anney Sam
Couples kissing each other

Be giving and generous in sex, no matter who you are

It is said that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I also heard a stand-up comedian say that it’s a couple of inches lower, and have the audience in peals of laughter.

Jokes aside, there is a reason why a well-fed man can choose to stay in the sexual relationship, and for that, we need to refer to the subject of nutrition. Dr Susanna Holt at Sydney University in Australia developed a satiety index of common foods in the mid-’90s. It charts which food is most likely to keep hunger at bay by measuring how full people feel after consuming the same amount of calories from a variety of different foods. That is why having a croissant just makes you happier than a bowl of oat porridge. It’s like touching the gastronomic G-spot!

One night is not long enough

At a lecture to a class of 20-year-olds, I asked what their preferences were when it came to sex. About 20% of boys said one-night stands; 5% were in a relationship but said they were serial offenders. The rest of the boys and all the girls were in the ‘Don’t know/Can’t tell’ category.

I laughed to think some students still maintained their reserve. I knew that one particular girl had serial bouts with 10 of her classmates. So I asked the first lot why they chose the stingy one-night stand route. The most common gripe was that they could not handle the drama and clinginess in the women. Fair point, I thought.

So, I suggested they should try ‘tantric sex’ and that they couldn’t possibly do that with ONS (One Night Stand – sexual escapades). That brought on a roar of laughter and catcalls, and one boy yelled, “Ma’am we can’t wait for all our chakras to open till we do it!” That was that – they were not willing to take any advice from a 57-year-old woman with one tooth less in her smile. That is why, though most were training to be gourmet chefs, they would satisfy their hunger with a bucket of KFC.

sex - passion

Related reading: A lazy girl’s tips to win his heart with food

Make it an expression of love

Yeah, so where am I going with the concept of generosity? A couple in love is more likely to give their 100% in making their partner happy.

A couple in love is more likely to give their 100% in making their partner happy.

That does not mean that both partners do, or are equally happy. I have noticed that the person who invests more time with her partner, is a foodie, and is completely self-expressed, is a better lover – to put in male terms “is good in bed”. When young girls would come to me with requests for tips to have a good marriage – I would say keep him happy – learn to give a good blowjob. Their jaws would drop in horror and I would tell them – it’s not a guarantee that he will not stray, but is as good as Feviquik.

Practical advice for better sex

To the male students, the advice was the same; however, I would enlighten them that women take a much longer time to have an orgasm and therefore they should design a decently elaborate foreplay routine, and practice the Kegels exercise to have a much longer pleasure-time with his woman.

To the ones who were willing to learn more, I would say sex is more than an activity where the end goal is pleasure or reproduction for that matter. It is a way to express your love gratitude and adoration of this person in front of you. After all, it isn’t as if you were paying for a prostitute or a gigolo.

It could be a spontaneous, playful, cavorting ending in sex – but is that sustainable? So this generation is also addicted to novelty in everything – so they better be imaginative and innovative. After some time has passed, you need to provide the GI with the satiety index. So, I’d say you should try this – try to treat your partner as your God for the moment and let sex be the pooja or the adoration with all of your senses. This not only enables sensual heights but also provides comfort, security and that out-of-this-world feeling of transcendence.


Representative image: Image source

Related reading: These 5 things separate great sex from average sex

Make it a sport

You have to elevate sex from the porn videos and stay at the level of a sport-like activity if you look at yourselves from a position of being a witness, sex looks like a hilarious, animal-like tomfoolery. Make it a ballet, an in-depth exploration of your feelings and sensations.

To achieve that, one must practice mindful meditation. For example – pick up a flower and accept every little aspect of it – the perfume, colour, the firmness of each petal, even the wilting petal. Appreciate the wholesomeness of the person in front of you. For that, you have to be generous, with your attention, your love, with your will, your conversation and sometimes your money.


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1 comment

Pooja Priyamvada
Pooja Priyamvada August 22, 2018 - 5:51 pm

Anney Sam I am huge fan of your style of writing at Bonobology

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