20 Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back

A breakup can feel like the end of the world. No amount of Ben & Jerry’s can fill the human-shaped hole left in your heart. You pine for your ex, you miss them, you grieve the loss. To make all of this just a little bit less emotionally daunting, you grab onto the tiniest hope that you and your ex might rekindle the romance. But what if there are clear signs your ex will never come back? Turning a blind eye to them, won’t change the reality of the situation. And the false hope you’re clinging on to will only deepen the emotional wounds, making it harder for you to move on.

Often, when a woman is done with a relationship or a man loses that emotional connection with someone, they just don’t look back. Sitting around, waiting for your ex to “realize their mistake” or “come back to their senses” won’t do you any good. It’s time to remove your rose-tinted glasses because your ex certainly has. It’s essential to your journey of healing and moving on. The first step in this journey is acceptance. We hope that being able to relate to these signs your ex will never come back will help you accept the reality

20 Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back

Do exes ever come back? Yes, in some cases, exes may return to each other. In fact, a study found that 44% of Americans have gotten together with an ex after breaking up. But if you interpret the findings of this study from a different perspective, the subtext is that 56% of the participants did not get back together with an ex. Essentially, there is a roughly 50% chance of an ex coming back to you.

Once you pull the plug on a relationship, there is no way to know for sure how things will pan out. Your ex may move on easily, and so could you. Or they may be left pining for you, and so could you. Perhaps, you both end up realizing that the breakup was a mistake and find your way back to each other. However, in each of these scenarios, the post-breakup trajectory is different. And therein lie the clear indicators of whether or not there is any hope of reconciliation.

So, if you’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time mulling over questions like “How do you know if your ex still loves you?” or “What are the signs my ex still loves me?”, it’s time to pay attention to what their behavior is telling you. We hate to break it to you, but the chances of a reunion are slim to none if your ex’s behavior reflects these signs he will never come back or she is already over you:

1. Your relationship ended on a bitter note

A messy breakup is often the final nail in the coffin of a relationship that has been standing on its last leg. If you both lived through a relationship phase where the signs of incompatibility were obvious and then you broke up on a bitter note, it’s time you stop wondering, “Will she come back?” or “Does he still love me?”

For instance, my college friends, Gary and Andrea, broke up over suspicions of infidelity and had a very public and very humiliating falling out. They both ended up saying things that were better left unsaid. So, it’s likely that neither of them would pour salt over their wounds by returning to each other.

Related Reading: First Breakup – 11 Ways To Deal With It

2. They avoid your texts and calls

In this day and age, when everyone is hooked to their phones, drunk dialing an ex or sending them 3 A.M. texts is par for the course in the post-breakup days. No matter how earnestly you want to adhere to the no-contact rule, slip-ups happen. However, forget drunk dialing or texting, if your ex doesn’t even respond to your texts and calls, it’s one of the clearest signs you lost him forever or she has moved on for good.

3. Your ex doesn’t want to meet you

No matter how much time passes, meeting an ex is always somewhat awkward. However, if an ex still has feelings for you and hopes for a reconciliation, they won’t shut the door on the possibility of meeting you. How do you know if your ex still loves you? They would look for excuses and avenues to be around you. On the other hand, if your ex just doesn’t want to meet you, turns down your requests to meet, and actively avoids being in places you’re likely to frequent, it’s a clear indication they have no intention of getting back together.

4. They are already in a committed relationship

If they are already in a serious relationship, it’s an obvious sign your ex is never coming back. Yes, it can be soul-crushing to see your ex commit to someone new, and perhaps, give them all you ever longed for but never got. However, that’s their choice to make and you have no choice but to accept it. It’s wiser to make peace with the fact that you are not meant to be and try to focus on new people.

5. They have returned all your belongings

When you still have strong feelings for someone who is no longer in your life, you cling to the memories you shared. You keep their belongings, listen to tunes that remind you of them, and stick to the rituals that were important to you as a couple. They’re basically imprinted in your existence. 

So, if your ex has returned all your stuff, they are trying to cut the cord of attachment. And this is one of the top signs you will never hear from your ex again. It’s better to let go of an ex who has moved on for good. Evidently, they want to get rid of any reminders of their relationship with you and are ready to start a new chapter in your life, as should you.

6. They’ve cut off contact with your mutual friends

Naturally, you and your ex would have mutual friends or people you hung out with as a couple. If your ex has not only snapped all contact with you but also all your mutual connections — in real life as well as on social media — it is one of the clearest signs he will never come back or she has already moved on.

Related Reading: Can We Be Friends With Our Exes?

7. They aren’t envious of your romantic relationships

If your ex is considering getting back together, they would be curious about your hookups or relationships. Not saying they would turn into the next Joe Goldberg, but even your rebound relationships will unsettle them. This tinge of jealousy is often the answer to the question that has been keeping you up at night: how do you know if your ex still loves you?

On the other hand, if your ex shows an almost clinical disinterest in your romantic engagements, it is one of the signs your ex is never coming back. They are likely focusing on starting a new chapter of their life and have detached themselves from yours.

8. They hardly make an effort

Will she come back? Will he realize how much I still love him? What are signs my ex still loves me? Questions like these can weigh on your mind because, in the aftermath of a breakup, you can never be sure if your ex is playing hard to get or they’re plain uninterested. Unfortunately, the answer is no they don’t make any effort to revive their connection with you even after some time has passed.

9. They ask you to move on

It is honestly the cruelest form of torture to walk away from a relationship when you don’t want to. It’s even more arduous if your beloved tells you to move on. But in the words of poet Charles Bukowski, “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.” If your ex-partner tells you that you should move on, you don’t need to look for any more signs he will never come back or she is over you.

It’s clear as day that they are not looking to revive a romantic relationship with you. As brutal as it may sound, this is typically what happens when a woman is done with a relationship or a man falls out of love with his partner. The best you can do in a situation like this is to take heart in the fact that they’re being honest with you and focus on healing and moving forward.

10. They have blocked you on social media

When someone blocks you on social media platforms, it’s a sign that they don’t want to think about you or have any sort of connection with you anymore. They have chosen to let go of that part of their life. Star, a 31-year-old restaurant manager from Texas, shares with us, “If you’ve been blocked from everything, even email, they just want to forget your existence altogether. They definitely want to be left alone to focus on new opportunities or heal from the breakup in peace.” 

Related Reading: Signs Your Partner Is About To Break Up With You

11. They tell you they don’t love you anymore

The feeling of rejection is always overwhelming and hard to come to terms with. However, it can also be the nudge you need to stop clinging to the hope of reconciliation and focus on recovering from a breakup. So, if your ex tells you in no uncertain that they have fallen out of love with you, you don’t need to go looking for anymore signs you lost him forever or signs she won’t come back.

Initially, it might be a bitter pill to swallow but things will start to look up, even if it’s a year from now. Exes eventually fade away but that’s how space gets created for a new partner. Sometimes, we are comfortable in a relationship but not in love anymore. This seemingly brutal blow from your ex will help you gain some perspective, and ultimately, become a catalyst to your healing.

12. Sleeping around is a sign your ex is never coming back

When your ex starts sleeping with other people, it’s one of the sure signs your ex will never come back. They are either enjoying experimenting with their newfound independence or it’s their coping mechanism to get over the pain of a breakup. They have no intentions of getting back together if it’s the former.

13. The breakup doesn’t seem to affect them

If they seem unfazed by the breakup, it’s a sign your ex is never coming back. Perhaps they weren’t that involved in the relationship in the first place. It is also time you realize that you need to stop loving someone who does not love you.

Your self-confidence might take a hit, you might feel very lonely, but down the line, you will pick yourself up from these negative emotions. I feel as if this quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald might resonate with you, “For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.”

14. Flirting doesn’t seem to do the trick anymore

When they don’t flirt back with you/are not interested in your romantic advances, it’s one of the signs your ex will never come back. Usually, when someone is still interested in you, they look for opportunities to compliment you, make sexual innuendos and sweet gestures. If all these are lacking from your conversation, chances are they are looking at the bright side of the breakup.

15. They give vague and dismissive responses

Of course, it’s not a very pleasant feeling, especially after a long-term relationship, but don’t add love or meaning to their bland responses. See them for what they are. Pratt, a 27-year-old mechanic from Chicago, shares with us, “I kept wondering for five months after we broke up. Will she come back? Will she understand that this was a mistake? But no, I can say it now. If she is straight-up dismissive, speaks badly, or shows no interest in engaging in a conversation, your ex is not playing ‘hard to get’ or ‘pining for attention.’ They simply want to be left alone.”

16. “I think we’re better off as friends”

When they ask you to stay “good friends” after the breakup, it is one of the most direct signs your ex is never coming back. It could be difficult to be friend-zoned by them. But it is what it is. You need to get over the breakup. You also need to assess your options and stay away from them if your mental health is in jeopardy. For the benefit of your own life, tell them it would be preferable if you could fully cut the cords.

Research points out that staying friends with exes out of suppressed feelings for them led to negative outcomes, whereas staying friends due to security and practical reasons led to more positive outcomes. So, the question of the hour is: Have you agreed to stay friends with your ex out of suppressed feelings for them or because you want to be civil and don’t want them to hold grudges against you?

17. It’s been a while since you called it quits

How long have you been apart from your ex-partner? The longer you are separated, the less likely you are to rekindle those long-lost feelings. You are unlikely to contact each other if it has been a long time since you last spoke or saw each other. If they meant to return, they would have tried to contact you every now and then to see how you were doing. Or just generally tried to spike a conversation, hoping it advances to a romantic level. 

Related Reading: 7 Reasons You Lose Feelings For Someone Fast

18. Your relationship ended due to infidelity

If either one of you was unfaithful, there is a slim chance of your relationship reigniting. You should know you can do ‘much’ better than dating a red flag. And if you were the one who cheated, then maybe you need to take a step back and assess if you can love your partner the way they deserve.

Research suggests that re-trusting a partner who has caused you emotional trauma – be it through infidelity, lying, dishonesty, or manipulation – requires openness, the intention to cooperate, sharing, and mutual support between partners. Being cheated on changes you and makes you more sensitive to betrayal and abandonment, and if your ex is showing zero intention to fix things, it’s better to walk away.

19. You’re not a topic of conversation

Have you contacted your mutual pals since splitting up with your ex? Does your ex keep referencing you, asking how you’ve been doing? One of the signs your ex will never come back is if they never mention you to other people. You’re the only person who’s waiting around. Let them go. In the words of C.S. Lewis, “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

Research shows that cyclical partners (couples who break up and got back together multiple times) report lower relational quality— less love, need satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction. So, if you want a healthy relationship in your life, reuniting with your ex will take you far away from that goal. Dating someone new would be more advisable.

20. They aren’t the supportive figure in your life anymore

There is nothing more validating than being a ‘relationship hero.’ James Bauer, a relationship expert, coined the term ‘hero instinct,’ which means that men have a psychological need to feel needed by their partners. This is one of the factors that makes a man fall in love with a woman. 

They are no longer there for you as your support system. Small things like not checking in can indicate that you are not a big part of their life anymore. It’s not a bad thing after all. You can be your own hero.

We have reached the end of this bittersweet guide for how to notice the signs your ex will never come back. I hope your nerves are settled and all your questions have been answered. I’m one of the biggest supporters of optimism and hope. There is nothing wrong with wanting to clear the air with your ex. 

But I also urge you to draw a line when it starts affecting your mental health. Your life is never dictated by the presence of a particular person and I hope you understand your worth soon. If you feel lost and are low-key obsessed with your ex’s life, Bonobology has a panel of experienced counselors who can guide you through this phase of life.

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