Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact? 13 Probable Reasons

Relationship Advice | | , Content Writer
Updated On: May 23, 2024
why do men come back after no contact

Breakups are hard. Often, after snapping the chord with a partner, people follow the no-contact rule. While its intended purpose is to take space to heal and move on, many people use it as a last-ditch effort to win their exes back. This tactic is believed to have a high efficiency rate with men. But why do men come back after no contact? 

Explaining the state of the male mind after no contact, psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle told Bonobology, “​​A man might go through anger, humiliation, and fear, sometimes all at once, during the no-contact phase.” All of these emotions can stir up a powerful desire to reestablish contact with an ex. 

Now, that’s a broad summation of the no-contact rule male psychology. To help you understand the finer intricacies or help address questions like, will he come back after no contact or why does he come back after no contact, let’s dive deeper into what goes on in the male mind after no contact and how you can use it to steer the post-breakup phase in the direction you want — whether it’s reconciliation if he comes back or moving on for good.

What No Contact Means To A Man

Let’s dive a little deeper into the no-contact rule male psychology here. If a guy breaks up a relationship, he often does it from a position of power. And men love to be in that position. If the partner tries to fight for the relationship or chases after them, this position is reinforced and makes men want to distance themselves from their ex.

When the no-contact rule is applied, on the other hand, the narrative is switched. As soon as you stop chasing them, men stop running away from you and come back wondering what the hell happened. Men are prone to react to reverse psychology. 

On the other hand, if the woman pulls the plug on a relationship and then distances herself from her ex, this can seem like a double whammy for a man. Dr. Bhonsle says, “He feels like he’s been cast aside, like a bad habit, as if there’s something about him that’s repugnant and repulsive to her. Regardless of what he may or may not have done, no one likes to be treated poorly.” This can also make a man want to come back and make his former partner realize his worth.

Largely, the no-contact rule male psychology revolves around pride. Now, this is not to say that the no-contact rule only works on men, it works differently with women. In this article though, we’ll explore what goes on in the male mind after no contact, so that you can understand how to respond if your ex does come back. Or help find answers to questions like, will he ever contact me again or will he come back after no contact.

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Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact — 13 Probable Reasons

Why do men come back after no contact? It’s absolutely critical to find the answers to this question because a lack of awareness can leave you trapped in an unhealthy cycle of on-again-off-again relationships. This is exactly what happened with my friend, Shanaya. 

She broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years, and because it was a long-term relationship she was deeply invested in, she decided to cut him off completely to heal and move on. However, less than a month later, he came back into her life, started making overtures, apologizing for his mistakes, and promising to work through their issues. They got back together. 

However, the apologies and promises fizzled out soon after. The same issues reared their ugly head, and she decided to call it off again. But he continued the same pattern, asking her for another chance, begging for forgiveness. Shanaya was frustrated to no end and wondered, “Why does he come back after no contact when he has no intention of changing his ways?” So, why does this happen? Let’s take a look at 15 probable reasons:

1. It could simply be guilt

This is probably the most satisfying answer to the question, why do men come back after no contact? The space and distance brought in by the no-communication rule gives him a chance to introspect and he feels the weight of all the mistakes he made in the relationship. He may want to reestablish contact to apologize for his mistakes and let you know he feels bad about hurting you.

Related Reading: 10 Cheating Guilt Signs You Need To Watch Out For

2. He misses you

If you have experienced something similar with an ex, and find yourself asking, “Why does he come back after no contact?”, the answer could simply be that he misses you. The lack of little things like your morning texts, random calls to check in, spontaneous date nights, etc. creates a void. And he begins to realize how good he had it with you.

Now, if you’ve been wondering, “Will he ever contact me again?”, hearing from him can undoubtedly put you over the moon but before you get swept up in emotions, take a moment to ask, “Is it just because he feels a void or does he genuinely value your existence in his life?

3. He regrets the breakup

signs he will come back after no contact
When he makes contact out of the blue, it may leave you confused

As he begins to miss you and the guilt over his actions takes hold, your ex-boyfriend may begin to regret the breakup. Of course, this regret can pave the way for a desire to get back together. This is one of the reasons why a man may find his way back to his ex after no contact. In such cases, you may begin to see clear signs he will come back after no contact long before he actually gets in touch with you. These may include, 

  • Asking mutual friends about you 
  • Overtures on social media 
  • Curiosity about your life

4. He sees your growth as a person

Different people have different ways of coping with feeling empty after a breakup. Some tend to coil into a shell and crave consolation. While others tend to take it all in their stride and move on to become better versions of themselves. If you’re the latter and your ex sees the growth you’ve made as a person since the breakup, it may rekindle his interest in you.

5. He genuinely wants to be friends again

Our life choices are based on our conditioning and trauma bonds from the past. These factors are embedded so deeply that we don’t even realize that they exist and are involuntarily governing our lives. This is what happened with my former coworker, Lucy.  She had been dating a guy named Jack for a few months. As things progressed, Jack started running away from difficult conversations. Lucy called him out on this behavior, which only pushed him further into his shell.

After a few intense encounters, Jack decided to break up. Lucy was hurt, confused, and hopeless, so she decided to take control and cut him out of her life. After a few months, he came back and said he wanted to be friends with her. All she could say in reply was, “Why do men come back after no contact?”

Well, like Jack, many men realize that they have thrown away a beautiful connection because of their own insecurities, fears, and underlying issues. While it may be too late to salvage the romantic relationship, they hope to be able to maintain some sort of relationship with the person they’ve come to value. Hence, the desire for friendship brings a man back after no contact.

Related Reading: 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex

6. To hook up

We all know how testosterone rules over guys’ minds. If he has crawled back into your life and is avoiding any kind of intimacy apart from the physical one, you know the little guy is making the moves. There are very few guys out there who will openly accept this fact, so you need to be aware of the signs. Being aware just gives you a choice. You can consciously allow or disallow the guy from getting what he wants. Either way, you are in control.

After breaking up with Maria, every once in a while, Toby would always call her at odd hours with all his charm asking to meet. Naive in love as she was, Maria would agree. They’d meet, he’d sweet-talk her into bed, and then poof, no more Toby. Maria would wonder, why do men come back after no contact? Well here is the answer. To some men, it is just about answering that booty call. Beware, ladies! Such behavior is one of the signs he is sleeping with you but doesn’t love you anymore.

Infographic on Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact
Reasons why men come back after no contact

7. He just needs the reassurance that he did the right thing

If you’ve been wondering, “Will he come back after no contact?”, know that even if he does, it may not always be with the intent of a reconciliation. Sometimes, men come back just because they need the reassurance that breaking up was the right thing to do. A few good men might just want to check in if you’re doing okay too. Underneath the good gestures and intentions though, there could be a need to feel good about themselves.

8. He feels lonely

The no-communication phase after a breakup offers guys a reality check of what their life may look like without a partner. While the freedom to do what they want seems exciting at first, it gets lonesome pretty quickly. Yes, breakups hit guys after some time. That’s when men begin to pine for their exes. So, if there is an ex who cyclically keeps popping back into your life, triggering a short-lived reignition of the spark and leaving you wondering, “Why does he come back after no contact?”, loneliness could be the driving force behind his actions.

Related Reading: When Do Guys Start To Miss You After A Breakup?

9. He just got dumped

Picture this: Your ex moved on pretty swiftly after the breakup and there were just no signs he will come back after no contact. Through the grapevine, you’ve even heard that he has been seeing someone new. And then suddenly, you get a text from him. You’re confused about what it means and why he is contacting you after all this time. 

Chances are, he is reaching out because he has been dumped by his new girl, and is looking to fill the void in his life. Even if it means reaching out to the ex-girlfriend who he had left stranded a while ago. He might use words like, “I miss you” and “I miss us!” It couldn’t get more cliche than this. He might even beg because when fear and loneliness enter, self-esteem and morals tend to fly out the window. This should never be a reason for you to take him back. You stay put and ghost him all the way into hell.

does he come back after no contact
He could reestablish contact just to comfort his skinned heart

10. A need for closure

Zero contact can leave one wanting closure after a breakup. Perhaps, there were some difficult conversations you never got to finish. Or things he felt hurt by and has been waiting for an apology for. Or maybe, some of your actions left him feeling confused and hurt, and he needs clarity. In that case, he may want to reinstate contact just to chase that elusive closure that never actually depends on another person. 

11. Going through it all again seems daunting

Finding the right partner takes a lot of effort. And sometimes it takes a lot of time too. Besides, the idea of making the same amount of emotional investment in another person can be daunting, especially after a stable, long-term relationship. So, if you have been wondering, “Will he come back after no contact?”, the odds may be in your favor in case of a long-term relationship breakup.

Related Reading: 5 Steps To Ensure Closure After A Breakup – Are You Following These?

12. The circumstances leading to the breakup have changed 

Why do men come back after no contact? One possible reason is that the breakup was not brought on by problems in the relationship but happened due to exigent circumstances. For instance, if you broke up because one of you had to move halfway across the world in pursuit of education or a job opportunity, your ex may want to rethink the decision once that circumstance abates. 

13. He hasn’t found much success dating

If a man has tried dating after a breakup but hasn’t made much progress, he may begin to see his past relationship as a safety net to fall back on. After all, modern dating can be brutal, and it is not easy to find enduring connections in this swipe culture. This can make him realize the value of the bond he shared with you, making him gravitate toward you.  

Relationship Advice

Will He Come Back After No Contact?

As you can see, men come back after no contact for all sorts of reasons. If you have been holding on to the hope of getting back together with an ex, this may make you wonder, “Will he come back after no contact?” Well, while men do come back after no contact, it doesn’t mean that every man will find his way back to an ex. Even those who do, don’t necessarily do so with the intent of reconciliation. To make sure that you don’t hold on to false hopes, it’s important to be aware of the signs he will come back after no contact to rebuild the relationship. They include,  

  • He starts breaking the no-contact rule
  • When you reconnect, it talks about the relationship with a sense of nostalgia 
  • He categorically says he regrets the breakup 
  • He gets jealous of your dating life 
  • He makes an effort to win you over 
  • He shows he has grown as a person
  • He promises to work through the issue that tore you apart
  • He hasn’t been dating anyone else

Key Pointers

  • The no-contact rule can be effective in healing and moving on but it is also used by many as a path to reconciliation
  • The zero contact strategy is believed to have a high efficiency rate with men
  • When you cut a man out of your life, he feels angry, humiliated, and confused. There is also a sense of powerlessness in being cut out. All of these factors can stir up the desire to reestablish contact with an ex
  • Men come back after no contact due to a variety of reasons, ranging from guilt and regret to loneliness and not finding success at dating
  • If a man intends to rekindle an old relationship, there will be clear signs he will come back after no contact

Why do men come back after no contact? You now know the answer all too well. And if you’re going through a breakup and this has left you wondering, “Will he come back after no contact? Or “Will he ever contact me again?”, remember this: even if he does, it does not mean that you have to put everything aside and jump at the chance of getting back together with your ex. 

Just because he came back does not mean that the issues that drove you apart have been magically resolved. Make the decision to give the relationship another chance after careful consideration, and only if you feel that both you and your ex are willing to put in the work to build a wholesome, healthy relationship.

FAQs

1. Why do guys go away and come back?

There could be as many reasons for it as there are guys. But on a generic level, guys respond to competition. Why they go away is a very subjective thing, but why they come back can be summed up in the power of reverse psychology and competition. When they go away and you cut all communication, they tend to take it up as a challenge. I mean who wouldn’t want to be wanted, right?

2. What to do when he comes back after no contact?

In the above blog, we have listed down 9 probable reasons for guys to come back. So, when he does, you can assess the real reasons for his re-entry and take a call on whether you want to give him a chance or not. You need to be aware of the original objective of the no contact. The priority should always be on your personal growth. If his coming back helps with it, you can hold the door open by all means.

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