When moving in with your boyfriend, you may visualise a shared bathroom, shared bed, a clothes-tossed living room and unwashed dishes, right? Moving in with your boyfriend is a fun affair. You are unofficially almost married and it’s time to get down to the dirty (literally) details of co-habitation.
Moving in with your boyfriend is the first step to a long-term relationship.
Living together will be so much fun, unless “Let’s have sex on the sofa”, changes to “Why are the dishes still not washed?”
And it won’t take a lot of time. You can lose your favourite lipstick under the pile of his unwashed underwear. You will get complaints about how much hair you leave in the bathroom and how long you take in the shower. Cooking together might be a distant dream now because Ovenstory Pizza has got its way back into your lives.
The reality of moving in could be rather different from the expectations you had from your move. Live-in relationships certainly have advantages but it can be a disaster if not planned properly. So, if you are moving in with your boyfriend soon, here are a few things you should expect.
Moving in with your boyfriend – what to expect
If you expected unchartered romance and intimacy, you are doing it right. But unless you are an uptight person, who always gets her way, moving in with your boyfriend might be a tad different from what you expected.
- Privacy? What’s privacy?
From peeing with the door open and being in a fart competition, expect a lot of help for a cringe-face platter of no-privacy. If you haven’t seen it all, you will, after you move in
- Nowhere to go after a fight
If you are usually the one to walk away from a fight and retire to your bedroom to calm down, you won’t get that kind of luxury anymore. Your bedroom is his bedroom.
So, expect actually talking about your issues with each other. I mean, you really have to now
- The father-mother situation
Ever seen your father look for his things for hours while your mother finds them in seconds? Expect things to be misplaced, expect panic-ridden searching by your boyfriend for his charger that you can see is still in the wall socket, only for you to literally point it out for him to find it.
Expect mothering your boyfriend
- Mixing of arguments
You won’t know when an argument about unflushed poop can change track into a much deeper fight. Even though you had settled it in the past and said you had made peace with it, while living together, it can come back in ugly ways.
But remember to fight the issues, not each other. And remember to reconnect after a heated argument.
- Hunger pangs and all that
Your SO might be hungry all the time. It could be for food, or for sex. You might feel it too. Couples often rub off on each other. Your hunger pangs will hit you at the oddest of hours. Thank God for long drives at 3’O clock
Related reading: We live-in together with my boyfriend’s parents
10 tips for moving in with your boyfriend
If you feel that you both are spending a lot of nights together at each others’ homes, then moving in together makes a lot of sense. It can also help you save some money as a couple as paying rent for two apartments when literally you are at one place all the times seems impractical. But moving in together is a huge step in any relationship – it is natural to feel anxious and excited at the same time. Although moving in together will give you a first hand experience of what happens at the next step, it can get messy if not done right. From sharing a bathroom to cutting him some slack for his alone time, here are some tips for moving in with your boyfriend.
1. No ‘helping’ only ‘sharing’
Don’t agree on your boyfriend ‘helping’, he should be ‘sharing’ all the responsibilities. Helping is for guests and relatives who visit you sometimes. Your boyfriend co-habits with you. Make sure he knows you are not there to pick up his dirty underwear or cook for him.
2. Throw out stuff
You got one wardrobe and fifty different kinds of underwear? It’s time to bring down the number of clothes you own because the space is for two. The spacious four-tiered wardrobe is now meant to be used by two people. If you are too attached to your clothes, stuff them in a suitcase you would never open.
Related reading: 5 things a girl does in a live-in relationship
3. Finance matters
Will everything get split 50/50? Or the one, who earns a lot more than the other, picks up most of the tabs? Also, talk about if you should be having a joint account. Living together before being legally married might not require a joint account, but go ahead and get one done if you are sure.
4. Have a life of your own
Your lives shouldn’t revolve around each other. Living together will ensure you see each other all the time but that doesn’t mean your boyfriend needs to be around every time you have your friends over.
5. Brace yourself for a oh-so-different version of your boyfriend
Is he really sweet? How does he handle pressure? How woke is he really? Does he expect you do more housework than him? How is he with his friends when no one is looking? You will definitely find something that you hadn’t expected of him. Do you like this part of your boyfriend?
Be prepared to see the unventured territory of your boyfriend.
6. Compromise a little
Meet each other at the middle. If you are the cleanliness freak who likes her jeans ironed and dishes washed right away, you should take over the cleaning part. Let your boyfriend do the shopping, going out for stuff. You will not always get to do things your way.
Learn to compromise on the little things – things you can let go off a bit, like the position of the living room table.
Be open to suggestions and letting your boyfriend make the calls sometimes. Remember: it’s a shared household.
7. It’s okay to sleep angry
A fight in the evening led to you sleeping on the couch? Good. Fighting and being angry is given when you are sharing a roof with your boyfriend. You do not need to stay awake till 3 in the morning to decide who is right and who is wrong. Sleep on it. The issues you were fighting about can be handled more rationally in the morning light.
Related reading: 8 things that are OK to NOT share with your partner
8. Change in sex life
The novelty of living in wears off, sex life changes too. There are dips and rises, there are times when you go days/weeks without sex. And know that it’s okay. The ebb and flow of sex life can make you question the validity of the relationship. But it’s more common than you think.
In times of doubt, talk to your boyfriend. Maybe rev up your sex life with toys?
9. Continue dating
It’s easy to stop making an effort to look nice when you have seen each other in a three-week Kadhai Paneer stained T-shirt. Even if you are living together, dress up pretty, go out for dinners, movies, long rides. Living together might become mundane and you feel like you are already married, but don’t let the thrill of the chase, the intimacy to die out. Don’t let adult life, work routine and close proximity dampen the spirit of dating. Keep the spark in your relationship alive.
10. Don’t let the insecurities get to you
Sometimes, insecurities increase when people move in together. Is it a habit of yours to do late-night texting to people? Is talking to a male friend after 11 bothers your boyfriend? If he does the same, would you be okay with it? Moving in with your boyfriend is a serious step and should not be taken lightly. Learn to limit the things that make your boyfriend uncomfortable or insecure. Or at least have a heart-to-heart conversation and ease him about the insecurities.
When you are sharing a space with your boyfriend, it calls for compromise and communication. Do not skip talking about the issues bothering you, do not hesitate to share how and what you feel, and above all make sure you are willing and ready to move in.