When you start dating, the first few weeks are amazing. You hang out a few times. Exchange messages back and forth. Your dopamine levels are high and life seems beautiful. Then one day, he goes AWOL. That one day soon becomes a week and you have given up all hope. Until one night, your phone lights up. It’s him again. And you stare at your phone, wondering why do guys stop texting and then start again?
Exasperating, right? What can I say… “Men! Can’t live with them, can’t live without…” Actually, we can very well live without them, but that’s not the issue here. What we really want to know is why do they exhibit this peculiar trait? Don’t they realize that they are this close to being swatted at? With a rolled-up newspaper?
So, if something along the lines of, “We went from texting every day to nothing at all”, has been eating away at you, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s take a look at the possible reasons why he decided that staying online but leaving you on read was a good idea and how you should deal with this situation. But before we get into that, let’s also take a look at what qualifies as a guy slowing down or stopping communication.
When Should You Expect A Text Back From A Guy?
Before we address the all-important question of why do guys stop texting and then start again, let’s get another important dilemma out of the way: when should you expect a text back from a guy. This will help you set your expectations in the talking stage realistically, not slip into an overthinking spiral over why guys suddenly stop texting just because he hasn’t responded for over two hours.
You probably already know that you can tell how he feels about you from the way he texts you. But did you also know that the same holds for when he texts you and how frequently? So, factoring in the benefit of the doubt, let’s take look at what does a guy’s texting pattern say about his interest in you:
1. He replies instantly
If a guy replies to your messages almost instantly, the back and forth continues for hours on end sometimes and he doesn’t hesitate in double texting, count your blessings. He is most definitely invested in you and feels a deep connection that he’d like to cement with deep, meaningful conversations with you. You really don’t have to worry about “we went from texting every day to nothing”, especially if this pattern has sustained itself for a significant amount of time.
2. He replies within a couple of hours
As much as we’d all like to stay glued to our devices, spending most of our time talking to our romantic interests and soaking in the heady rush of flirting and getting to know the other person, life does get in the way. So if a guy goes silent for a couple of hours, don’t start to panic. There is no reason for you to be asking, “What to do when a guy slows down communication?” Perhaps, he was genuinely busy and got back to you at the first opportunity he got.
Related Reading: How Guys Text When They Like You – We Give You 15 Clues
3. He replies half-a-day later
Now, this is where things start getting tricky. Given that most of us spend a better part of our days glued to our phones, the answer to when should you expect a text back from a guy should definitely not be half a day. Unless he is caught up with work or some other important commitment that he told you about beforehand or as soon as he got a chance to, your texts going unanswered for so long is a cause for concern.
Even more so if you’ve noticed that he was online and chose to leave you on read. You may not be at the “he texted me every day, then stopped” stage yet but we things continue to progress as they are, it’s only a matter of time before the communication dies down completely. In this case, you’re right to be wondering about what to do when a guy stops texting you.
3. He texts you after a week
No one, literally no one goes without checking their DMs and personal chats for a week. Unless he was in a “my house burned down” kind of an emergency, these week-long spells of silence indicate that you’re standing at the cusp of “we went from texting every day to nothing”.
Now that he has texted you back, the ball is in your court. So you need to decide whether you want to ask him why he went AWOL, play it cool as if you hadn’t even noticed that he was gone a week, or simply talk to him in a language he understands: the silent treatment.
4. He texts you after a month or more
When should you expect a text back from a guy? Well, definitely not a month or several months after your last conversation with him ended abruptly. Before you give in to your temptation of responding to his text, think about all the times you lay in your bed trying to make sense of why guys suddenly stop texting.
You, my friend, were ghosted and now the ghoster has returned. And you have no way of knowing why. Perhaps, he regrets letting go of you because he’s realized you had something special going or maybe he’s using you as a placeholder because he’s out of options. Whatever his reasons may be, you hold your own and don’t let him in easily. Now is the time to make him regret not choosing you.
Why Do Guys Stop Texting And Then Start Again – 12 Real And True Reasons
“Things seemed to be going great, we were constantly talking after meeting on a dating app. One day, he just vanished. Now, he hasn’t texted me in 2 days and I can’t wrap my head around what he wants,” said Janet, talking about how this guy is seemingly sending her mixed signals.
But when he texted her back with a “Sorry! Just been so busy at work,” she seemed to have forgotten all about how she was worrying. The conversation naturally resumed and turns out he actually was a bit too busy with work. Just like Janet, it’s possible you’re overthinking things.
So before you start saying things like, “He texted me every day, then stopped” and end up losing sleep over it, try to tell yourself that it may just be because he’s busy. But of course, an anxious mind immediately rushes to the worst-case scenario. As much as you would like to ignore him for ignoring you, it’s essential to find out the reason behind why he may suddenly be off the grid. Here are a few reasons why this might be happening to you. And what you can do about it.
Related Reading: 15 Reasons Your Man Never Texts You First But Always Replies To You
1. His mind is preoccupied or in a dark place
When a guy stops texting you all of a sudden, it could simply mean he is going through some issues in his life. He might feel that if he does talk to you, he will not be able to give you the proper attention you deserve. And so, he decides to come back to you once he is in a better frame of mind.
It might seem a little unfair to you at the moment. You might even feel hurt that he is not sharing all his problems with you. However, you must remember that men and women function differently. While most women are better at communicating their feelings, men have a harder time talking about things.
Even though more and more men are getting better at expressing themselves, quite a lot of them still happen to be struggling. So, the answer to the question, ‘why do guys stop texting for a few days?’ might simply be because he’s going through a rough patch right now. Ask yourself, did something big come up in his life recently? Is there something he was stressed out about? Give it some time, that important work meeting that’s coming up might be a bigger deal for him than you think it is.
2. Why do guys stop texting and then start again? To slow things down
Kiara was trying to reach for a book that was placed high up on the shelves. Mike, who was nearby, helped her out. It almost felt like love at first sight. The attraction was instant, drawing them to each other. Unable to help himself, he started talking to Kiara. Within an hour they had exchanged numbers and promised to meet up for coffee the next day. At coffee, they realized they had a lot in common. Mike was very impressed by her intelligence and she found him extremely funny.
The coffee date went very well and they began hanging out quite often and kept texting each other till late at night. Kiara was giddy with happiness. Every morning the first thing that she did was check her phone for a message from him and every day it would be there. Until one morning she had no messages. So she texted him to find out if he was alright. He told her he was busy and would text back once he had the time. Except he didn’t text back for days.
Related Reading: 21 Serious Relationship Questions To Know Where You Stand
When he finally did text back, Kiara was beyond angry. Mike let her have her say and then he explained his side of the story. Mike said he had started to develop feelings for her. He kept thinking of her all the time and it freaked him out. He thought he was getting into an addictive relationship with Kiara and wanted some time apart to figure out his feelings.
Kiara and Mike got hitched within the year. And remain very much in love 10 years later. Often, guys have a hard time coming to terms with the commitment that’s attached to a spontaneous romantic endeavor. Why do guys stop texting for a few days? Probably because things were going way too fast, and all he wanted was to talk to a couple of friends before he dove in.
So if you’re wondering what to do when he stops texting mid-conversation and disappears for days, give him some time. If he’s looking to label your dynamic, he’ll eventually ask you the age-old question, “So, where’s this going?” Moreover, this might even be the case when a guy friend stops texting you every day. Perhaps he’s started to catch feelings for you and is trying to slow things down, so you don’t end up messing up whatever you have.
3. He is trying to figure out where you stand
You two have been texting for a while now and things have been going well. Then suddenly all communication stops and just as suddenly, he starts talking again. I know, this break in communication has left you rather confused, wondering why do guys stop texting for a few days?
“Did I do or say something I shouldn’t have?” Believe me, you are not alone. A lot of women are wondering the same thing. Chances are your man is testing you. He wants to know how deep your feelings for him run. How do you react to his absence? Do you text him a lot asking if he is ok? Do you immediately respond when he finally does text?
All these are hints that will help him understand what’s in your heart. In this case, he’s probably confused about whether this is a one-sided relationship or not. When a guy stops texting you every day, it’s possible he’s just trying to see if you will initiate a conversation or not.
So, if your feelings for him really are genuine, let him know that. Initiate a conversation, ask him how his day went and let him know you’d like to spend time with him. Reassurance goes a long way, especially for a guy who’s confused about where it’s all headed. If you’re saying something like, “He hasn’t texted me in 2 days!” that might just be your cue to text him.
4. When a guy stops texting you every day, there could be another woman
What does it mean when a guy slows down texting you? Sometimes when the texts start to taper off, it means you are not the only woman, he is texting. There could be someone else who has his interests. This is one of the worst reasons, but it also happens quite frequently.
Especially if the conversation has gone from being cute to being rather crass. If he has notably toned down all the compliments and the cute ways you two used to talk, it can be because he’s busy doing it with someone else. If you have not been texting for a long time and are not exclusive, then you can’t really fault him. Painful as it might be right now, you will eventually get over it.
On the other hand, if you have been exclusive, just ask him. It’s always better to know. If he has developed feelings for another woman while in a relationship with you, you are better off without him. “He texted me every day, then stopped out of nowhere,” is an all too common problem, especially in the age of dating apps. The plethora of options may make a person feel like there’s always someone better, even if they’re just swayed.
5. He wants to keep you on your toes
Pamela was smitten with Dave. She would talk about how awesome he was to anyone willing to listen. However, one fine day, he just stopped talking to her. Assuming something must have come up she tried to be understanding about it. But he wouldn’t even respond to her texts. Heartbroken, she confided in her best friend Kate.
“We went from texting every day to nothing. One moment we were flirting, talking about things, laughing, and everything was going great. And then just like that, he was gone”, said Pamela. Kate pointed out that it’s a possibility that Dave was playing hard to get. Some guys like to be mysterious, so as to hold your attention. And just as she finished saying that, Pamela got a text from Dave asking her to meet up for a date.
What does it mean when a guy slows down texting you? Just like Dave, this person you’re texting might be trying to appear mysterious to leave you thinking about what he wants. While a little mystery and curiosity are great for keeping things fresh and exciting in a romantic connection, stopping all communication to get you to chase him qualifies as manipulation. When a guy stops texting you or texts erratically, keeping you guessing when you’d hear from him next or why haven’t you heard from him for so long, ask yourself if you want to put through this sort of romantic manipulation.
6. Maybe he thinks it will not work out
Sometimes a guy will stop talking to you or slow down communications with you because he might feel that it might not work out between you two. Instead of directly talking to their partner, they try to soften the blow by reducing contact or making none at all. As unfair as this sounds, the fact of the matter is that a lot of men are not emotionally evolved enough to be able to handle uncomfortable emotions and conversations. They take the easy way out by simply cutting the other person out.
When a guy stops texting you every day, it might be his way of getting out of a situation. While it would have been best, if he had just talked to you, some people are just not good with confrontations. They try their best to avoid sticky situations. Unfortunately for you, that might mean you have to move on without closure.
7. You have offended him
Did you think you were having a good discussion and he just left the conversation midway? There’s a huge chance you might have offended him. It might not have necessarily been something you said. Maybe the way you said it triggered an unpleasant memory for him. Are you wondering what to do when he stops texting mid-conversation? Give him time. He needs a little space right now to compose himself. I am sure he will come back to resume the conversation soon.
Especially if he’s genuinely interested in you and wants to see where things go. So instead of worrying about it and saying things like, “We went from texting every day to nothing at all!” try to give him the space he needs. Plus, double texting isn’t really attractive anyway.
Related Reading: Is Caspering Less Brutal Than Ghosting?
8. He is playing games
We have all dated a bad boy at least once in our lives. And the thing about these bad boys is that they like to play games. If your guy stops texting all of a sudden, and you realize it has become a pattern, it’s a sign that your guy is a player. And you are his target. Players want a girl to think about them all the time. He will chase you and charm you till you feel like a princess. And then, out of the blue, completely ghost you.
The thrill of the chase is often what excites these men, and it’s highly likely that they’re out and about chasing that thrill elsewhere. He wants you to develop feelings for him. He wants your attention and concern. In short, he is trying to manipulate you. There’s a reason our mothers warned us against such men.
If you’ve figured out that you’re dealing with a player, wondering about things like “What to do when he stops texting mid-conversation”, shouldn’t even be your primary concern. Figure out how to get rid of him! Because if you don’t, he’ll suck you so deep into this hot-and-cold dance that you wouldn’t know how to break free and liberate yourself.
9. He is really into you and that scares him
When you hang out a lot with a person you like, you are bound to develop some feelings. However, the mere thought of developing feelings can freak some people out. To them, emotions are like a hand grenade and they have to avoid pulling out the pin. Any festering of emotions can trigger the fight or flight response in their brains, and their go-to response is usually flight.
So, your guy randomly pulled the disappearing act on you while you guys were talking about a possible future and now you are thinking about what to do when he stops texting mid-conversation. Why do guys stop texting for a few days, you might be wondering? The answer is nothing. Wait patiently and he will return. Allow him the time to sort out his priorities. And then you can continue planning.
Related Reading: 15 Signs He Is Ready To Settle Down With You
10. Why would a guy stop texting for a few days? Your indifference
It had just been 2 weeks since Misa had exchanged numbers with Steve, and already, he was always on her mind. Misa felt she had to keep her cool or she might freak Steve out. So she tried to play hard to get. Misa didn’t text him often and was non-committal to all their plans. And her game backfired majorly.
You see Steve genuinely liked Misa. He was as into her as she was into him. He liked the fact they talked all day long till late at night and hung out often. So, when Misa started behaving indifferently to him, he was heartbroken. He felt that Misa was not into him. He decided to stop texting her entirely. But fortunately for Misa, he decided not to give up on her entirely and upped his game.
Misa and Steve have been together for 2 years now. What changed? They decided to communicate better. When a guy stops texting you every day, it may seem like the best course of action is to let it go and not pursue it. But if it genuinely seemed like there was something there, you should definitely let your feelings be known. Maybe don’t tell him outright that you were playing hard to get, though.
11. You ran out of things to talk about
When you have been dating someone for a long time it is natural for the frequency of the conversations to go down. And there is nothing more annoying than being asked, “So how are things?” five times in a row. By now you have run out of things to talk about. So, if you are thinking “We went from texting every day to nothing”, do not be so hard on him or yourself.
Instead, you can focus on how to bring back the spark to your relationship and strengthen your bond. Try to do a few things together, and go out on more dates. Go mini-golfing, go to a yoga class, heck, try to bake something together. This might even be the case when a guy friend stops texting you every day. After a point, how many times can you ask each other “What’s up?”
12. Why do guys stop texting and then start again? He is not a texter
As hard as it is to believe, there are some people who don’t like to text or talk over the phone. They are not playing hard to get or trying to be mysterious. They are just not very big on phones. If a guy who hates texting is trying to keep up a conversation throughout the day, it’s a herculean task for him and he deserves all the praise he can get.
So, if you wonder where your man keeps running off to, then don’t worry. He is right there. At home searching the internet for tips on talking to an attractive girl. So, when a guy slows down communication, it’s best not to assume the worst. Wait and watch how the situation plays out. If he still texts to ask you out on dates, then perhaps a lukewarm texting game could well be because he isn’t a fan of virtual conversations. Please note, booty calls do not qualify as dates.
Related Reading: 7 Things You Can Do When A Guy Acts Interested, Then Backs Off
What To Do If He Stops Texting You Suddenly?
So you now understand that you’re not wrong in expecting a guy to respond to your texts at least within the same day. You also understand why guys suddenly stop texting. You have perhaps even spent many days and nights agonizing over thoughts like: “He texted me every day, then stopped. Is there something wrong with me? “We went from texting every day to nothing. Does he not miss talking to me?”
Now is the time to figure out what your course of action should be when a guy stops texting you. This can depend on a lot of different factors such as at what stage in the relationship did he stop texting, how emotionally invested you were and how well you have coped with the “we went from texting every day to nothing” reality. We’re rounding up a few things you can do when he stops texting suddenly, see what works best for you, depending on your circumstances:
1. Do not blame yourself
“We went from texting every day to nothing and I don’t even know why. Did I do something to put him off?” Thoughts like these are bound to come up but try not to dwell on them. This is the time to practice self-love, not go down the rabbit hole of self-blame. Besides, no matter what the reason, if a guy has stopped texting without any explanation, that’s on him, not you.
2. Remember the 24-hour rule of texting
When a guy stops texting you, it’s only natural that you’re consumed by curiosity about what went wrong. There may be a hundred questions on your mind but shooting these as they come to you will only make you seem desperate. When a guy slows down communication and then sees the signs of a potential clingy girlfriend in the woman he was talking to, it’ll only drive him further away.
So, no matter how desperate you are for answers, stick to the 24-hour rule, which says that you can send him 1 text for every 24 hours that he has been incommunicado. When using this rule, it’s also important to know when to stop. It’s okay to send him messages for the next couple of days or so to check in or ask what went wrong, but if you still don’t get a response, stop. Don’t put your dignity on the line just to figure out why guys suddenly stop texting.
Related Reading: 11 Tips To Get Over Someone You Never Dated
3. Focus on moving on
“He texted me every day, then stopped. What should I do?” Well, the simplest answer is that you follow his lead and move on too. Yes, this may be easier said than done when you’re already emotionally invested in someone but agonizing over him isn’t going to bring him back. So why not focus on your well-being and peace of mind. When you find yourself pining for him, remind yourself that there is plenty of other fish in the sea and prepare to dip your toes in the dating pool again.
4. Steer clear from risqué texts
“Accidentally” sending him a text that was meant for your best friend or drunk texting him are big no-nos. No matter how innocent you make it look, he will see right through your tactics and that will just make you come across as pathetic. And you’re not pathetic. You’re a wonderfully unique woman who deserves to be loved for who she is. Remember this when a guy stops texting you and you can’t help but think of novel ways to establish contact with him once again.
5. If he comes back, don’t give in easily
You may have thought a lot about what to do when a guy stops texting you, but have you entertained the possibility that he may come back after a spell of silence. Have you considered what you’re doing to do then? Well, when he ghosts you and comes back, the best approach is to give him a taste of his own medicine by not responding to his messages.
If only the matters of the heart were so uncomplicated and could be handled with pure pragmatism! Chances are your curiosity, anger, and residual feelings for him will make you want to re-establish contact with him. Our only advice to you, in that case, is to tread carefully. Don’t ignore the elephant in the room and act as if it’s completely okay to pick up from where you left off.
Ask him why he went from texting every day to nothing and what made him come back. Only – and only – if you find his reasons credible and his apology (don’t even consider talking to him if he isn’t apologetic about his behavior) sincere should you consider rebuilding your connection with him.
Dating is all about testing the waters. There are going to be challenges and miscommunications. There will be things you don’t understand about your man. It is best to talk it out with your partner. Most importantly, it is imperative to implement boundaries. Talk to your partner about what is acceptable and what is a deal-breaker. This one conversation will go a long way for your relationships.
There could be numerous reasons why he seems interested but doesn’t text – maybe he feels that he is falling in love too fast and is scared of his own emotions, maybe he is just not a fan of technology, or he could be using the classic hot-and-cold technique to manipulate you.
Yes, it is perfectly normal for texting to slow down once the initial giddiness of the new romance begins to die down. As two people become more comfortable with each other and more assured that they’re going to be there for one another, this need to keep texting constantly can fade away.
When a guy slows down texting you, it could mean a number of things. One, he may be taking some time to figure out his own emotions and get a sense of where this connection is going. Two, he may be too intimidated by the growing intimacy and may dial back on the texting to get some space. Three, he may not be interested in you and this is a way of conveying that.