We’ve all heard about the jealous and manipulative mother-in-law but what about a jealous daughter-in-law who refuses to share her husband with her in-laws?
Your son, who was always the apple of your eye, is now an estranged son due to your daughter-in-law, you see the signs she is a controlling daughter-in-law and she always wants things to go her way.
Daughter-in-law problems are found in every household. When you have an unfriendly daughter-in-law, it becomes difficult to understand what she wants out of the family. A jealous daughter-in-law can be the reason you lose your son forever.
If your daughter-in-law is creating problems at home, refusing to accept family traditions, showing hatred towards the family, trying to put your son against you and your husband, these are signs of a jealous daughter-in-law. A jealous daughter-in-law can be a home breaker and you need to deal with it before it’s too late.
Related Reading: Daughter-in-law resents my closeness to my son. What to do?
8 Ways To Deal With A Jealous Daughter-In-Law
For a newly-wed bride, adjusting into a new family could take time. The entire transition could be painful which eventually may lead to your daughter-in-law becoming jealous and controlling.
It is important to understand her feelings from the initial stages of this jealousy and make her your friend before it becomes too late and you keep grappling with the feeling of being left out by the daughter-in-law.
A distant daughter-in-law could make your son distant too.
If all that you want is for everyone to be one happy family, it’s important to make her a part of your family too. Here are 8 ways to deal with a jealous daughter-in-law
1. Accept your son’s choice
Many times daughters-in-law become jealous and controlling when they see that their in-laws haven’t totally accepted them as a part of the family.
You need to understand that your daughter-in-law is your son’s choice and she is now a part of the family. Make her feel loved and accepted. She has just become a part of the family. There’s so much more to know about her. If your son chose to marry her then it is because she made him happy. Accept that instead of looking for the signs of a bad daughter-in-law.
2. Be kind to her
During the initial days of her transition and her adjusting into the new family, your daughter-in-law may start acting out and show signs of resistance. It just gets difficult for some people to adjust to their new surroundings and she may be one of them.
Give her some time to come around. Answer her resistance with kindness. As it is, mothers-in-law are are the ones who are usually rigid and controlling so she might be just wary of you. Once she sees that there’s nothing to fear, she will calm down and accept you as her family as well.
Related reading: How I Refused To Be An Evil Mother-In-Law And Unfollowed Tradition
3. Try to be her friend
Except for your son, she doesn’t actually know anyone else in the family. So you want help her understand the family better when you are visiting her or she is visiting you.
Being her friend and confidant will help her understand that you don’t threaten her relationship with your son. Focus on strengthening your relationship with her. Once you are successful with that, she will automatically turn around from being a jealous daughter-in-law to a friendly one.
4. Think about your grandchildren
Your husband and you must have been dreaming about your grandchildren for some time now. You may have even kept a few of your son’s old clothes aside for them. But can you have grandchildren without having your daughter-in-law?
You need to remember that your daughter-in-law will play a significant role in your relationship with your grandchildren. Her jealousy could have a negative impact on your grandchildren. If your daughter-in-law hates you the grandkids wouldn’t be close to you.
She may prevent them from meeting you or say bad things about you to them. Think carefully before jeopardizing your relationship with her.
5. Get to know her before you call her a jealous daughter-in-law
Jealousy arises when there is a sense of insecurity between two parties. This usually happens when there is a wall between you and your daughter-in-law. If you think you have an estranged son because of a jealous daughter-in-law then you are making matters worse.
Not knowing each other at a deeper level usually results in misunderstandings and your jealous daughter-in-law starts creating misunderstandings between your son and you. In order to avoid such things from happening, try to get to know her instead of assuming things about her based on what others say. Make your own judgement and try to act on it.
Related reading: 15 Clever Ways To Deal With A Manipulative, Scheming Mother-In-Law
6. Give space and set boundaries
Twenty-first-century couples are about building a family of their own and spending limited time with their in-laws. They are there for you but don’t expect to see them every weekend. These aren’t signs you have a controlling daughter-in-law who hates you.
It is better to create some boundaries. Like you wouldn’t want her to interfere in your life she wouldn’t want you poking your nose into her matters too.
Be happy with the weekend visits and be proud that your son has his own home to look after now. Your relationship with your son will remain intact and your daughter-in-law will appreciate you for respecting their privacy.
7. Don’t talk to your son about her
If there’s some friction between your jealous daughter-in-law and you feel that you should talk to your son about it, then don’t. In the beginning, you may hint to your son or express to your son your concern about her.
However, don’t make this a repetitive action. Instead of asking your son for help, talk to her yourself. If you keep including your son in your friction with her, she will feel that you are pitting your son against her, which you aren’t. Instead, talk to her and try to bring her on your side. Don’t look for signs that she is a bad daughter-in-law instead look at the positives she harbours.
8. Accept your jealous daughter-in-law won’t change
Despite your several attempts if your daughter-in-law doesn’t wish to change her behaviour, there are high chances that it is because that’s how she is. She is a jealous daughter-in-law that’s it. After a point in time, you will realize that you can’t change her.
You need to accept that nobody is perfect and your son may not have made the best choice for the family. However, if she’s keeping your son happy at least, then it’s time to accept reality and make peace with her jealous nature. Sometimes, this is the best thing to keep things peaceful at home.
Every family has problems at home. Sometimes it’s a jealous mother-in-law and sometimes it’s the jealous daughter-in-law. The thing to keep in mind here is that your family should be your top priority.
Always make choices keeping in mind the family’s best interest, even if it means a little more compromise from your end. This doesn’t mean that you should not attempt to even try to know your daughter-in-law first. The sooner you are able to make her your friend, the lesser are the chances that she will turn on you. Think carefully before making a move as it can cost you your family. After all, a jealous daughter-in-law is a homemaker and can also be a home breaker.
Your daughter-in-law might be controlling and possessive but you have to ensure that you do not make her feel insecure. Try to be friends with her and make her comfortable in the new family and soon she would realise you mean well.
Dealing with a narcissistic person is not easy because they are only thinking of themselves. In that case you need to let go. Let your son be happy with your daughter-in-law and you be happy with a few weekend visits from them.
She wouldn’t want to take your advice, would try to ensure your son doesn’t listen to you either, would run her own home as differently as possible from yours and would be lukewarm with you when you meet.
The MIL-DIL clash is something that has been happening for ages and it stems from the possessiveness both ladies feel towards the man in their lives. Daughters-in-law dislike their mothers-in-law because they feel they are interfering and controlling.