When you start dating, the first few weeks are amazing. You hang out a few times. Exchange messages back and forth. Your dopamine levels are high and life seems beautiful. Then one day, he goes AWOL. That one day soon becomes a week and you have given up all hope. Until one night, your phone lights up. It’s him again. And you stare at your phone, wondering, “Why do guys stop texting and then start again?”
Exasperating, right? What can I say… “Men! Can’t live with them, can’t live without…” Actually, we can very well live without them, but that’s not the issue here. What we really want to know is: why do guys suddenly stop communicating? Don’t they realize that they are this close to being swatted at? With a rolled-up newspaper?
So, if something along the lines of, “We went from texting every day to nothing at all”, has been eating away at you, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s take a look at the possible reasons why he decided that staying online but leaving you on read was a good idea and how you should deal with this situation.
Why Do Guys Stop Texting And Then Start Again – 12 Real Reasons
“Things seemed to be going great, we were constantly talking after connecting on a dating app. One day, he just vanished. Now, he hasn’t texted me in 2 days and I can’t wrap my head around what he wants,” said Janet, sharing how this guy was sending her mixed signals.
When he texted her back with a “Sorry! Just been so busy at work,” she seemed to have forgotten all about how she was worrying. The conversation naturally resumed and turns out he actually was a bit too busy with work. If you think about it, going incommunicado for a couple of days in the talking stage or the early phase of dating isn’t that big of a red flag.
So before you start saying things like, “He texted me everyday, then stopped” and end up losing sleep over it, give the guy the benefit of the doubt and try to tell yourself that it may just be because he’s busy. But of course, an anxious mind immediately rushes to the worst-case scenario. As much as you would like to ignore him for ignoring you, it does eat away at you.
This unexplained radio silence can get more and more bothersome if he doesn’t reply for a week, 2 weeks, or more. And things take a turn toward complicated-ville when his name pops up on your screen just when had decided you’ll no longer waste your time, thinking, “Why does he not text me?” Does that sound like the story of your life right now? Let’s put your mind at ease with some possible answers to why do guys stop texting and then start again:
Related Reading: 15 Reasons Your Man Never Texts You First But Always Replies To You
1. His mind is preoccupied or in a dark place
When a guy stops texting you all of a sudden, it could simply mean he is going through some stuff in his life. He may not be in the headspace to make small talk or think of creative things to text when the conversation dies. Perhaps, he doesn’t want to make you feel like he doesn’t care about you, and that’s why he has taken a step back until he can resolve the issues he is working through. And he resumes contact once he is in a better frame of mind.
It might seem a little unfair to you at the moment. You might even feel hurt that he is not sharing his problems with you. However, if your connection is new and you’re still getting to know each other, he may not feel comfortable sharing intimate details of this life with you just yet, especially over text messages. Besides, men and women function differently. While most women are better at communicating their feelings, men have a harder time talking about things.
2. Why do guys suddenly stop communicating? To slow things down
Why do guys stop texting and then start again? One of the reasons could be that things are moving too fast for his comfort and he feels you’re on the same page about what this thing between you is meant to be. Perhaps, this new relationship feels too intense, and reducing or stopping contact is his way of slowing things down.
Kiara, a high school teacher from Phoenix, shares her story that can give you some insight into this behavior pattern. She ran into a guy named Mike at a local bookstore and the two got to talking. It almost felt like love at first sight. The attraction was instant, drawing them to each other. Within an hour they had exchanged numbers and promised to meet up for coffee the next day. The coffee date went very well and they began hanging out quite often and kept texting each other till late at night.
Kiara was giddy with happiness. Her days would start with good morning texts from Mike and end with a long conversation. Until one morning, when Mike didn’t text. So she texted him to find out if he was all right. He told her he was busy and would text back once he had the time. Except he didn’t text back for days. “Why doesn’t he call or text me anymore?” Kiara was livid.
Related Reading: 21 Serious Relationship Questions To Know Where You Stand
When he finally did text back, she just couldn’t hold back her anger. Mike let her have her say and then he explained his side of the story. Mike said he had started to develop feelings for her. He kept thinking of her all the time and it freaked him out. He thought he was getting into an addictive relationship with Kiara and wanted some time apart to figure out his feelings.
Kiara and Mike got hitched within the year. Often, guys have a hard time coming to terms with the commitment that’s attached to a spontaneous romantic endeavor. Why do guys stop texting for a few days? Probably because things were going way too fast, and all he wanted was to talk to a couple of friends before he dove in.
3. He is trying to figure out where he stands with you
You two have been texting for a while now and things have been going well. Then suddenly all communication stops and just as suddenly, he starts talking again. I know, this break in communication has left you rather confused, wondering, “Why do guys stop texting for a few days? Did I do or say something I shouldn’t have?”
Believe me, you are not alone. A lot of women are wondering the same thing. Chances are your man is testing the waters and trying to assess where he stands with you. When someone stops talking to you, it could be a twisted way of figuring out how you feel. He wants to know how deep your feelings for him run. How do you react to his absence? Do you text him a lot asking if he is ok? Do you immediately respond when he finally does text?
All these are hints that will help him understand what’s in your heart. In this case, he’s probably confused about whether this is a one-sided relationship or not. Take a moment to think, “Have you said or done something to send out mixed signals?” That could be why he has taken a step back. Now, there is no doubt that this is not the healthiest way to deal with the situation.
That said, if your feelings for him really are genuine, and you’re spending a better part of your days contemplating, “Should I text him after a week of silence?”, it won’t be the worst idea to initiate a conversation and see how things pan out.
4. When a guy stops texting you every day, there could be another woman
What does it mean when a guy slows down texting you? Sometimes when the texts start to taper off, it means you are not the only woman he is texting. There could be someone else who has his interests. This is one of the worst reasons why guys stop texting after an initial spell of interest, but it also happens quite frequently.
Especially if the conversation has gone from being cute to rather crass, it’s one of the signs he wants you to stop texting him. If he has notably toned down all the compliments and the cute ways you two used to talk, it can be because he’s busy doing it with someone else.
If you have not been texting for a long time and are not exclusive, then you can’t really fault him. Painful as it might be right now, you will eventually get over it. On the other hand, if you have been exclusive, just ask him. It’s always better to know. If he has developed feelings for another woman while in a relationship with you, you are better off without him.
5. He wants to keep you on your toes
Pamela was smitten with Dave. She would talk about how awesome he was to anyone willing to listen. However, one fine day, he just stopped talking to her. Assuming something must have come up she tried to be understanding about it. But he wouldn’t even respond to her texts. Heartbroken, she confided in her best friend Kate.
“We went from texting every day to nothing. One moment we were flirting, talking about things, laughing, and everything was going great. And then just like that, he was gone. I can see he is online but not texting me,” said Pamela. Kate pointed out that perhaps Dave was playing hard to get. And just hours after this conversation, Pamela got a text from Dave asking her to meet up for a date.
What does it mean when a guy slows down texting you? Just like Dave, this person you’re texting might be trying to appear mysterious, leaving you thinking about what he wants while he is planning his next move to sweep you off your feet. While a little mystery and curiosity are great for keeping things fresh and exciting, stopping all communication to get you to chase him qualifies as manipulation. When a guy stops texting you or texts erratically, keeping you guessing when you’d hear from him next or why haven’t you heard from him for so long, ask yourself if you want to put through this sort of romantic manipulation.
6. Maybe he thinks it will not work out
“He said he liked me but he stopped texting me.” This can truly be heartbreaking to be left guessing why someone who seemed to like you and enjoy your company would take a step back without an explanation. But if you really see, the explanation is right in front of you. Sometimes a guy will stop talking to you or slow down communication because he feels that it might not work out between you two.
Instead of directly talking to you, he may try to soften the blow by reducing contact or making none at all. As unfair as this sounds, the fact of the matter is that a lot of men are not emotionally evolved enough to be able to handle uncomfortable emotions and conversations. They take the easy way out by simply cutting the other person out. Unfortunately for you, that might mean you have to move on without closure.
7. You may have offended him
Did you think you were having a good discussion and he just left the conversation midway? Why do guys leave suddenly, you may wonder. There’s a huge chance you might have offended him. It might not have necessarily been something you said. Maybe the way you said it triggered an unpleasant memory for him.
Are you wondering what to do when he stops texting mid-conversation? Give him time. He needs a little space right now to compose himself. I am sure he will come back to resume the conversation soon. Especially if he’s genuinely interested in you and wants to see where things go. So instead of worrying about it and fretting over thoughts like, “He was so into me then stopped talking to me suddenly”, try to give him the space he needs. Plus, double texting isn’t really attractive anyway.
Related Reading: Is Caspering Less Brutal Than Ghosting?
8. He is playing games
We have all dated a bad boy at least once in our lives. And the thing about these bad boys is that they like to play games. If your guy stops texting all of a sudden, and you realize it has become a pattern, it’s a sign that your guy is a player. And you are his target. Players want a girl to think about them all the time. He will chase you and charm you till you feel like a princess. Then, out of the blue, completely ghost you. And then, resume contact like nothing happened.
In the process, you may be left agonizing over, “He doesn’t text me anymore”, “He texted me after a month of no contact again”, “He contacts me, then ignores me”, “What am I doing wrong here?”, “Why can’t I get him to stick around?” Well, in this case, it’s 100% him, and not you. And this befuddled headspace you’re in is exactly what keeps him ticking.
The thrill of the chase is often what excites these men, and it’s highly likely that they’re out and about chasing that thrill elsewhere. He wants you to develop feelings for him. He wants your attention and concern. In short, he is trying to manipulate you. If you’ve figured out that you’re dealing with a player, instead of thinking about how to get him to stick around, figure out how to get rid of him. Because if you don’t, he’ll suck you so deep into this hot-and-cold dance that you wouldn’t know how to break free and liberate yourself.
9. He is really into you and that scares him
When you hang out a lot with a person you like, you are bound to develop some feelings. However, the mere thought of developing feelings can freak some people out. To them, emotions are like a hand grenade and they have to avoid pulling out the pin. Any festering emotions can trigger the fight or flight response in their brains, and their go-to response is usually flight.
If your guy randomly pulled the disappearing act on you while you guys were discussing date plans and a weekend away together, it’s bound to leave you all riled up and confused. “Why is he ignoring me now, I thought he liked me,” you may wonder. Or ask, why do guys stop texting for a few days?
The answer is the intensity of his emotions is intimidating him or he is simply scared of commitment and now that this new relationship is starting to head in that direction, he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Now, it’s for you to figure out whether you want to wait around patiently while he figures out his priorities or move on and find someone who is afraid of taking your hand and walking toward a promising new beginning.
Related Reading: 15 Signs He Is Ready To Settle Down With You
10. Why would a guy stop texting for a few days? Your indifference
It had just been 2 weeks since Misa had exchanged numbers with Steve, and already, he was always on her mind. She felt she had to be cool or she might freak Steve out, so she tried to play hard to get. Misa didn’t text him often and was non-committal to all their plans. But her plan backfired.
You see Steve genuinely liked Misa. He was as into her as she was into him. He liked the fact they talked all day long till late at night and hung out often. So, when Misa started behaving indifferently, he was heartbroken. He felt that Misa was not into him. He decided to stop texting her entirely. But fortunately for Misa, he decided to give it another chance and they both let their inhibitions go and just followed their hearts.
Misa and Steve have been together for 2 years now. What changed? They decided to communicate better. When a guy stops texting you every day, it may seem like the best course of action is to let it go and not pursue it. But if there was something there, you should definitely let your feelings be known and work things out. Maybe don’t tell him outright that you were playing hard to get, though.
11. You ran out of things to talk about
When you have been dating someone for a long time, it is natural for the frequency of the conversations to go down. If it feels like you have run out of things to talk about, dialing down the frequency of communication may not be such a big deal. After all, it’s better than being asked, “So how are things?”, five times in a row.
Instead, put more effort into nurturing and strengthening your bond. Try to do a few things together, and go out on more dates. Go mini-golfing, go to a yoga class, heck, try to bake something together. Find time to discover newer aspects of each other’s personality, surprise each other. Once the foundation of your relationship is strong, the frequency at which he texts you or doesn’t won’t really bother you that much.
12. Why do guys stop texting and then start again? He is not a texter
As hard as it is to believe, there are people who don’t like to text or talk over the phone. They are not playing hard to get or trying to be mysterious. They are just not very big on phones. If a guy who hates texting is trying to keep up a conversation throughout the day, it’s a herculean task for him and he deserves all the praise he can get.
So, if you wonder where your man keeps running off to, then don’t worry. He is right there. At home searching the internet for tips on talking to an attractive girl. So, when a guy slows down communication, it’s best not to assume the worst. Wait and watch how the situation plays out. If he still texts to ask you out on dates, then perhaps a lukewarm texting game could well be because he isn’t a fan of virtual conversations.
Related Reading: 7 Things You Can Do When A Guy Acts Interested, Then Backs Off
What To Do If He Stops Texting You Suddenly?
So you now understand that you’re not wrong in expecting a guy to respond to your texts at least within the same day. You also understand why guys suddenly stop texting. You have perhaps even spent many days and nights agonizing over thoughts like: “He texted me every day, then stopped. Is there something wrong with me? “He said he liked me but he stopped texting me. Does he not miss talking to me?”
Now is the time to figure out what your course of action should be when a guy stops texting you. This can depend on a lot of different factors such as at what stage in the relationship did he stop texting, how emotionally invested you were, and how well you have coped with this ghosting act he has pulled on you. We’re rounding up a few things you can do when he stops texting suddenly, see what works best for you, depending on your circumstances:
1. Do not blame yourself
“We went from texting every day to nothing and I don’t even know why. Did I do something to put him off?” Thoughts like these are bound to come up but try not to dwell on them. This is the time to practice self-love, not go down the rabbit hole of self-blame. Besides, no matter what the reason, if a guy has stopped texting without any explanation, that’s on him, not you.
2. Remember the 24-hour rule of texting
When a guy stops texting you, it’s only natural that you’re consumed by curiosity about what went wrong. There may be a hundred questions on your mind but shooting these as they come to you will only make you seem desperate. When a guy slows down communication and then sees the signs of a potential clingy girlfriend in the woman he was talking to, it’ll only drive him further away.
So, no matter how desperate you are for answers, stick to the 24-hour rule, which says that you can send him 1 text every 24 hours that he has been incommunicado. When using this rule, it’s also important to know when to stop. It’s okay to send him messages for the next couple of days or so to check in or ask what went wrong, but if you still don’t get a response, stop. Don’t put your dignity on the line just to figure out why guys suddenly stop texting.
Related Reading: 11 Tips To Get Over Someone You Never Dated
3. Focus on moving on
“He texted me every day, then stopped. What should I do?” Well, the simplest answer is that you follow his lead and move on too. Yes, this may be easier said than done when you’re already emotionally invested in someone but agonizing over him isn’t going to bring him back. So why not focus on your well-being and peace of mind? When you find yourself pining for him, remind yourself that there is plenty of fish in the sea and prepare to dip your toes in the dating pool again.
4. Steer clear from risqué texts
“Accidentally” sending him a text that was meant for your best friend or drunk texting him are big no-nos. No matter how innocent you make it look, he will see right through your tactics and that will just make you come across as pathetic. And you’re not pathetic. You’re a wonderfully unique woman who deserves to be loved for who she is. Remember this when a guy stops texting you and you can’t help but think of novel ways to establish contact with him once again.
5. If he comes back, don’t give in easily
You may have thought a lot about what to do when a guy stops texting you, but have you entertained the possibility that he may come back after a spell of silence? Have you considered what you’re doing to do then? Well, when he ghosts you and comes back, the best approach is to give him a taste of his own medicine by not responding to his messages.
If only the matters of the heart were so uncomplicated and could be handled with pure pragmatism! Chances are your curiosity, anger, and residual feelings for him will make you want to re-establish contact with him. Our only advice to you, in that case, is to tread carefully. Don’t ignore the elephant in the room and act as if it’s completely okay to pick up from where you left off.
Ask him why he went from texting every day to nothing and what made him come back. Only – and only – if you find his reasons credible and his apology (don’t even consider talking to him if he isn’t apologetic about his behavior) sincere should you consider rebuilding your connection with him.
- It can be extremely hurtful and confusing when a guy suddenly stops texting you or goes incommunicado without any explanation
- The reasons behind this behavior can range from being genuinely preoccupied to playing mind games, finding the connection too intense, or just being bad at texting
- While it can hard, try not dwell over why he stopped talking to you or blame yourself for it; instead, focus on self-care and work toward moving on
- If he gets back in touch after a spell of unexplained silence, do not give in easily. Make sure he realizes the impact of his actions on you and is apologetic before you even consider giving him a second chance
Dating is all about testing the waters. There are going to be challenges and miscommunications. There will be things you don’t understand about your man. It is best to talk it out with your partner. Most importantly, it is imperative to implement boundaries. Talk to your partner about what is acceptable and what is a deal-breaker. This one conversation will go a long way for your relationships.
There could be numerous reasons why he seems interested but doesn’t text – maybe he feels that he is falling in love too fast and is scared of his own emotions, maybe he is just not a fan of technology, or he could be using the classic hot-and-cold technique to manipulate you.
Yes, it is perfectly normal for texting to slow down once the initial giddiness of the new romance begins to die down. As two people become more comfortable with each other and more assured that they’re going to be there for one another, this need to keep texting constantly can fade away.
When a guy slows down texting you, it could mean a number of things. One, he may be taking some time to figure out his own emotions and get a sense of where this connection is going. Two, he may be too intimidated by the growing intimacy and may dial back on the texting to get some space. Three, he may not be interested in you and this is a way of conveying that.