A person could be incapable of love and you could realise that when it’s too late. A favourite poet of mine once commented on our obsession with ‘fixing’ people. More often than not, when we see someone we perceive as ‘broken’, our instincts tell us to take care of them.
This leads to a lot of problems, of course, because, chances are that the broken and sad boy you want to mother has some serious issues, one of them being that they are so obsessed with themselves that they literally cannot see or love anyone else. Yes, we have all met one of them, haven’t we? That one manipulative dude who seemed so sweet and sad at first that you couldn’t help falling for him but, in the end, realised what a toxic person he is.
If you are currently seeing someone like this, get out before you get seriously hurt. Speaking from the combined experience of me and my wise friends, such people are beyond help and their inability to maintain relationships could stem from their emotional deprivation disorder.
But in case you are still in denial and think that he might actually care for you, read on to find out the signs that say he is pretty incapable of love.
Related Reading: How To Avoid Self-sabotaging Relationships?
What Is Emotional Deprivation Disorder?
Emotional deprivation disorder or frustration neurosis as it is called, could be defined as the reason for which a person is incapable of love. The issues could arise from toxic parenting and lack of unconditional love in their growing up years. This has a deep impact in adulthood when they become incapable of creating lasting bonds in either friendships or romantic relationships.
Overt criticism, lack of affection, childhood abuse or sense of abandonment when parents separated and got married, lead to a person suffering from emotional deprivation.
The symptoms of emotional deprivation disorder could be:
- A person’s need to be treated like a child and they expect to be their partner’s only priority
- They suffer from anxiety disorders
- Feels lonely and doesn’t have much social interaction skills
- Has a tendency to become depressed or over enthusiastic or even aggressive
- Is incapable of love, care and affection
10 Signs You Are Incapable of Love
How do you know you are incapable of love? Your relationship always ends and you are in a string of failed relationships. When a relationship ends you don’t sulk or cry for days but you get over the breakup quickly because you never built an emotional bond with the person.
You are unable to accept love and incapable of loving someone so you get into a series of rebound relationships that inevitably don’t work. Here are 10 signs that your man is incapable of love.
1. He has a history
Don’t get me wrong. A lot of us go into new relationships with a lot of baggage but if all the relationships in his past involve him treating his partners horribly, I think you should see it as a sign.
People change, yes. But their basic spirit stays the same. If he has abused, cheated on and treated people terribly in the past, there’s a humongous chance that he will do it again.
Related Reading: 15 Ways We Push Love Away Without Even Realising It
2. He treats women as objects
No matter how much someone has been hurt in the past, it is not an excuse to be horrible to people. If, when he sees a woman, all he notices are her boobs and how hot she is, almost as if she is a piece of meat he would like to consume, I am pretty sure he doesn’t care about you or any other women in his life.
He has already put you in the object category and to him you are pretty much meant to be looked down upon.
3. He is never there for you
You bend over backwards to be there for him. Stay up nights during his family emergencies and are worried sick when he is ill. But what does he do? If he cannot even be bothered to check up on you when you are in trouble, I am pretty sure he does not love you and never will.
All he cares about is keeping you under his thumb and having you do his bidding. If he is not affectionate or caring he is incapable of love.
4. He manipulates you into doing things for you
His inability to maintain relationships comes from his manipulative nature. Even things he knows you don’t want to do. He will use his sweetest and most caring tone and a puppy face to get you to do things for him.
You see, you matter to him as long as he treats you as his personal object of pleasure and gratification. You help in fanning his ego. As long as you keep doing that, he doesn’t care how you feel about things.
Related Reading: 12 Warning Signs Of Gaslighting And 5 Ways To Deal With It
5. He never apologises
You should be surprised if he actually makes up an excuse for something that he has done. More often than not, he will either pretend to be sad that you are being so harsh on him or get really mad at you for charging him.
The former is usually more agreeable to him because this way he knows you will feel sorry for being angry and instantly forgive him and maybe even try to make it up to him. But you know he is incapable of love because he never apologises to you.
6. He is never respectful
Not to you. Not to other women. He treats you like a joke. If you feel that he is joking about you to his friends behind your back, you are probably right.
He is twisted enough to treat you like a trophy in front of his friends and make fun of how simple-minded you are.
Also, he will never rush to your aid if someone mistreats you. He never cared enough to do so at all.
7. He ignores you in public
Because acknowledging you means he loses his chance to hit on other people. You need to go on being his dirty little secret, someone who only exists for his gratification.
He would hardly include you in his friend’s group or introduce you to his family because he is incapable of love and knows the relationship will end anyway.
Related Reading: Fake Relationships – 15 Ways To Identify You Are In One
8. He calls his exes names
We have all been in pretty bad relationships. Some of those broke our hearts and then stomped on it. So hating those exes is very normal. But if all he does is call them names and throw fits when they are mentioned, there might be something wrong. After all, every relationship has good and bad things.
We stay because of the good things and leave when the bad things get out of hand. So, if someone pretends that their exes were nothing but evil, you begin to wonder if you are hearing the entire story or if he is making stuff up.
9. He always has an excuse
He left her because she didn’t care. Apparently no one in his life has ever cared about him but you. He often says that but only when you are alone and when he needs something from you.
When it comes to the mistakes he has made in the past, he will always make up an excuse and look very sad, maybe even cry a little. And you will eventually believe him.
10. He often calls you whiny
To be very honest, if he does any or all of the things on this list, he treats you pretty horribly. But just in case you dare complain, he immediately shoots you down. He says that you whine too much, asks you if you trust him at all and tell you that you are imagining stuff.
After all, he knows how to aim at your insecurities to get his way. This is called gaslighting and is a form of emotional abuse. So in case this is happening, get out. Now.
What do you call a person who doesn’t feel love? We would call him philophobic because he has a fear of falling in love. In life, we are often stuck in a bad relationship. Some of them don’t work out because you guys are too different. In some cases love just fades.
But then there are ones which will shatter you from the inside. Being in love with a person who is not only incapable of love but is manipulative is one such kind. So in case you see any of these signs, get out while you still can. Or you will be stuck picking up the pieces for years.