When a man abruptly ends a relationship, it’s as if he just dropped a bombshell in your life. You are shell-shocked and the grief of being dumped is eating away at your sanity. Your mind is raging with unanswered questions. Why did he leave all of a sudden? Did I do something to hurt, offend, or disrespect him? Was I not good enough for him? It’s not unusual for you to feel trapped by self-interrogation and self-doubts.
Everything seemed so normal. The two of you were madly in love. Just last week you looked at your man’s sleepy face in the morning and felt so grateful to have him in your life. You thought this is it. He is the one you are going to marry. You even introduced him to your parents and just when you started imagining a future with him, he left and the relationship ended without warning.
15 Reasons A Man May End A Relationship Abruptly
When a man abruptly ends a relationship, it can cause a lot of trauma because you were totally blindsided. It’s heartbreaking because he left without so much as a discussion. You didn’t say your goodbyes. When a relationship ends suddenly, you are left without any closure. You have no idea how to move on without closure. If you are puzzled and have questions about the breakup and what made him withdraw from the relationship, we answer all your ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ here.
1. He feels the chemistry is lacking
It’s normal when a relationship starts all passionate and fiery. You are hungry for each other. The two of you had mind-blowing sex during the initial stages of your relationship. It slowly develops into something more strong and more emotional. You begin to feel warm toward one another as you start sharing each other’s vulnerabilities.
The passion lessens. However, this has nothing to do with love and intimacy. That’s just how it is with long-term relationship stages. Both the parties in the relationship have to make it a point to work through this and try to keep the chemistry and spark alive. If your long-term relationship ended abruptly, then the relationship losing its glow could be one of the reasons for it.
2. He thinks you are not compatible with each other
Relationship compatibility is one of the essential things that binds and keeps two people together. Compatibility equals harmony and peace. Some of the signs of relationship incompatibility include:
- One wants to get married while the other wants to remain in the dating stage
- The relationship feels safe but not fun and vice versa
- There is no give and take
- You lie to appear more interesting and charming
- You don’t respect each other’s values, beliefs, and hobbies
You disagree on everything and maybe that’s why he decided to withdraw from the relationship without even a discussion. Good compatibility cultivates a strong, independent relationship. But if you are both on different pages and there is no sign of compromise from either side, then incompatibility is the reason for this blindside breakup.
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3. He had unrealistic expectations
When a man abruptly ends a relationship, it could be because he was done waiting for you to meet his expectations. You may have seemed to be ‘the one’ when he met you for the first time. However, as the relationship progressed, he noticed your flaws and thought you were just another human being with realistic propensities and potential. Or perhaps he was a narcissist boyfriend looking for a heavenly angel who is perfect in every possible way. This is on him. Not you.
You deserve to be loved with and without flaws. When asked on Reddit what unrealistic expectations in a relationship look like, a user replied, “Unrealistic to me is expecting to be on the same page as someone all the time, expecting them to agree with everything you say and never getting offended by you, expecting them to read your mind and not having to communicate honestly all the time, and expecting them to never make mistakes. That’s not how healthy relationships work.”
4. He had a personal crisis
One of the reasons he ended without informing could be because of his personal problems. Maybe he was dealing with the death of a loved one. He wanted to focus on healing from this incident before committing to a relationship with you. Don’t beat yourself over it. He ended the relationship simply because he has other priorities to focus on.
Some of the other reasons include:
- He lost his job or he wants to focus more on his dwindling career
- He is battling a serious illness/disorder and doesn’t want you to get caught up in this
- He is getting over his alcohol addiction
These are some of the valid reasons to end a relationship. What to do when someone ends a relationship due to personal reasons? Let him heal first. Only when he heals emotionally will he be able to give his all to you. Don’t coerce him into loving you or staying in the relationship. Set him free. If it’s meant to be, he will come back.
5. His loved ones didn’t approve of you
Yes, this happens more often than you think. Many people break up with their partners because their friends and family members weren’t supportive of the relationship. This can put a lot of pressure on the person. On one side, he has the love of his life and on the other, there are people who are very close to him. He doesn’t want to hurt or disappoint anyone in this process. However, if he chooses them, he ends up hurting you and your dignity for not prioritizing you.
Georgina, a Bonobology subscriber from Oklahoma, shares, “I was in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend. We were even planning to get married. Right after he introduced me to his parents, the relationship ended without warning. I met him a few days later and asked for closure. He said his parents didn’t like me and weren’t supportive of this relationship. He freaked out and broke up with me because he didn’t want to lose his loved ones.”
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6. He ended the relationship abruptly because he got bored of you
Some men love the thrill and excitement of getting to know new people. Once they get comfortable with someone, they mistake this comfort for lacking in variety and passion. When a man abruptly ends a relationship, it could be because he was addicted to the feel-good hormones.
This is a man who wants the attraction and infatuation phase to last forever. Or he mistook infatuation for love. Long-term relationships grow each day, which means you will feel bored. However, boredom doesn’t signify stagnation. You have to make a conscious effort to keep the relationship alive with affection, sex, and vulnerability.
7. He is still not over his ex
Let’s face it. Many of us have faced this and many of us have done this to others. We get into relationships without completely healing from the past. If he had a bad experience and wasn’t able to recover from it, then it’s one of the reasons that he didn’t choose to work on the relationship and ended without a disclaimer.
Here are some of the telltale signs he was not over his ex even after starting a relationship with you:
- He was still in touch with her and her friends/family members
- He somehow knew everything that was happening in her life
- He refused to be transparent about the breakup
- He was still following her on all social media platforms
- He got mad when he found out she was dating someone new
8. His needs were not being met
Unmet needs is one of the reasons that many relationships reach a dead end. The needs could be anything ranging from physical, emotional, and intellectual. When asked on Reddit what to do when needs aren’t met in a relationship, a user replied, “Look at love languages and figure out which one is yours. Explain to them that’s how you need to be loved, whether it be words of affirmation or by touch etc.
“Let them know that you will make an effort to use his love language, but he needs to be able to do the same for you. Explain that if he isn’t able to do this, then for the sake of your self-worth, you are going to end the relationship.”
9. He thought he wasn’t good enough for you
On the flip side, this could be one of the reasons that your long-term relationship ended abruptly. Maybe he thought you deserved better and was ashamed that he couldn’t live up to your expectations. He saw all the work you were putting in the relationship and realized he wouldn’t do the same for you.
A user on Reddit shared their story on how their ex broke up with them saying they deserved better. The user shared, “When someone says “I don’t deserve you/You deserve better”, treat it as a red flag and move on. Either they’re subtly informing you they’re emotionally unavailable and/or will treat you like crap (if they haven’t already), or they have deep-seated insecurity issues.”
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10. His ex-girlfriend is ready to reconcile
This is going to be a bitter pill to swallow but you need to know what makes a man end a relationship without so much as a discussion. It’s because you were his rebound and now his ex has agreed to give him another chance. It’s one of the worst scenarios to be in but it has nothing to do with you.
He carried the baggage of his previous relationship and let it build a wall between the two of you. I know it doesn’t sound comforting but instead of wallowing in self-pity and self-doubts, you need to be grateful that this relationship didn’t go any further.
11. He is immature
Immature men don’t know how to face life. They are afraid of things getting serious and don’t know how to handle them. A mature adult would never end a relationship without talking to you first about it. His emotions control him rather than inform him. Thus, being afraid of confrontation is one of the signs of you were dating an immature person and that’s why he decided to leave you without any closure. Some other signs include:
- Can’t manage his emotions or control his temper. Expects others to deal with his emotions and make him feel better all the time
- Lacks empathy
- Doesn’t notice the imbalanced emotional labor in his relationships
- Feels entitled to break up whenever he wants
- Takes no responsibility or accountability, just excuses
- Can’t take any criticism whatsoever
12. He is afraid of commitment
When a man abruptly ends a relationship, this is one of the obvious reasons for it. Did you keep asking him to commit to you? Was he hesitant in his answers? If you answered yes to both these questions, then commitment-phobia is what made him leave.
Men on Reddit were asked why they fear commitment, and one of the users replied, “I’m currently in a long-term relationship but I fear marriage with my gf and in general. I feel like people change throughout life and because you love someone now doesn’t mean you will feel the same way about them 5 or 10 years from now. People can grow apart and some people crave the “new experience” of meeting new partners which is out of the equation for the most part with marriage.”
13. He wants to enjoy the single life
This is one of the relationship red flags that most people find out when it’s too late. A man who wants to enjoy his single life will never exclusively date you. When a relationship suddenly ends and your ex-boyfriend is already sleeping around, then you don’t need to waste your time and sleep over him.
When asked on Reddit why men give this excuse of wanting to enjoy the single life, a user replied, “Blindside breakup is painful. When I confronted my ex while dealing with a breakup that came out of nowhere, he said let’s take a break if you don’t want to break up forever. That was an easy and natural way for him to experience the single life. He was going to have sex with other people. That is more about him trying to have fun with others while I waited for him to come back.”
14. He cheated on you
This is going to be painful but this could be one of the possible reasons that he broke up with you all of a sudden. Perhaps he was lying to you and was done playing with your heart. His guilt got to him and he decided to part ways with you. If he really did cheat on you, cheaters karma will get to him sooner than you think.
When someone leaves you suddenly, it could be because he was unfaithful. He thought it’s better to spare you the anguish that you will feel when you find out about his infidelity. This is his way of undoing the damage he caused. He cut ties with you to save you from getting more attached to him.
15. He fell out of love
You met, fell in love, and it was all ecstatic. But slowly the affection falters. Every relationship reaches this stage where the partners have to make the decision of rebuilding the love. It’s a place of understanding where you have to find out why you are with this person. Maybe the man you were dating failed to see that and kept seeing the disappointments and incompatibilities. This could have made him fall out of love with you.
A Reddit user shares their experience of falling out of love. It’s thought-provoking. The user shared, “In both cases, I outgrew them. That is the saddest part, for me. It was a gradual falling out of love. It started the day I started finding little things annoying and bit by bit things just fell apart both times. And what starts with a joke starting to annoy you ends with you realizing you have to completely different views of what future you want, and that you don’t enjoy sex with them anymore. And in both cases it was entirely on me.”
8 Tips To Help You Cope When A Man Abruptly Ends A Relationship
The blindside breakup has happened. He is gone. He isn’t going to come back. What to do when someone ends a relationship? You pick your crown up like the royalty you are, and wear it with dignity. Read through these steps on how to take care of yourself during these difficult times:
1. Accept that you won’t have a closure
The trauma of breaking up without closure can be heavy to deal with. Understand that his choice to leave can be because of infinite reasons. They have nothing to do with you, and even if they do, it’s ‘his’ opinion and perception. His inability to confront you and explain about the breakup has nothing to do with you. You will experience anxiety after breakup but with proper care, you will get over it.
When the man didn’t bother to give you an explanation, you need not bother about closure as well. Don’t wait to center your identity based on his perception of the relationship and the things that led to the breakup. A lack of proper ending is an ending in itself. Accept it and walk away.
2. Acknowledge your feelings
Acknowledge your repressed emotions by jotting them down. You are angry, hurt, and feeling betrayed. Cry it out. Don’t try to sweep these emotions under the rug. The longer you bottle them up, the harder it will be for you to confront and manage them. Emotional acceptance is one of the ways to live with mindfulness. It can be difficult but it’s not impossible. And always remember that your feelings are indicators. They are not dictators. Don’t let them make you do things that you wouldn’t otherwise.
3. Lean on your support system
When someone leaves you suddenly, friends and family can become your support system during such times if you allow them to. They can offer you their advice. They will distract you from your suffering as well. Don’t isolate yourself. Your friends can take you out shopping or you can even go on a trip together to calm your mind. Go meet your family. Have home-cooked meals and just have fun with your people.
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4. Seek a mental health professional
A therapist or a counselor will help you understand yourself better. They will pull you out of your misery. If you’re looking for professional help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced counselors is only a click away.
5. Don’t take any major decisions
Major decisions include:
- Use and abuse of drugs/alcohol
- Moving to a different city
- Quitting your job
- Getting back together with another ex just to fill the loneliness
None of these should be taken lightly. If you have thoughts about harming yourself or quitting your job because of a bad breakup, you need to get help immediately. These temptations can give you relief momentarily but they will damage you more than you can imagine at the moment.
6. Avoid contacting your ex or begging them to come back
Don’t contact your ex. They ended a long-term relationship suddenly and abruptly. No justification, no explanation, and no excuses for their behavior. Don’t make yourself look desperate and act out of your repressed emotions. Distance yourself from them. You should be with someone who wants to be with you. Pursue a relationship with someone who will be as crazy about you as you are about them. Don’t give up your power by begging them to stay in your life.
7. Practice self-care
The process of healing is hard. Work through your emotions and take care of yourself. Love and cherish yourself. You should be your number one priority. Here are some of the tips you can follow to practice self-care:
- Focus on your strengths
- Revisit old hobbies or try new ones
- Set daily goals
- Meet your friends and family often
- Eat healthy
- Exercise regularly
- Find ways to relax like yoga, meditation, or taking a walk on the beach
8. Get back out there
Once you have healed emotionally, you can try to go back into the dating pool. Don’t let one relationship stop you from meeting amazing people. Maybe your soulmate is out there waiting for you. You will recognize your soulmate energy when you meet them. Try online dating or ask any of your friends to set you up with someone. Fall in love again. Just don’t tailor your entire life around them.
- When a man abruptly ends a relationship, it’s mostly because he is afraid of commitment
- Falling out of love and thinking that you deserve better are also some of the reasons that he chose to leave without closure
- He had unrealistic expectations and wanted someone who would live up to them. That’s why he chose to make a run for it
Love is a pretty intense subject. Breakups can be even more distressing. Don’t become emotionally available just because one man failed to comprehend you and love you. It’s always better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Consider this ending as the beginning of something else. You will have new things and those new things will be beautiful in their own way.
Relationships end abruptly for many reasons. Maybe one partner wants different things in life now and the relationship is not their primary focus. Maybe they want to experience bachelor life again. Some people end relationships because they are emotionally immature and can’t handle the depth and commitment of a romantic bond.
Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. Most guys who come back are those who have genuinely realized that they won’t get anyone better than the person they dumped. Some guys are just petty. They come back after seeing the person they dumped being happy and free. You have to be wise and not fall for them again.