Touted as the most speedy and effective way of moving on after a breakup, the no-contact rule has become the talk of the (heartbroken) town. Sixty days of zero contact with an ex can test the most resolute people. If you’ve initiated this period with your ex-girlfriend, your curiosity and concern must be eating you from within. Allow me to voice the question plaguing your mind – what’s the no-contact rule female psychology?
You and I are going to take a little trip today. We’ll traverse the landscape of the female mind during no-contact rule, and in the process, you’ll get to know her thoughts, emotions, and plan of action. The subject has a lot of layers because we’re ultimately talking about rejection and failed relationships.
Let’s hope you’re all set for the loaded components of female psychology after the no-contact rule comes into effect that we’re going to decode in consultation with counseling psychologist Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), who specializes in separation and divorce counseling.
6 Things You Must Know About The No-Contact Rule Female Psychology
Before we begin, let me quickly define the psychology behind the no-contact rule for any novice reading this. As mentioned before, the no-contact period is one of radio silence between two exes. Right after a breakup, they cut off all communication – no texts, no calls, no attempts at being friends, nothing. It is believed that the no-contact rule helps people get over the breakup quickly.
Shazia explains, “The way I see it, people get the space to accept the breakup in its entirety. There’s enough room to come to terms with it when your ex-partner isn’t around, clouding your vision. You gain that objectivity when you’re in a period of no-contact.” Men and women deal with rejection and the no-contact rule differently. Our focus here is solely on female psychology.
Is she missing you? Does no-contact work on stubborn women? Is there any scope of getting back together with her? Hold your horses and your questions. The points given below are a chronological representation of what goes on in the female mind during no-contact rule. Read them carefully and you’ll know absolutely everything you need to.
1. “What’s wrong with me?”
Women tend to view failed relationships as personal failures. They wonder where they went wrong and the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’ start coursing their mind. As a result, their self-esteem takes a hit. The rejection from their partners is taken personally and internalized to a large extent. In fact, a study from the Psychological Bulletin reports that women experience shame, guilt, and embarrassment strongly. Let’s understand this better with an example.
Amanda’s boyfriend of four years sat her down and uttered the 4 nightmarish words, “We need to talk.” He said a lot of things in his breakup speech, the main thing being their different personalities. A month later (when the no-contact rule was already in place), Amanda wondered if her ‘different personality’ was code for ‘bizarre habits’. She fell down the rabbit hole of criticizing herself and began directing negative commentary inwards.
Soon enough, she was oscillating between intense self-hatred and pity parties. But, in reality, nothing was wrong with Amanda per se. Her partner simply didn’t see the relationship working out. The first component of the no-contact rule female psychology is self-doubt.
2. Grief and sorrow are the female response to no-contact
There’s a widely held belief that women are the more emotional sex. Studies seem to back this claim in one way or another. A study undertaken by Fischer and Manstead revealed that women experienced powerless emotions more intensely and cried more frequently than men. Another study stated that women have higher emotional expressivity, especially when it comes to negative emotions.
Simply put, the female mind during no-contact rule is more likely to struggle with negative feelings. Your ex will be a mess for a while. Crying, grieving, feeling anxious, and even entering a depressive phase. It can be overwhelming for her to come to terms with the idea of leaving behind a shared life with you.
Shazia explains, “A relationship causes many upheavals in a woman’s life. The present is already harsh, the past is now colored with the breakup, while future plans lay dismantled. This realization can bring about immense grief, which is why her support system should be watchful of the symptoms of depression. The emotional impact of the breakup can be devastating.”
3. Anger enters the picture
William Somerset Maugham wrote: “How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.” These words perfectly capture the female response to no-contact. During this phase, anger takes over her mind and she begins to do two things.
Firstly, the woman will pass statements that generalize – “all relationships are worthless” or “men are dogs” or “falling in love so fast has never done anyone any good”. She might act upon these statements and swear off dating for a while. Her perspective will change because of her rage and disappointment. The resentment might make her somewhat bitter too. (Does the no-contact rule work on women, you ask? Yes, it does).
Secondly, anger could drive her to make foolish choices. Drunk dialing, breaking the no-contact rule, hooking up, or losing sight of what’s important in her life are a few examples. She might get a little reckless with her behavior. If there’s any scope of winning you back, she’ll do it in this phase (anger and desperation are cousins). The driving force of her anger will be one question – ‘how could this happen to me?’
Related Reading: 7 Things That Help You Heal Post A Breakup
4. She reflects on the relationship
Yes, she probably does miss you. “Your feelings don’t vanish just because you’ve parted ways. It takes a while for a person to truly move on in life. With the no-contact rule in place, the woman gets some of this space to look at her relationship in retrospect. It’s a mental recap of the good and bad times,” says Shazia. Understand the psychology behind the no-contact rule?
In a manner of speaking, your ex will honor the relationship you shared. It was an integral part of her life and has contributed to her journey. Even if you aren’t speaking anymore, she will acknowledge the history. She might get distracted, zone out mid-conversation, or obsessively go over the relationship arguments. The no-contact rule female psychology dictates that this is her last phase in the blues – she will pick herself up immediately after she’s done looking back at the relationship.
A reader from Minnesota wrote, “It was a strange place to be in. I was consciously thankful for my ex’s role in my life but this brought about a lot of silent spells. I was very meditative and lost. Things were looking quite bleak because I wondered if such a relationship would come by again.”
5. There’s a shift in focus in the no-contact rule female psychology
For how long do you expect her to wallow? Your ex will pick herself up and bounce right back on track. She knows that the show must go on. “Women are quite resilient. They absorb the shocks of life and march forward. Eventually, she will start diverting her energies toward herself. Self-care will take precedence along with work, family, and friends,” says Shazia.
The goal could be distracting herself by keeping busy or it could be a ‘you gotta do what you gotta do’ mentality. Either way, she’ll have other things on her plate now. There’s a chance that she will reach out to a mental health professional to regain her emotional equilibrium. Getting through the no-contact rule can drain your emotional resources. At Bonobology, we have a panel of licensed counselors and therapists who can help you gain an even-handed assessment of your situation. We’re here for you.
6. The female response to no-contact is, eventually, accepting the breakup
Like Deborah Reber said, “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” She will realize this toward the end of the no-contact period. It is quite likely that, after stages 5 and 6, she will thrive in all spheres of her life.
Shazia explains, “Women tend to become more independent after a breakup. They experience emotional growth and begin to make the best of their lives.” Don’t be too surprised if you see her reach the peak of her career or take a luxury vacation by herself. The no-contact rule female psychology will make her do better things as she strikes the perfect work-life balance.
If you expect her to chase you and pine for you, that won’t happen. There’s only one answer to ‘does the no-contact rule work on women?’ – yes, yes, yes. This rule can give women the much-needed space and perspective to regain control of their lives and become the best version of themselves.
Well, did I succeed in quelling your curiosity? I bet you’ve grasped the inner workings of the female mind during no-contact rule. The elephant in the room is what will you do with your newfound knowledge? Maybe, reconciliation is on the cards or, maybe, you’ll wish her the best and truly move on too. Because let’s be honest – if you were completely over her, you wouldn’t be here reading this.