A relationship is driven by love and desire. Simplistically speaking, these two elements are at the core. But they are interwoven with so much complexity that it is very difficult to tell them apart. Thus, we usually react instinctively. Small things like the feeling of being ignored can jump-start a chain reaction of behavior driven by cause and effect. In this article, we’ll explore the facets of cause and effect by addressing the question: why do men come back after no contact?
You must’ve heard about the no-contact rule, right? It, basically, means cutting off any contact with your partner after a breakup. You do this primarily to create space for yourself as you intend to detach and grow. But quite often, this rule is applied to get the ex back and it definitely has a high-efficiency rate with men. Why though, why do men come back after no contact?
What No Contact Means To A Man?
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Let’s dive a little deeper into the male psychology during no-contact rule here. When a guy breaks up a relationship, he often does it from a position of strength. And men love to be in that position. If the partner tries to fight for the relationship or chases after them, this position of strength is reinforced and it simply appears as a sign of desperation. These result in men drawing themselves further away.
When the no-contact rule is applied, on the other hand, the narrative is switched. It is hard to dissect what exactly goes on in a male mind after no contact, but on a general level, it provokes their competitive instincts. Men are driven by competition. They now see it as a challenge to have you want them back.
It is very much like when you run after them, they’ll run further away. As soon as you stop, they’ll stop too and come back wondering what the hell happened. Men are prone to react to reverse psychology. It’s not that the no-contact rule only works on men, it works differently with women. In this article though, we’ll explore its effects on men in heterosexual relationships, and how women can use this to their advantage.
Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact — 9 Probable Reasons
Some couples tend to ride a vicious cycle of breakups and patch-ups, and the girl seems to have the upper hand in such on-again-off-again relationships and the guy always seems to be the one to do the chasing. Do you ever wonder why is she the girl he always comes back to? She sounds like a Mean Girls character, doesn’t she? The answer can be hidden in the way she uses the rule of no contact.
There can be numerous reasons why a man comes back after no contact, but we’ll go through the most common and profound ones. These will give you a better understanding of what cooks inside the male mind after the no-contact tactic is applied. We’re not suggesting you use it as a manipulation tool. We’d rather encourage you to use it as a tool for personal growth. It is up to you to decide whether the path requires you to win back your ex or to simply move on.
1. It could simply be guilt
This is probably the most satisfying answer to why do men come back after no contact. That is if you want him back. When he shows signs that he is regretting letting you go and you get to say, “I told you so”, it is a very nice feeling, isn’t it? This is only possible when he actually feels your absence though. The lack of little things like your morning texts, random calls to check in, spontaneous date nights, etc. creates a void.
When a man comes back after no contact, he has realized how good it was with you. And no one else can fill that void for him. The no contact has put you in a position of strength. The thing to consider here is, is it just the guilt or he genuinely values your existence in his life?
Related Reading: 10 Cheating Guilt Signs You Need To Watch Out For
2. You have moved on and are doing better than him
We are all attracted to better things. After a breakup, different people have different ways of coping with feeling empty after a breakup. Some tend to coil into a shell and crave consolation. While others tend to take it all in their stride and move on to become better versions of themselves. If he is the former kind, he will expect you to be miserable like him. As the lyrics of the song Jealous by Labrinth go, “I always thought you’d come back, tell me, all you found was heartbreak and misery!”
To his surprise, when you show signs of getting your life together, you suddenly become attractive again. He’d creep back in to have a piece of that sexy growth. This is like the secret of becoming the girl he always comes back to. You’ll always retain being attractive as long as you keep working on yourself with or without partners.
3. He genuinely wants to be friends again
Our life choices are based on our conditioning and trauma bonds from the past. These factors are embedded so deep that we don’t even realize that they exist and are involuntarily governing our life. Lucy and Jack had been dating happily for a few months before Jack started running away from difficult conversations. Lucy called him out on this behavior, which only pushed him further into his shell.
After a few intense encounters, Jack decided to break up. Lucy was willing to work it out, but he left her without any closure. She was pissed, confused, and hopeless when she decided to take control and cut him out of her life. After a few months, he reached out to say he wanted to be friends with her again. All she could say in reply was, “Why do men come back after no contact?”
It is because when the dust settled, he realized that his behavior in the relationship stemmed from his past trauma bonds. He had seen his parents fighting a lot and later getting a divorce. He was guilty of letting his past affect his present and thus he wants to come back and make amends. This could be one of the reasons why your ex has gotten back in touch.
Related Reading: 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex
4. He is lonely and misses the sex
We all know how testosterone rules over guys’ minds. If he has crawled back into your life and is avoiding any kind of intimacy apart from the physical one, you know the little guy is making the moves. There are very few guys out there who will openly accept this fact, so you need to be aware of the signs.
Being aware just gives you a choice. You can consciously allow or disallow the guy from getting what he wants. Either way, you are in control. After breaking up with Maria, every once in a while, Toby would always call her at odd hours with all his charm asking to meet. Naive in love as she was, Maria would agree. They’d meet, he’d sweet-talk her into bed, and then poof, no more Toby.
Maria would wonder, why do men come back after no contact? Well here is the answer. To some men, it is just about answering that booty call. Beware, ladies! Such behavior is one of the signs he is sleeping with you but doesn’t love you anymore.
5. He just needs the reassurance that he did the right thing
Do guys always come back after ghosting? Well no, but often the zero contact pulls out the validation of their choice from the equation. Some people crave validation more than others, and thus it could be a strong reason for them to come back chasing. They just want to check if you’re doing exactly as they expected you to do.
A few good men might just want to check in if you’re doing okay too. Underneath the good gesture and intentions though, there could be a need to feel good about themselves. It is not such a bad thing if the intentions are good.
Related Reading: When Do Guys Start To Miss You After A Breakup?
6. It could be an attempt to dig out some gold
Yup! That can be the case too. Human minds work in all kinds of straight and crooked ways. Guys who value money over relationships do exist. If they are out of it and you are making it in plenty, they will slide back into your life. Some guys value financial status more than a relationship. Watch out for the signs your boyfriend is in the relationship only for the money.
You can expect such a man to come back begging if you have recently started making big money. If a man comes back after no contact right when you’ve made it big, you know what he’s after. If lately, he’s come back and has shown too much interest in your finances, you’ve got a solid probable answer for why do men come back after no contact.
7. He just got dumped
This could just be a rebound reflex. A lot of guys are afraid of being alone. He could have been dumped by his new girl, so he just wants to fill that void. Even if he fills it with the ex-girlfriend who he had left stranded a while ago. He might use words like, “I miss you” and “I miss us!” It couldn’t get more cliche than this.
He might even beg because when fear and loneliness enter, self-esteem and morals tend to fly out the window. This should never be a reason for you to take him back. You stay put and ghost him all the way into hell.
8. A demand for closure
If you were the one who pushed him away into oblivion, then there are chances that he is only after answers. You must ask, why now, after all this while of no contact? It is a valid question and the answer is, have you heard about the male ego? By dumping him, you definitely ruptured a hole in it, and under its influence, he didn’t ask for answers then. Sometimes they try but can’t figure out how to get closure after a breakup.
Well, it is good to have closure, not just for him but for you too. Even though it was you who broke it off, it is still good to have a conversation about the whys with him. It’ll relieve you, trust us. Not all men are the same. If you’ve found a nice guy and it didn’t work out, and you pushed him away for some breathing space, it is okay. When you ask yourself, why do men come back after no contact and closure pops up as a probable cause, it is time you let him in.
Related Reading: 5 Steps To Ensure Closure After A Breakup – Are You Following These?
9. They are just too lazy to go through all of it again
Finding the right partner takes a lot of effort. And sometimes it takes a lot of time too. He must’ve tried his hand out with dating or relationships but must’ve failed miserably. Now, all that is left is the kingdom he’s already captured and lost, you. He might fight one last time to regain some sense of pride.
We don’t think you should let yourself be a consolation prize. It is up to you to decide if he’s worth it or not. Either way, you need to consider where and why is he coming back to you.
Do men always come back after ghosting? Not always, but they are susceptible to the reverse psychology of this tactic. There can be many other reasons for a man to come back to you. But we hope that the above-listed reasons largely answer why do men come back after no contact.
There could be as many reasons for it as there are guys. But on a generic level, guys respond to competition. Why they go away is a very subjective thing, but why they come back can be summed up in the power of reverse psychology and competition. When they go away and you cut all communication, they tend to take it up as a challenge. I mean who wouldn’t want to be wanted, right? Do men always come back after ghosting? No, not always!
In the above blog, we have listed down 9 probable reasons for guys to come back. So, when he does, you can assess the real reasons for his re-entry and take a call whether you want to give him a chance or not. You need to be aware of the original objective of the no contact. The priority should always be on your personal growth. If him coming back helps with it, you can hold the door open by all means.