10 sad-but-true signs that he’s quite literally incapable of love

Ananyaa Bhowmik

Signs that reveal he’s incapable of caring

A favourite poet of mine once commented on our obsession with ‘fixing’ people. More often than not, when we see someone we perceive as ‘broken’, our instincts tell us to take care of them. This leads to a lot of problems, of course, because, chances are that the broken and sad boy you want to mother has some serious issues, one of them being that they are so obsessed with themselves that they literally cannot see or love anyone else. Yes, we have all met one of them, haven’t we? That one manipulative dude who seemed so sweet and sad at first that you couldn’t help falling for him but, in the end, realised what a toxic person he is.

If you are currently seeing someone like this, get out before you get seriously hurt. Speaking from the combined experience of me and my wise friends, such people are beyond help. But in case you are still in denial and think that he might actually care for you, read on to find out the signs that say he is pretty incapable of caring:

1. He has a history

Don’t get me wrong. A lot of us go into new relationships with a lot of baggage but if all the relationships in his past involve him treating his partners horribly, I think you should see it as a sign. People change, yes. But their basic spirit stays the same. If he has abused, cheated on and treated people terribly in the past, there’s a humongous chance that he will do it again.

2. He treats women as objects

No matter how much someone has been hurt in the past, it is not an excuse to be horrible to people. If, when he sees a woman, all he notices are her boobs and how hot she is, almost as if she is a piece of meat he would like to consume, I am pretty sure he doesn’t care about you or any other women in his life. He has already put you in the object category and to him you are pretty much meant to be looked down upon.

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3. He is never there for you

You bend over backwards to be there for him. Stay up nights during his family emergencies and are worried sick when is ill. But what does he do? If he cannot even be bothered to check up on you when you are in trouble, I am pretty sure he does not love you and never will. All he cares about is keeping you under his thumb and having you do his bidding.

4. He manipulates you into doing things for you

Even things he knows you don’t want to do. He will use his sweetest and most caring tone and a puppy face to get you to do things for him. You see, you matter to him as long as he treats you as his personal object of pleasure and gratification. You help in fanning his ego. As long as you keep doing that, he doesn’t care how you feel about things.

5. He never apologises

You should be surprised if he actually makes up an excuse for something that he has done. More often than not, he will either pretend to be sad that you are being so harsh on him or get really mad at you for charging him. The former is usually more agreeable to him because this way he knows you will feel sorry for being angry and instantly forgive him and maybe even try to make it up to him.

6. He is never respectful

Not to you. Not to other women. He treats you like a joke. If you feel that he is joking about you to his friends behind your back, you are probably right. He is twisted enough to treat you like a trophy in front of his friends and make fun of how simple-minded you are. Also, he will never rush to your aid if someone mistreats you. He never cared enough to do so at all.

7. He ignores you in public

Because acknowledging you means he loses his chance to hit on other people. You need to go on being his dirty little secret, someone who only exists for his gratification.

8. He calls his exes names

We have all been in pretty bad relationships. Some of those broke our hearts and then stomped on it. So hating those exes is very normal. But if all he does is call them names and throw fits when they are mentioned, there might be something wrong. After all, every relationship has good and bad things. We stay because of the good things and leave when the bad things get out of hand. So, if someone pretends that their exes were nothing but evil, you begin to wonder if you are hearing the entire story or if he is making stuff up.

9. He always has an excuse

He left her because she didn’t care. Apparently no one in his life has ever cared about him but you. He often says that but only when you are alone and when he needs something from you. When it comes to the mistakes he has made in the past, he will always make up an excuse and look very sad, maybe even cry a little. And you will eventually believe him.

10. He often calls you whiny

To be very honest, if he does any or all of the things on this list, he treats you pretty horribly. But just in case you dare complain, he immediately shoots you down. He says that you whine too much, ask you if you trust him at all and tell you that you are imagining stuff. After all, he knows how to aim at your insecurities to get his way. This is called gas-lighting and is a form of emotional abuse. So in case this is happening, get out. Now.

In life, we are often stuck in a bad relationship. Some of them don’t work out because you guys are too different. In some cases love just fades. But then there are ones which will shatter you from the inside. Being in love with a person who is not only incapable of caring for you but is manipulative is one such kind. So in case you see any of these signs, get out while you still can. Or you will be stuck picking up the pieces for years.

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Team Bonobology
Team Bonobology June 18, 2018 - 5:35 pm

Nice article!

Sneha Gupta
Sneha Gupta June 16, 2018 - 1:54 pm

Sadly, there are people in this world who are incapable of love. It’s no one’s fault but their own. They don’t love themselves so how could they possibly love someone else?

They are not just meant for a serious relationship!

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